Stressed and alone

[Rvalde]

Hi!

I posted here before about my problem with my husband who is a protestant. We have 2 kids, ages 3 and 1. We married in the Catholic Church, attended Pre Cana. When we were dating, he used to go with me to mass along with my parents. We dated for 4 years. Before we got married I told him that i will do my best to raise our future kids catholic. He knows this, but now he is telling me that I dont have to follow through on that promise. It pains me and I feel betrayed. He says as he is the head of the family, he will lead us the way he has been brought up. I feel like my freedom has been taken away. I haven’t talked to him yet about how I feel because I dont want to cause commotion in the house right now, as my parents are staying with us. I feel unloved and I feel like I have to justify that feeling to him. The bible also said to love wives, right? If he truly loves me, when we married knowing my promise to raise our kids catholic, he would support me. I dont try to convert him to be catholic, but I go with him to their sunday service after hearing mass. It is so unfair for me to go and for him not to even attempt to go to mass sometimes. He wants us to go to church as a family. I really dont like going to their services. I feel like hating and cringing instead loving. Am I committing sin coz i feel that way?

 

[1ke]

Make an appointment to talk your pastor about this. Seek counseling.

 

[Trident_H]

You have a right to feel betrayed since that’s what’s happened. You have a right to feel sidelined like that. But what I’d recommend is a calm talk about it. Not a showdown. I’d recommend a strong and positive talk. Because deals are deals. Changes can’t be one-sided without pull-back.

If that doesn’t work then look to others for guidance and pacing. I’m a bit of a two-shot-hitter. So if I don’t get through to someone I tend to get conniving. I tend to get snarky. I tend to dance on their tulips.

So yeah. If talking firm and straight doesn’t do anything? You’d better ask someone else for more advice from there.

Peace.

-Trident

 

[RC1947]

Catholics have a serious moral obligation to raise their children in the Catholic Faith which is why, at the time they marry a non-Catholic, a promise to do so is required. The promise, as I understand it, is exacted by both parties to the marriage. In your situation, your husband hasn’t the right to intervene, neither should you be attending Protestant services as it will only serve to confuse your children. This is serious matter, involving the salvation of your children’s souls, so you need the direction of a good priest who will take the time to thoroughly explain to both of you, especially your husband, the importance of Catholic upbringing and the promise made to do so.

 

[ArielRussu]

Catholics have a serious moral obligation to raise their children in the Catholic Faith which is why, at the time they marry a non-Catholic, a promise to do so is required. The promise, as I understand it, is exacted by both parties to the marriage. In your situation, your husband hasn’t the right to intervene, neither should you be attending Protestant services as it will only serve to confuse your children. This is serious matter, involving the salvation of your children’s souls, so you need the direction of a good priest who will take the time to thoroughly explain to both of you, especially your husband, the importance of Catholic upbringing and the promise made to do so.

Just curious, are you saying that, by her children not being raised Catholic or should they oneday leave the church when they are older = they go straight to Hell?

I’m just curious because when I was at CCD as a child a nun told me that anyone who leaves the Catholic Church, or anyone raised outside of it and rejects Catholic teaching, regardless of whether or not that person loves God and are Christian, go to Hell.

 

[1ke]

The promise, as I understand it, is exacted by both parties to the marriage.

The Catholic makes the promise.

The non-Catholic is informed of it and the priest discusses the serious nature of the obligation the Catholic undertakes by making this promise.

In the older code of canon law, prior to 1983, both were subject to making a promise.

 

[1ke]

Just curious, are you saying that, by her children not being raised Catholic or should they oneday leave the church when they are older = they go straight to Hell?

I’m just curious because when I was at CCD as a child a nun told me that anyone who leaves the Catholic Church, or anyone raised outside of it and rejects Catholic teaching, regardless of whether or not that person loves God and are Christian, go to Hell.

No, that isn’t what he is saying.

Children often misunderstand complex subjects, and sometimes adults are not good at explaining them. And of course, there are also adults who make mistakes or misunderstand church teaching themselves and pass on erroneous information to children. I can’t say into which category this falls.

Yes, the Church teaches that outside the Church there is no salvation. See the Catechism and the documents of Vatican II to understand fully what that actually means.

Catechism (see paragraph 846):
vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p123a9p3.htm

You can also read this:
catholic.com/magazine/articles/what-no-salvation-outside-the-church-means

 

[ArielRussu]

No, that isn’t what he is saying.

Children often misunderstand complex subjects, and sometimes adults are not good at explaining them. And of course, there are also adults who make mistakes or misunderstand church teaching themselves and pass on erroneous information to children. I can’t say into which category this falls.

Yes, the Church teaches that outside the Church there is no salvation. See the Catechism and the documents of Vatican II to understand fully what that actually means.

Catechism (see paragraph 846):
vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p123a9p3.htm

You can also read this:
catholic.com/magazine/articles/what-no-salvation-outside-the-church-means

Thus, according to Catholic doctrine anyone who is not Catholic will not be saved = will go to Hell] because they’re outside Gods grace, unless they have never heard of God before. It does not matter how it is worded to make the sentence more friendly. I have a problem with accepting that for honestly, I highly doubt Corrie Ten Boom or any of her family, Christians of the Dutch reformed faith were not saved. Corrie smuggled a bible into a Concentration camp in WW2, taught the bible to prisoners to bring hope, was released by “mistake” (or God intervention) 1 week before her entire barrack was gassed then went on to teach Gods forgiveness and the promises of the Bible at prisons around the world until her death.

 

[1ke]

Thus, according to Catholic doctrine anyone who is not Catholic will not be saved = will go to Hell] because they’re outside Gods grace, unless they have never heard of God before.

I can’t even imagine how you got that from what I linked to. The Catechism doesn’t say that. Neither does the article. It does NOT say one must have 'never heard of God before".

You seem to read into thing what is not there and then grasp on to that. Perhaps trying to find the negative in everything is part of your anxiety, I don’t know.

It does not matter how it is worded to make the sentence more friendly. I have a problem with accepting that for honestly, I highly doubt Corrie Ten Boom or any of her family, Christians of the Dutch reformed faith were not saved. Corrie smuggled a bible into a Concentration camp in WW2, taught the bible to prisoners to bring hope, was released by “mistake” (or God intervention) 1 week before her entire barrack was gassed then went on to teach Gods forgiveness and the promises of the Bible at prisons around the world until her death.

Again, I am not sure where you are coming from, as your example is someone who does know God. Such a person certainly may be saved. The Church says even the person who doesn’t explicitly know God, but has good will in his heart and tries to do what is right, can be saved.

So, not sure what you are driving at.