Struggling with anger during prayer

[holyrood]

Hello–

I hope someone here can give me some encouragement or pray for me.

I was raised Catholic, wandered briefly in college, but since my senior year, have been trying my hardest to live the life of a good Catholic. I have followed the church’s teachings, even the hard and unpopular ones, I have taken my children to church… dare I say religiously?, forgive the pun… despite difficulties in doing so, spent many years saying a nightly rosary with them, I spent quite a few years fasting (complete fast) once or twice a week, doing perpetual adoration, volunteering for the church, etc., etc. I have forgiven almost everyone I need to.

But there are some things I’m hurt and angry with my husband and his family about. Despite years of prayer about this, including prayer for my husband and for myself to be able to forgive, novenas, fasts, rosaries, the works, it never seems to change. If anything, it’s gotten worse. It has now reached the point where I dread even trying to pray, especially about those issues, because I get progressively angrier as I do. It’s like being attacked by demons. I have tried patiently bringing my mind back to God, ad nauseum, but nothing is helping.

I’m struggling with having any sort of prayer life at all. I feel completely dry and empty even when I do pray or read the Bible, and it seems so overwhelmingly pointless (I mean if all those years of prayer and fasting and novenas and perpetual adoration did no good, what’s the point?) that I struggle against complete despair.

Is there any encouragement? Will those of you reading this please pray for me?

 

[mommyof4]

Yes, I will certainly pray for you!

I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I don’t. I can offer you my support and prayers, however.

 

[water]

Have you talked about this to your priest during a confession? It could be very helpful.

Also, there is one Saint that I pray for her intercession regarding hot temper is Saint Rita. Her husband was treating her very badly, but she was very patient with him and prayed for him for all her life. Her answer was heard.

I know it is working on me when asking her for her intercession.

 

[holyrood]

Mommyof4, thank you! I truly appreciate any and all prayers.

Have you talked about this to your priest during a confession? It could be very helpful.

Only a very little. I have a phone number to start spiritual direction, which I’m hoping will help.

Also, there is one Saint that I pray for her intercession regarding hot temper is Saint Rita.

We have had a small statue of St. Rita for quite a few years. A friend went to Spain, where she saw the statue and ‘heard’ a voice tell her to get it for me, although she had no clue who it was. I have said novenas to St. Rita and St. Monica, although I struggle with the idea that a man converting on his deathbed is much help to the marriage itself. Maybe St. Rita wasn’t praying for a happy marriage, but only for her husband’s salvation?

 

[mariam1976]

i feel the same way… was unable to say the prayers or read the bible…

but i just started saying the rosary and it has really helped… it brings me peace and i am seeing so many changes in my life… it is amazing…

i am doing the 54-day novena… it is the best!!

believe me… it works!!!

i will be praying for you…

 

[water]

Maybe St. Rita wasn’t praying for a happy marriage, but only for her husband’s salvation?

It could be; however, she prayed not only for the salvation of her husband but also greatly for herself to be able to forgive him.

To forgive someone is first to realize how much Jesus has forgiven us. When we come to realize how sinful we are, yet God still loves us and forgive us, we will then be able to forgive others.

Therefore, in your prayer, you could emphasize more on asking God to help you realize how forgiving He is to you.

Also, do not give up on the Novenas that you are praying for the Saint’s intercession. They are great.

 

[puzzleannie]

this is a classic problem encountered by persons as the do progress in the spritual life, and is greatly helped through spiritual direction, and the great spiritual directors and writers address it. Our modern psychological understanding of forgiveness, like grief its cousin, recognizes layers or stages one must go through, in order, that vary in time and intensity. the older writers, who are always good psychologists knew this even though they may have expressed it differently.

Think of it as treating a burn patient by peeling away or debriding layers of damaged skin. As each layer is exposed it must be cleaned and treated and as healing progresses, that layer must be removed to expose new tender skin underneath. At each stage of the forgiveness-healing process, new layers are exposed that must be acknowledged and dealt with, and forgiven anew. then there comes a time when the wound must be left alone to heal without further direct intervention. more debridement at that stage delays healing.

The classic advice is prayer for abandonment to the will and mercy of God. Vocal or mental prayer about an injury that becomes a catalog of griefs or wrongs and an instant replay of the original offense is damaging once that phase of naming the hurt is over. Please seek spiritual direction. Your experience is quite common and shows you are making progress, even though it may not seem so. Praying for healing of this anger during the Eucharist is the most perfect prayer, at the consecration, during communion, and during adoration.

at a similar stage in my life I attended a Healed in the Spirit retreat with the Sacred Heart Fathers who specialize in this area of spiritual direction, and obtained great relief and healing (although not directly related to the problem I had in mind when I went there–the issues that arose and were dealt with were much older and deeper than those, and I thought, long forgotten).

 

[majesticrosary]

Yes, I will pray for you. Whenever you feel that your heart seems troubling you then just offered every problem that you encountered great or small to God and pray unceasingly. But first, you need to let go your anger by forgiving and be reconciled with one another. “When you present your offering at the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift at the altar and go and be reconciled with him.” (Matthew 5:23-24)
“Blessed are peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God.” (Matthew 5:9)

One of the most difficult forms of charity is to forgive offenses. We have all suffered offenses. There is little comparison, however, between what we have had to bear and what was weighing on St. Rita’s heart after her husband’s assassination. She remembered Jesus on the Cross interceding for His executioners: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:24). Perhaps we do not have love enough to model ourselves on our Divine Lord and to react as He did.
We ought to reflect more on St. Rita’s prayer regarding her sons (one lesson St. Rita could not get across to her grown sons was the lesson of forgiveness. She herself had made the heroic act of forgiving the murderers with all her heart. After this merciful step and because of it, people said God made known to her that her husband’s soul was saved.
After the dead of her husband, she could not convince her sons not to take revenge for their father, so she prayed to God : “Take them, rather than they offend You.”
The prayer was heard; her two sons were called to a better life. God took them home, and they died the Christian way after renouncing their hatred and ill-will.

I also have a few prayers from St. Rita’s prayers that I would like to share with you hoping that these prayers will help you in some ways.

Prayer: To obtain the gift of reconciliation (St. Rita)

O my God, grant me the gift of reconciliation with members of my family and with others.
May I take the time to listen to everyone who has no one with whom to speak.
May I listen willingly to all who cannot express themselves, or who do not dare to do so, thus giving them the opportunity to be heard.
I could never hope to listen to everyone, but I can adopt an attitude of listening toward everyone with whom I come into contact.
When I strive to listen to my neighbors, I do for them what You, my God, have done for me.
By Your grace, make me a messenger of reconciliation.
Amen.

Prayer: For those in troubled marriages (St. Rita)

O St. Rita, make us understand that a vocation is not only a matter of attraction.
Enable us to see clearly that it is also a matter of finding, in ordinary events, God’s will for us and then accepting it even if it seems to be baffling and contrary to our wishes.
Teach those called to the marriage state by the Lord to reflect deeply on the delicate choice that will influence their destiny.
Let them not be deceived by their feelings; instead, let them look for the solid qualities that keep a home united in the joy of the Lord.
Teach unhappy spouses the power of patience and mildness.
Let them not give way to discouragement
But, like you, let them save both the happiness of their home and the soul of their spouse.
Amen.

 

[majesticrosary]

Continue…

**Prayer: For forgiveness of oneself and others. **

Dear God Jesus, help me to be a forgiving person. Show me where I am not. Expose the recesses of my soul so I won’t be locked up by unforgiveness and jeopardize my future. If I have any anger, bitterness, resentment, or unforgiveness that I am not recognizing, reveal it to me and I will confess it to You as sin. Specifically, I ask You to help me fully forgive (name anyone you feel you need to forgive.) Make me to understand the depth of Your forgiveness toward me so that I won’t hold back forgiveness from others. I realize that my forgiving someone doesn’t make them right; it makes me free.
Help me to forgive myself for the times I have failed. And if I have blamed You for things that have happened in my life, show me so I can confess it before You. “Enable me to love my enemies as You have commanded in Your Word. Teach me to bless those who curse me and persecute me” (Matthew 5:44-45). Remind me to pray for those who hurt or offend me so that my heart will be soft toward them. I don’t want to become hard and bitter because of unforgiveness. Make me a person who is quick to forgive.
Where there is distance between me and any other family member because of unforgiveness, I pray You would break down that wall. Help me to forgive every time I need to do so. Where I can be an instrument of reconciliation between other family members who have broken or strained relationships, enable me to do that.
I don’t want anything to come between You and me God, and I don’t want my prayers to be hindered because I have entertained sin in my heart. I choose this day to forgive everyone and everything, and walk free from the death that unforgiveness brings. If any person has unforgiveness toward me, I pray You would soften their heart to forgive me and show me what I can do to help resolve this issue between us. “I know that I cannot be a light to others as long as I am walking in the light as You are in the light and be cleansed from all sin.” (1 John1:7)

“Judge not, and you shall not be judge. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)

“Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:44-45)

“If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15)

God’s best to you and God’s blessings on you always.