Struggling.....so very much... help

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ccmcmg

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Y’all are my support group in my Catholic faith and journey. I need your help and encouragement.

I’m struggling to serve the Lord in my daily life. So many wonderful things happened this spring upon our return to the Church and to our Lord! It was overwhelming at times, but I loved it. I have been taking classes offered by our diocese and parish, and recently tried to start the 33 days to Morning Glory, consecration to Jesus through Mary (including the Monfort studies and more).

I **had **been attending weekly Sunday Mass, weekday Mass one or two days a week at least, and saying the Rosary daily in addition to other changes I’ve been making. I’d been making regular confessions.

I haven’t been to Sunday Mass in 2 weeks now. I’ve been so tired and feeling unwell (not contagious…depression, growing old, etc) since before that. I do have health issues, but I’m not using that as an excuse. After I missed the first Mass, I attended during the week, and confessed before the weekday Mass and receiving Communion.

However, I have been so weak. I have succumbed to sins that I struggled with before my return to the Faith, that I had fought off successfully for almost a year. I haven’t been able to make myself read my consecration studies.

I still share His word, I still believe, I’m still trying, but I’m such a failure. I know God doesn’t expect me to be perfect, but my sins, oh my gosh. I’m so shamed. I want to go to Confession but I’m so ashamed to say how recent my last one was, and what I’ve done since then. The bad guy is having his way with my emotions, thoughts and actions right now. I have been unable to turn from sin.

I know I’m not worthy, but I also know He loves me. As I write this, words and thoughts are coming to mind: So many good things occurred in my life, SO MANY, and I loved them. But finally, the unworthiness of such things overwhelmed me and I’ve fallen. How many times will He take me back? I hear in my head, ‘Just give up; you can’t do it; if you try, you’ll just fail again and again. It’s too hard.’

I still try, but I can’t get over that ‘hump’ to make myself feel better, to worship Him as I should, to even think of feeling the way I did a month ago.

I am getting assistance for my depression; I know that some of these feelings are due to that point I’m at in therapy, but it is letting the bad guy in the door. I know with God all things are possible. I just feel like I’m not possible to do this.

I’ll probably write more if I get any response from this post. I don’t have high hopes for it, but thanks for reading it anyway.

Christina
 
Here are a few Psalms to help you:

Psalm 51[a]
For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is** a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.

PSALM 88

1 Lord, you are the God who saves me;
day and night I cry out to you.
2 May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.

3 I am overwhelmed with troubles
and my life draws near to death.
4 I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am like one without strength.
5 I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care.

6 You have put me in the lowest pit,
in the darkest depths.
7 Your wrath lies heavily on me;
you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.[d]
8 You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;
9 my eyes are dim with grief.

I call to you, Lord, every day;
I spread out my hands to you.
10 Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do their spirits rise up and praise you?
11 Is your love declared in the grave,
your faithfulness in Destruction[e]?
12 Are your wonders known in the place of darkness,
or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?

13 But I cry to you for help, Lord;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
14 Why, Lord, do you reject me
and hide your face from me?

15 From my youth I have suffered and been close to death;
I have borne your terrors and am in despair.
16 Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.
17 All day long they surround me like a flood;
they have completely engulfed me.
18 You have taken from me friend and neighbor—
darkness is my closest friend. Psalm 88**
 
It’s hard to imagine God who is infinite in love and mercy. We are humans, and the concept of infinity is difficult to grasp.

No sin is greater than God’s mercy, if we are truly contrite as you are.

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end.”

I know exactly how you feel — trying to do good but failing miserably and feeling so awful about it. That’s exactly when the devil will try to implant thoughts into your head – to give up, to hate yourself, etc.

But thanks be to God, Jesus Christ gained victory for us. 🙂
 
I was listening to a talk recorded by Fulton Sheen last night, one of the things said was something along the lines of “Even when you don’t feel like you’re on God’s team, He is on yours.” So don’t despair but continue on in your daily devotions EVEN if you don’t feel like doing them and you “feel” like you get nothing out of them. Religion and spirituality often have little to do with how you “feel” but more with what you choose to do. After all, Christ didn’t go to the cross because he “felt” like it, he even asked the Father that if possible let the cup pass! However, he went on because he CHOSE to act, move, and to do as the Father willed. He entrusted himself completely to divine providence. You must do the same, continue going to Mass and marching on in the good fight even if you are battle weary and the flesh is weak!
 
Frank956 said:
I was listening to a talk recorded by Fulton Sheen last night, one of the things said was something along the lines of “Even when you don’t feel like you’re on God’s team, He is on yours.” So don’t despair but continue on in your daily devotions EVEN if you don’t feel like doing them and you “feel” like you get nothing out of them. Religion and spirituality often have little to do with how you “feel” but more with what you choose to do. After all, Christ didn’t go to the cross because he “felt” like it, he even asked the Father that if possible let the cup pass! However, he went on because he CHOSE to act, move, and to do as the Father willed. He entrusted himself completely to divine providence. You must do the same, continue going to Mass and marching on in the good fight even if you are battle weary and the flesh is weak!
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Great post!
 
Please know how much I wish we could sit and talk, many times I have had the same thoughts and feelings you have expressed. You are not alone and I assure you that I will pray for you.

Memorare

REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.
 
Thanks.

It isn’t that I’m not ‘feeling’ Christ, or in a dry spell so to speak. It isn’t dry or non-moving; it’s very actively against me.

Maybe I’m feeling attacked…spiritually. Oh that I could take comfort in the fact that I’m obviously on the right path, or I wouldn’t be getting attacked like this…instead, it is succeeding…

It’s of my own making (along with some help from Satan). I’m not despairing, but I am despondent.

I need prayers, to be honest. I’m trying to climb out. I know it isn’t all of my own making, but I’m still responsible. 😦 I do like Archbishop Fulton Sheen, but I don’t feel like that really applies, at least as I can see right now.

Thank you for the prayers, psalms and thoughts.
 
I prayed the rosary for you. I suffer from depression too. The hopelessness and apathy can be very powerful sometimes. Sometimes perhaps the best thing to do is pray the rosary for others.

When you suffer those thoughts of oppression, you might want to pray to St. Michael the Archangel:

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.

What you describe is like an attack. It stinks. Pray for assistance from St. Michael and your guardian angel.

I am very sorry you feel so sad. Please don’t give up and go back to mass. It’s all just battle and the battle was already won. You just have to finish your part in it. Then you will enter into eternal happiness.
 
Only a month ago I was feeling exactly as you do now. I went to talk to the priest at my church and he said to remember that even if you were the only person on earth, Jesus would still would have come to die just for you because He loves you that much. He loves you that much. God’s peace to you!
 
I know how you feel. This IS the evil one fighting you, but as another poster said, the battle is already won. don’t lose heart. this is a valley, and while we prefer peaks, valleys are where we grow. I will pray my Compline for you tonight. God Bless you and keep you, sister.
 
I have terrible insomnia, so I say many rosaries to try to fall asleep. I will offer my rosaries for your intentions. Don’t let Satan win! He is devious, as you know. Think beautiful thoughts and keep us posted on how you are doing. We care. 🙂
 
datritle said:
I know how you feel. This IS the evil one fighting you, but as another poster said, the battle is already won. don’t lose heart. this is a valley, and while we prefer peaks, valleys are where we grow. I will pray my Compline for you tonight. God Bless you and keep you, sister.
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Beautiful post…wish I wrote this. Amen.
 
ccmcmg said:
Thanks.

It isn’t that I’m not ‘feeling’ Christ, or in a dry spell so to speak. It isn’t dry or non-moving; it’s very actively against me.

Maybe I’m feeling attacked…spiritually. Oh that I could take comfort in the fact that I’m obviously on the right path, or I wouldn’t be getting attacked like this…instead, it is succeeding…

It’s of my own making (along with some help from Satan). I’m not despairing, but I am despondent.

I need prayers, to be honest. I’m trying to climb out. I know it isn’t all of my own making, but I’m still responsible. 😦 I do like Archbishop Fulton Sheen, but I don’t feel like that really applies, at least as I can see right now.

Thank you for the prayers, psalms and thoughts.
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Also, a simple prayer my priest told me to repeat after confession: Jesus, I trust in you.

Trust in Jesus. He knows what will lead us to Him. Trust in Him, even though it may be difficult at times.
 
Thanks each of you for the blessing of being you; you have made me cry and made me feel loved and better. There is so much good info in this thread for me,and I daresay, there are others out there that I hope see this as well.

You are each a blessing to me, you fellow Catholics here on this forum.

Words cannot express my appreciation for you.
 
I haven’t been to church in a few weeks, confession in months and haven’t received Our Lord in a pretty long while. Since I started working my first job ever I haven’t been able to attend mass. and my parish is just bland and isn’t the same as my old parish. It doesn’t look nice and ppl there show no respect or reverent silence to our Lord in the tabernacle before or after the mass. I know how you feel. I’ve felt so spirtually weak. I havent prayed the rosary as much as I used to and not even tuned into EWTN much anymore. And i pretty much been falling to temptations of lust and pornography. As hard as it is, i still offer my day to God and play myself in the hands of our dear blessed mother. And when i rest my head on my pillow before i sleep i still have that little voice in me that tells me to never give up. In the end know that God loves you. before you were even born God thought of you since the beginning of time. He knew you would eventually feel this way and post this thread. Do not fret because God is simply testing you like he did his own son in the desert. Have faith and know that Jesus and Mary are always counseling you even when you don’t realize it or believe it.
 
callmeChris said:
I haven’t been to church in a few weeks, confession in months and haven’t received Our Lord in a pretty long while. Since I started working my first job ever I haven’t been able to attend mass. and my parish is just bland and isn’t the same as my old parish. It doesn’t look nice and ppl there show no respect or reverent silence to our Lord in the tabernacle before or after the mass. I know how you feel. I’ve felt so spirtually weak. I havent prayed the rosary as much as I used to and not even tuned into EWTN much anymore. And i pretty much been falling to temptations of lust and pornography. As hard as it is, i still offer my day to God and play myself in the hands of our dear blessed mother. And when i rest my head on my pillow before i sleep i still have that little voice in me that tells me to never give up. In the end know that God loves you. before you were even born God thought of you since the beginning of time. He knew you would eventually feel this way and post this thread. Do not fret because God is simply testing you like he did his own son in the desert. Have faith and know that Jesus and Mary are always counseling you even when you don’t realize it or believe it.
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Please remember that even if you do not like the parish that the LORD still comes to you in the Mass!

I pray that you get back to the sacraments and to EWTN and spiritual reading. Don’t allow the evil one to take your soul!
 
ccmcmg said:
Y’all are my support group in my Catholic faith and journey. I need your help and encouragement.

I’m struggling to serve the Lord in my daily life. So many wonderful things happened this spring upon our return to the Church and to our Lord! It was overwhelming at times, but I loved it. I have been taking classes offered by our diocese and parish, and recently tried to start the 33 days to Morning Glory, consecration to Jesus through Mary (including the Monfort studies and more).

I **had **been attending weekly Sunday Mass, weekday Mass one or two days a week at least, and saying the Rosary daily in addition to other changes I’ve been making. I’d been making regular confessions.

I haven’t been to Sunday Mass in 2 weeks now. I’ve been so tired and feeling unwell (not contagious…depression, growing old, etc) since before that. I do have health issues, but I’m not using that as an excuse. After I missed the first Mass, I attended during the week, and confessed before the weekday Mass and receiving Communion.

However, I have been so weak. I have succumbed to sins that I struggled with before my return to the Faith, that I had fought off successfully for almost a year. I haven’t been able to make myself read my consecration studies.

I still share His word, I still believe, I’m still trying, but I’m such a failure. I know God doesn’t expect me to be perfect, but my sins, oh my gosh. I’m so shamed. I want to go to Confession but I’m so ashamed to say how recent my last one was, and what I’ve done since then. The bad guy is having his way with my emotions, thoughts and actions right now. I have been unable to turn from sin.

I know I’m not worthy, but I also know He loves me. As I write this, words and thoughts are coming to mind: So many good things occurred in my life, SO MANY, and I loved them. But finally, the unworthiness of such things overwhelmed me and I’ve fallen. How many times will He take me back? I hear in my head, ‘Just give up; you can’t do it; if you try, you’ll just fail again and again. It’s too hard.’

I still try, but I can’t get over that ‘hump’ to make myself feel better, to worship Him as I should, to even think of feeling the way I did a month ago.

I am getting assistance for my depression; I know that some of these feelings are due to that point I’m at in therapy, but it is letting the bad guy in the door. I know with God all things are possible. I just feel like I’m not possible to do this.

I’ll probably write more if I get any response from this post. I don’t have high hopes for it, but thanks for reading it anyway.

Christina
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I have been thinking about your spiritual journey and what is happening to you.
I can say that what you are experiencing is nothing new, and that many many others on they way to God have experienced the same things.

God in is infinite mercy is bringing you closer to him by allowing you to be stripped of your consolations. For it is so easy for anyone to give him their loyalty when everything is going their way and when the emotions are supporting our efforts at prayer and our spiritual reformation. We work so much easier with joy and happiness at our side, it becomes almost a pleasure to love Jesus and to want to do more thru his inspirations of love for us.

But then comes the day of our graduation. The test or the proof of how much we do love him. He takes away our emotional support of happiness so that now we are left in the dark to grop about without these supports holding us up and suddenly we feel alone and isolated and far from him.

He is right there by our side, but hidden from our eyes, just as Mary Magdelene thought that Jesus was the gardner on Easter. Like her we lost him and we beg God to return him to us so we may resume our love for him. But there he is standing right there in front of us loving us all along.

So for a while he can’t be seen and we are miserable that he seems so distant from us. This is the moment when our love and prayers count the most. For if we love him and are faithfull to him at that time, we are passing the true test of our love, namely, doing it out of real love and not out of any emotional joy we get from that. He is teaching us that love means love at any cost and love means to be faithful especially in difficult times. So Jesus strips us of that high we were on and then says to us again, “follow me”.

Now is our real chance to show him just how much we love him by telling him to strip us of everything and we will still follow him no matter where.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
I’m sure you already realize this but depression isn’t just a feeling of melancholy, it’s a full package filled with an assortment of bad and terrible things to deal with.

When you are depressed you are not your full self. I wouldn’t beat yourself up over this or that, anymore than an athlete with a torn ligament. The athlete just has to do his best while he heals and not despair on the sidelines. You have received a wound, the important thing is to heal, not judge yourself from the sideline.
 
Semangelof said:
I’m sure you already realize this but depression isn’t just a feeling of melancholy, it’s a full package filled with an assortment of bad and terrible things to deal with.

When you are depressed you are not your full self. I wouldn’t beat yourself up over this or that, anymore than an athlete with a torn ligament. The athlete just has to do his best while he heals and not despair on the sidelines. You have received a wound, the important thing is to heal, not judge yourself from the sideline.
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Thanks. I do know about depression, very well, unfortunately. Thanks for making sure though. There might be others here who need to hear that.

Thanks for reminding me and putting it into that perspective with the athlete.

God bless you.
 
Thank you so much, my friends.

Today, I’m starting to do better. I went to Confession and attended Mass this morning. I also visited with a man after Mass about different Eucharistic miracles.

I also was on the Drew Mariani show yesterday at the Divine Mercy hour and was able to ask for prayers for my son and his struggles right now, and I threw a request in for me as well.

Thanks again for your support and prayers. I’m praying for all of you.
 
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