Sterilized, is it OK to ask?

[AkronPonderer]

Is it OK to ask a prospective marriage partner if they have been sterilized or not? Or is that too prying?

Does one have an obligation to tell their prospective partner if they have been sterilized and the circumstances surrounding that choice?

I know this would be more of a concern for older couples but it seems to me, full knowledge can’t hurt anyone.

 

[puzzleannie]

if a party to a Catholic marriage knows they are sterile or has been surgically rendered so, and fails to disclose it, this probably renders the marriage invalid since the other party was unable to make full consent. Sterility by itself would not be a bar to marriage, but lying about it or concealing it would.

 

[setter]

Is it OK to ask a prospective marriage partner if they have been sterilized or not? Or is that too prying?

Does one have an obligation to tell their prospective partner if they have been sterilized and the circumstances surrounding that choice?

I know this would be more of a concern for older couples but it seems to me, full knowledge can’t hurt anyone.

I would think that if one has to ask a potential marriage partner this question, then I would redirect this couple back to the courtship process and get to know each other better before considering marriage.

 

[AkronPonderer]

puzzleanie, setter:

Are you saying that it’s improper to ask, but that it’s information that should be known?

What if the other party doesn’t volunteer this info?

What exactly does “full consent” entail?

setter:

Are you saying this information should be discussed during the courtship process, as you said “before considering marriage”? I would be insulted if a mere date asked me such a thing.

 

[setter]

puzzleanie, setter:

Are you saying that it’s improper to ask, but that it’s information that should be known?

What if the other party doesn’t volunteer this info?

What exactly does “full consent” entail?

setter:

Are you saying this information should be discussed during the courtship process, as you said “before considering marriage”? I would be insulted if a mere date asked me such a thing.

What I am saying, is that a couple entering into holy matrimony as serious Catholics (I cannot speak for non-Catholics), this type of information would be naturally disclosed as a normal course of growing pre-martial intimacy leading to consumation in the exchange of marital vows.

 

[Cristiano]

puzzleanie, setter:

Are you saying that it’s improper to ask, but that it’s information that should be known?

What if the other party doesn’t volunteer this info?

What exactly does “full consent” entail?

setter:

Are you saying this information should be discussed during the courtship process, as you said “before considering marriage”? I would be insulted if a mere date asked me such a thing.

I would be surprised by such a question during the early stages of dating. However, why would you feel insulted? What is the purpose of dating?

 

[AkronPonderer]

Cristiano:

I would feel insulted because the purpose of dating is to find someone to be a wife to, not a brood mare.

Can’t a man love me for who I am, and not what I am not?

 

[setter]

Cristiano:

I would feel insulted because the purpose of dating is to find someone to be a wife to, not a brood mare.

Can’t a man love me for who I am, and not what I am not?

But if part of the complete package of who you are is having had a tubal ligation/vasectomy with the temporal effects of this sin choice not being able to conceive, then this person’s “baggage” is integral to one’s consideration to enter into holy matrimony.

 

[Cristiano]

if a party to a Catholic marriage knows they are sterile or has been surgically rendered so, and fails to disclose it, this probably renders the marriage invalid since the other party was unable to make full consent. Sterility by itself would not be a bar to marriage, but lying about it or concealing it would.

Cristiano:

I would feel insulted because the purpose of dating is to find someone to be a wife to, not a brood mare.

Can’t a man love me for who I am, and not what I am not?

Marriage is one thing. It is sacramental, it implies the potential to procreate and implies love (not the being in love, or physical attraction). If you do not accept these three points then you do not have a valid Catholic marriage.

Love should be given to you for who you are and not for what you are. However, there are practical consideration given the limits of the human nature that might make a marriage easier to succeed.

 

[rwoehmke]

Brood Mare has nothing to do with it. Most younger folks marry with the expectation of having children, folks a little older may be ambivalent about children without intending not to take what comes along, older folks who can’t have children any more(post menopausal)seems to me wouldn’t care one way or the other. I have a daughter who if she hadn’t had cancer and a hysterectomy would be marriagable but unable to conceive. She owes it to a young man to let him know the situation sometime before they fall in love and marry. It never fails to puzzle me how folks can get married without ever having discussed what comes next, their attitudes toward children, moving away from family, etc. These things can be time bombs that will later destroy a marriage.

 

[Pug]

Is it OK to ask a prospective marriage partner if they have been sterilized or not? Or is that too prying?

It is reasonable to ask your prospective spouse if they are able to have children. This sort of thing usually comes up naturally. It is up to you how you will proceed if they refuse to answer things like, do you want kids, can you have kids, etc. It would make me concerned enough to move on.

However, there is another issue here. Some people never like to tell their spouse where they are going, where they’ve been, what they did in the past etc. Other people are not comfortable with a person who is that way. There is some level of give and take that must be achieved that works for both. If you have reason to suspect (before marriage) that a balance could not be achieved, I’d move on.

Hypothetically, if you are afraid to ask a prospective spouse the question, or are afraid to discuss with them what sorts of questions are okay to ask, this would be a flag for me.