Please, can somebody help me? My first daughter was born still 3 days before her due date on March 3, my birthday. She’d been perfectly healthy: I had a wonderful pregnancy, and the shock was almost more than I could handle. I miss her so much. God, family, prayer, therapy and medication have been helping, although some days I feel like I’m drowning. But also, my husband and I are brand new to the Church (we came in at Easter Vigil this year), and I feel so overwhelmed by my loss, but with still so much to learn about the faith. I need encouragement and advice. Have any of you had a stillbirth? What resources of the Church helped you make it through? How long did you wait to try again? How was your next pregnancy, and what got you through it? How are you doing now? I really need to talk to somebody, and I’ll probably post sometime on a more general forum, but a Catholic woman’s perspective would be really helpful right now, especially with regard to the second question.
What is your dear daughter’s name?
You have lost a child. You felt her kick, squirm and move. In you she slept, cried, sucked her thumbs and fingers (and maybe toes), and smiled. Though she didn’t draw a breath, you were her mommy and have been for the better part of a year.
In my case, God had blessed us with pregnancy at the time of our son’s death. I was six months pregnant when Gabriel drowned. Since then, we have had two baby girls.
I can’t speak with the voice of experience about “still” birth. I can only speak about bereavement. I am so grateful that we were expecting. Gabriel had still been breastfeeding so knowing there would be another baby in three months eased the pain of his absence. However, holding her, nursing her, all the daily activities with her felt like we were replacing him and that it should be him there.
I suppose I would, in your situation, give myself at least a few months to grieve. If you took any photos of her, make a special little album to show your future children. She is their big sister, after all. Write down your thoughts and feelings about her.
In a special part of your yard, plant a tree or garden. Make sure it is one that is easy to care for.
Something we decided to do was sponsor a child. There are several groups that do this: Compassion, Children International, etc. We just got a new photo of our child. He is a sweet little boy in Ecuador named Ivan Jesus.
Remember your daughter in your prayers. As Catholics, we believe that the saints can hear us and pray for us. You are her mommy. She loves you and is praying for you.
A beautiful couple with three daughters lost their fourth last year a couple hours after birth. Todd is a very talented singer and lead singer for Selah. They wrote this song about their experience of little Audrey’s life and death:
youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o
Please know you’ll be in my prayers. (((HUGS)))