Strong persecution and dilemma, please help

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My friends, even best friends are always making sick jokes about, God, Jesus, Mary and the Church - sexual ones, vile ones and always making comments - they know I hate it, I pray for them, and I tell them to stop it, and hint at it’s wrong all the time, and they still do it and I don’t want to be mean and disown them all but I feel I should, I don’t know what to do, I feel rubbish and incredibly sad… I have maybe 4-5 Catholic friends, not all live in the same place as I do, some are e-friends, and the ones I actually know live in London, and I’m no where near there…
They are always playing bad music in their cars, blasphemous even, and it’s not like I can jump out of the car, they’re always talking about sex, and other rude things, gossiping and everything - and sometimes I’m tempted to join in these conversations. I don’t know what to do because they mean the world to me but they won’t listen…
probably the wrong forum for this, so sorry 😦
 
I’m sorry for your situation. I have to say that real friends don’t treat their friends like yours are treating you. These are not friends–you don’t need their “friendship” to be happy. Indeed, they are making you very unhappy by disregarding what is important to you. I think you should drop them too.

If you want to make real friends get involved in your parish. Help out with projects, do good things for those who need you. Friends don’t have to be restricted to those you can hang out with, nor do they have to be your age. It’s apparent these people that are your age are not interested in anything other than being stupid and mean. Why make yourself miserable with them? Being a Christian means having to stand for what is right. If you can’t do that around those people you have no obligation to keep them in your life. Get involved helping others. You’ll find it rewarding and you’ll make some real, lasting friendships of worth.
 
The above is great advice. These are not your true friends. True friends do not make you feel awkward or uncomfortable, in fact quite the opposite. True friends will be there for you and make you feel happy and good. You should definitely move on without them in your life. Good luck!
 
camkutz said:
My friends, even best friends are always making sick jokes about, God, Jesus, Mary and the Church - sexual ones, vile ones and always making comments - they know I hate it, I pray for them, and I tell them to stop it, and hint at it’s wrong all the time, and they still do it and I don’t want to be mean and disown them all but I feel I should, I don’t know what to do, I feel rubbish and incredibly sad… I have maybe 4-5 Catholic friends, not all live in the same place as I do, some are e-friends, and the ones I actually know live in London, and I’m no where near there…
They are always playing bad music in their cars, blasphemous even, and it’s not like I can jump out of the car, they’re always talking about sex, and other rude things, gossiping and everything - and sometimes I’m tempted to join in these conversations. I don’t know what to do because they mean the world to me but they won’t listen…
probably the wrong forum for this, so sorry 😦
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Why on earth would you consider people who refuse to show you the most basic courtesy and respect your “best friends?”

The next time this comes up, I’d say something like this: “You know, that’s really offensive. You’re speaking rudely about something very important to me. I understand that you don’t believe as I do, and that’s perfectly fine, but you could at least do me the courtesy of treating my beliefs with respect, just like I treat yours. Please stop.”

If they continue, leave.

This is less a moral issue and one of boundaries and friendship. I have many friends who aren’t Catholic, and some who are atheist or agnostic. Though we disagree on religion, I treat their beliefs with respect, as they do mine. All relationships must be founded on respect, or they aren’t healthy ones.
 
looking back in my past, I ran with the wrong crowds. Sure we had fun and they weren’t bad people insofar as breaking laws or anything, but just not spiritual or religious people. When you hang with people like that, you are the one that has to compromise. Again, looking back, I should have had more like minded friends, which were hard to find.

It is hard to be in the world but not of the world, indeed. So, are these people your friends or hang out buddies? In my day, in your similar shoes, my hang out buddies were fixated on getting drunk and getting laid and they could not comprehend why I didn’t want to get laid. I won’t talk about the drinking :rolleyes:

All I can say from hindsight and with protecting your religion and values in mind is find better friends.
 
Cam,

It seems you a very respectful person. The problem is not you it is you “friends”. If they had respect for you or even cared about your views they would not be making comments such as they are – even after you asked them to stop.

You will not be mean in disowning them – in fact that may be the best course of action for you. As you state you are at time tempted to join in with their gossip, the longer you are with them – if they do not respect you or your faith the harder it will be to resist the temptation to join in.

Remain strong in your faith; you WILL make new friends – maybe at Church. Who will help you build upon your faith and you help them build on theirs.

I pray God grants you strength and peace.

Winter
 
Thank you for so many quick responses, and such great advice - I know this is what I have to do, I feel sometimes in these situations I could just flip out and start shouting, and I don’t want to do this - I also don’t want to be blunt in the fact saying we are not friends, maybe I should distance myself instead? Starting at a new college I have some good friends already, who are interested in my faith, ask questions, we have little non-offensive debates, and one is a Protestant ahaha, so we have fun, and exchange prayers for each other. These friends I have now, the ones I mention in the opening post, are childhood friends most of them, literally inseparable, our families are close, we do everything together and now it’s just happened more as my faith becomes deeper, and it’s hard y’know I’m sure many of you have been through this as well - even people I just meet at college say these bad things… and I feel I fail God and it is sinful, that I only say “Stop it” and don’t laugh, and pray for them, I feel I should literally put a stop to all of it, even if I have to be considered rude to them. One said my beliefs are offensive to them?.. I don’t even know anymore, it’s not I don’t want to be unpopular or not have many friends, but my conscience doesn’t allow me to end things with them, I’m feeling I can distance though and let nature take it’s place
 
also keep in mind, people do grow up and lose interest in things. Maybe some of your childhood friends will eventually change and you can still maintain that friendship around other life events like work, family, profession, etc and you can also have your own new good Catholic friends that share and respect your Catholic values.

I say some of your friends because at 54 myself, I still work around adults in a professional work environment that still behave like you describe, though, at least, we are all protected by workplace PC rules about offending someone, so the workplace is usually a neutral environment.

Pray, and do what you know is right.
 
camkutz said:
Thank you for so many quick responses, and such great advice - I know this is what I have to do, I feel sometimes in these situations I could just flip out and start shouting, and I don’t want to do this - I also don’t want to be blunt in the fact saying we are not friends, maybe I should distance myself instead? Starting at a new college I have some good friends already, who are interested in my faith, ask questions, we have little non-offensive debates, and one is a Protestant ahaha, so we have fun, and exchange prayers for each other. These friends I have now, the ones I mention in the opening post, are childhood friends most of them, literally inseparable, our families are close, we do everything together and now it’s just happened more as my faith becomes deeper, and it’s hard y’know I’m sure many of you have been through this as well - even people I just meet at college say these bad things… and I feel I fail God and it is sinful, that I only say “Stop it” and don’t laugh, and pray for them, I feel I should literally put a stop to all of it, even if I have to be considered rude to them. One said my beliefs are offensive to them?.. I don’t even know anymore, it’s not I don’t want to be unpopular or not have many friends, but my conscience doesn’t allow me to end things with them, I’m feeling I can distance though and let nature take it’s place
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Usually, a college if it is a secular one has a Catholic Church nearby that has ministries for the Catholic college students. There, hopefully, will be spiritual and social events where you can meet many like-minded students.
 
Della said:
I’m sorry for your situation. I have to say that real friends don’t treat their friends like yours are treating you. These are not friends–you don’t need their “friendship” to be happy. Indeed, they are making you very unhappy by disregarding what is important to you. I think you should drop them too.

If you want to make real friends get involved in your parish. Help out with projects, do good things for those who need you. Friends don’t have to be restricted to those you can hang out with, nor do they have to be your age. It’s apparent these people that are your age are not interested in anything other than being stupid and mean. Why make yourself miserable with them? Being a Christian means having to stand for what is right. If you can’t do that around those people you have no obligation to keep them in your life. Get involved helping others. You’ll find it rewarding and you’ll make some real, lasting friendships of worth.
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Well stated. Praying for your intentions.
 
If anyone of these individuals will not respect your faith and requests for respecting that faith they are not your friends. Time to dump the load and find new, true friends.

You may need help in how to select friends to do this, as what you describe indicates you have a problem in that area. Really, seek some counseling and sort out just how you land up selecting people like those you describe for friends. They sound more like enemies.
 
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