Strip Club @ friend's bachelor party

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mjpny84

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Hello everyone.
So last weekend I was in New Orleans with many of my best friends (all non-catholic).

The occasion was my best friend’s bachelor party weekend. I’m the best man and planned most of the weekend, including a trip to a strip club one night since my bud specifically requested it.
Now, I spoke to my priest about this before I left and decided I wasn’t going to go when the group went. I told most of the group that, and even got one of my friends to join me in passing. Only problem was some of the guys spontaneous decided to drop in a strip club the night before we had originally planned. The bachelor was in favor, and my friend who was going to sit out with me wasn’t arriving until the next morning. I’m infamous for not adapting well to sudden changes in plans, and without my other friend there it wasn’t long before we were in the club. I didn’t get any dances or the like, but obviously lust was in the air despite my internal efforts to limit it.

The next night, most of the group went back. My other friend had arrived by this time and was debating whether to go, but asked me what my thoughts were and joined me in passing on the festivities that night.

On Sunday, I called a fellow Catholic friend seeking advice on whether I should receive the Eucharist that morning. She said that in her opinion I should certainly confess it soon, but that b/c of the circumstances leading to my going I should feel comfortable receiving the Lord. Since I really was looking forward to it I didn’t need much prodding.

I plan on going to confession this week since I most definitely regret my weakness that first night, but was wondering if I should confess sacrilege too for Sunday?

I look forward to everyone’s thoughts. Thanks for taking the time to read, respond, and for helping me learn more about our faith!

-MP
 
Mention both of your issues and let your confessor guide you.

Peace
James
 
JRKH offers good advice. Go to confession, confess it fully without any excuses. If you do this **before **Holy Eucharist, then you’re all set.

In the future, do not go to any strip clubs, ever. Your friends sound dangerous to your soul. I would not be friends with anyone who frequents such places.
 
You have to do an examination of conscience. Mortal sin is defined a grave matter, full knowledge, and deliberate consent. Lustfully looking at naked women is certainly grave matter. But, whether or not you had full knowledge and deliberate consent is another issue. It is certainly possible to be so stressed, pressured, and emotional that you cannot think straight and it is also possible for your body to crave lust while your spirit, mind, heart, and will resists against it. But, if you were thinking straight and had full knowledge of the fact that it was sinful for you to remain in the strip club after learning of it and had deliberate consent to remaining in there then it does constitute a mortal sin and you should’ve abstained from communion. Otherwise, then it would only have been a venial sin without full knowledge of the sinful nature of it and deliberate consent. The proper thing for you to have done was gently correct your friend, excused yourself, and left as soon as possible. But, whats is done is done, can’t go back and do it over again. No sense in beating yourself up about it, it’s a good that you are acknowledging that it is wrong and are expressing remorse over it. Just go to confession and be truly contrite of heart, resolve to never do it again, and do the penance assigned to you. Even if it was only a venial sin, it is still good to confess venial sins and helps relieve that feeling of guilt. You are a good man, everyone falls occasionally including Saints. The key is to allow Jesus to pick you up again.
 
mjpny84 said:
Hello everyone.
So last weekend I was in New Orleans with many of my best friends (all non-catholic).

The occasion was my best friend’s bachelor party weekend. I’m the best man and planned most of the weekend, including a trip to a strip club one night since my bud specifically requested it.
Click to expand...
I think this is a sin you need to confess also. It is a sin to help other people sin. From the Catechism:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, **we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them: **
  • **by participating directly and voluntarily in them; **
    **- by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them; **
    **- by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so; **
  • by protecting evil-doers.
mjpny84 said:
Only problem was some of the guys spontaneous decided to drop in a strip club the night before we had originally planned. The bachelor was in favor, and my friend who was going to sit out with me wasn’t arriving until the next morning. I’m infamous for not adapting well to sudden changes in plans, and without my other friend there it wasn’t long before we were in the club. I didn’t get any dances or the like, but obviously lust was in the air despite my internal efforts to limit it.
Click to expand...
I think this is a total cop out. You are a grown man.

You knew it was wrong, you have free will, and you chose to ignore what was right and “go along.”
mjpny84 said:
On Sunday, I called a fellow Catholic friend seeking advice on whether I should receive the Eucharist that morning. She said that in her opinion I should certainly confess it soon, but that b/c of the circumstances leading to my going I should feel comfortable receiving the Lord. Since I really was looking forward to it I didn’t need much prodding.
Click to expand...
I disagree with her assessment.
mjpny84 said:
I plan on going to confession this week since I most definitely regret my weakness that first night, but was wondering if I should confess sacrilege too for Sunday?
Click to expand...
Confess all of it.
 
1ke sums it up.

I’d add - time to get some Christian friends.
 
1ke said:
I think this is a sin you need to confess also. It is a sin to help other people sin. From the Catechism:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, **we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them: **
  • **by participating directly and voluntarily in them; **
    **- by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them; **
    **- by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so; **
  • by protecting evil-doers.
Click to expand...
Agreed.

Scripture and the Catholic Church agree that you sinned when you help plan the strip club and again when you went to one. As a Catholic we are held more responsible for our actions and not less. So our culpability is much greater. With more, more is expected.

Simply put… you should have gone to confession before receiving the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ.
 
JacktheCatholic said:
Scripture and the Catholic Church agree that you sinned when you help plan the strip club and again when you went to one. As a Catholic we are held more responsible for our actions and not less. So our culpability is much greater. With more, more is expected.

Simply put… you should have gone to confession before receiving the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Click to expand...
This is what I would have replied, except Jack summed it up much more eloquently than I could have.
 
Yes go to confession prior to going to communion.

And this might seem harsh to some, but frankly you have no excuse for going in that club. Peer pressure is not a free pass to sinning. And I would go one step further and say that you actually planning a trip to the strip club, even if you were not going yourself, is borderline sinful. If they wanted to go on their own accord that’s one thing, but to partake in the planning of such a thing is wrong.
 
mjpny84 said:
. . .

I plan on going to confession this week since I most definitely regret my weakness that first night, but was wondering if I should confess sacrilege too for Sunday?
Click to expand...
When in doubt confess. God doesn’t punish for confession of doubtful sins. 😉
 
I agree that you must confess…

But i’d like to ask a general question. Why do so many grooms go to the strip club before marriage? It’s like they wanna get in some last sexual contact (sorta) with another woman before dedicating themselves to their wives.

If a stripper were part of my bachelor party, I would consider it about the same as cheating on my wife. Seriously, what’s the difference between 2 days before marraige and 2 days after. The whole concept amazes me…
 
**I have always aked this of buddies who wanted stirp clubs etc for their bachelor parties:

“What will you tell your son in 20 years? Your Daughter?”

Say a Chaplet of Divine Mercy, or a Rosary for the girls who performed that night. Then be good to yourself. Follow what your confessor has to say.

God Bless**
 
mjpny84 said:
Hello everyone.
So last weekend I was in New Orleans with many of my best friends (all non-catholic).

The occasion was my best friend’s bachelor party weekend. I’m the best man and planned most of the weekend, including a trip to a strip club one night since my bud specifically requested it.
Now, I spoke to my priest about this before I left and decided I wasn’t going to go when the group went. I told most of the group that, and even got one of my friends to join me in passing. Only problem was some of the guys spontaneous decided to drop in a strip club the night before we had originally planned. The bachelor was in favor, and my friend who was going to sit out with me wasn’t arriving until the next morning. I’m infamous for not adapting well to sudden changes in plans, and without my other friend there it wasn’t long before we were in the club. I didn’t get any dances or the like, but obviously lust was in the air despite my internal efforts to limit it.

The next night, most of the group went back. My other friend had arrived by this time and was debating whether to go, but asked me what my thoughts were and joined me in passing on the festivities that night.

On Sunday, I called a fellow Catholic friend seeking advice on whether I should receive the Eucharist that morning. She said that in her opinion I should certainly confess it soon, but that b/c of the circumstances leading to my going I should feel comfortable receiving the Lord. Since I really was looking forward to it I didn’t need much prodding.

I plan on going to confession this week since I most definitely regret my weakness that first night, but was wondering if I should confess sacrilege too for Sunday?

I look forward to everyone’s thoughts. Thanks for taking the time to read, respond, and for helping me learn more about our faith!

-MP
Click to expand...
Judging ourselves is so difficult. We humans are so confused that sometimes there can be sin hiding in harsh judgments of ourselves!

So, I agree with consulting your confessor.

Also, sex issues are a War Zone. They shouldn’t be, but they are. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
 
JacktheCatholic said:
Agreed.

Scripture and the Catholic Church agree that you sinned when you help plan the strip club and again when you went to one. As a Catholic we are held more responsible for our actions and not less. So our culpability is much greater. With more, more is expected.

Simply put… you should have gone to confession before receiving the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Click to expand...
Can I just get a clarification on this…

I used to pick up my friend (a barman) who worked in a strip club - now, I would enter the club and sometimes have to wait a few minutes at the bar for him to finish - did I commit a sin for being there? As I said I had to wait sometimes and it is pretty hard to avoid seeing what was going on, but there was no lust on my part, felt sorry for the girls actually, but I am still patronising the place and witnessing what is happening

what is the consensus/
 
bextah said:
Can I just get a clarification on this…

I used to pick up my friend (a barman) who worked in a strip club - now, I would enter the club and sometimes have to wait a few minutes at the bar for him to finish - did I commit a sin for being there? As I said I had to wait sometimes and it is pretty hard to avoid seeing what was going on, but there was no lust on my part, felt sorry for the girls actually, but I am still patronising the place and witnessing what is happening

what is the consensus/
Click to expand...
Why would you go inside?

It seems that waiting outside would have been more prudent and wise.

As a fellow human in this world of sin it is easy to be lied to and that means even lying to myself. So, if I am allergic to something why would I expose myself to this something?
 
Gerard_Nadal said:
**I have always aked this of buddies who wanted stirp clubs etc for their bachelor parties:

"What will you tell your son in 20 years? Your Daughter?"**

Say a Chaplet of Divine Mercy, or a Rosary for the girls who performed that night. Then be good to yourself. Follow what your confessor has to say.

God Bless
Click to expand...
Good point!

And what will God say at our judgment since he knows all and knows us better than we know ourselves?
 
JacktheCatholic said:
Why would you go inside?

It seems that waiting outside would have been more prudent and wise.

As a fellow human in this world of sin it is easy to be lied to and that means even lying to myself. So, if I am allergic to something why would I expose myself to this something?
Click to expand...
I went inside because I was a young woman who had been attacked in the city once and so I get scared when I am outside at night, even if I am in the car.

But I would go into the city for my friend because he could not drive and I loved him.
 
bextah said:
I went inside because I was a young woman who had been attacked in the city once and so I get scared when I am outside at night, even if I am in the car.

But I would go into the city for my friend because he could not drive and I loved him.
Click to expand...
There I go assuming… assuming you are a man.

Interesting.
 
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