Stranger fear?

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Shinobu:
I left to go for a walk today and upon doing so a man walking by said “hello” to me I returned saying hello to him as well. WIth this he stopped and started to ask me some more questions (Am I going to school, what was my major in school things of that nature).

What bothers me is, I judged this man from the moment he started talking to me. I felt scared, I wondered if he was going to try and kidnap me, I kept my distance and did not answer his questions with much detail. I must confess that if he had been a woman, I wouldn’t have nearly been as scared.

My question is, was it wrong for me to feel afraid and see him as perhaps a threat? I feel guilty I judged him so, but at the same time I feel worried that I should have been more careful.

Thank you
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I think you were very wise. We all need to discern and I think you discerned correctly.
 
Thank you again for the replies. I tried my best to not come off as rude to him, but I did try to make it clear in a gentle way that I did not feel comfortable having so many questions asked of me from someone I do not know.

And CatholicPoet, it’s really nice of you to say hi to everyone. Don’t take it to heart if someone seems frightened of you.
 
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Shinobu:
And CatholicPoet, it’s really nice of you to say hi to everyone. Don’t take it to heart if someone seems frightened of you.
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You’re absolutely right about not taking it to heart. I didn’t mean to imply that I do that; I’m more sad for society as a whole that some people I see have reason to be afraid in general. I understand why the people I see who are afraid are so; I know that they are afraid in general (of an unfamiliar situation) and not of me personally. I would never blame them at all for being afraid.

I think the point that Martino made about not being required to know another’s motives before making decisions for our own safety is very valid and well made.
 
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misericordie:
Oh yes, I forgot to mention: Why is it so hard for me to erase this even out of my head, and her???
Plase pray for me.
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Well, any more comments?
 
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misericordie:
Well, any more comments?
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I think that the comment by Fix says it all:

Quote:
Originally Posted by misericordie
Any cooments on my experience?

"Stay close to the rosary and take the priest’s advice."
 
Shinobu said:
misericordie do you think you could possibly please make your own thread. It is really not very kind to hijack someone elses thread.

Thank you
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Any comments Misericordie?

Seriously, please be a nice guy and copy and paste your experience and desire for advice and/or comments onto a brand new thread that’s all your own!

Malia
 
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Shinobu:
My question is, was it wrong for me to feel afraid and see him as perhaps a threat? I feel guilty I judged him so, but at the same time I feel worried that I should have been more careful.

Thank you
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Listen to your guardian angel. ( That might have been your prompting).

I remember an instance where I ducked into a store just because there were guys walking behind me. I had an uneasy feeling about them. I read the school paper later that week and found out (due to the time and description) that these guys attempted to rape a woman (within an hour that I saw them). They were interrupted and scared off because of another student passing by. :eek:

Sometimes we pick up “red flags” based on on body language without knowing why. Listen to your intuition.
 
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SusanL:
Listen to your guardian angel. ( That might have been your prompting).

I remember an instance where I ducked into a store just because there were guys walking behind me. I had an uneasy feeling about them. I read the school paper later that week and found out (due to the time and description) that these guys attempted to rape a woman (within an hour that I saw them). They were interrupted and scared off because of another student passing by. :eek:

Sometimes we pick up “red flags” based on on body language without knowing why. Listen to your intuition.
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YUP!
 
Instinct should always be trusted. If something sets off intuition-alarm bells, just because you can’t articulate what’s ‘off’ in the scenario doesn’t mean that something isn’t off.

The one time I ignored my intuition, I was the victim of an attempted sexual assault. It was only attempted because I fought back and turned out to be a much ‘harder’ victim than one might guess by looking at a 5’3" 105lb female. However, if I had listened to my intuition instead of thinking “oh, that’s just being ridiculous,” I might have avoided even the attempted crime. God gave us intuition for a reason, and later when you are definitely safe, you can go over the scenario and figure out what made you feel threatened (but you don’t have to), but it’s better to be safe.
 
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misericordie:
Well, iw ill, but was THIS thread YOURS???
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Miseri,

Am I the one who just posted a three part soap opera on someone else’s thread and then asked for advice concerning it? No.

Shinobu,

I would like to second what Zooey said. I have been pulled over by an unmarked “police car” before and it scared the BEJEEBIES out of me. 🙂 It was a few years ago, before I moved to the east coast. I was driving alone on a two-lane state highway, around 2:30am, along a 25 mile stretch with only a couple exits.(It’s a very country-type of “highway,” out in the middle of nowhere.) As I passed the last exit before the 25 miles began, a car pulled in on the on-ramp and pulled along side me and I noticed the man keeping pace with me, exactly parallel to me. He kept staring at me and continued to keep up with me in the passing lane, not attempting to pull ahead or drop back. It was dark and there are no lights along this highway at all, but suddenly I noticed a flashing light atop his seemingly old and crusty car. He started motioning for me to pull over and he was appearing to hold up his “badge” (holding something up that I later found out was just his wallet). Anyway, I shook my head at him and put on my hazard lights, indicating I saw him and then whipped out my cell phone and called my dad. (Thank goodness he woke up right away and wasn’t groggy or misunderstanding me.) He immediately used the other line to call dispatch and run a check on the car and asked if there were any unmarked police cars who had radioed in, determining to pull anyone over in my area. Dispatch said NO, and advised him to tell me to hold tight, try to drop back or pull ahead of him. I stopped looking at the guy to my left, and he dropped back and started trying to rear end me. By this time I was shaking and trying to drive with one hand and praying that either an exit would come soon or this guy would just stop being a psychopath.

Eventually police cruisers caught up with us and I was able to pull ahead and a cruiser separated me from him. I was escorted all the way to an exit ramp and two cruisers pursued this guy, who was later found to have a history with two sexual batteries and a rape charge that he had got off on.

All I can say is that you have to trust your instincts. I think you were totally right to be dismissive in your language to him. My sisters and friends and I have noticed in the past that even a polite but distant smile can lead some guys to think you’re completely interested in talking. Just do your best and pray for safety. 🙂
 
General reminder:

Please keep the discussion on the original topic. If there are other topics that someone wishes to discuss, they belong in new threads. Thanks! 🙂
 
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Shinobu:
I left to go for a walk today and upon doing so a man walking by said “hello” to me I returned saying hello to him as well. WIth this he stopped and started to ask me some more questions (Am I going to school, what was my major in school things of that nature).

What bothers me is, I judged this man from the moment he started talking to me. I felt scared, I wondered if he was going to try and kidnap me, I kept my distance and did not answer his questions with much detail. I must confess that if he had been a woman, I wouldn’t have nearly been as scared.

My question is, was it wrong for me to feel afraid and see him as perhaps a threat? I feel guilty I judged him so, but at the same time I feel worried that I should have been more careful.

Thank you
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Shinobu chan,
What you experienced is called saki, "the force of intention’ and it is something that most westerners have no name for, although almost all of us can “feel” when someone is staring at us or watching us. This is just a stronger and more specific version of that. In teaching womens’s self-defense for several years, I taught them that they should always listen to this God-given instinct. I have and when I did it never failed to be spot on accurate.

You did well.
Pax vobiscum,
 
Shinobu,

I strongly recommend that you (and everyone else) purchase or at least check out the book, “The Gift of Fear”…I think the author’s last name is Gavins.

I used to have a copy but I lent it to a friend who never returned it. I hope their lives were saved by the advice,

Speaking from my own experience, I have learned to trust that gut instinct with regard to someone who does not seem right. I am a woman, FYI< and I can tell you this: If you are a woman walking alone, there is NO REASON other than a DIRE EMERGENCY that ANY MAN should EVER approach you unsolicited. The fact that this man said “hello”…ok, fine. The fact that he tried to engage you in additional conversation…well, you can consider that maybe he’s just overly-friendly and harmless. Or maybe he was trying to take advantage of you in some way.

Always follow your gut. Sometimes this may mean yelling and screaming and carryiing on…all things that “nice” women aren’t supposed to do, but it may be enough just to move on and rather appear rude.

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel “inferior” or “rude” for working to protect yourself.

FYI, I"m also an ex-cop and prior to that, during college I worked in adolescent psych. That “gut” feeling you described prevented great disasters in my various careers.

One brief example: a new patient came in, tried to fake a choking (I think my Guardian angel helped me here) and had I responded as the patient predicted, I would have been injured, others would have been injured and he would have stolen the keys, communication and would have been out…a dangerous person. We learned the next day that he was a suspect in severl violent rapes in a nearby city.

Don’t be afraid to follow your intuition. To do so does not mean being rude…it’s just protecting your boundaries and recognizing when danger may exist. God gives you these warnings…don’t ignore them.

I do recommend that book very strongly…when I read it I found an example from my own life that matched every single topic. Likely you will as well. Scary, but GREAT INFORMATION.
 
TRUST YOUR GUT!!! the worst that can happen is that you aren’t as friendly as you would normally be. The best that can happen is that it can save your life!!! REALLY!!! I once was inclined to be friendly with everyone…until I was mugged. After that I couldn’t go out after dark to the corner store literally less than a block away for several years. I hated feeling like that! Just be very careful of people that just come up and talk to you. Remember that you cannot tell what is in a persons heart from the way they look.
 
Just wanted to pop on this thread and say thanks to the poster that started it and the advice given from everyone else. I have this creepy neighbor guy that always seems to be on his porch smoking whenever I come home from work…he says hello and then stares at me till I get to my door. I’ve told my husband about it, and I don’t really like being home by myself much…but I don’t feel like there’s much I can do…could be perfectly innocent, too, but anyways, thanks again. 🙂

resume thread 😃
 
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NightRider:
Hi Shinobu,

I agree with the other posters who suggested that listening to one’s gut about other people is very important. Our guts are usually right, even when we can’t put a finger on what they are saying. It’s best just to pay attention to those gut feelings, as there is usually a good reason for them. No need to be rude to the stranger, as taking leave can be done politely but firmly. I have encountered this type of situation also and I usually keep such communications very, very short and clipped, but polite. If my good manners are met with an attempt at continued engagement then I do not hesitate to say “goodbye” quite abruptly and move away very assertively, in the opposite direction of the stranger. And then I immediately thank the Lord for His protection.
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Does anyone else think that this “gut” feeling is the Holy Spirit speaking to us?
 
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