Struggling with Christmas charity

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mizznicole

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I’ve been really bothered by “angel-tree” type charities over the last two years.

Last year, all the remaining wish lists at our Parish were for iPods and bikes.

Our parish coordinator commented last Sunday on the huge amount of bikes people were donating.

Just now at the grocery store all the remaining angels were for scooters and bikes.

Okay, is it just me or does the cost of these gifts seem a little extravagant? I’m not spending that kind of money on my own family. Whatever happened to footballs and jeans or coloring books?

I’m sure these kids have hard lives. It just turns me off for some reason. Help me understand. Or better, what are some good alternatives for helping the needy?
 
mizznicole said:
Okay, is it just me or does the cost of these gifts seem a little extravagant?

It is NOT just you:rolleyes:

I’m not spending that kind of money on my own family. Whatever happened to footballs and jeans or coloring books?

Whoever is in charge of this kind of thing is not doing a good job. Of course a kid is going to ask for their heart’s desire…it is up to a responsible adult to make sure it is reasonable.

I’m sure these kids have hard lives. It just turns me off for some reason. Help me understand.
**
I am sure it turns many people off (which is why they are the only requests left).**

Or better, what are some good alternatives for helping the needy?

Here we have several toy drives that have the items distributed to needy children. You buy what you can afford (as long as it is new, anything goes) and the volunteers sort and distribute.
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If you don’t agree with a charity, then it’s OK not to help with it. I remember when I would young my mother did the angel tree every year but those kids always asked for coats or shoes or some normal reasonably priced toy. My mom would usually do a kid that wanted a coat or something and stick some money in the pocket.

But I don’t have a lot of money. Times are very tight for me right now.

I have a sister who has my favorite niece. My sister is somewhat destitute so I help them out. They are my charity of sorts. And because I help them out, I don’t have much money for other things. It really irritates me when I say no to people asking me for money this time of year when they have no idea what I do.

Another thing I do is work at a shelter. My friends do dinner at a shelter four times a year and I donate food and time with them. This year we will be spending the night with the residents too. I can afford to give a little bit of chicken and my time to serve.

My point about this entire post is that it’s your choice to help or not to help. Do what you are led to do. Don’t give a gift that you are going to resent giving.
 
Agree that the problem is with the people who are organizing your Angel Tree. They should understand that this is for needy families, and it is greedy to ask for extravagant gifts. The screeners should never put “an ipod” on an angel.

I’d suggest you let those in charge KNOW why you are finding another cause to donate to.

For a worthy charity - your local St. Vincent de Paul, crisis pregnancy center or food bank.
 
I would also propose that many of the poor are increasingly mainstreamed among more affluent families. Which means, the children are attending school with others who ALL have bikes or iPods, and they feel truly isolated in not having those things.

A new coat may make much more sense to an adult, but a child my feel different primarily because he or she doesn’t have a bike . . .

Just a thought . . .
 
mizznicole said:
I’ve been really bothered by “angel-tree” type charities over the last two years.

As Malia stated, it’s not just you. I refuse to participate in any of the “gimme 'cause I’m poor” ones. I have been in places when they organized, and they did let kids get carried away. I have also been in places where the kids said, “Please get my mama a new coat” and the like. Breaks the heart.

Last year, all the remaining wish lists at our Parish were for iPods and bikes. Un-freaking-real! If I hadn’t lived so long, I wouldn’t believe it. But I know it’s true. I also know there are MP3 players (not iPod) for $25 at Wal-Mart and Target.

Our parish coordinator commented last Sunday on the huge amount of bikes people were donating. It’s nice that there are those who can afford them.

Just now at the grocery store all the remaining angels were for scooters and bikes. ::Shaking head:: It is only NOVEMBER. They can’t hold off until after the end of November???

Okay, is it just me or does the cost of these gifts seem a little extravagant? It indeed seems extreme. I’m not spending that kind of money on my own family. Whatever happened to footballs and jeans or coloring books? Don’t know. Our parish has a tree for Catholic Charities. Every item minimum is an outift OR a toy, and not big ones. Most of the kids on the tree are under ten. There was request for preschool toys that look like computers, and for educational software, but most asked for clothes and stuffed lovies. Last year, I had the money from going to a Kohl’s sale to get outfits AND those $5 stuffed animals Kohl’s sells. I got some very cute Garanimal-type outifts. I didn’t spend over $50 on the whole thing for three kids, including wrapping paper.

I’m sure these kids have hard lives. It just turns me off for some reason. Help me understand. Or better, what are some good alternatives for helping the needy?

You and DH could decide to give a set amount to some charity, and have them either pass it along to a family that needs it or let them do the shopping.

You could find a family that needs a good Christmas on your own, maybe get a couple other people/ families ot help out, and give them Christmas dinner with the trimmings and some gifts.

It is A LOAD OF FUN to leave stuff on St. Nicholas Day, to leave it on the front step, ring the doorbell and RUN.

The KCs in an old parish (back in the 90s) refurbished and repaired used bikes in good condition.

You could have a bake sale or some such and donate the proceeds to a charity, with instructions to use it for somebody’s Christmas. My older two did this with me one year. We had a garage sale with hot chocolate sales.
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we collected used bicycles last year because we had a crew willing to fix them up. we thought they would go to kids, but all the bikes were taken by adults who have no cars (little or no public transit here) to get them to work and to doctors, and yes, they are still being used for that purpose, doesn’t look like anyone resold theirs.

the giving tree just has tags for Boy-Age X and Girl-Age-X and a suggested gift amount is $10-20. Every child whose family gets a Christmas food basket gets a gift, which are all our “regulars”, plus every family who comes in to St. Vincent during December, and every child whose family comes to the dinner on Christmas day.
 
puzzleannie said:
we collected used bicycles last year because we had a crew willing to fix them up. we thought they would go to kids, but all the bikes were taken by adults who have no cars (little or no public transit here) to get them to work and to doctors, and yes, they are still being used for that purpose, doesn’t look like anyone resold theirs.

And I think a “bicycle drive” where the actual goal is to give people (kids or adults) bikes is a great idea.

the giving tree just has tags for Boy-Age X and Girl-Age-X and a suggested gift amount is $10-20.
**
That sounds like a much more reasonable way to ask for donations/gifts. And even having a little about the child would be ok too…but not asking for specific gifts. Something like “little Judy is a budding artist and also loves horses” and “little Jimmy loves football and superheroes”. Kind of gives the giver a direction to go (if they want to) without being told what to buy, you know?**
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I do think the way to go is with the idea of telling a bit about each child so a person could pick out a toy as mentioned above. But with that, I don’t think a bike or scooter is out of line because it is a really great thing for a kid to have. On our angel tree, we see Playstations and XBoxes as requests! OR - some kid has asked for an XBox game, which means he has an XBox. Another thing that happens here is that the different agencies don’t get together and organize a community angel tree database and some go around and sign up at all the different places that do it. One woman told my sister that she got 125 gifts for her five children. She was complaining because they came unwrapped and she didn’t know when she was going to find the time to wrap them. It is sad because when people find out about those types of things they tend not to trust the charity and then the people who don’t abuse it lose out.

I was feeling a lot of pressure with our angel tree as well. First of all they put the tree out right before Thanksgiving and want the gifts in two weeks. Not a problem if you live somewhere where there is some type of retail. Then my kids were getting in on it - they each wanted to pick an angel (5 kids at the time) or couldn’t agree on an angel so there was high stress there as well. I started giving things like gasoline gift cards to families with a cancer patient so they could get back and forth to treatments. I always think it is a good idea to pick someone out yourself and just do it on your own.
 
puzzleannie said:
the giving tree just has tags for Boy-Age X and Girl-Age-X and a suggested gift amount is $10-20. Every child whose family gets a Christmas food basket gets a gift, which are all our “regulars”, plus every family who comes in to St. Vincent during December, and every child whose family comes to the dinner on Christmas day.
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We do something similar except that the 'RS Memorial Christmas Hamper" effort involves all the Christian churches in the local area and services 4 communities (tot. pop. ~ 10,000). Each Church is assigned an age group to buy for and we all collect foodstuff. For the past couple of years our parishioners were buying for children aged 0-4; this year we are buying for kids aged 13-16.

The ‘giving tree’ is decorated with hats, gloves/mittens, warm socks and neck warmers.

People can apply for a hamper at any of the Churches and the applications are all forwarded to a central spot where each is checked for possible duplication. Reps from each parish gather to sort & wrap presents, pack the hampers and then deliver them.
 
Phemie said:
We do something similar except that the 'RS Memorial Christmas Hamper" effort involves all the Christian churches in the local area and services 4 communities (tot. pop. ~ 10,000). Each Church is assigned an age group to buy for and we all collect foodstuff. For the past couple of years our parishioners were buying for children aged 0-4; this year we are buying for kids aged 13-16.

The ‘giving tree’ is decorated with hats, gloves/mittens, warm socks and neck warmers.

People can apply for a hamper at any of the Churches and the applications are all forwarded to a central spot where each is checked for possible duplication. Reps from each parish gather to sort & wrap presents, pack the hampers and then deliver them.
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That’s great - sound very well organized and easy enough to donate to. We do have a local food pantry in our town as well that goes on all year. Every church and some other organizations have a specific month to be in charge of collecting donations for. We have November - i suspect because most people here are Catholic and November is a big month for food. I like donating to that one.
 
Some really great ideas in here…thanks!

I thought of one myself while talking about this with DH. If you live in the Austin, TX, area, you can go out with Mobile Loaves & Fishes and serve the homeless on Christmas Eve. They are a totally awesome charity.
 
As a Volunteer Director for 13 years, I have to throw in my two cents worth: Charity, as you already know, can be time and not money or gifts.
You already volunteer at a shelter; you might also consider making some holiday stops at a nursing home to make brief visits to people who are room-bound. Dementia patients don’t get many visitors because they can’t respond appropriately, but they’re aware of your presence and your touch. Do you sing, even if only in the shower? Play guitar or have a friend who does? Nursing homes always have Christmas programs, but lots of residents can’t get to them because they’re bed-bound. Going from room to room singing Christmas carols can be a huge boost for these folks and they won’t care what kind of voice you have. Sometimes they sing along and that’s really rewarding. And one more suggestion - GIVE BLOOD. When money’s tight like it is now, it’s a great charitable contribution and may save a life.
 
Our Wal*Mart store usually puts up the “angel tree” just before Thanksgiving. There are two types of ornaments on it: yellow ones with a child’s age, gender and clothing size and red ones with a child’s age, gender and toy wish. Some of the toy wishes are a little out there (gameboys, karaoke machines, etc.) so I try to focus on the younger kids (6 and under) because they tend to ask for simpler things.

One year I picked two yellow ornaments and two red ones, one each for a boy and a girl. The clothing ones were for infants and toddlers and I managed to find about three outfits each (plus socks and undies) on clearance, and then the toy ones were for a 4-year-old girl (she wanted a baby doll) and a 5-year-old boy (he liked horses and trucks). I spent a total of $15 each on those two and found some really nice toys (and my associate’s discount really came in handy.)

Of course when I got to the checkout line, I had a moment of panic. The car payment was due, I needed groceries and we had the propane guy coming to fill our tank. The total on my gifts was just under $50 and I wasn’t sure I was going to squeeze that out of my check. Then I looked at my check, noticed the amount was more than I expected, then saw the notation: “Holiday bonus: $50”.

Sometimes you actually DO feel the Lord patting you on the back, you know?
 
mizznicole said:
I’m sure these kids have hard lives. It just turns me off for some reason. Help me understand. Or better, what are some good alternatives for helping the needy?
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The elderly who are in group homes are often forgotten during Christmas. I’ve heard of drives where they take shoe boxes of toiletries for men and women. If you have some old books or movies, you could donate them to a home for the elderly. Also, small throw blankets are cheap and handy for the elderly, as are slippers.
 
BeeSweet said:
The elderly who are in group homes are often forgotten during Christmas. I’ve heard of drives where they take shoe boxes of toiletries for men and women. If you have some old books or movies, you could donate them to a home for the elderly. Also, small throw blankets are cheap and handy for the elderly, as are slippers.
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Our hamper program does the ‘little box’ to adult group homes. Hats & gloves, goodies but no turkey & trimmings since they have that provided by the homes.

The CBC network has a turkey drive in each city with a station. Freezers are placed in various locations and people are invited to bring in frozen turkeys to help the various organizations that do up hampers.
 
BeeSweet said:
The elderly who are in group homes are often forgotten during Christmas. I’ve heard of drives where they take shoe boxes of toiletries for men and women. If you have some old books or movies, you could donate them to a home for the elderly. Also, small throw blankets are cheap and handy for the elderly, as are slippers.
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On our giving tree at our parish, I always choose the elderly. I lost my last grandparent this past May, and he was in a nursing home at the end of his life. Before he passed, he had dimentia to the point of not knowing who we were. So it was like I had really lost him years before. So I started choosing elderly from the giving tree in my grandfather’s honor. The ones I did last year asked for some kind of blanket/throw for their laps. I also got them some warm socks with the rubbery things on the bottom to help keep them from slipping. I did two. I think I spent about $75 for the both of them.
 
HouseArrest said:
OR - some kid has asked for an XBox game, which means he has an XBox.
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The Xbox was released in 2001. It’s very possible in this economy the parents have fallen on hard times since 2001. Poor children do not have to have only rocks to play with in order to be poor. Poor families can not afford trips to Disney or other luxuries, sometimes in an effort to help their child blend in with regular children they will scrape together money to get their kids a gaming system (or an ipod). Nobody wants their child to feel poor. Or maybe there are generous grandparents or another extended family that maybe have given it to the child.

Maybe those extravagent tags are for those who have been given much and can afford to be extra generous. Give within your means.
 
rayne89 said:
The Xbox was released in 2001. It’s very possible in this economy the parents have fallen on hard times since 2001. Poor children do not have to have only rocks to play with in order to be poor. Poor families can not afford trips to Disney or other luxuries, sometimes in an effort to help their child blend in with regular children they will scrape together money to get their kids a gaming system (or an ipod). Nobody wants their child to feel poor. Or maybe there are generous grandparents or another extended family that maybe have given it to the child.

Maybe those extravagent tags are for those who have been given much and can afford to be extra generous. Give within your means.
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This shows you how up on video games I am. I just threw out XBox to mean “the latest gaming system”, sorry to throw you off. Really, every year, there are requests for the latest system and the games. Most of the tags have rather expensive items on them. Oh well, maybe they are wishful thinking.
 
HouseArrest said:
On our angel tree, we see Playstations and XBoxes as requests! OR - some kid has asked for an XBox game, which means he has an XBox.
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It used to be easier to give xboxes or PS2s. Many places that deal in used game systems (gamestop, eb games, etc.) would sell you dead systems. I used to buy 6-8 “dead” systems from which I could make 2-3 “live” systems to give away. But last year I heard from kids complaining that they got an x-box instead of a 360 which is very disheartening. Also, gamestop no longer sells dead systems, they trash them so it is harder and harder. At least this year we are asking the kids to take their presents home and put them under the tree so they have something to open on Christmas (and so we don’t hear so many ungrateful comments)

I wish apple could sell dead ipods for repair as well.
 
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