Struggling to go through with conversion

[Student09]

It is worse in the fact that it happens under the roof of the Church. My argument is more for the fact that there are more good priests than there are bad priests and it is unfortunate that these “evil monsters” have blackened the eye of not only the good priests but even the laymen of the Catholic Church by abusing their positions. They, as we are, were representatives of the Church…the most recognizable face yet they violated a trust that made us all look bad. But, they are only a small portion and the Church has more good in it. The people, the traditions(and capital T), sacraments, religious and priests in the majority are good. It is unfortunate though that the most recognizable thing about our Church is that priests were involved in scandals. Even if you become involved in a discussion with someone who is not involved in any type of religious community the first thing they bring up is the scandals.
.

Yes, but it should not have happened AT ALL in the Catholic Church, the church has the sacraments and the Real Presence of Jesus, so it makes it worse that this happened than if it happened in a secular setting (which is still terrible). I think when Catholics try to make it sound like it’s not really so bad, it just alienates other people more, especially if they themselves have been molested. There does need to be accountability.

 

[GALAXYOFGOD]

OK let me ask you since you believe what you posted, then in the heart you are already Catholic. I know the thought, I felt the same way. I have attended the same parish since 1999, and most have accepted me, albeit a few are snobbish. I am involved in the choir, RCIA, CCD. What I suggest you do is to convert, find a niche, then get on with serving God.

I have thought, and maybe the cradle Catholics will reply, that converts are viewed, by some, as less than Catholic, inferior, ect. I don’t know this to be true, yet I think a few might feel this way, in relation to the parable of the workers of the vineyard, where the owner ( God ) paid the same wage to the ones that started at dawn and the ones that started late in the day. Maybe the cliquiness has to do with the mentality of they have been Catholics since birth, so they are higher up the ladder into Heaven.

Now this is only a theory, so I hope no one is bent out of shape by the statement.

I do pray you will find peace in the decision you will make. I hope you swim the Tiber, because it is the place to be!

 

[Student09]

I am having all these temptations to hate myself and other people and God and to despair about everything. The only image I seem to be able to have of God right now is of a God who hates me and does not protect those who are vulnerable, does not care when abuse happens, does not care about me … looking at me angrily and judging me. And I know that’s not what I believe but I can’t get it out of my head. Maybe I am going crazy. Everything seems to be completely evil. I’m so confused. Please pray for me.

I hope that these posts do not scandalize anyone, but I don’t know where else to go.

 

[aspirant]

I am having all these temptations to hate myself and other people and God and to despair about everything… And I know that’s not what I believe

It’s not what you believe, it is just a temptation. You’ve seen the enemy’s plan for what it is. Resist it. God will give you the grace.

 

[lufty]

I want to become Catholic because I believe the Catholic Church is the church founded by Jesus and that the Eucharist is His Body and Blood, and I want to be able to receive Him. I was really looking forward to it and longing for Easter, but now I am just full of fear.

I can understand where you are comming from. Although my own situation is different, in that I started my journey with Christ and the Catholic Church in November, late for completing the traditional RCIA process. I wanted (and still do) desperately to be Baptized on Easter this year. As it became an obsticle for me, I questioned, why I was here, and if I should return to my previous lifestyle without the Church.

What helped me was to make an appointment with a Priest that I liked, and have a conversation about my fears, wants, expectations, etc. It was here I learned I could be baptized when I felt ready, regardless of RCIA, a schedule, on Easter, etc. Also, the Priest let me know, the real culmination of this journey is being in Christs presence, and being open to God.

This was the best advice for me, as I now feel I can take my time in my exploration, and know that my Baptism can come when I feel Christ calling me forward. For now, I look forward to becoming a Catechumen, and rest my anxiety of Baptism and Confirmation with Christ, in the time that I feel it’s right, and I hear the call deep in my heart.

In the meantime, I’d recommend “shopping around” for a parish, and priest you feel comfortable with.

Hope that helps!

 

[Dorothy]

Student,

I will pray for you.

I quickly read through the thread, and am so sorry that you are going through this. Please remember that there are also Catholics in the Church who take very seriously their faith, and like to associate with other Catholics who feel the same way. There are various groups in the Church where one can feel comfortable and supported by others. Each person, depending on where they are on their faith journey, can find a place for him/herself in the Church.

There will always be scandals and disappointments, but Jesus our Lord and God will never disappoint us.

May you have His Peace on your journey!

 

[aspirant]

Please remember that there are also Catholics in the Church who take very seriously their faith, and like to associate with other Catholics who feel the same way. There are various groups in the Church where one can feel comfortable and supported by others. Each person, depending on where they are on their faith journey, can find a place for him/herself in the Church.

I mentioned a few of the options here.

There will always be scandals and disappointments, but Jesus our Lord and God will never disappoint us.

Indeed!

 

[Lief_Erikson]

I am having all these temptations to hate myself and other people and God and to despair about everything. The only image I seem to be able to have of God right now is of a God who hates me and does not protect those who are vulnerable, does not care when abuse happens, does not care about me … looking at me angrily and judging me. And I know that’s not what I believe but I can’t get it out of my head. Maybe I am going crazy. Everything seems to be completely evil. I’m so confused. Please pray for me.

I hope that these posts do not scandalize anyone, but I don’t know where else to go.

It’s GOOD that you’re posting as you are. And I know what you mean. When I was converting to Catholicism, I felt as though I was infected with a plague and if anyone knew what I thought and felt, they would leave me in revulsion. I felt horrible and was afraid I was being led by demons, as some people who love me told me I was.

At the same time, though, I had intellectual light that showed me I was right. My feelings were strongly against me, but my mind could see the truth. There was a storm of fear and doubts but when I persevered to the end, they were all defeated and great joy and love were waiting.

The devil is making a ferocious assault on you to keep you away from the Church, but he will fail and you will be a beautiful daughter of God. The enemy cannot stand against Christ your Rock and Savior, and that is Who is on your side. Just persevere and stick it out in spite of all the suffering. The devil does this to many people who are coming closer to God as a last ditch effort to stop them. Bizarre though this may seem, what you are feeling is very strong evidence that you are drawing closer to God (which we could all see anyway).

At the end of this trial, you will have gained much, spiritually. Enduring suffering for the sake of Christ is the greatest way we can honor Him.

 

[Erethorn]

Student09, for what it’s worth, here is my advice.

Whenever you feel that the quality, so to speak, of your parish is leading you away from the Church, take a moment to think about other parishes, and other Catholics that have been around since the beginning.

Think about the church-going Catholics that were in the streets of Paris, massacring Huguenots on St. Bartholomew’s Day.

Think about the Catholics who sacked Constantinopolis and made away with the gold that adorned the Orthodox churches.

And then think about the fact that however horrible these people’s actions were, they were not the actions of the Church of Jesus Christ, for the Church cannot be held accountable for the sins that some of It’s members will inevitably commit.

There is a bit of a paradox involved here, but I believe that the Church would not be needed, were it made of perfect people alone.

And finally, go and pray before a crucifix. Look up to the image of our Lord and remember the sacrifice He has made for you. There may be - no, there is - a certain amount of human imperfection that enters and manifests itself in each and every church, during each and every Mass. There is sin. But there is also the perfect love of Christ, the perfect sacrifice, the greatest possible manifestation of love, directed towards you and the priest, and your fellow parishioners, and it all radiates from within the very same church, right from the tabernacle. You and the rest of the congregation are bringing your imperfections and failures, your doubts and fears, to be washed away by His presence, by His grace, and all that is required is to accept this supreme, this wonderful, this precious gift.

I know you will ultimately derive greater strength from these trials.

 

[prodigalson12]

You aren’t alone, I am single handedly helping mold the current parish into showing more reverence. I’m also not concerned if someone looks at me odd for praying at Mary’s shrine or statue, for always sitting closest to the Sacrement, to simply telling strangers, Hi, etc. I get some odd looks some times, but it’s not me trying to fit into their world, I’m showing them my world and some day, they might fit into it, for now, what they do, or do not do has nothing to do with it. I do where I’m drawn to, regardless of how I’m the only one, I just think to the rest, deal with it, I do this boldly, don’t care about their indiffernce to it all.

You must affect change starting from within, the rest will follow, just as Love is not something you find, it’s something you give. It takes some time, but you can look at exactly what you are experiencing, and changing your perspective, will not feel the same way about it, for we all can see things differently if we allow it.

Along skipping mass, it’s something you yearn for, this is a good thing, you are moving towards a state of grace, not just being told, hey, hang out here this day, we’ll chat about god…, you really want to be at mass, and that comment on it being merely obligated to go are for those that are lax such as the many, many protestants as well, it’s also for instruction to us, that it’s not good for the soul to skip mass at all, and in fact, this is the Lords day, why would you omit worship of him, within it? Wouldn’t that make it just another day of the week???

 

[mary1173]

I’ve never gone to Mass to socialize, I go to be with Jesus. But when Catholics are so unfriendly and cliquish it makes one wonder if it is the true Church. By the way, your response typifies the kind of arrogant insensitivity that I have encountered in some Catholics that makes me hesitate to convert.

Not all Catholics are cliquish, and not all Catholics typify the others in their wording. Most Catholics I know aren’t there to judge- lest they be judged. To treat people with compassion and kindness is the example Jesus set forth for us to follow. Social interaction is needed in the mass, because without it the people in the church are just performing a ritual of going to talk to God, but ignoring the true meaning of togetherness as one Holy and Apostolic church inthat it should be interactive… You go to pray, yes, you give your praise to God, yes, but you also treat people with understanding and kindness when they do not understand the mass.
Every child must learn at it’s mother’s knee what to expect in mass, and how to go about praying the mass. But this does not mean admonishing the new parishoner for asking questions or being taken up in the moment of the mass. Looking and inquiring about something new. At least these people don’t have their noses buried in the books out of fear of being chastised for their interest in God’s mass.
Priests or parishoners who think it is their place to judge someone else because of their actions should take heed…God sees this behavior and does not think it good at all…
Christ said, ‘‘Do not judge- lest ye be judged.’’ I hope you find some really nice people in your parish who are just learning also…befriend them, if they are nice to you.So you won’t feel so alone in your journey to discover God and His endless love for you.

 

[mary1173]

OK let me ask you since you believe what you posted, then in the heart you are already Catholic. I know the thought, I felt the same way. I have attended the same parish since 1999, and most have accepted me, albeit a few are snobbish. I am involved in the choir, RCIA, CCD. What I suggest you do is to convert, find a niche, then get on with serving God.

I have thought, and maybe the cradle Catholics will reply, that converts are viewed, by some, as less than Catholic, inferior, ect. I don’t know this to be true, yet I think a few might feel this way, in relation to the parable of the workers of the vineyard, where the owner ( God ) paid the same wage to the ones that started at dawn and the ones that started late in the day. Maybe the cliquiness has to do with the mentality of they have been Catholics since birth, so they are higher up the ladder into Heaven.

Now this is only a theory, so I hope no one is bent out of shape by the statement.

I do pray you will find peace in the decision you will make. I hope you swim the Tiber, because it is the place to be!

Well, first off not all cradle Catholics feel that converts are inferior. I am a cradle Catholic and I welcome all who profess their belief in YHWH.and the teachings of the Catholic church. Second, no one is ‘‘higher up on the ladder’’ into Heaven by any means. No one gets to skip in line and no one person no matter how long they have worshipped is any better than the person who has just converted in the last 2 seconds of my writing this.
You are a Catholic, IF, You believe in the Apostles Creed, and its words truly in your heart.
That God has final judgement over us all…not man. And that you live your life in the immitation of Christ’s love and compassion toward others, no matter if they hate you…yep that’s right…even if they hate you. [you should pray for those who show you hatred. That their heart becomes less hardened and they learn to live by Christ’s example of love of others]
I hope you can see the love that God has in that you are here with us at CAF.
God Bless.
Mary1173:thumbsup:
Welcome to God’s house and may you enjoy your time with God and us.

 

[Dorothy]

Well, first off not all cradle Catholics feel that converts are inferior. I am a cradle Catholic and I welcome all who profess their belief in YHWH.and the teachings of the Catholic church. Second, no one is ‘‘higher up on the ladder’’ into Heaven by any means. No one gets to skip in line and no one person no matter how long they have worshipped is any better than the person who has just converted in the last 2 seconds of my writing this.
You are a Catholic, IF, You believe in the Apostles Creed, and its words truly in your heart.
That God has final judgement over us all…not man. And that you live your life in the immitation of Christ’s love and compassion toward others, no matter if they hate you…yep that’s right…even if they hate you. [you should pray for those who show you hatred. That their heart becomes less hardened and they learn to live by Christ’s example of love of others]
I hope you can see the love that God has in that you are here with us at CAF.
God Bless.
Mary1173:thumbsup:
Welcome to God’s house and may you enjoy your time with God and us.

I agree with you. I am a “cradle Catholic” and I am always in awe at those who have the grace to convert.
They inspire me, they are special to me, and I want to get to know them.

 

[FromTheAshes777]

Hi Student,

I just wanted to say Praise God that you are seeking after our Lord Jesus Christ, especially from a non-religious background. You will find a wealth of knowledge, spirituality, and most importantly God’s Grace in the Catholic Church.

You are in my prayers that you may have strength and comfort given to you by the Holy Spirit to earnestly seek after our Lord’s truth through the Church. Satan may throw up barriers and road blocks but God will give you the Grace that you need to “run the race” as Saint Paul says. Don’t hesitate to come here and ask for advice or to speak to your Parish Priest or any other staff person at your local Parish. They are there to help you and help guide you along your spiritual path to our Lord Jesus.

lifting you up in prayer
God bless.

 

[Monica4316]

Student, I think the reasons all those bad things happened is because the devil attacks the Church. And because it has a human element which is not perfect… someday it will be perfect… think of the Church Triumphant

try to trust in God’s goodness no matter what happens.

Prayers for you.

 

[Gertabelle]

I have thought, and maybe the cradle Catholics will reply, that converts are viewed, by some, as less than Catholic, inferior, ect. I don’t know this to be true, yet I think a few might feel this way, in relation to the parable of the workers of the vineyard, where the owner ( God ) paid the same wage to the ones that started at dawn and the ones that started late in the day.

Personally, I am in awe of those who come into the Church in their adulthood. Their conversion is a challenge to my faith and the depth of my living the faith. I thank God for this challenge, and I pray for these new members of the Church regularly. There may be those who look down on converts, just as there are those who receive Communion in a state of mortal sin. It’s completely wrong, but even with all our faults and foolishness, we are all part of the same family of God.

When you begin to feel the despair of which you speak, try making acts of faith, such as: “Jesus, I trust in you” and “Jesus, I trust in your merciful love” and “God my Father, I believe you love me; help my unbelief” (that is, help me in the ways when I don’t trust or believe).

St. Therese of Lisieux endured terrible torments of doubt and lack of feeling of God’s presence. She told her sisters (who were shocked by this revelation) that she had made more acts of faith in the past year than in the whole rest of her life. These acts of faith sustained her, and were part of the making of one of the greatest saints of the Church (she’s my patron saint, so I’m only slightly biased )

I’ll continue praying for you, even offereing some of my time in adoration this afternoon. St. Therese, pray for this little soul that Jesus is calling in His love.

Gertie

 

[Musician]

Dear Student,
I hope you check your thread soon and see all the good wishes and prayers coming your way.
Your struggles right now are indicative of spiritual warfare. Satan is always trying to cloud our minds and judgment. Be not afraid, because this means you are blessed by God. Hold on to your faith and you will make it through this “dark night of the soul” that so many of us have endured. Pray every day. Attend Mass every week. Also, realize that if you aren’t going to be staying in this particular parish, does it really matter that the parishioners are cliquish? You’ll move on somewhere else where the local parish will be delighted to greet you.
I feel strongly that you have the makings of a wonderfully devout and helpful Catholic. Don’t give up now - it is all worth it.

 

[Student09]

Hi everyone, just popping in to thank you for your prayers and support. I am feeling at peace today. I expect the struggle will likely continue but it is nice to have a lull so I can fortify myself for the next battle. Your posts have really helped me to get through the past few days. May God bless all of you richly for your compassion.

 

[susiefromomaha]

Good morning,

I was enthralled by your OP, Student09. It is 2017, about 7 years since you shared your struggle, so I don’t know if you’re even going to see this. I was compelled after reading your OP to read all of the comments you received. They were all very gracious and most helpful, even to me in many ways. I was humbled by them, and by your conversation with them, too.

I converted to the CC after being Methodist as a girl, and then Evangelical / Pentecostal for nearly 30 years. 12 years ago my husband and I returned to the Catholic Church. I was elated and jumped in with both feet. Finally I was “open” to the truth and after that NOTHING could stop me. I was not attacked as you have been, and it is my prayer that you have made your way into full communion in the Church by now. God bless you and keep you. It is a daily conversion we all must do and we all blow it, but God knows us and how weak we are, so be grateful for the sacrament of reconciliation/confession. It is HIS MERCY and forgiveness always there for us!