Strange confession lectures

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So I just had to ask to see what else was out there. In my parish, there is usually only one priest out of the three available for confession when I can make it. He is a very old, very Polish immigrant. I always get the same lecture no matter what I confess:
  1. The devil is with you
  2. You are destroying America (punctuated with “Poof! Boom! Ahhh! America gone!”)
While I am willing to accept that I do have my temptations and whatnot (like everyone), I find it a stretch to think that I am bringing down my country by eating meat on a Friday in Lent.

Anybody else have odd/funny lectures they are willing to share?

Chris
 
You may not be bringing down the country, per se, but you would be harming the Body of Christ by sinning. And every sin distrupts creation and pushes back the time of the second coming. So, yeah. Not destroying America but really screwing it up for the world.
 
Nothing quite so strange as that, but I did have one priest who, when I told him how long it was since my last confession, before even hearing my sins told me it was too soon to confess again!

If I frequently went to this priest and he knew me well, he’d possibly have a point (even then it might be the one time when I’d honestly committed a mortal sin), but I’d never confessed to him before in my life 🤷
 
I’m human. I may sin but so do we all. I make my confession and ask God for the grace not to sin. That’s the best I can do. I accept that I’m imperfect, but strive not to be. I think it would be a sin of pride to think otherwise.

Chris
 
That’s all anyone can do. I was just saying what sin dose.
 
I’ve only been to one priest for confession and he has always given me such great advice.
 
Lollll I have a clear picture of a guy going ‘poof! boom! ahh American Gone!’ hahahahh 😃 Funny stuff.
 
Back when I lived in California, I used to go to confession on Sat. evening, after which I (planned to) go home for the rest of the evening. One of the priests at the church I attended usually gave the penance of, “Go out and say something nice to half a dozen people today!” 😛 I had to go out trolling the mall to find the people to complete my penance!! (I lived alone)
 
I think I’d be inclined to say to the priest that you lived alone, and ask if it could be spread out over a week.
I really think we’re not obliged to make ourselves appear to be the local oddbod by going up to complete strangers. Also, take care that you’re not asked to leave the mall, for that very reason!
 
muffinmojo said:
Lollll I have a clear picture of a guy going ‘poof! boom! ahh American Gone!’ hahahahh 😃 Funny stuff.
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I think I would love to go to confession to this priest, just for the entertainment value.

But confession is an encounter with Christ, and only incidentally an encounter with a particular priest. It’s best not to get too worried about the idiosyncracies of individual priests.

(Besides, if America ever does go “Poof! Boom!” you might end up saying, well, the old guy was right after all…)
 
JimG said:
I think I would love to go to confession to this priest, just for the entertainment value.

But confession is an encounter with Christ, and only incidentally an encounter with a particular priest. It’s best not to get too worried about the idiosyncracies of individual priests.

(Besides, if America ever does go “Poof! Boom!” you might end up saying, well, the old guy was right after all…)
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It is a bit entertaining, and I figure if America ever does go “Poof!Boom!” I’m sure those won’t be the first words that come to mind.

He is a very idiosyncratic guy, but he’s alright. I don’t mind it all that much. Nice to start off the day with a (silent) chuckle and some sacramental grace.

Chris
 
Hahah that’s what i was thinking…if a priest said that to me i could not have helped laughing, i really did laugh out loud just reading your transcription of it 😛
 
One priest told me that I take life too seriously, and for my penance I was to go out and have a good time. I called up a friend and told her she had to help me fulfill my penance–she laughed and agreed, and we had a really fun day.

Then another priest chastised me rather severely for a rather minor offense and I thought I was in for it, penance wise, but all I got was something like one Our Father and one Hail Mary.

Some things I guess I do not understand:shrug:
 
My funny story:

I went to confession at not-my-regular-parish one weekend. There was an ancient priest in the confessional. I honestly don’t even know if he could hear my confession. I didn’t even have anything particularly “bad” to confess… just a couple of things. and venial at that… Should have been 2 minutes in the confessional and be on my way.

Well, he proceeded to give me pastoral advice for** 20 minutes**. This “pastoral advice” consisted of rambling reminiscing of his 50 years of priesthood. Confession was only allocated for 30 minutes. The line was a mile long when I came out and everyone stared at me as if I was Hester Prynne herself in the confessional. 😊
 
1ke said:
My funny story:

I went to confession at not-my-regular-parish one weekend. There was an ancient priest in the confessional. I honestly don’t even know if he could hear my confession. I didn’t even have anything particularly “bad” to confess… just a couple of things. and venial at that… Should have been 2 minutes in the confessional and be on my way.

Well, he proceeded to give me pastoral advice for** 20 minutes**. This “pastoral advice” consisted of rambling reminiscing of his 50 years of priesthood. Confession was only allocated for 30 minutes. The line was a mile long when I came out and everyone stared at me as if I was Hester Prynne herself in the confessional. 😊
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I recently got yelled at in confession. It was quite the walk of shame past the line that formed while I was in there. He gave me a ton of advice about things I “should have known better about” and that “all women” know" etc. Also the door doesn’t close on this confessional so I’m sure everyone heard what he said. I wispered so they couldn’t hear me. He wanted me to come back after I did what he told me. I don’t think so.
 
1ke said:
My funny story:

I went to confession at not-my-regular-parish one weekend. There was an ancient priest in the confessional. I honestly don’t even know if he could hear my confession. I didn’t even have anything particularly “bad” to confess… just a couple of things. and venial at that… Should have been 2 minutes in the confessional and be on my way.

Well, he proceeded to give me pastoral advice for** 20 minutes**. This “pastoral advice” consisted of rambling reminiscing of his 50 years of priesthood. Confession was only allocated for 30 minutes. The line was a mile long when I came out and everyone stared at me as if I was Hester Prynne herself in the confessional. 😊
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This reminds me of something that happened to me. I was going to daily Mass, and this particular place has confession for a few hours before each daily Mass. Now it was about a 25 minutes, perhaps a bit less, until the Mass. The priest that day was visiting, and he was extremely old. I sat down and said, “bless me father for I have sinned,” and all that. Before I could get to my sins, he asked me how I was. So I answered. Then, if I am in school or working, and so I answered. Then he asked where I went to high school, after which he began to go on a bit about when he went to high school in the town over about 60 or 70 years ago, what the high school was like when he visited for sporting events. This led in to telling random stories about his life and asking about mine.

About 10 or 15 minutes in, there was a break so I was finally able to tell him my sins. He began to give me advice on one of the points, and then began going off on a tangent again. Finally, when it was about 4 or 5 minutes until the Mass, I interuppted him and said, “I’m sorry father, I am trying to make the Mass that is in a minute here,” and he very kindly said oh, yes, very good, please tell him my sins so that we can finish up. 😃 :eek: 😛

So I did, and he gave me my penance, and I went to Mass. I always like telling that one.
 
Seatuck said:
I recently got yelled at in confession. It was quite the walk of shame past the line that formed while I was in there. He gave me a ton of advice about things I “should have known better about” and that “all women” know" etc. Also the door doesn’t close on this confessional so I’m sure everyone heard what he said. I wispered so they couldn’t hear me. He wanted me to come back after I did what he told me. I don’t think so.
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How does he know “what all women know?” No one should be yelled at in confession. I was as a child and it deeply affected me until this day, although I have been able to get over much of it. I really think that not all priests should have the faculty to hear confessions, except maybe in an emergency. There are some preists out there that just do more damage in confession than they realize. I have heard too many stories of people being traumatized in confession, and that is not the purpose of the sacrament.
 
It makes me sad too, to hear stories like that. I’ve been very blessed with a GREAT confessor. He’s a very laid back priest and he knows that I get worked up about confession, so he will often joke with me a bit to help get me over being nervous. His advice is hit and miss, but he always makes himself available, even if he’s not on the schedule, or it’s outside of the normal confession time. One thing I really like is that if you go face to face (which I always do), when he’s giving absolution, he’ll lay hands on you. I’m not sure why, but there’s something particularly healing about that.
 
I’ve usually only had good experiences in Confession, but at our church ewveryone knows which of the two lines belongs to which priest by the way it’s moving.🙂 I like to have a priest who takes his time with his advice since it means that he’s attentive and “at the top of his game,” but sometimes I’m there to confess and get out. If I didn’t have a one-year old for whom I’m primarily responsible on the weekend (my wife is a stay-at-home mom and I like to give her as much time off on the weekend as possible) then I wouldn’t mind so much, but sometimes I just want to be able to take Communion the next day with a clear conscience.:o

Perhaps there should be a setup like in grocery stores: 10 sins or less for this line please.😃
 
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