Struggling with Contraception

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Also, keep in mind that your situation may change in the next year. You cannot tell the future. Additionally, contrary to popular belief, the majority of babies are not that expensive, provided that they are in good health and mom is able to breastfeed. Babies have very few real necessities, and an elaborate nursery with expensive furniture, baby gear, and decorations is not one of them. Loving parents, a safe place to sleep, food, diapers, and maybe a few clothes/blankets to keep baby warm are really all baby needs for at least the first 6 months.

We must put our trust in God that He knows what is best for us and will provide. If that means having a baby during a time that you deem inopportune, then so be it. You will figure it out with God’s help and you will be better for it in the long run, as difficult as it may be.

As for the judgment of others - it is very difficult for someone in today’s world to be completely ignorant of God and His Church. Additionally, even if someone is completely ignorant, he would still have to be compliant with natural law like we do. Artificial contraception is contrary to the natural law.
 
It’s a good thing Mary didn’t think she “couldn’t have a baby due to finances”.
 
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LittleWay16 said:
Why would you assume they are not married? The original post does not say if OP is married, but it is not charitable to assume that they aren’t married. Some people refer to their spouse as their partner. In this case, the OP is not married and is speaking about the future, but even without that information there was no reason to assume that premarital sex is involved.
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I think this may be a generational gap with the use of “partner”. In my office with mostly millennials “partner” was the word of use for any serious relationship, including marriage.

However when I worked in a situation where most of the staff was gen X to boomer the term “partner” was used in a slightly demeaning way to refer to relationships in which they didn’t approve of some aspect of the relationship.
 
Wesrock said:
It has hard not to feel negative sometimes. The ignorant “get to” break the rules and have fun while those of us faithful Catholics are bound by all these “rules”. I don’t claim to be perfect, but it seems to me that’s the wrong mindframe. We as Catholics get to, if we follow the Church, conform ourselves more closely to Christ in our lives. We get to walk more closely with God (or at least access to more knowledge and graces to do so). We get to be closer with God, and that’s something we should try to look positively on and be grateful for, not something we should resent. The ignorant are off running directionless through the woods, while we have the way (road) to walk with God towards the very thing God created us for. Many of those running lost might be gathered in eventually, but who truly has had the better portion?
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I was raised Presbyterian and wandered away from any faith for probably 15 years. What you said above actually matches how I felt once I embraced Catholicism.

Pardon my building on your allusions and analogies, but this helps me explain things best…

As a protestant I always felt like I was wandering the countryside with no clear way to know which way to go. I’d wander down to a rill that looked easy only to find myself in a steep walled canyon with a heavy downpour about to wash over me. Once I put my trust in Catholic teachings I found that there were guide posts that keep me headed towards God.

Sometimes I’ll see a “road sign” that says to go up a steep rocky path next to a flat path that looks gentle and easy and traipses through a sun dappled wood. The “rough path” is certainly challenging, but I feel stronger after the climb. When I’ve chosen the path that seems obvious, despite the signs that point the other way, I often find myself completely turned around in a dark, foreboding forest. That easy path through the laughing woods slowly changes and I find that I often lose sight of my destination. Once I find myself out of those “dark woods” I often find I am further from my goal than when I started.

That is all a way to say that often the easy way has lead me into sin, but tightening my boot straps to take the challenge God puts before me has never lead me someplace I shouldn’t be.
 
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ChunkMonk said:
It’s a good thing Mary didn’t think she “couldn’t have a baby due to finances”.
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Oh, good grief. You have no business, and no right, to play the “holy family did it better” card. We can trust that the OP knows their life situations better than you.
 
So many great answers!!! Thanks you all!! You are amazing! God bless each one of you! We are going to learn about NFP 🙂
 
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What’s especially funny here is you unintentionally proved my point.
 
ChunkMonk said:
What’s especially funny here is you unintentionally proved my point.
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No, no I didn’t. I made a joke to lighten your sanctimonious statement. It is very unhelpful to try and set the Holy Family as an example when a couple is struggling to make sense of what is and isn’t allowed by Catholicism. It’s a damaging and derogatory, and quite frankly, is a mockery of the Holy Family themselves. They literally knew, from the very voice of God, that they would be protected. We do not have those sort of comforts in our lives and therefore must discern using the tools God gave us, like NFP. To imply that the Holy Family somehow is “holier” simply by the merit that they had a baby is to ignore church teaching on the sanctity of life, which includes prudent spacing of births for serious reason.
 
Let’s run down some of your statements here and see how they look:
  1. it is unhelpful for Catholics to use the Holy Family as an example
  2. it is damaging and derogatory to cite the Holy Family as models of behavior
  3. God took care of them so they don’t count as good examples. (Implied within that statement: They didn’t have to make sacrifices, and God won’t take care of us.)
I think all 3 of those are pretty radical statements for a Catholic to make.

Also the OP was not talking about NFP, but saying that it’s unfair to expect Catholics not to use contraception. And also expressing disbelief that contraception is a mortal sin.

Birth spacing is one thing. “I can’t afford this baby so I should be allowed to use a contraception” ia something else entirely.

And Mary literally was righteous in choosing to have a baby in what is probably a far more difficult situation than any of us have ever experienced.
 
ChunkMonk said:
Let’s run down some of your statements here and see how they look:
  1. it is unhelpful for Catholics to use the Holy Family as an example
  2. it is damaging and derogatory to cite the Holy Family as models of behavior
  3. God took care of them so they don’t count as good examples. (Implied within that statement: They didn’t have to make sacrifices, and God won’t take care of us.)
I think all 3 of those are pretty radical statements for a Catholic to make.

Also the OP was not talking about NFP, but saying that it’s unfair to expect Catholics not to use contraception. And also expressing disbelief that contraception is a mortal sin.

Birth spacing is one thing. “I can’t afford this baby so I should be allowed to use a contraception” ia something else entirely.

And Mary literally was righteous in choosing to have a baby in what is probably a far more difficult situation than any of us have ever experienced.
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You’re totally twisting my words.
  1. In this situation, it was totally inappropriate to bring up the Holy Family.
  2. It is VERY flippant to use them in a cute little quote, rather disrespectful to the sacrifices they made
  3. This is a very different circumstance and it is very unhelpful to throw out as an example a family who LITERALLY heard the voice of God.
If you think that Mary’s experience was “far more difficult than any of us have ever experienced” then I’m glad you live in a safe and comfortable little world. Don’t forget, Mary was sinless and was able to follow God better than any of us could dream.
 
I really don’t see why it is inappropriate to use the Holy Family as an example… In almost any conceivable situation. Like I actually have no idea how a Catholic could even begin to justify that idea…

So you know a lot of women who had to stand there and watch their son be crucified for the benefit of the people doing the crucifying? Do those women also live in a 1st century desert, and under laws that penalize adultery with stoning? Did the King of those women’s lands send out soldiers to murder their baby?

I really think you are crossing a line with the implication that her Faith and Grace made her sacrifices worth less.
 
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Because you didn’t mention all of that. You dropped a quote and ran.

The seeming intention behind that quote, whether you truly intended it or not, was to shame the OP.

Her graces and faith are irrelevant in this discussion. This is about the OP and their fiancee struggling with the contrast of the Church teachings and societal law in what we can assume are grave circumstances.

Playing “who’s got it worse” is a TERRIBLE way to win an argument and very teenage girl.
 
Yet with that one little statement, you and everyone else knew exactly what I meant and exactly how it should be taken. I get that people don’t like being reminded of the standards of behavior that we are supposed to meet, but I don’t know why so many Catholics seem to agree.

Mary was in a grave situation. She accepted a difficult life full of pain and sorrow because it was God’s will. It is good for us to be reminded of that. Whether we have children is not entirely up to us. God is involved and His say matters more than oir wants, feelings, or personal reasons. Contraception is an attempt to thwart the will of God if it doesn’t fall in line with our will. That is why it is intrinsically evil.

Mary completely submitted to God’s will, and took up her cross without complaining a single time. That is why she is blessed among all women. We can and should do no less.
 
ChunkMonk said:
Yet with that one little statement, you and everyone else knew exactly what I meant and exactly how it should be taken. I get that people don’t like being reminded of the standards of behavior that we are supposed to meet, but I don’t know why so many Catholics seem to agree.

Mary was in a grave situation. She accepted a difficult life full of pain and sorrow because it was God’s will. It is good for us to be reminded of that. Whether we have children is not entirely up to us. God is involved and His say matters more than oir wants, feelings, or personal reasons. Contraception is an attempt to thwart the will of God if it doesn’t fall in line with our will. That is why it is intrinsically evil.

Mary completely submitted to God’s will, and took up her cross without complaining a single time. That is why she is blessed among all women. We can and should do no less.
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Now, if you lead with that, I don’t think anyone would of think you were being snarky and cruel. Perhaps you should try to lead with a thoughtful post rather than a mean-hearted quip.
 
I know Contraception Its a mortal sin… thats why I expresed struggling Whit the idea… Its no so much about money,. Its about our scheduales at work… I suppose that your words about the Holy Family simple do not seemed charitable with my initial statement… thats all… peace
 
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Really, if you want the truth… you should not be having sex until you are married and you should not marry until you can accept the responsibilities that go with marriage. I’m sorry if I sounded harsh before about asking about your partner… You and your partner should wait until you can handle the chance of a child… that’s the right way. I know it isn’t the way of the world. Also, I read where you are going to get married and look into NFP. That’s great, but you should wait. If you can’t wait and you do get pregnant, please don’t have an abortion to kill your child. It’s part of you and part of your partner…
 
Tiago92 said:
I know Contraception Its a mortal sin… thats why I expresed struggling Whit the idea… Its no so much about money,. Its about our scheduales at work… I suppose that your words about the Holy Family simple do not seemed charitable with my initial statement… thats all… peace
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Not sure who you are addressing here. NFP would be ideal for you. It sounds like your reasons are grave enough to avoid children after you are married. I’m not going to assume that like other posters, that you are currently engaged in sex.

That said…life doesn’t guarantee you children. My husband and I thought we’d want to wait but children did not come when we hoped. So I would recommend truly assessing your priorities because this is serious business.

Again, study up on NFP. It is not only the church approved way but will give you good data for when you want to conceive a child.
 
Wow, can I relate. My children are going to be 22 months apart. I was told by the nurse at my daughter’s appointment that I must not really love her because I’m “replacing” her with another child too soon. Mind you, that sweet child was cuddled on my lap, happy as a clam.

My friend with 5 has literally had someone tell her youngest child that he was a waste of air. My friend with 4 children close in age was told–again by a medical professional—that her vagina was not a clown car.

However none of the the hard things I speak of, although they do add to the sorrows of Catholic mothers today.
 
That makes me so sad. What awful things to say to and in front of children. Children aren’t idiots and they aren’t deaf - they know when an adult is talking about them. And, nevermind that every time the mother has a child she is lining the doctor’s pockets - why the sour opinion? 🤷‍♀️

This is why I stick with midwives. They’re generally more open to life and love all babies and children, at least the ones I’ve interacted with.
 
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