Stop Bullying Now!

[Bruised_Reed]

(…)
Instead of the teacher stopping them and giving them a good tongue-lashing, they both got detention for running in the hall. Fair enough. But we had to refuse allowing them to have to attend a “Restorative Practice” session, in which a Bully and his target sit down and make nice. This was my son and one of his best friends! It would have taken up the time of the facilitator perhaps from a realbullying case.
(…)

RE: the bolded part: I wonder if the folks who came up with this think mediation works with domestic violence victims and there batterers? Usually the answer is no so why do this with bullying? It makes the target more vulnerable.

 

[lwest]

Schools do not take bullying seriously. Teachers do not take bullying seriously. Yard duties do not take bullying seriously. It doesn’t matter how much they say they do. They are so used to hearing it that they are deaf to it. If you have a possibility of home schooling your child, do it. If you don’t, then do all you can to be at the playground when your chidren are out there, seeing to it they are safe. Hire someone if you must. I was a one-on-one teacher’s aid for a child with asperger’s syndrome, who, I was told got bullied at times. At the same time, I was instructed not to stay too close to him at recess, so he could learn to fend for himself. Fortunately, his mom sent the boy’s caregiver from home to be with him at lunch recess. I saw that it was a good idea.

I don’t trust public schools any more. Both my boys were seriously bullied at school. When my 7-year-old cried every morning that he didn’t want to go to schoiol, and asked me (several times) to do him a favor and kill him so he wouldn’t have to be bullied any more, I took him out of school and started home schooling. I’m glad I did. He was much happier after that, and so was I.

When I saw my state preschool teacher bullying the pre-school children, I took my second son out of school, with the advice of his pediatrician. So I home schooled both sons for several years. The first three months my second son was back in junior high, he was beaten up on the school ground every day, because he liked Pokemon. Finally he told me about it, and the administrators did suspend the culprit, but they didn’t put any more teachers out to supervise the students during the lunch hour, which is what was needed.

What is needed is a good strong dose of the Word of God in our schools: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

It’s not just the public schools. I’ve heard horror stories about bullying in Catholic schools, too, and that seems worse because Catholics are supposed to be compassionate. But if you don’t have enough money, if you’re different in any way (God forbid you’re handicapped), you’ll be snubbed and tormented. I know a story of a girl in Catholic school whose mother was dying of cancer. The other girls picked on her for it. The teachers did nothing. The family left and turned to a Luteran school. That is so sad because we’re losing souls because of our bad example. I don’t know the solution. I don’t know how to change hearts…beside prayer and taking it upon ourselves that we’re kind, fair, compassionate, etc…

 

[Fitswimmer]

It’s not just the public schools. I’ve heard horror stories about bullying in Catholic schools, too, and that seems worse because Catholics are supposed to be compassionate. But if you don’t have enough money, if you’re different in any way (God forbid you’re handicapped), you’ll be snubbed and tormented. I know a story of a girl in Catholic school whose mother was dying of cancer. The other girls picked on her for it. The teachers did nothing. The family left and turned to a Luteran school. That is so sad because we’re losing souls because of our bad example. I don’t know the solution. I don’t know how to change hearts…beside prayer and taking it upon ourselves that we’re kind, fair, compassionate, etc…

Catholic schools are no haven, I can tell you that from experience. My 6th grade year was a nightmare due to bullying from the “popular” crowd. I would literally throw up every morning because I dreaded school so much. I wasn’t pretty and I was good at sports-the kiss of death for a girl in the late 1960’s. I hate to tell you, but in my experience it never goes away. The “popular” crowd from middle school becomes the “popular” crowd in high school, college and in the workplace. Don’t think differently, don’t act differently, don’t dress differently…

the only upside that I can see to what I went through is I got to the stage of not caring what other people think a lot sooner than most people do!

 

[lwest]

Same here but I am very aware of how sociey values beauty and riches. Survival of the fittest. It’s natural, but not supernatural, which is how we’re called to act, isn’t it? It’s what Christ would want. Matthew 25:40. But everything in our society reinforces that unless you’re thin, pretty and rich, you really don’t deserve to live. Pagan societies used to toss imperfect babies from cliffs.

I was tormented, too, in school (public). I was smart, shy and a bit overweight. I spent years beign angry and wondering what’s wrong with me. Finally I realized Jesus’ love for me just for who I am as long I try my best to follow His ways. And He blessed me with a handicapped daughter who will never learn at home that she doesn’t belong, doesn’t measure up. Unfortunately, society will teach her something different. She can’t even find refuge in the Church but tshe can in Her teachings. I’m really venting here. Sorry and thanks for lsitening.

 

[Cathy]

… And He blessed me with a handicapped daughter who will never learn at home that she doesn’t belong, doesn’t measure up.

Working with physically and mentally handicapped students has been a great joy for me. Those who come from loving homes like yours have an extra advantage, but each and every one has captured by heart. Your daughter is blessed and she will be a blessing to many, I am sure. May God give you all the wisdom and strength you need, and cap that with His joy for your family.

 

[lwest]

And God Bless people like you, too, who can see their value! Thanks for the kind words.

 

[Brian_Millar]

I like where this is headed, she may grow up to do great things, some of the most inspirational individuals on this planet are handicaped.

 

[lwest]

Thanks, Brian. I pray someday they will be fully welcomed into all aspects of society and even befriended by some. We shouldn’t prey on the weak, we should embrace them.

 

[Brian_Millar]

I completely agree, God bless both of you!!!

 

[drafdog]

I reported a bullying incident that happened at the bus stop after school. The school was out of the picture because, having dropped the children off, they were now considered under parental control. The officer asked if I wanted to lay charges against the offender (a teen), or would a police visit to the home be satisfactory. I opted for the police visit. My daughter never had any more trouble with her classmate after that.

Matthew

 

[Ana]

But it shouldn’t make things worse. It is the teacher’s job (in part) to police, prevent, and intervene when students mistreat each other. I don’t have any problem insisting that teachers do their jobs which is why I have a tiered system for handling problems such as bullying:

Step 1: Tell the bully, “Leave me alone.”

Step 2: If that doesn’t work, tell me, your mother, and the teacher.

Step 3: If the teacher can’t/won’t handle the problem, tell me or your mother, and we’ll tell the teacher and the prinicipal.

Step 4: If step 3 doesn’t yield results, come out to the backyard with me, and I’ll show you how to put a serious beat down on the bully.

Step 5: After the beat down occurs, I’ll defend you to the principal and teacher, and then we’ll go out for ice cream. We’ve gotten to step five once with my son, never with my daughter.

– Mark L. Chance.

My son just got his step 5 ice cream last week. After eight months of being bullied (fourth grade) and telling the teacher like he was supposed to, the bullying just continued. During a recent incident a friend verbally defended my son, was punched in the stomach by the bully, and ALL the boys got detention. My son was so upset that the bully hit his friend ,the next time the bully messed with my son, he fought back and the bully ended up on his back during recess. That was a week ago, and the bully hasn’t messed with my son again yet. The ice cream was yummy, I had a chocolate milkshake. My son got congratulatory calls and “that’s my boy” from all the members of our family, extended as well.

Although, my son was able to handle himself this time, my heart goes out to any cchild that is bullied. It breaks my heart to think of a little one crying in a bathroom stall by themself, afraid to tell someone.

 

[Brian_Millar]

Ana, I know what you are saying and feel for you and your son, tell him I was also there and I did fight back eventually.

Know this as a parent all of you, this is NOT going to end until it’s placed into it’s proper context. This is assault, regardless of age, this is breaking the law, there is absolutely no reason for it to happen and bringing in the law to it is going to be the only thing to stop it, ie. call the cops and sue the **** out of these schools that allow this activity to happen. If this happens, bet the teacher and all staff are going to be much more aware and take appropriate action with bullies. I’m 40, haven been bullied in school, I still remember vividly what I endured, memories, at least in this life time, simply do not go away!

 

[strngrnrth]

I was reading what a homeschooling parent had to say about socialization. The parent said something like, “People say my kids need to know about the real world. In the real world, if someone walks up and hits you, takes your lunch and your cash and runs, he goes to prison.” Also, in the real world, if someone waits outside your office to taunt you and threaten you, follows you out the door at work and says he’s going to get you when you’re alone, he is at least fired and you certainly can’t be made to work with him. In the real world, if someone at work is harassing you sexually, you can get rid of him. If someone has nothing better to do than mock your clothes and hair, you can report that she has a bad attitude and isn’t working, and she will be fired.
School is an artificial environment that has little to do with any rules people would ever freely choose to live under. If you can homeschool I say you should, even if it’s a sacrifice.

 

[Brian_Millar]

I was reading what a homeschooling parent had to say about socialization. The parent said something like, “People say my kids need to know about the real world. In the real world, if someone walks up and hits you, takes your lunch and your cash and runs, he goes to prison.” Also, in the real world, if someone waits outside your office to taunt you and threaten you, follows you out the door at work and says he’s going to get you when you’re alone, he is at least fired and you certainly can’t be made to work with him. In the real world, if someone at work is harassing you sexually, you can get rid of him. If someone has nothing better to do than mock your clothes and hair, you can report that she has a bad attitude and isn’t working, and she will be fired.
School is an artificial environment that has little to do with any rules people would ever freely choose to live under. If you can homeschool I say you should, even if it’s a sacrifice.

Amen!!!

 

[lwest]

I’ve even seen adults act like bullies. They may not trip you or steal your lunch money but they manipulate, spread gossip about you to turn others away from you…all bullying stuff in my book. And i’ve seen that in homeschoolers, too. Of course, as adults, you can use your wits to put them in their place. Praying helps, too.

 

[Ana]

Ana, I know what you are saying and feel for you and your son, tell him I was also there and I did fight back eventually.

Know this as a parent all of you, this is NOT going to end until it’s placed into it’s proper context. This is assault, regardless of age, this is breaking the law, there is absolutely no reason for it to happen and bringing in the law to it is going to be the only thing to stop it, ie. call the cops and sue the **** out of these schools that allow this activity to happen. If this happens, bet the teacher and all staff are going to be much more aware and take appropriate action with bullies. I’m 40, haven been bullied in school, I still remember vividly what I endured, memories, at least in this life time, simply do not go away!

Brian, I agree that laws need to be changed to protect children from bullying. Here in our state, there are no real bullying laws. Only a bullying report that can be filled out. Though I had numerous school conferences, I was never offered this.

I also learned that there is one law that protects children from being bullied on account of religion, race, gender, sexual orientaion and disabilities. But it only protects the protected groups. Children that do not have a distinguishing characteristic are left vulnerable. in the same report it was acnowledged, that the majority (57%) of the bullying was motivated for the following reasons:
1)Just to be mean
2)other reasons
3)to impress others

The reasons that were addressed by the law, only make up less than 10% of bullying. This is a loophole that leaves 90% of our children UNPROTECTED. What is the point of the law. I also found out that there is federal money set aside and reserved for anti-bullying programs in schools that are not being used. Also that these anti-bullying programs have been shown to reduce bullying by 50 to 70%!! And that the remaining incidents were of lesser severity.

Hmmmm, a law that protects no one, money set aside to help, but not used. Does ANYONE care about these children?

There are so many suicides now due to bullying that they have coined the phrase “Bullycide.”

I brought this information to the guidance counselor, and she said she is too busy and that I should bring a proposal to the Board of Education. I guess I would, if I had to, but isn’t this SOMEBODY’s job?

 

[Ana]

I’ve even seen adults act like bullies. They may not trip you or steal your lunch money but they manipulate, spread gossip about you to turn others away from you…all bullying stuff in my book. And i’ve seen that in homeschoolers, too. Of course, as adults, you can use your wits to put them in their place. Praying helps, too.

Yep, if there is no intervention, little bullies grow up to be BIG bullies.