Kane, don’t worry, God does not abandon us, He’s always right there with you, even if you can’t feel Him there,
you need to understand that God does not get angry or displeased with us for His own sake, but for our sake, He loves us and wants what is best for us, and many times we do things that will end up being bad for us, and God just wants you to be happy, so just as a parent is displeased when their child is doing something bad, because they know it will effect them badly in their future, so God also is not happy when we do things that will effect our future, especially our eternity, in a bad way.
it’s not as if God is disappointed in you because He expects better from you, God knows your weaknesses better than you do, He knows what to expect from you, so don’t worry about that so much, all God wants is for you to keep on trying, not to be perfect but to just reach for perfection,
and because God knows you better than you know yourself, then you should trust Him more to guide you, which means being patient with yourself, it’s your pride that makes you anxious and so scrupulous, you need to be humble and face yourself as you are, not as you think you should be, to be angry or anxious with yourself over your sins and faults is not a sign of humility, but it is a secret pride, because it means you do not regard yourself as the weak creature you really are…
to find true peace, you have to do what Jesus tells us - *“Learn of me, because I am meek, and humble of heart: and you shall find rest to your souls.” *- Matt. 11:29
true humility sees all things as they are, because humility is the virtue of truth, and it will surely help you because it will make you not only see yourself as you are, but also see God and where you stand with Him, what the creature is before the Creator, and you will see His love and mercy for you, and that there is nothing to fear, because you will see that, although you are a weak and sinful creature, God is more powerful than that, and with Him all things are possible, and as long as you let Him, He will get you through any struggle…you just have to learn to have instant recourse to Him, don’t be afraid to ask Him for help, He wants to help you and even longs to! imagine how it feels to be away from someone you love so deeply, and God loves us with an infinite love, He never stops loving us, and always has our best interest at heart, and perhaps the problem is you just don’t understand Him as you should, in which case i would recommend checking these site out -
audiosancto.org/
keepthefaith.org/
fultonsheen.com/Fulton-Sheen-MP3.cfm
youtube.com/user/CatholicClips#g/p
tanbooks.com/index.php
gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewforum.php?f=211197
amazon.com/Mother-Angelicas-Lessons-Everyday-Spirituality/dp/0385519850/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318381537&sr=1-4
it would also be a good idea to talk to your priest about this, because it’s better to have someone who is well educated in the faith who you can speak with on a regular basis.
and do not run away from prayer or adoration or anything like that, this “dread” you feel is a trick of the devil, and is not at all what God wants, it’s not good to neglect to pray, prayer is what you need to get out of this and to get better, and the devil knows that better than you do, he knows how to trick us in the most subtle ways,
i think you just need to get your facts straight, learn your faith better, get to know God more, because i think your fears are simply grounded on misunderstandings,
although i can’t say i know for sure, because i don’t know you, but if you want to ask me any questions, i would be more than happy to try and help you further.
ok? i will keep you in my prayers, and please check out those sites i listed,
i hope this helps, take care.
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