L
LotusCarsLtd
Guest
Again, I’m not sure what forum this belongs in so this is going here.
I have noticed a strong disconnect between my intellect and my heart, something that became readily apparent thanks to my therapist’s assistance.
Take for instance my efforts to learn the bass guitar: I love music and my friends and I are trying hard to start a band (we have issues with practice spaces, etc) but I couldn’t explain to you why I want to play in a band except that I like playing music; there is no explaining it.
But it also goes the other way too: I struggle to pray the Rosary daily but I cannot tell you why I want to try in the first place. I do it because I’ve heard about the wonderful spiritual benefits of the Rosary and decided to start doing it myself. I do sometimes feel good afterwards knowing that I have done a great deed but the underlying logic for doing so isn’t heartfelt but “head felt”; I feel I need to continue doing it because I know it’s immensely beneficial to me and others through the economy of the Holy Spirit but I don’t feel this in my heart. I fully understand the reasons behind it and know that I must continue but there isn’t the same kind of “passion” in my heart as there is in my head…and what I know in my head isn’t passion but cold, hard knowledge.
Another good issue is the pro-life position. I am pro-life because I know abortion is wrong and know that losing any life is a terrible thing especially when the life is never given a chance to be born. But until I attended a pro-life conference recently I felt nothing in my heart about the issue. I knew in my head abortion was wrong and knew the importance of doing something to stop it but felt nothing in my heart. And long after that conference I am back to feeling nothing again but knowing the truth. I do it because I know it to be right, not because I feel anything towards it.
So I basically don’t know what to do about this. My therapist has noted this disconnect and the fact that I often over-intellectualize (I’ve noticed this too) but I haven’t discovered what to do about it. My therapist often complains that I will give her intellectual reasons as to why I feel a certain way, etc. but never tell her how I feel about them or provide my own reasons for why I want to do what I do. One of the examples was waiting until marriage to have sex: I’m doing it because I know it’s right but I have absolutely no personal reasons why I want to do it and no explanations of my own to explain my actions. What’s more is that my reasoning for avoiding premarital sex isn’t so much because it offends God as much as because of a vague, distant understanding that it is wrong and I am expected to avoid such behavior. The same goes for other issues both negative and positive.
I’m basically stuck and I don’t know what to do! It often seems that faith for me is heavily intellectual and occasionally heart-felt. I’ve had many heart-felt experiences before to confirm me in my faith, vocation, career path, etc. but it often seems that my daily life goes by as an intellectual pursuit devoid of much passion behind it.
Hope this makes sense!
[EDIT] I should STRONGLY state that I have very strong feelings about many things including my faith, my music, morality, and such. But I still need help with this intellectual disconnect.
I have noticed a strong disconnect between my intellect and my heart, something that became readily apparent thanks to my therapist’s assistance.
Take for instance my efforts to learn the bass guitar: I love music and my friends and I are trying hard to start a band (we have issues with practice spaces, etc) but I couldn’t explain to you why I want to play in a band except that I like playing music; there is no explaining it.
But it also goes the other way too: I struggle to pray the Rosary daily but I cannot tell you why I want to try in the first place. I do it because I’ve heard about the wonderful spiritual benefits of the Rosary and decided to start doing it myself. I do sometimes feel good afterwards knowing that I have done a great deed but the underlying logic for doing so isn’t heartfelt but “head felt”; I feel I need to continue doing it because I know it’s immensely beneficial to me and others through the economy of the Holy Spirit but I don’t feel this in my heart. I fully understand the reasons behind it and know that I must continue but there isn’t the same kind of “passion” in my heart as there is in my head…and what I know in my head isn’t passion but cold, hard knowledge.
Another good issue is the pro-life position. I am pro-life because I know abortion is wrong and know that losing any life is a terrible thing especially when the life is never given a chance to be born. But until I attended a pro-life conference recently I felt nothing in my heart about the issue. I knew in my head abortion was wrong and knew the importance of doing something to stop it but felt nothing in my heart. And long after that conference I am back to feeling nothing again but knowing the truth. I do it because I know it to be right, not because I feel anything towards it.
So I basically don’t know what to do about this. My therapist has noted this disconnect and the fact that I often over-intellectualize (I’ve noticed this too) but I haven’t discovered what to do about it. My therapist often complains that I will give her intellectual reasons as to why I feel a certain way, etc. but never tell her how I feel about them or provide my own reasons for why I want to do what I do. One of the examples was waiting until marriage to have sex: I’m doing it because I know it’s right but I have absolutely no personal reasons why I want to do it and no explanations of my own to explain my actions. What’s more is that my reasoning for avoiding premarital sex isn’t so much because it offends God as much as because of a vague, distant understanding that it is wrong and I am expected to avoid such behavior. The same goes for other issues both negative and positive.
I’m basically stuck and I don’t know what to do! It often seems that faith for me is heavily intellectual and occasionally heart-felt. I’ve had many heart-felt experiences before to confirm me in my faith, vocation, career path, etc. but it often seems that my daily life goes by as an intellectual pursuit devoid of much passion behind it.
Hope this makes sense!
[EDIT] I should STRONGLY state that I have very strong feelings about many things including my faith, my music, morality, and such. But I still need help with this intellectual disconnect.
). Overall, I think it is very difficult to sustain an intense emotion.
)
