Struggle with Porn during marriage engagement

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My name is Bryan I am 23 years old and I have been struggling with porn since high-school. I have tried to stop many times but I keep falling into it. Now the situation is even worse. I am currently engaged to the girl of my dreams who I have been dating for 2 and half years and I want to be free of this before we get married in a couple years. She is fully aware of my porn addiction and has continued to forgive me no matter what. She has even tried to help me overcome this by praying with me and talking with me on the phone. However I know I still hurt her each time I look at porn, and I just want to stop. If anyone can give me advice on how I can stop myself from looking at that, please tell me. I am in desperate need of prayers.
 
If your main source for porn is the internet you could cancel your internet service and only access the internet in public places like a coffeehouse or library. If that’s not practical, install a parental control program on your computer and have your fiance set the password and not tell you. Obviously, prayer is always helpful as well as the grace we receive from the Eucharist and confession. What active steps are you taking currently to end your addiction with porn?
 
Sounds to me like you need professional help. If you have not sought out Confession, do it. Also seek spiritual direction. Beyond that seek counseling. I have been seeing a therapist for sleeping problems. It works.
 
The Sin of the Flesh,will lead you to eternal damnation.Bryan you will have your partner,who will always love no matter what you do,don’t let porn be an obstacle,as the lust has no desire to love,but rather destroy the soul by abusing the body which is the temple of the Holy Spirit and is created by the Almighty Father in Heaven.Each time you are tempted or have an urge to look at porn,look and think of Jesus naked on the cross,bleeding,scourged,wounded,bruised and his skin torn,wearing nothing except a small piece of cloth.The shame and sacrifice he did to save mankind’s soul from satan.Go to Confession and admit your sin.Also Look at the crucifix and say this prayer:

Jesus said this to a visionary (“Do you know that I was naked in the sight of all men so that you shall defeat and kill the desires of the flesh which lead to this sin of fornication and adultery? Children, my adversary used this sin to claim all men to himself — Any sinner who constantly prays this prayer will gain true repentance — The more you pray it the more many will return to me and leave fornication and adultery. Many people will be lost due to the sins of the flesh. Work hard to save souls —”)

Prayer:
Holy and Merciful Father, Your only-begotten Son is standing naked in the sight of all men, so that Your people will know and fear Your Holy Law. Accept my humble prayer for all Your people who are living under Iniquity, Fornication,Pornography,Lust,Sex,Nudity and Adultery, that through all the shame and disgrace of Your only-begotten Son, You will touch their lives and mine for repentance and save me and them. May we, through the Precious Blood of Your Son Jesus Christ, which I plead to fall on their hearts and mine, gain repentance and be saved and through His shame make them bold for repentance. Amen.

Prayer of Salvation:
Dear God in heaven, I come to you in the name of Jesus. I acknowledge to You that I am a sinner, and I am sorry for my sins and the life that I have lived; I need your forgiveness.

I believe that your only begotten Son Jesus Christ shed His precious blood on the cross at Calvary and died for my sins, and I am now willing to turn from my sin.

You said in Your Holy Word, Romans 10:9 that if we confess the Lord our God and believe in our hearts that God raised Jesus from the dead, we shall be saved.

Right now I confess Jesus as the Lord of my soul. With my heart, I believe that God raised Jesus from the dead. This very moment I accept Jesus Christ as my own personal Savior and according to His Word, right now I am saved.

Thank you Jesus for your unlimited grace which has saved me from my sins. I thank you Jesus that your grace never leads to license, but rather it always leads to repentance. Therefore Lord Jesus transform my life so that I may bring glory and honor to you alone and not to myself.

Thank you Jesus for dying for me and giving me eternal life.
Amen.

Prayer to take Authority:
In the Name of Jesus, I take authority and I bind all powers and forces of evil in the air, in the ground, in the water, in the underground, in the netherworld, in nature and in fire.
You are the Lord over the entire universe and I give You the Glory for Your creation. In Your Name I bind all demonic forces that have come against us and our families and I seal all of us in the protection of Your Precious Blood that was shed for us on the Cross.

Mary, our Mother, we seek your protection and intercession with the Sacred Heart of Jesus for us and our families, and surround us with your mantle of love to discourage the enemy.

St. Michael and our guardian Angels come defend us and our families in battle against all the evil ones that roam the earth.

In the Name of Jesus I bind and command all the powers and forces of evil to depart right now away from us, our homes and our lands. And we thank you Lord Jesus for You are a faithful and compassionate God. Amen.
 
Rosary Prayer of Liberation:
You are recommended to recite the Rosary of Liberation for experiencing deliverance from various bondages like sin, satanic powers, bad habits, financial crisis, family problems etc., It is said in the Bible " She will bear a Son, and you shall call his name JESUS, for He will SAVE His people from their sins".( Matthew 1:21) Jesus is the Saviour. Therefore the name Jesus is not a noun form alone, it is also a verb denoting an action which means when you utter the name JESUS you are proclaiming and praying “God save me and all others from our sins”.
Jesus said “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is slave to sin. The slave doesn’t continue in the house forever; the Son continues forever. So, If the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed”. (John 8:34-36)
"As He drew near to Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging; and hearing the multitude going by he inquired what this meant. They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by”. And he cried "Jesus. Son of David, have mercy on me……. and Jesus said to him “Receive you sight; your faith has made you well”. And immediately he received his sight and followed him glorifying God; and all the people, when they saw it gave praise to God. (Luke 18: 35-43)

When we recite the Rosary of liberation, claim the promise of Jesus as we see in the Bible.
Jesus is the Saviour (Matthew 1:21)
Jesus is the Healer (Mark 1: 32-34)
He is the Liberator (John 8:36)
Jesus is the God of Mercy (Luke 18:38)
Jesus said “Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you”. (Matthew 7:7)
I claim this promise and say…………
1.Recite the Apostle’s Creed at the Triangle of the Rosary
I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth; and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, Our Lord, Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified; died, and was buried. He descended into Hell; the third day He arose again from the dead; He ascended into Heaven and seated at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen.
2. Recite the following in place of the Hail Mary
Jesus have mercy on me
Jesus heal me
Jesus save me
Jesus free me
3. Recite the following in place of the Our Father
If Jesus makes me free
I will be free indeed
4. Recite the Hail Holy Queen
Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy. Hail, our life, or sweetness, and our hope. To you do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To you do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn, then most gracious advocate, your eyes of mercy toward us and after this, our exile show unto us the blessed fruit of your womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.

After praying the Rosary of Liberation completely give thanks to Jesus for the Blessings that H is pouring over you and for those for whom you are interceding.
Before interceding for anybody you have to pray for yourself.
 
Father,

I come boldly before Your throne of grace and mercy to find help and strength my time of need. Lord Your word says to watch and pray so that we will not enter into temptation, for we know that the spirit is willing, but Father my flesh is weak.

Lord, I submit myself to You, for Your word says that if we submit ourselves unto You, that we could resist the enemy and he would flee from us. Lord I am fully submitted to You, all that I am, all that I ever hope to be. I surrender unto You.

Father, I am weak but thou art strong, I know in my weakness You are made strong. I know that my strength is not in my will to withstand the devil and his many temptations, but my faith, my strength, my hope is in You. Therefore, Lord I confess that I am strong in You, and in the power of Your might.

Father, in the name of Jesus, I cast down every wicked, lustful, lascivious, and unclean thought of the enemy in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. I refuse to allow any thoughts of the enemy to enter in; I dismiss them from me in the name of Jesus. Father, I pray that You will cause me to think upon those things which are pure, honest, and of a good report, and I pray that You will not allow my mind to wander into idleness, but to stay upon the name of Jesus.

Father, I thank You for revealing the evil lustful spirit that was trying to confuse me. I thank You for not allowing me to be drawn away by his words of flattery, his lustful eyes, or his gifts of deceit. I thank You for not allowing me to be overcome with lust in my eyes, for I know the eyes are the door to the heart, and Your words says to guard my heart with all diligence. So Father, please help me to guard my heart by the words that I speak.

Father, I pray that You will place upon me the whole amour of God, so that I will always be able to stand against the tricks of the enemy. I pray that You will lead and deliver me from every temptation of lust, sin, and evil.

In the name of Jesus, I take authority over Satan, every principality, every evil spirit, and every spirit of wickedness in high places. I bind them up in the name of Jesus Christ and render them helpless from operating in my life. In the name of Jesus I bind and cast off ever spirit of lust, adultery, fornication, lasciviousness, and uncleanliness in my life. Father, I surrender my body to you as a living sacrifice, and I recognize that my body is the temple of the Almighty Living God and a dwelling place for His Holy Spirit and I rejoice in knowing that the blood of Jesus Christ covers me.

Satan, in the name of Jesus, every stronghold, You have tried to bring against me has been rendered helpless, powerless and ineffective to operate in my life, by the authority of Jesus Christ! I put off all forms of lust and put on the new nature of righteousness, purity, and honesty. Jesus has defeated satan in my life, and now you are under my feet, and your power of lust and sin is broken in my life.

Father, I thank You for hearing my prayer, and delivering me from the tricks of the enemy. I thank You for Your word and how it is established in my heart and in my life. I thank You for giving me power over the enemy, I thank You for strengthening me so that I will not defile my body, and that it will be a temple for the Holy Spirit. Thank You Lord, for restoring me, for cleansing me, and for forgiving me for my weakness. I praise You; I give You all the glory and say Hallelujah to the name of Jesus.

In Jesus name Amen

PRAYER TO THE PRECIOUS BLOOD

LORD Jesus by faith in Your merits,
I now take Your Precious Blood
and sprinkle it over myself and my family
right from the crown of my head to the very soles of my feet.
I claim total and complete protection for my life and my family.
Lord Jesus, keep me free today from evil, sin, temptation,
Satan’s attacks and afflictions,
fear of darkness, fear of man,
sickness, diseases, doubts, anger, all calamities
and from all that is not of Your Kingdom.

Fill me Lord Jesus with the gifts of Your Holy Spirit
and grant me the gifts of wisdom, knowledge, faith, understanding and discernment, so that I will live today in Your Glory by doing what is right.

I praise You Jesus, I thank You Jesus,

I love You Jesus, I adore You Jesus.
 
Bryan Always Proclaim Jesus is the Lord of My Life, and mention your full name and say ‘‘is written in the Book Of Salvation by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ’’.Satan hates it when you call Jesus Lord ,for he feels feared,ashamed and despises to call Jesus Lord.

God Bless you Bryan,remember you will get married to a girl who loves you,not the pornstars as they only care for the desires of the flesh and not the love of a soul.You are an instrument of God,not the devil.
 
Just try, Bryan, just give it your very best try.
Strong will , just perservere and face this problem with a strong will and determination to stop seeing it and close all things that may relate to it and keep going in with that firm decision to kick this habit.

I once told myself not to ever see scenes on TV that would make me feel aroused or anything and to just change channels when it comes and to just stop thinking about those things and change channels and not think about them.

Just tell yourself firmly that you will not watch them. Stop yourself from going to the websites everytime you feel like going there when you are on the internet. Do you do other things on the internet? If you don’t, then, don’t use the internet at all perhaps. Like my TV, I switched to other channels when any intimate scenes appear, so , you can occupy yourself with another activity whenever you think about it, maybe go to the national geographic website instead, maybe shut down your computer, do your homework, go out of your house for a run or other sports…

I succeeded in changing the channels and changing for the better …I believe that you can too.

Yes, although I managed to successfully stop myself from watching such scenes last time, and change as a person, there’ll be such shows one comes across again in the future ,e.g, through other pple, etc…but it’s easier to stay detached from them now…

Also, my Cathecist used to tell us, Pray, when you feel in such a state, she experienced some difficulties herself and she told us that she will(I think) Pray to Mother Mary for help , to help her…So, when you feel tempted, say a quick prayer and turn away from the activity!

God Bless!

and maybe you can try to find a Priest and speak to him about this problem that you have, whatever is in your heart, just tell him…(if you haven’t tried this yet) as besides telling your girlfriend, I believe that the Priest would be a good strength and help too. 🙂 He can give you advice, strength to carry on kicking this habit and help you through it.
 
Bryan_D_E said:
My name is Bryan I am 23 years old and I have been struggling with porn since high-school. I have tried to stop many times but I keep falling into it. Now the situation is even worse. I am currently engaged to the girl of my dreams who I have been dating for 2 and half years and I want to be free of this before we get married in a couple years. She is fully aware of my porn addiction and has continued to forgive me no matter what. She has even tried to help me overcome this by praying with me and talking with me on the phone. However I know I still hurt her each time I look at porn, and I just want to stop. If anyone can give me advice on how I can stop myself from looking at that, please tell me. I am in desperate need of prayers.
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First off, you have a wonderful fiance who is very loving and supportive… that is going to be your best help and support right there! You are very luck!

My advice would be, number 1, to not beat yourself up. Porn addiction is very, very powerful and hard to stop. What’s “good” about it is that you actually have to do something physical to indulge in it. …you have to look at the computer, pictures, etc. and consciously take time to do so. This you do have control over!

What you might try is that every time you are tempted to look at porn, have something else that is fun and interesting for you to do instead. If you like learning about cars, or gardening, or puzzles, or biking, or ___________, do it. Have something else already in mind, prepared ahead of time, for you to do in your times of temptation.

If your computer is too tempting, then set aside times for you to use it only when you need it. Ex. Give yourself 30 minutes to check your email, catholic.forums, etc. and get what you need done on it. If you need to work on it for longer periods, unplug the internet if you don’t need it to do your work.

Get out with friends more often and become busy. Temptations is stronger when we are lonely. That is why the devil tries to isolate us. Fr. Groeschel writes, “I don’t know anyone who is tempted during a fire alarm.” Why? Because we are completely occupied and distracted.

Don’t try and be a saint right away. It’s impossible. “If you try to be an angel, you will end up becoming a devil.” We have to acknowledge our weaknesses. God loves us in our weakness, and even more so when we give it to Him. Our weaknesses are a grace, because we need to turn to God for help in them, and He loves to help us.

My last suggestion is that you get professional help. Talk to a really understanding priest or (Catholic) counselor who is trained in this. I put Catholic in parentheses, because there are “counselors” who will tell you porn is not a problem.

Good luck, and don’t give up! And don’t hate yourself. Satan may hate you, but God loves you, even when you feel you have done the worst things imaginable. Don’t fall into the trap of self-hatred, because it prevents you from seeing the loving arms of Christ standing right beside you.
 
Bryan_D_E said:
My name is Bryan I am 23 years old and I have been struggling with porn since high-school. I have tried to stop many times but I keep falling into it. Now the situation is even worse. I am currently engaged to the girl of my dreams who I have been dating for 2 and half years and I want to be free of this before we get married in a couple years. She is fully aware of my porn addiction and has continued to forgive me no matter what. She has even tried to help me overcome this by praying with me and talking with me on the phone. However I know I still hurt her each time I look at porn, and I just want to stop. If anyone can give me advice on how I can stop myself from looking at that, please tell me. I am in desperate need of prayers.
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Watch this video and you will see why you are addicted to porn, and it will give you encouragement because lots of men are also quitting and having success. The scary part is that a lot of YOUNG men are having erectile dysfunction problems b/c of the porn usage. But when you stop using the “drug” of porn, you will eventually be able to heal your brain.

The Great Porn Experiment

You need accountability partners, do not do this in isolation. The habit is done in isolation so you need to break that pattern and reach out to others. Click on the tab titled “Chastity” at the top of this page. That will give you some links to others who can help and come alongside you as you strive to be chaste and free of porn.
 
Here are my suggestions, I’m not going to give you specific prayers - but multiple suggestions.

You have an ally in this - your fiance, She has gotten into the foxhole with you and so rely on her, as you will in your marriage.
Therefore:

It takes at least 3 to 6 months to forge new habits and for the old ones to whither and die.
  1. Install Parental Control software and have her set the password. There are programs that even require a password to not just make changes, but to uninstall them. She can be the keeper of the password.
  2. Re-evaluate what TV and Music you are listening to. Avoid TV shows that are sexual and provactive. Do the same with your music collection. Give it to a friend for a while
  3. When you catch yourself staring at a women’s body… turn away, physically and mentally say a 2 second prayer and ask for God’s forgiveness. It is crucial that you ‘starve the eyes’ and avoid lustful thoughts. For some guys this isn’t the primary temptation…but none the less… use every opportunity to forge new habits.
  4. Do some serious and continuous research into the Porn industry… how it victimizes women and is linked to child pronography and sexual slavery - YES, in this day and age, there are women and children still sold as sex slaves in many countries.
  5. This is a song by a Catholic group: This is a song by a Catholic group: youtube.com/watch?v=ON4Xaf5NKKw it helps if you are familiar with the story of Dorian Gray Google it if you don’t know.
  6. Find a Saint which you personally identify with and ask God to send him/her as an intercessor. A Saint is anyone in heaven…I like the Arch Angel Michael - the patron saint of Soldiers and Police officers. I ask him to ‘wage war over my soul, against the minions of hell’
  7. Find one other male to admit this to and ask for their guidance and help. Men probably understand this better then women… and so it might actually help you. In every AA or “self help” program… admitting the problem to another person is the KEY. If we keep these things private… it is easier to keep doing them. You’ve admitted to your Fiance… Why not another person? The more you do it the easier it becomes.
  8. Have FAITH in the power of reconciliation. You’ve willfully chosen to do something that God knows is bad for us. Christ instituted confession because he knows we have to bring our sins out into the light, own up to them to be truly reconciled back to him. Whether or not you are a ‘private’ person - Go to Confession and do so as often as you need to. If you aren’t comfortable going in your own parish… choose the next closest parish. There is usually more then 1 Catholic church in a given 20-30 mile radius in most places.
  9. The Devil is the father of lies… he will make you feel like this is impossible and the desire will only get worse. He will make you feel like ‘just this one last time’ - see these for the lies that they are. Christ has already purchased you away from Satan at a great personal cost. The Catholic church has many sacraments to offer you to give you the grace you need. Realize that over time, given enough time… the desire WILL go away, fade away. You CAN conquer this and it can make you stronger, if you succeed.
  10. Focus not just on your future wife…but, hopefully, your future children. Do you want them to catch YOU doing this? Do you want to be THAT type of guy? All of these images you are viewing are someone’s child, at some point and most likely someone’s future wife and someone’s future mother. Focus on that before you view porn or as you are. Would you want your little girl doing that? Would you want your wife doing that? If not, then don’t participate in someone else’s little girl doing those things either.
  11. There are many sites dedicated to helping men with this.
  12. Buy a CD that you can listen to in the car on the topic of overcoming the addiction. There is one called “Every Man’s Battle” - it is Protestant, but still good.
  13. Start every morning with a prayer, asking for help. When you are at Mass (and you should attend, religiously) use those opportunities to ask God for help.
  14. Avoid “R” rated movies, especially those which are sexual or show women in skimpy outfits. You may think “that’s not my problem, those movies aren’t making me view porn” but I’d argue that they are PART of the problem. You have shown to be susceptible to imagery… so all sexual images are part of the problem, NOT the solution.
  15. Find something else to do with your time. Avoid a lot of alone time, especially for the next 3-6 months. Keep yourself busy. Keep around other people. If you start to feel the urge… go outside, go to a friends house, go out and do something else. Even a run around the block.
  16. read the bible - pick a book, any book… but just READ. When you read the bible, you open yourself up to the Holy Spirit and you need as much help right now as possible.
DO ALL these things… not just the easy ones and you WILL have victory over this.
 
I agree with MOST of what was posted just above, EXCEPT:

Do NOT ask your fiancee’ to monitor your internet usage. She should NOT be your accountability partner in this. It can easily destroy your relationship. Count on other CHASTE males to help you with your addiction. I repeat,DO NOT ask your fiancee’ to monitor your internet usage.
 
Bryan_D_E said:
My name is Bryan I am 23 years old and I have been struggling with porn since high-school. I have tried to stop many times but I keep falling into it. Now the situation is even worse. I am currently engaged to the girl of my dreams who I have been dating for 2 and half years and I want to be free of this before we get married in a couple years. She is fully aware of my porn addiction and has continued to forgive me no matter what. She has even tried to help me overcome this by praying with me and talking with me on the phone. However I know I still hurt her each time I look at porn, and I just want to stop. If anyone can give me advice on how I can stop myself from looking at that, please tell me. I am in desperate need of prayers.
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Your girlfriend might be willing to die and destroy herself emotionally and have a broken heart in order to be with you, but you as the man should not allow that.
Be free first. Then you can give yourself freely and wholly to a woman. Right now you become one with all the prostitutes you are with and you give yourself to them and take the most intimate things from them which belongs to their husbands or future husbands. What you do to one woman, you do to them all. Learn to respect all women and be pureby mastering yourself. Then you can give yourself. Do not allow your loved one to be bound to an addict who is lusting after other women. That would never be fair, neither is it true love.
Back out of the relationship and fight against the dragon and conquer it. After that you can take the princess out of her tower and lead her to the alter as a godly man, able and ready to be the king of a home, a spiritual leader of his family, role model for his little sons and daughters.
I think you already know you need to stop this relationship if you authentically love the young lady.

A good speech for young men considering if they are ready for courtship: youtube.com/watch?v=cbL5qtRgO84&feature=g-vrec
 
I thank everyone for the prayers and advice. I continue to ask for your prayers and will take all of your suggestions to heart!
 
Try fasting. By fasting we strengthen our will when we are strong so that when we are weak we have some experience saying no. By being able to say no to that which we know is good we can learn to deny that which we know is not good.
 
Bryan_D_E said:
My name is Bryan I am 23 years old and I have been struggling with porn since high-school. I have tried to stop many times but I keep falling into it. Now the situation is even worse. I am currently engaged to the girl of my dreams who I have been dating for 2 and half years and I want to be free of this before we get married in a couple years. She is fully aware of my porn addiction and has continued to forgive me no matter what. She has even tried to help me overcome this by praying with me and talking with me on the phone. However I know I still hurt her each time I look at porn, and I just want to stop. If anyone can give me advice on how I can stop myself from looking at that, please tell me. I am in desperate need of prayers.
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Tire yourself out SO MUCH that you won’t even WANT to masturbate. If you’re in college, join a sports team and go out for 3+ mile runs everyday.
 
I applaud you for addressing this before your marriage and for being sincere with your fiance. One group you can look into is called The King’s Men. Since I’m not a man, I don’t know much about it, but I’ve heard a lot of great things.

thekingsmen.org/
 
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