Stranger fear?

[Shinobu]

I left to go for a walk today and upon doing so a man walking by said “hello” to me I returned saying hello to him as well. WIth this he stopped and started to ask me some more questions (Am I going to school, what was my major in school things of that nature).

What bothers me is, I judged this man from the moment he started talking to me. I felt scared, I wondered if he was going to try and kidnap me, I kept my distance and did not answer his questions with much detail. I must confess that if he had been a woman, I wouldn’t have nearly been as scared.

My question is, was it wrong for me to feel afraid and see him as perhaps a threat? I feel guilty I judged him so, but at the same time I feel worried that I should have been more careful.

Thank you

 

[Giannawannabe]

I don’t think it was wrong for you to be afraid. These days, you have to be cautious in dealing with strangers. Especially, if you are alone without anyone else nearby. No need to be rude, but it would be fine to say a quick hello and then when he starting asking questions to just say you were running late and excuse yourself.

I find that I’m afraid often, especially when I’m alone or I’m alone with just my kids out in public. It’s not to the point of some type of phobia, but I am very aware of my surroundings and keep a sharp eye on the children. I don’t even like going to the mall with all three of them unless I’m with someone else.

God Bless
Giannawannabe

 

[Sowndog]

You shouldn’t feel guilty about being afraid, you can’t control your fear. Anyway, in this day and age one cannot help but be cautious of strangers. I would not be offended when someone was cautious if I started speaking to them in the street. In fact, I would expect it. Don’t worry about it.

Sowndog

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

ALWAYS listen to your gut instinct - many a man & woman has lived to see another day for no reason other than “It just didn’t feel right…”

Frankly, I’ve been walking in the other direction without even a by your leave - better to be rude than hurt.

 

[Shinobu]

Thank you very much for your replies.

 

[betra2000]

Rob's Wife:

ALWAYS listen to your gut instinct - many a man & woman has lived to see another day for no reason other than “It just didn’t feel right…”

Frankly, I’ve been walking in the other direction without even a by your leave - better to be rude than hurt.

I agree with the “gut instinct.” If you feel afraid, then protect yourself. I would much rather offend someone then end up in a ditch somewhere. It is a sad fact that we have to be this way. But it is that, a fact. Everyday you hear something on the news about someone getting kidnapped, robbed and killed.

Better to be safe than sorry!

 

[misericordie]

Shinobu:

Thank you very much for your replies.

On this topic, I have a story of mine to tell, and here it deals with a stranger but some are not only strangers, but agents of the evil one.
This last week and a half I went to confession, have bee very spiritual, and praying much. However, PREVIOUS to these two weeks, after being a good practicing catholic, I had lost my faith (out of my own sins) stopped going to church, well I went so people won’t say anything, but half way through and distracted, I even at two points received communion with mortal sin still in my soul. I had stopped praying, became very inclined to lust, (name removed by moderator)ure thoughts etc. I became very angry too and resentful at everyone.
Well, in this sate I went on my merry way, then something happened which would put me at great danger. On April 4th I was invited to a dinner held by many priests etc of my parish, and it was in honor of the feast of the Annunciation. Well, as I was on line for dinner, I glanced to my left and saw this woman about 24/25 years old (attractive, who was also on line) she GLANCED with a flirty grin at ME, and caught my attention. Then well, I went to my table as nothing, and began talking with friend seminarians who I had not seen in a while (I had been in the seminary, and the idea of priesthood and its posibilty never left my mind) . At the end of the ceremony I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and out 10 minutes after comes the woman. Continued

 

[misericordie]

CONTINUED: as I was smoking this young woman whom I had NEVER seen before, comes to ME, and says: “I meant to give you my phone number.” Okay, here I am without having a woman show interest in me till then, so I began to talk with her, about the schools we attended, and our political parties. Well, She gives me her number, and I though I saved it on my cell phone, but when I get home I was furious It did not register for some reason. Well, two days went by, and working in the church rectory as a secretary that I was, one evening guess who comes in?? Yes HER. She tells me she lives at the building next to the church, I told her I had lost her number, and she tells me, well, “want to go for dinner in a bit.” I was being invited out, and since I lacked God’s grace, could not dicsern evil for evil. Well, she tells me that FIRST she had an appointment with the priest of the parish for confession, so for me to call him. That I did, she tells me, “wait for me.” I did. I watched through the church’s closed circuit TV camera as she DID go to confession, and was there very long. I waited past work time. Well, she comes back with father, and I tell her as father listened, “are you ready? Let’s go.” Father was sort of shocked though i did not understand WHY and said: “you know HIM??” As if surprised.

Well, I ignored it, went to a pizza shop with her, she said she wanted some fast food, and during our conversation, this woman began to talk about things that would make a “player” type of man blush. She started telling me (as if to know where MY weakness layed in the past) how much she has “certain” fantasies" and she likes this, and that, and this and that, (all things that I cannot reapeat but you can imagine)=lust.
CONTINUED

 

[Steve_Andersen]

Shinobu:

…
My question is, was it wrong for me to feel afraid and see him as perhaps a threat? I feel guilty I judged him so, but at the same time I feel worried that I should have been more careful…

Nothing wrong with fear per se
It is a natural reaction and is there for a reason. People who didn’t show an appropriate fear response didn’t get as much a chance to pass on their genes

The problem is when you let it interfere with what you want/need to do

It is prudent to be careful

But remember that the overwhelming majority of people are OK (and that the overwhelming majority of crimes are committed by people who the victim knew)

I generally like to talk to people …even strangers
It is a great way to meet interesting people and learn new things

Of course I’m a man and pretty big & healthy so I don’t scare too easily
And I’m an optimist when it comes to people too

I wonder if in my natural glibness I’ve frightened others.

I hope not

 

[misericordie]

I said earlier that I had become very worldly, and now this conversation, was really affecting me.  I began to share with her my past firting experiences, and etc.

Well, she asks me to walk her hime, which I did, and asks if I wanted to come up" Which stupid me said, YES." She said she lived alone. Well, I went at her invitation, and we sart talking small talk, then back to the same conversations (lust etc), well at one point she said she ached and I offered a massage., It did not PASS from there, till the end when twicw we kissed. Then I went home. The thing is everyone, WE COULD HAVE SINNED GREATER, AND ACTUALLY TO BE HONEST WITH YOU ALL, I THINK THIS IS WHAT SHE ACTUALLY WANTED, BUT I AM IGNORANT A LITTLE IN PICKING THESE SIGNS UP. MY GUARDIAN ANGEL STOPPED US FROM REALLY DOING SOMETHING ELSE. SHE THEN PROCEEDS TO CALL ME THAT SAME NIGHT, TO SEE IF I GOT HOME OKAY, I DID NOT ANSWER MY CELL PHONE. SHE LEFT TWO MESSAGES, THEN THE NEXT DAY I CALL HER, AND SHE HAD GROWN COLD (THANK GOD), AND I ACTUALLY TOLD HER, “YOU NEED SOME TYPE OF COUNSELING, OR HELP WITH YOUR LOW SELF ESTEEM ISSUE, YOU ARE AFRAID OF LOVE.” Well, I tell her to “Loose my number” and she says, “okay.” But then says, “and thanks for calling me a psycho.” and hung up on me. I have not heard from her sinceor ever want to. The next day the priest tells me: "that I should be careful because I am (was at the time) very lonely and could just fall for anyone, then I could be very hurt interiorly and spiritually. ALL!! I was, the priest spoke as a prophet, for days I could not erase her face from my mind, and her lwed conversation. I felt so disgusted.
the Lord and the Rosary, freed me, and I went to confession.
Interiorly, I feel a voice telling me she was an incarnated demonic type of entity. I remeber at one point her eyes, this emptiness, evil. I also, rember her jewelry, it looks like the type a witch would use. ALL WAS JUST CREEPY/SPOOKY.
I have prayed for so much forgiveness, I also lead the priest to mistrust me after that, since he saw me leave with her. I have since left the job, feel at peace, but at times the evil one still accuses me of these sins. Though I already went to confession.
I AM NOW WELL, AND ASK THAT ALL PRAY FOR ME, That I may give my life over to GOD totally, I feel as if I should have been in a seminary a long time ago, and procrastination set in, as well as sins to help me not do so. But, I have been getting that calling again (monastic) I want to just pray and dedicate my whole life to GOD ONLY!! NOW!!
Thanks all, any thoughts please on all I wrote and my experience?? PLEASE, I am open to your advice.
Sincerely, misericordie.

 

[Pentecost2005]

Misericordie,

You say you didn’t know enough to pick up on the signals? Good grief, man, if you’re not used to attention from women and this woman whom you’ve never seen before comes from out of the blue and comes on to you like that… yikes!

If memory serves (and if not, correct me), you’ve complained in the past few months of lacking female companionship. You’ve also spoken of discerning a possible vocation, is that right?

You need to get that figured out. There’s a big void in your life. Are you strong enough to allow God to fill it? Of course you are. Let go of the fantasy life. Discipline your mind. I know from experience that it’s a struggle, but if you persevere, and ask for grace, God will purify your soul. You can do it. God wants to give you that grace. Ask for it, and cooperate with it.

And pray for that woman.

 

[misericordie]

Pentecost2005:

Misericordie,

You say you didn’t know enough to pick up on the signals? Good grief, man, if you’re not used to attention from women and this woman whom you’ve never seen before comes from out of the blue and comes on to you like that… yikes!

If memory serves (and if not, correct me), you’ve complained in the past few months of lacking female companionship. You’ve also spoken of discerning a possible vocation, is that right?

You need to get that figured out. There’s a big void in your life. Are you strong enough to allow God to fill it? Of course you are. Let go of the fantasy life. Discipline your mind. I know from experience that it’s a struggle, but if you persevere, and ask for grace, God will purify your soul. You can do it. God wants to give you that grace. Ask for it, and cooperate with it.

And pray for that woman.

This is very good advice!! Really, thanks.
Yes, I need to do GOD’S WILL, not mine!! I am re-focusing my mind, and know that I am called to be a priest, and no buts about it. I have procrastinated long enough. This can be one way God is telling me, well, you are going to keep running into pits until you do MY will.
All, anymore advice??? I am open to all this.

 

[misericordie]

misericordie:

This is very good advice!! Really, thanks.
Yes, I need to do GOD’S WILL, not mine!! I am re-focusing my mind, and know that I am called to be a priest, and no buts about it. I have procrastinated long enough. This can be one way God is telling me, well, you are going to keep running into pits until you do MY will.
All, anymore advice??? I am open to all this.

Any futher comments? I would like to read them.

 

[NightRider]

Hi Shinobu,

I agree with the other posters who suggested that listening to one’s gut about other people is very important. Our guts are usually right, even when we can’t put a finger on what they are saying. It’s best just to pay attention to those gut feelings, as there is usually a good reason for them. No need to be rude to the stranger, as taking leave can be done politely but firmly. I have encountered this type of situation also and I usually keep such communications very, very short and clipped, but polite. If my good manners are met with an attempt at continued engagement then I do not hesitate to say “goodbye” quite abruptly and move away very assertively, in the opposite direction of the stranger. And then I immediately thank the Lord for His protection.

 

[misericordie]

misericordie:

On this topic, I have a story of mine to tell, and here it deals with a stranger but some are not only strangers, but agents of the evil one.
This last week and a half I went to confession, have bee very spiritual, and praying much. However, PREVIOUS to these two weeks, after being a good practicing catholic, I had lost my faith (out of my own sins) stopped going to church, well I went so people won’t say anything, but half way through and distracted, I even at two points received communion with mortal sin still in my soul. I had stopped praying, became very inclined to lust, (name removed by moderator)ure thoughts etc. I became very angry too and resentful at everyone.
Well, in this sate I went on my merry way, then something happened which would put me at great danger. On April 4th I was invited to a dinner held by many priests etc of my parish, and it was in honor of the feast of the Annunciation. Well, as I was on line for dinner, I glanced to my left and saw this woman about 24/25 years old (attractive, who was also on line) she GLANCED with a flirty grin at ME, and caught my attention. Then well, I went to my table as nothing, and began talking with friend seminarians who I had not seen in a while (I had been in the seminary, and the idea of priesthood and its posibilty never left my mind) . At the end of the ceremony I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and out 10 minutes after comes the woman. Continued

Any cooments on my experience?

 

[misericordie]

misericordie:

I said earlier that I had become very worldly, and now this conversation, was really affecting me. I began to share with her my past firting experiences, and etc.

Well, she asks me to walk her hime, which I did, and asks if I wanted to come up" Which stupid me said, YES." She said she lived alone. Well, I went at her invitation, and we sart talking small talk, then back to the same conversations (lust etc), well at one point she said she ached and I offered a massage., It did not PASS from there, till the end when twicw we kissed. Then I went home. The thing is everyone, WE COULD HAVE SINNED GREATER, AND ACTUALLY TO BE HONEST WITH YOU ALL, I THINK THIS IS WHAT SHE ACTUALLY WANTED, BUT I AM IGNORANT A LITTLE IN PICKING THESE SIGNS UP. MY GUARDIAN ANGEL STOPPED US FROM REALLY DOING SOMETHING ELSE. SHE THEN PROCEEDS TO CALL ME THAT SAME NIGHT, TO SEE IF I GOT HOME OKAY, I DID NOT ANSWER MY CELL PHONE. SHE LEFT TWO MESSAGES, THEN THE NEXT DAY I CALL HER, AND SHE HAD GROWN COLD (THANK GOD), AND I ACTUALLY TOLD HER, “YOU NEED SOME TYPE OF COUNSELING, OR HELP WITH YOUR LOW SELF ESTEEM ISSUE, YOU ARE AFRAID OF LOVE.” Well, I tell her to “Loose my number” and she says, “okay.” But then says, “and thanks for calling me a psycho.” and hung up on me. I have not heard from her sinceor ever want to. The next day the priest tells me: "that I should be careful because I am (was at the time) very lonely and could just fall for anyone, then I could be very hurt interiorly and spiritually. ALL!! I was, the priest spoke as a prophet, for days I could not erase her face from my mind, and her lwed conversation. I felt so disgusted.
the Lord and the Rosary, freed me, and I went to confession.
Interiorly, I feel a voice telling me she was an incarnated demonic type of entity. I remeber at one point her eyes, this emptiness, evil. I also, rember her jewelry, it looks like the type a witch would use. ALL WAS JUST CREEPY/SPOOKY.
I have prayed for so much forgiveness, I also lead the priest to mistrust me after that, since he saw me leave with her. I have since left the job, feel at peace, but at times the evil one still accuses me of these sins. Though I already went to confession.
I AM NOW WELL, AND ASK THAT ALL PRAY FOR ME, That I may give my life over to GOD totally, I feel as if I should have been in a seminary a long time ago, and procrastination set in, as well as sins to help me not do so. But, I have been getting that calling again (monastic) I want to just pray and dedicate my whole life to GOD ONLY!! NOW!!
Thanks all, any thoughts please on all I wrote and my experience?? PLEASE, I am open to your advice.
Sincerely, misericordie.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention: Why is it so hard for me to erase this even out of my head, and her???
Plase pray for me.

 

[Zooey]

Rob's Wife:

ALWAYS listen to your gut instinct - many a man & woman has lived to see another day for no reason other than “It just didn’t feel right…” Frankly, I’ve been walking in the other direction without even a by your leave - better to be rude than hurt.

This is absolutely the right advice!! Any time that something seems a little hinky, it usually is a* lot* hinky!
I had a similar experience a number of years ago. The man turned out to be a serious, dangerous criminal.
I would like to add that if you get those kinds of feelings when a police car is wanting you to pull over, it is legal (& sensible) in every state that I know about, to turn on your flashers to indicate you see him, and then drive on until you reach someplace where there are people around.
It is possible that you might get a ticket for this in some areas, but probably not.If so, the judge will throw the case out almost every time… Be safe, & God bless.

 

[CatholicPoet]

Shinobu:

My question is, was it wrong for me to feel afraid and see him as perhaps a threat? I feel guilty I judged him so, but at the same time I feel worried that I should have been more careful.

Fear is a natural, healthy response to danger. Maybe this guy was a danger, maybe he wasn’t. You have no way of knowing. However, his behavior was odd for a stranger and that was enough to make you wary. You did nothing wrong.

Look at it this way – if he meant you harm, then you escaped that harm. If he got his feelings hurt that he didn’t get to harm you… well, good. However, if he did not mean you harm, then he has no reason to be offended.

I bicycle between 25 and 50 miles a day. One of the trails I ride has a trail head at a park that is about 12 miles outside of town. It’s in a pretty remote place. I am, honestly, surprised by the number of women I see who park at that trail head and walk alone on the trail. (There are access points to this trail that are much less remote and much more heavily used.)

I try to be friendly and smile or wave at everyone I see on the trail as I pass. Most of the time, a woman by herself will smile or wave back. Sometimes, though, I can see that the woman is afraid of me. (I’ll bet if I stopped and started asking questions, though, the number who become afraid would skyrocket – and rightly so. That’s an odd thing for a stranger you meet in passing to do.)

I certainly don’t mean anyone any harm and I’m sad that some women are afraid, but I am certainly not offended by it. After all, a woman ought to be able to take a walk without being afraid.

I’d be a fool to take it personally that, based on past experience or on what she has been taught from other’s past experiences, a woman is afraid of a stranger met in passing.

 

[Shinobu]

misericordie do you think you could possibly please make your own thread. It is really not very kind to hijack someone elses thread.

Thank you

 

[martino]

Shinobu:

I left to go for a walk today and upon doing so a man walking by said “hello” to me I returned saying hello to him as well. WIth this he stopped and started to ask me some more questions (Am I going to school, what was my major in school things of that nature).

What bothers me is, I judged this man from the moment he started talking to me. I felt scared, I wondered if he was going to try and kidnap me, I kept my distance and did not answer his questions with much detail. I must confess that if he had been a woman, I wouldn’t have nearly been as scared.

My question is, was it wrong for me to feel afraid and see him as perhaps a threat? I feel guilty I judged him so, but at the same time I feel worried that I should have been more careful.

Thank you

Not only do I not think you acted wrong; I would go as far as to say that your reaction to him was exactly how a woman that situation should act.

First of all there is no reason for him to be asking you anything! Saying hello is one thing but to strike up a conversation with someone as they pass by you is extremely odd.

We have no idea what the guys motives were but that is not the point; we are not required to know a person’s motives before we make decisions regarding our own safety.

You did the right thing…he had no reason to engage you in that way! You should be just as cautious if you happen to see him again in the future.