Struggling again for the past few days and depressed

  • Thread starter Thread starter mschocolat
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

mschocolat

Guest
You might or you might not remember me but i posted a thread about getting over my boyfriend’s past.
It was going okay until my brain started going haywire again few days ago.
I have mentioned that my obsession isn’t just about his sexual past but his past in general.
I’m 24 now and he is my FIRST boyfriend so everything we do is my first everything. Yes there are lots of things he hasn’t done before but I’m just speaking about the more intimate side of the relationship. Kisses, hugs, sex(although waiting until marriage for me).
It bugs me so much that I never had that experience and my boyfriend never got to share the same first experience with someone he loves, that he did all those with someone else before me.
I know I have a real issue here but I seriously can’t help myself. I don’t even know why I’m like this. I never thought about this side of the relationship before I started going out with him. I knew about it but quite frankly, i had no idea how it was going to affect me.

If we have to break up, then okay. It was my fault and my own stupid doing while he was trying to convince me and did all he can to make me understand.
Most likely, i will probably get obsessed with finding a guy with no past whatsoever. Every guy i meet that will be the first thing I would want to find out and i know it’s not healthy at all. I feel pathetic beyond my own understanding.

Being an emotional I am, I can be quite dramatic in things I say even though I don’t mean it. I have said some hurtful and horrible things to my boyfriend, like “I’m making you suffer because of me, I should just go die or wish I had a brain damage to make my memory disappear”

I know i’m not stupid intellectually, I went to one of the best music colleges, I play 5 different instruments, I speak 3 languages, I do instrumental lessons for kids, most of all, my job is doing something that I love and I’m looking to pursuing more in what I love.
BUT… I feel i’m a big failure because I’m living in a fantasy world where there is my ideal relationship and i’m feeling depressed because i put a huge emphasis on human relationship.
 
look I’m going to share something with you, My girlfriend just finish the relationship with me, I’m still lover her and we have a son together, which right now she is not let it me see very much, An believe me, One of things are probably the more important that keep me, not to get desperate is Good, Jesus and Our Mother Mary, So I can recommend you that really get in to, That are too many resources, Videos, also try to speak to a Priest, read a Book, maybe about a saint, and also Ask the Lord everyday that help not to think on his past, just to think in the future, ask The Lord to give peace, Ask him to give you comfort, ask our Mother to help you, she love us. Pray a lot at night, in the morning Just ask God, take from me any bad though, any insecurity, I hope That help you and I wish you the best, Also I pray to Our Lord Jesus Christ and Our Mother Mary that help you go trough this.
 
mschocolat said:
You might or you might not remember me but i posted a thread about getting over my boyfriend’s past.
It was going okay until my brain started going haywire again few days ago.
I have mentioned that my obsession isn’t just about his sexual past but his past in general.
I’m 24 now and he is my FIRST boyfriend so everything we do is my first everything. Yes there are lots of things he hasn’t done before but I’m just speaking about the more intimate side of the relationship. Kisses, hugs, sex(although waiting until marriage for me).
It bugs me so much that I never had that experience and my boyfriend never got to share the same first experience with someone he loves, that he did all those with someone else before me.
I know I have a real issue here but I seriously can’t help myself. I don’t even know why I’m like this. I never thought about this side of the relationship before I started going out with him. I knew about it but quite frankly, i had no idea how it was going to affect me.

If we have to break up, then okay. It was my fault and my own stupid doing while he was trying to convince me and did all he can to make me understand.
Most likely, i will probably get obsessed with finding a guy with no past whatsoever. Every guy i meet that will be the first thing I would want to find out and i know it’s not healthy at all. I feel pathetic beyond my own understanding.

Being an emotional I am, I can be quite dramatic in things I say even though I don’t mean it. I have said some hurtful and horrible things to my boyfriend, like “I’m making you suffer because of me, I should just go die or wish I had a brain damage to make my memory disappear”

I know i’m not stupid intellectually, I went to one of the best music colleges, I play 5 different instruments, I speak 3 languages, I do instrumental lessons for kids, most of all, my job is doing something that I love and I’m looking to pursuing more in what I love.
BUT… I feel i’m a big failure because I’m living in a fantasy world where there is my ideal relationship and i’m feeling depressed because i put a huge emphasis on human relationship.
Click to expand...
why end a great relationship over something so trivial? …it’s the past. Good men are so hard to find. You will end up learning the hard way on your own.
 
This is not normal or healthy. You aren’t likely to find a man in your age group who doesn’t have a past. Even if he’s a virgin, he’ll still have likely dated before and probably shared kisses or gone on special dates to unique places etc. I think you should seriously consider therapy. It’s not going to get better on it’s own. You need help.
 
Thanks for the replies but i can’t afford to go to see a therapist at the moment. Maybe a priest or a sister?
 
mschocolat said:
Thanks for the replies but i can’t afford to go to see a therapist at the moment. Maybe a priest or a sister?
Click to expand...
Talking with a Priest or religious is a great idea! After Mass, during Reconciliation, visit to the rectory, phone call to them, or even a call to Catholic Charities for a recommendation on a Catholic/Christian counselor. I believe the first few sessions are likely no charge - and possibly more after that, depending on your income.

Just as an aside, I noticed your screen name…if you love chocolate as much as I do, you might want to try cutting back on that and other sugars - I’ve found they can add to feelings of depression despite the initial feel-good rush.

Prayers for our Blessed Mother’s intercession can also work wonders. She understands what we’re all going through as women. Take care, and God bless.
 
bmaj said:
Talking with a Priest or religious is a great idea! After Mass, during Reconciliation, visit to the rectory, phone call to them, or even a call to Catholic Charities for a recommendation on a Catholic/Christian counselor. I believe the first few sessions are likely no charge - and possibly more after that, depending on your income.

Just as an aside, I noticed your screen name…if you love chocolate as much as I do, you might want to try cutting back on that and other sugars - I’ve found they can add to feelings of depression despite the initial feel-good rush.

Prayers for our Blessed Mother’s intercession can also work wonders. She understands what we’re all going through as women. Take care, and God bless.
Click to expand...
Haha i love chocolate but I’m don’t have them as often, I mostly go for 85% dark chocolate too. My tooth can’t handle too much sugar and i get sick if I have something too sweet.
But thanks for the advice. I will try but at the moment I just seem to have no energy to do anything about this or I’m maybe scared of the outcome that i need to leave him for the sake of both of us. It just hurts so much.
 
My take on this…He sounds like a guy who will move on at some point in this friendship. You are worth more than heartache. You may be putting your soul at risk. It’s worth waiting for something real. There will not be as much doubt. Stay strong. Just my opinion…hope not to offend. God bless you with peace.
 
acadiANNA said:
My take on this…He sounds like a guy who will move on at some point in this friendship. You are worth more than heartache. You may be putting your soul at risk. It’s worth waiting for something real. There will not be as much doubt. Stay strong. Just my opinion…hope not to offend. God bless you with peace.
Click to expand...
It’s okay, i’m not offended and thanks for reply.
Contrary to what you might believe, my boyfriend is actually very very patient with me and i’m so thankful that he is because he’s so committed in this relationship that he always asks me if there’s any problem if I look upset because my problem is his and ours.
He’s also been very patient with me throughout my ups and downs.
I’m not exaggerating anything here because people around me can see it too.
Anyways, I guess i’m the bad person in every situation.
 
I am sorry for making assumptions. Somehow what is going on will get clearer for you. Praying for all of you to have peace and guidance from God.
 
Do talk to a Priest, if you can. But, if you can’t arrive at peace in this matter, after
trying with all your strength, then “to your own self be true” and avoid marriage until
you do have peace.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top