T
T1pp
Guest
Hi Everyone.
I’ve been lurking here for sometime, but decided to post today looking for advice on an issue I’m struggling with. A little background is necessary, so if this gets too long or off point, I’ll separate it into a second post. About seven years ago, I fell into a pretty significant depression. Although I was able to function enough to do my work and get through the day, that was about it. I was overwhelmed with a profound sense of loneliness, even when I wasn’t alone. Nothing seemed to give me any kind of joy or hope for the future. Like I said, that lasted about seven years. Then this past summer, I took a job in a new city, which gave me some hope, but the depression lingered. Then after about four months here, one day the depression just left me—like a receding tide. And I got this sense that God got tired of waiting for me to ask for help and interceded anyway.
Although it was in the spirit of showing gratitude and making reparations, I found myself attending daily mass, in all honesty, just to feel closer to God. What I meant to be a sacrifice (my lunch hour) became the highlight of my day. This made me feel somewhat guilty, like I wasn’t doing enough, so I went to confession and my confessor did a wonderful job counseling me. I confessed all the sins that I could think of and began turning my attention to avoiding sin and making reparations for the sins that I had committed in the past. Since daily mass had become a desire, and not a sacrifice, I decided that I would go about 20 minutes early and pray the rosary before the Blessed Sacrament beforehand. Again, this turned out to be not so much as sacrifice on my part, but beautiful gift from God. The blessings I have received since beginning to pray the rosary have included a profound sense of peace, deeper spiritual understanding, and a dramatic reduction of temptation. But there is one that remains and is the purpose of this post. Of the more tangible blessing that have come my way recently is a great group of new friends and also a terrific girlfriend. In the past, like a lot of young men, I pursued sex like it was the one and only important thing in life. Not that I visited prostitutes or was overly promiscuous; it was more like everything I did was an effort to meet girls, so I could have sex. That has all changed now. Since my reconversion, I have had very little trouble resisting the temptations of pornography, casual sex, and even lustful thoughts. But the one temptation that I’m afraid that I won’t be able to resist is engaging in intimacy in between the time romantic feelings set in and when matrimony occurs. There are several issues here that make it difficult for me. The first is the ambiguity of scripture on the matter. In the NT, Paul is the only one who seems to speak at length about sexual immorality, but he seems to be addressing a specific audience with a specific set of circumstances that appear to be far different than mine. I can’t find any basis for such a strict interpretation as we see in the catechism. The second issue, is that I’m in my mid-thirties, as is my current girlfriend. Most of the arguments you hear about waiting are aimed at teens and young adults. At my age, a person, especially a guy, would almost be branded a weirdo for holding on to such “quaint” ideals. And lastly, I don’t see ANYBODY following this teaching. Most of the people who speak out against premarital relations seem to be married people who engaged in it themselves, but now say that it was wrong.
Here’s the heart of my dilemma. This is not really about lust, but about finding the right person to spend my life with but fearing the temptation that will naturally occur during this search. Since returning to the faith, I’ve been showered with blessing in the form of peace, understanding, friendship, and a new relationship. The last thing I want to do is offend God by abusing these blessings.
Thank you for reading my post. Any prayers and advice would be very helpful.
God Bless,
Michael
I’ve been lurking here for sometime, but decided to post today looking for advice on an issue I’m struggling with. A little background is necessary, so if this gets too long or off point, I’ll separate it into a second post. About seven years ago, I fell into a pretty significant depression. Although I was able to function enough to do my work and get through the day, that was about it. I was overwhelmed with a profound sense of loneliness, even when I wasn’t alone. Nothing seemed to give me any kind of joy or hope for the future. Like I said, that lasted about seven years. Then this past summer, I took a job in a new city, which gave me some hope, but the depression lingered. Then after about four months here, one day the depression just left me—like a receding tide. And I got this sense that God got tired of waiting for me to ask for help and interceded anyway.
Although it was in the spirit of showing gratitude and making reparations, I found myself attending daily mass, in all honesty, just to feel closer to God. What I meant to be a sacrifice (my lunch hour) became the highlight of my day. This made me feel somewhat guilty, like I wasn’t doing enough, so I went to confession and my confessor did a wonderful job counseling me. I confessed all the sins that I could think of and began turning my attention to avoiding sin and making reparations for the sins that I had committed in the past. Since daily mass had become a desire, and not a sacrifice, I decided that I would go about 20 minutes early and pray the rosary before the Blessed Sacrament beforehand. Again, this turned out to be not so much as sacrifice on my part, but beautiful gift from God. The blessings I have received since beginning to pray the rosary have included a profound sense of peace, deeper spiritual understanding, and a dramatic reduction of temptation. But there is one that remains and is the purpose of this post. Of the more tangible blessing that have come my way recently is a great group of new friends and also a terrific girlfriend. In the past, like a lot of young men, I pursued sex like it was the one and only important thing in life. Not that I visited prostitutes or was overly promiscuous; it was more like everything I did was an effort to meet girls, so I could have sex. That has all changed now. Since my reconversion, I have had very little trouble resisting the temptations of pornography, casual sex, and even lustful thoughts. But the one temptation that I’m afraid that I won’t be able to resist is engaging in intimacy in between the time romantic feelings set in and when matrimony occurs. There are several issues here that make it difficult for me. The first is the ambiguity of scripture on the matter. In the NT, Paul is the only one who seems to speak at length about sexual immorality, but he seems to be addressing a specific audience with a specific set of circumstances that appear to be far different than mine. I can’t find any basis for such a strict interpretation as we see in the catechism. The second issue, is that I’m in my mid-thirties, as is my current girlfriend. Most of the arguments you hear about waiting are aimed at teens and young adults. At my age, a person, especially a guy, would almost be branded a weirdo for holding on to such “quaint” ideals. And lastly, I don’t see ANYBODY following this teaching. Most of the people who speak out against premarital relations seem to be married people who engaged in it themselves, but now say that it was wrong.
Here’s the heart of my dilemma. This is not really about lust, but about finding the right person to spend my life with but fearing the temptation that will naturally occur during this search. Since returning to the faith, I’ve been showered with blessing in the form of peace, understanding, friendship, and a new relationship. The last thing I want to do is offend God by abusing these blessings.
Thank you for reading my post. Any prayers and advice would be very helpful.
God Bless,
Michael
