Sterilization question

[rahrao]

Hi,

I’ve been reading these boards the past few days and would like to ask a couple of questions. I am deeply struggling with the birth control issue and would like to ask a question without anyone getting flamed. Because of my situation, I really don’t have time to discuss issues, but I really would like some insight. My questions are as follows:

If you have had a vasectomy or tubal ligation do you regret it? And, if you don’t mind…why or why not?

I hope this thread isn’t offensive to anyone.

Thanks and God bless you.

 

[shajek74]

My husband and I were both married prior and both had sterilization surgeries during that time. We both regretted having the surgeries and had them reversed in 2005. We did this in an effort to right our lives with God. We now have a beautiful two year old son. Neither one of us would ever recommend or condone having a sterilization procedure or using birth control because is against what God desires for us.

 

[Paul1961]

I had a vasectomy 7 years ago. No regrets.

DW & I married late. After having 2 children(1 and 3 at years old at the time), 2 heart wrenching miscarriages and being 40 years old, we decided on a vasectomy. Because we knew the doctor, DW even got to watch.

 

[smellymelly]

I had a tubal ligation 9.5 years ago. I was truthfully not aware of the churches standpoint on bc. /sterilzation. (poorly catechized). I can from my heart say that I do not physically regret it. I however really regret offending God. My husband is not Catholic and doesn’t get it nor does he want to(pray for him). I feel that if we were on the same page, maybe things would be different. We have three children. I think our marriege would suffer if we had more children. Neither of us is the most patient person and more children would be difficult on everyone. I know I have to answer for what I have done( I have been to confession), it is sometjhing that I have to live with.

 

[taylorc]

I have to take Yaz to prevent the growth of endometriosis(because it’s low-estrogen). This makes me temporarily sterile, but I but I have no regrets for going on it because it helps me a lot and I can always stop taking it. I definitely would regret any surgical sterilization. I never understood why people(even those who aren’t against birth control) choose it.

 

[newbetx]

Hi,

I’ve been reading these boards the past few days and would like to ask a couple of questions. I am deeply struggling with the birth control issue and would like to ask a question without anyone getting flamed. Because of my situation, I really don’t have time to discuss issues, but I really would like some insight. My questions are as follows:

If you have had a vasectomy or tubal ligation do you regret it? And, if you don’t mind…why or why not?

I hope this thread isn’t offensive to anyone.

Thanks and God bless you.

Peace to you. I had one. And it nearly killed my marriage because it took the true intimacy away from the act. It takes a serious, loving act and turns it into “just doing it.” That may appeal to some, but I do not recommend it. And I truely understand your anxiety. I was in a similar situation. We thought it would be a good idea especially since her OBGYN from the Catholic Hospital recommended it. 8 years of hell. Please say “no thank you.”

Before you go too far, pick up a copy of The Good News About Sex and Marriage and discuss what you learn with your wife. It lays out the “why” behind the rules concerning ABC and why it causes problems in marriage. I know it’s harder the NFP way, and you have a choice. We regret the decision to this day.

 

[rolltidefan]

I had a tubal ligation. I don’t regret it not for one minute. HOWEVER, I am protestant, so my answer here probably doesn’t mean squat. Also though I probably would not have had a tubal if it hadn’t been for a medical condition of my liver called a hemangioma. BUT I would have defintely been taking birth control pills, so I see no difference on any of those decisions, other than well mine of course would be harder to reverse, but since my health is more important and keeping my 2 kids mother around is more important, that is not an option.

Someone made the comment on this thread that they didn’t know why someone would choose to sterilize than to take birth control pills. I think it was taylorc. Well to answer your question, there are lots of reasons why people have to make that decision. In my case though, as I said, I have a hemangioma, so I cannot take birth control pills because they contain hormones in which makes the hemangioma grow and could cause hemorrhage. The same with becoming pregnant, your hormones increase which can cause the same thing and then you have a baby there is putting pressure on it which makes it worse. Had lots of trouble from my two pregancies because of this. However, apparently went to a terrible GYN/OB doctor and they didn’t realize it. I kept telling him that I was hurting severly in my right side. He kept writing it up as “being pregnant” and never checked anything else. Of course I thought the same. Well, I could have died and so could my child. I didn’t find out I had the hemangioma until I went in for gallbladder sugery and they found it. I then had to make a choice. Well for me to take a chance, there was no choice and I didn’t second guess my decision. Now, I know some are saying, well a tubal is not 100% effective and they are correct, so I am still taking a chance by having relations with my husband. My tubes have been cut, tied, burned, cauterized and double “Falope” ring locked!!! lol They actually wanted me to have a hysterectomy, but I didn’t want to go that route as only being 35, I thought that would cause more problems medically for me. I then decided that if I got my tubes tied and in the manner they tied my tubes that if a child was conceived, well I guess it would just be meant to be and God at that point would take care of me. But, I do believe that God gave me enough sense, and also put doctors on this earth to help people like me that needed to take the route of sterilization.

Secondly, someone stated that it effected their intimacy. I have no idea how this could, but I guess for them it did. Intimacy with my husband is just as grand now and open now than it was then before I had to make the decision and used nothing and yes there was a time when I used nothing. I felt no different. So I am not sure what the difference is there. All I can think of it is probably the difference in being raised protestant and Catholic. Nothing wrong with either, but my intimacy is just as close with my husband as with anybody that uses nothing.

Just my 2 cents again!!! I hope you find what you are looking for. I would just say pray about any decision you make and God will show you what to do and you will also feel at peace with your decision, just as I do.

 

[1ke]

If you have had a vasectomy or tubal ligation do you regret it? And, if you don’t mind…why or why not?
QUOTE]

I am sure you are struggling, but I want to point out that you should not form your conscience based on whether or not *other people *regret committing this offense. That is subjective.

Form your conscience based on right and wrong-- and the sure norms given to us by Christ through the Church. The Church teaches us the truth.

 

[acadian]

I had a tubal done after the birth of my 2nd child. While I’ve never yet regretted that I only have 2 children (they are 11 and 13 now), I do regret that I had a tubal. It cut God’s will right out of our marriage. I wish that I would have at least given NFP a chance. My husband doesn’t get it, either. I will never encourage another to be sterilized. I confessed mine several years ago, but my husband continues to defend the decision.

I second the recommendation for the Good News about Sex and Marriage. I got my copy for less than $5 on eBay.

 

[rahrao]

Thanks for the replies.

Has anyone had the issue of too many C-sections. I have had three C-Sections and the doctor wanted me to get my tubes tied because of future problems with another C-section. I did not. We have four children. The first was delivered without a C-section. Also, I have had one miscarriage.

 

[newbetx]

Thanks for the replies.

Has anyone had the issue of too many C-sections. I have had three C-Sections and the doctor wanted me to get my tubes tied because of future problems with another C-section. I did not. We have four children. The first was delivered without a C-section. Also, I have had one miscarriage.

All such considerations are within the realm of your private discussions with your doctor. We don’t know what he knows. I have heard that some women have had C-sections and go on to have natural births. I suspect it is due to a medical condition or risk that you have had 3 C-sections. However, if you wish to have more children and the risk is worth it to you, you might find a second opinion from a NFP friendly OBGYN. I don’t know what your current situation is with regard to NFP, but there are many here that have been successful for decades in managing their fertility with NFP.

 

[1ke]

Thanks for the replies.

Has anyone had the issue of too many C-sections. I have had three C-Sections and the doctor wanted me to get my tubes tied because of future problems with another C-section. I did not. We have four children. The first was delivered without a C-section. Also, I have had one miscarriage.

There is nothing in Church teaching that requires you to go against your doctor’s advice to avoid future pregnancies.

Tubal ligation is always an immoral means of avoiding pregnancy as are all contraceptives.

You can avoid pregnancy by using one of the methods of natural family planning.

 

[Priscilla_Ann]

My husband had a vasectomy in 1994. Neither of us have any regrets.

 

[agapewolf]

Couple points:

1. As apologist points out here: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=303646 you don’t have to regret the good that might be made after a sin in order to regret the sin.
2. The ends don’t justify the means. As above, if a person is enjoying the freedom they have from not having under age children (maybe because of sterilization), that doesn’t mean that the sin was justifiable, good, or even “redeemed” for that matter. Also, the person has no idea the Good that may have come from not defiling their body.
3. There are many levels that sin affect us, and actually, MOST are not seen or noticed. Even the most personal sin effects the whole world, especially the Church. It effects the sinner in the soul, the heart, even though they may not detect it so.

Therefore, many people here might say “I don’t regret it”, however, they don’t know the total consequences their actions have made. Sterilization is a VERY serious sin, and if one is knowledgeable about the seriousness of that sin and enters into it knowingly, there are much bigger consequences to “regret”.

 

[rolltidefan]

Thanks for the replies.

Has anyone had the issue of too many C-sections. I have had three C-Sections and the doctor wanted me to get my tubes tied because of future problems with another C-section. I did not. We have four children. The first was delivered without a C-section. Also, I have had one miscarriage.

I have had both of my children by c-section. I can tell you that my doctor, who is Catholic, suggested that no one have more than three c-sections, as they are very serious operations and especially after that point. I checked into have a vaginal birth after my first c-section and that was not an options as my pelvis is very narrow and I could not even deliver a small baby which was 5’ pounds 4 ounces. He also suggested that I get a tubal done after the second c-section because of the problems I had during pregnancy. I then switched to another OB/GYN doctor for a second opinion, who is also Catholic and he also suggested tubal. Which he also consulted with a female GYN in their office which was also Catholic. I think all the OB/GYN people in my area are Catholic!!! lol Of course all of my c-sections were before my finding of the hemangioma on my liver and I just stayed on birth control at that point, which yes was prescribed and highly recommended by Catholic doctors. All I can tell you is what I was told by my doctors. Probably worth something to check into if you are wanting more children and probably getting two to three more opinions on it. However, I personally think that when a mothers life is in danger and you are getting advice not to get pregnant again, I find it very foolish to do otherwise. I mean you are not only having to think of yourself anymore, but the other children that needs their mother. Again, I have said in the past, I would pray about anything I did with my body before making these decisions, but I don’t think God just expects us to be naive to not taking care of ourselves and I can tell you that the two doctors that I talked to when it come to my situation with my hemangioma on my liver especially didn’t recommend just doing NFP. This was something discussed because of the fact at that point, I needed to come off birth control because it was feeding the growth to make it bigger and at that point my only options were hysterectomy or tubal. I choose what I thought would be the best for my body. I can tell you also that there is another website that I visit, I don’t guess I can put the name on here or I might get in trouble, but anybody can e-mail if they want the name, and I had a priest that answered my question about having a tubal being a sin on there when it had to be done with my situation and he said that it was absolutely acceptable in the case of this type of danger to not feel that a sin had been commited. Now I was not asking him for my benefit, but on my husbands side, as he is the Catholic. Because I don’t feel there was ever a sin committed. I personally say that, and this is coming from a protestant, that believes God expects us to take care of ourselves and for whatever reason God made me with this problem of my liver and he then put good doctors on this earth to help me and others with it. And don’t think it was an easy decision to be made on my part, I have two kids from a previous marriage, I then married a Catholic with no children and so now that is not option. So it was not an easy decision on my part, but one that had to be made because I nor my husband were willing to put my life in danger. And also I nor my husband were willing to live as brother and sister, because of something my body couldn’t help having and I was actually born with, and also I strongly believe this is very unbilical to do as a married couple. Anyway, again just my 2 cents here, again, I am protestant, so things are looked at alot different through our eyes in this regards. I just think that when something is so hard for a person to begin with because of medical reasons, I don’t think the church or even people should be so judgemental about the very hard decisions that these people have to make. Hope this helps.

 

[1ke]

I can tell you that my doctor, who is Catholic, suggested that no one have more than three c-sections,

He also suggested that I get a tubal done

I then switched to another OB/GYN doctor for a second opinion, who is also Catholic and he also suggested tubal. Which he also consulted with a female GYN in their office which was also Catholic.

I just stayed on birth control at that point, which yes was prescribed and highly recommended by Catholic doctors.

I can tell you also that there is another website that I visit, I don’t guess I can put the name on here or I might get in trouble, but anybody can e-mail if they want the name, and I had a priest that answered my question about having a tubal being a sin on there when it had to be done with my situation and he said that it was absolutely acceptable in the case of this type of danger to not feel that a sin had been commited.

This is the saddest of commentaries. Catholic doctors and Catholic priests who have the opportunity to assist people in forming their consciences and in living out the Gospel instead give out advice and teaching in direct opposition to the Gospel and the Truth. Obviously doctors and priests with malformed consciences are not hard to find. It is very, very sad.

 

[rolltidefan]

This is the saddest of commentaries. Catholic doctors and Catholic priests who have the opportunity to assist people in forming their consciences and in living out the Gospel instead give out advice and teaching in direct opposition to the Gospel and the Truth. Obviously doctors and priests with malformed consciences are not hard to find. It is very, very sad.

I agree with you if they are truly going against what they know to be truth. As I said, the majority of the OB/GYN doctors around here are Catholics and most support and write our prescriptions for birth control. Now, I don’t see anything wrong with it, of course I am protestant though and I don’t have to have that on my consious as I see no reasoning behind any of it, but I highly respect what you guys believe and do. I just know it would be hard for me to ever convert to being a Catholic when I know what they teach on birth control and the fact that I had no choice but to get a tubal and I would be condemed for it. I just could not support that, as this was not my fault to have a hemangioma on my liver. In fact, believe I would rather not have it, as I have to watch a lot drugs that I take because even Aspirin will make it to where it will bleed out and it is terribly uncomfortable.

I will also tell you that I had to go to a podiatrist back before the election. I noticed that his whole staff had on these shirts that was supporting a local Catholic school. So I was like, hey what is your affliation with this school and so he and his nurse told me. It was around Halloween and so they were having a carnival. Anyway, we were talking about me marrying a Catholic. Well, then at that point, we got off on politics and of course I then at that point automatically assumed they would be voting for McCain because of Obama’s stance on abortion. Well, come to find out, his WHOLE staff, were very big Obama supporters. I even actually asked, does that not go against what the Catholic church teaches and I was told that there was not a clear cut choice, so they had to go with the best decision there was!!! I was like OMG, I know they didn’t just say that. So, I think we find in all demoninations that people are different. I guess that is they the bible says to work our your own salvation. Anyway, thought I would share that with you. Good talking to you. I always enjoy what you have to say.

 

[agapewolf]

I agree with you if they are truly going against what they know to be truth. As I said, the majority of the OB/GYN doctors around here are Catholics and most support and write our prescriptions for birth control. Now, I don’t see anything wrong with it, of course I am protestant though and I don’t have to have that on my consious as I see no reasoning behind any of it, but I highly respect what you guys believe and do. I just know it would be hard for me to ever convert to being a Catholic when I know what they teach on birth control and the fact that I had no choice but to get a tubal and I would be condemed for it. I just could not support that, as this was not my fault to have a hemangioma on my liver. In fact, believe I would rather not have it, as I have to watch a lot drugs that I take because even Aspirin will make it to where it will bleed out and it is terribly uncomfortable.

I will also tell you that I had to go to a podiatrist back before the election. I noticed that his whole staff had on these shirts that was supporting a local Catholic school. So I was like, hey what is your affliation with this school and so he and his nurse told me. It was around Halloween and so they were having a carnival. Anyway, we were talking about me marrying a Catholic. Well, then at that point, we got off on politics and of course I then at that point automatically assumed they would be voting for McCain because of Obama’s stance on abortion. Well, come to find out, his WHOLE staff, were very big Obama supporters. I even actually asked, does that not go against what the Catholic church teaches and I was told that there was not a clear cut choice, so they had to go with the best decision there was!!! I was like OMG, I know they didn’t just say that. So, I think we find in all demoninations that people are different. I guess that is they the bible says to work our your own salvation. Anyway, thought I would share that with you. Good talking to you. I always enjoy what you have to say.

The church would not condemn you if you had a tubal because of actual direct health reasons relating to it. If you have a tubal to use as birth control because of OTHER health reasons, THAT is wrong according to the church, and yes, you do have other options: NFP.

 

[1ke]

I just know it would be hard for me to ever convert to being a Catholic when I know what they teach on birth control and the fact that I had no choice but to get a tubal and I would be condemed for it.

It is my sincerest hope that someday you will come to see that it was not your only choice, and that what the Church teaches is the Truth in this matter.

So, I think we find in all demoninations that people are different.

Yes, however in the Catholic Church the teachings on these subjects is clear and readily available. Some people don’t want to know, some know and ignore, and others have either been led to believe something else or are just somehow truly unware. Only God knows who is who.

I guess that is they the bible says to work our your own salvation.

Yes, we all must do so and I work on it every day, thank goodness Christ is merciful.

Anyway, thought I would share that with you. Good talking to you. I always enjoy what you have to say.

I am glad you did not take offense at my post. It was not directed at you, but rather just a true sadness I feel when I read how misguided or purposely disobedienct so many in leadership and mentoring roles are.

 

[1ke]

The church would not condemn you if you had a tubal because of actual direct health reasons relating to it. If you have a tubal to use as birth control because of OTHER health reasons, THAT is wrong according to the church, and yes, you do have other options: NFP.

A tubal doesn’t have any other purpose besides contraception/sterilization.

Removing a damaged tube is not a tubal ligation. A ligation is the cutting/tieing (and now days some other creative methods) of the tubes to prevent transport of the egg.