Sticky Situation

[Sonic]

I need some advise about a situation that has occurred on the message board I help moderate.

We have a little prayer and support section, and one of our younger members ask an honest question about a situation in their lives. The question was, “I have feelings for a close friend. Am I Gay?” Thank God, we are blessed with members who were able to give the right answers to help this person with a situation that can be very confusing for young people. Fortunately, we were able to help this person.

Unfortunately, we have one member (our local atheist and self proclaimed homosexual) who does not share the same ethical or moral standards of the majority of Christians (Catholic and Protestant) on our message board.

This was the advice this individual offered…

In any case, I don’t think it would hurt to experiment. You might try asking your friend to include you in a threesome so you can try it both ways.

This sort of answer has really come as a shock to most of us, because this person has been respectful of the sensibilities of the Christians on our message board… up till now.

The person was kindly asked not to do this sort of thing by other members on the board, and the whole situation was handled in civil and respectful way. Now we’ve encountered another situation that I hope you all can help with.

The next day, this person wrote to our Admin with this comment after editing his original post:

I’ve withdrawn my advice, but your post deeply troubles me. I would not have given that advice if at the time I hadn’t truly believed that it was a good course of action. I gave her that advice because I wanted what was best for her.

If you disagree with my advice, then you are more than welcome to have and give your opinion. I am fallible, and have been known to give bad advice on occasion. I, however, do not think it’s fair for you to tell me that I’m not entitled to give an opinion separate from the status quo. With all due respect, I refuse to stop trying to help people, even if what I consider helping is in direct conflict with what you and every other poster on these boards believe. Individuals need to have as much information as possible when making important decisions about their life so they can weigh the different options and make intelligent, well informed decisions.

You are this site’s coordinater, so you are well within your capability to ban me for such obstinence, but I hope you’ll see reason. I think I’ve demonstrated to you by now that I am not a forum troll. If you decide to ban or censor me, then you will have lost something far more valuable and important than a single member of your forum. You will have lost the free flow and exchange of ideas in your forum community.

Here’s my question…

In your opinion, how should we deal with this situation? Should we ban the person from our message board? We obviously can’t allow this person to give people advice of a sexually explicit nature.

 

[Chronister4673]

In your opinion, how should we deal with this situation? Should we ban the person from our message board? We obviously can’t allow this person to give people advice of a sexually explicit nature.

The part of your post I emphasized pretty much says it all, as far as I can see.

You don’t mention the age of the original poster on your site, but if the person is a minor, the message board owner could be exposing himself to a suit if no action is taken.

If it were my site, I would have banned them. Love the sinner, hate the sin. If the sinner is (in his/her own words) obstinate in their attitude, then your hands are tied. I don’t think you can allow this person to lead another to an immoral act. I know I sound harsh, but I say this with love and charity. My own MIL is a practicing lesbian. I love her dearly, but she knows I do not support her in her lifestyle choice.

 

[Nanny_PK]

This person does know that he/she is posting on a CATHOLIC site; correct? I can appreciate that he/she has different beliefs, but this is not the forum for them to interject their beliefs when people come here looking for advice from a CATHOLIC perspective. There are plenty of boards for people with similar beliefs to post.

If he/she cannot be respectful of those who come to this forum for a Catholic perspective, then they should be banned.

Just my two cents.

 

[notsmart]

Depends on what the forum rules are, and if yours are clear on this. If not, you may have to revise them if they are grey.
I would not ban this atheist poster if he or she did not violate any rules on the forum. I also agree with the atheist poster, that if you ban them- and they are clearly not there to disturb, but to open up civil discussion, you will have another problem to deal with.
Maybe open up another thread on Theology of the Body, or some other counter. Truth will stand. Perhaps move the post to an apologetics debate? I think working with that atheist in a positive way without compromising truth will truly help all involved.

 

[jwashu]

Counter opinion I guess…

If the rules are stated clearly and you don’t want any opinions other than what the majority of people believe, ban them.

However IMHO the msg to the admin is correct.

People ARE going to hear other ideas, see them, read them, think of them etc… with or without his post.

From what you said it sounds like everyone else disagreed and gave good reasons for their disagreemnt.

This to me is worth 10 times more than people just stating their opinion when everyone agrees… again because people will hear other ideas in the real world.

So by putting for this idea, which we all wouldn’t agree with, your person with the issue has now probably seen the most ridiculas idea AND seenh why it’s not a good idea due to your good posters.

As I said, I think people seeing crazy thoughts in a realm where they can be moderated and where people have good arguments against them is much better than them hearing that from somewhere on the street. I wouldn’t have edited his message, I would have left it so they could see the responses better.

AGAIN… that is if the rules don’t forbid it. I’m not sure the word “threesome” is a blatent sexually explicit term nor do I think many others would as well. I wouldn’t walk around talking about it but that’s me and not your poster.

Last thought, atheists and people who feel like they are opressed (real or not mind you) always look for us Christians to squelch their “freedom.” If he is reading your boards on a regular basis and following the rules then he is hearing the Truth. If you ban him, he might just chalk it up to “those Christians being the bigots everyone says they are” and he would leave. Where as now at least he is being exposed to God’s word. I know, that probably makes it even more difficult.

I don’t evey you at all in your situation…

Joe

 

[Nanny_PK]

Counter opinion I guess…

If the rules are stated clearly and you don’t want any opinions other than what the majority of people believe, ban them.

However IMHO the msg to the admin is correct.

People ARE going to hear other ideas, see them, read them, think of them etc… with or without his post.

From what you said it sounds like everyone else disagreed and gave good reasons for their disagreemnt.

This to me is worth 10 times more than people just stating their opinion when everyone agrees… again because people will hear other ideas in the real world.

So by putting for this idea, which we all wouldn’t agree with, your person with the issue has now probably seen the most ridiculas idea AND seenh why it’s not a good idea due to your good posters.

As I said, I think people seeing crazy thoughts in a realm where they can be moderated and where people have good arguments against them is much better than them hearing that from somewhere on the street. I wouldn’t have edited his message, I would have left it so they could see the responses better.

AGAIN… that is if the rules don’t forbid it. I’m not sure the word “threesome” is a blatent sexually explicit term nor do I think many others would as well. I wouldn’t walk around talking about it but that’s me and not your poster.

Last thought, atheists and people who feel like they are opressed (real or not mind you) always look for us Christians to squelch their “freedom.” If he is reading your boards on a regular basis and following the rules then he is hearing the Truth. If you ban him, he might just chalk it up to “those Christians being the bigots everyone says they are” and he would leave. Where as now at least he is being exposed to God’s word. I know, that probably makes it even more difficult.

I don’t evey you at all in your situation…

Joe

I was one who said “ban him”; but I think upon reading Joe’s post, that I have changed my mind. I think there are some very valid points made.

So I would change my vote to as long as the poster was within the rules set out on the forum, then allow he/she to stay.

 

[Sonic]

Thank you all for your suggestions and prayers. We were able to resolve the situation easily because of all of you here.

 

[Dempsey1919]

I don’t know if you should ban the individual but I do know that you cannot allow this person to cause a young person to sin. This young person is going through a very difficult time, and needs to know the truth concerning the matter!

Maybe there should be a rule which prohibits people from promoting sinful lifestyles or behaviour? That said, you don’t want to limit free speech. Also, where are the limits?

This is a tough question. The advice given was clearly wrong, and the young person does not need to hear it. However, what action can you really take?

 

[monicatholic]

From what you said it sounds like everyone else disagreed and gave good reasons for their disagreemnt.

This to me is worth 10 times more than people just stating their opinion when everyone agrees… again because people will hear other ideas in the real world.

the apologetics of the things is very important. in fact, i would only kill the thread if the Christians responding were to weigh in with uncharity and hyperbole.

if it were my board, i would interject a post like this: ***let’s be very prayerful and charitable in our responses so we can assure God’s Truth, and not simply our opinion, is conveyed at this crucial time to the readers and particularly the OP in crisis. ***

that’s assuming it’s within the parameters of the board. if it’s not, then you have the tough situation of a stilted board-- some ideas are freely expressed, while others (the most important ones) are not.