well, I’m going to trygoing into what I had posted last night and try to filter out anything that would cause them to take it down.
What I gave to you about past is all I will say.
here’s a post i did last year
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=1016898
I understand that it is not a sin. I’ve done what I could to research it. Someone on my post last year connected it with my cycle, which makes sense
It would be so much easier if I could copy and paste part of my post last night on this
but, I have done well when I first stopped and was able to resist. It lasted a few weeks, and then I had my first dream. I woke up immediately after it happened sweaty and racing.
but then it didn’t happen again… until the next month.
the issue isn’t the dreams themselves. but it’s when I think back upon them does it stir some arousal and brings back all of the temptations that I’ve worked so hard to push through.
Every month. at least once, sometimes twice. I thought I was over this. not comepletely, but so close. after the first two or three months, the dreams weakened some. I still had orgasmed once a month, but the dreams became more nonsensical and random, so it didn’t cause much of an issue when I wake up.
Lately though, in the last few months, the dreams became smart. More realistic. once so real, I almost lost my virginity to my dream. So very close, but then I woke up right beforehand. And those have been causing me more stress
I hate to want them, but when I wake up right after the dream, I find myself trying to drift back into the same dream. Throughout the next few days of the week, I get to thinking of those dreams, Trying to find a pattern. And tempted to think on further. unfortunately, it sometimes takes me a few minutes to snap myself out of it.
And it happens every month. I can think absolutely clean and clear for 22 two days and still it happens.
Every month. for 13 months now and counting. I don’t want to revert back. Its a battle I have to defeat over and over and over again.
I’ve tried to keep a clean head. I don;t know what sprung the more realistic (and i fear potentially becoming sexual now) dreams. In the moment I am asleep, I enjoy them. I know I do. I have some awareness when it happens somehow. but I don’t want to be dealing with it for days after each dream, then get it to fade, only to have to do it all over again in 30 days.
I don’t think it’s going to stop. Not for a while. ihave a feeling I am going to have to fight this every month for who knows how long. I just don’t want this to harm my spirit. It certainly brings it down some days. And it’s not going to end for a while. I just have a gut feeling it won’t.
it just makes me cry sometimes. :imsorry: