J
judes
Guest
HELLO STUDENT. My name is jude i am irish and i am catholic, married,… 44 years old. there is old saying its not how you start in life its how you finish.Iknow this to be true because when i was your age i didnt really think i would see 30 years old.Alot of changes have taken place in me since then and i am very happy with myself and my lot two day. couple years ago i wanted to get a foster son of mine baptised he was 3 years old and autistic I belived that the local church would have jumped for joy when i ask them to perform a baptisim on my son. This was not the case and i was very surprize and anoyed. well my son was baptised and let me try and explain to you how it affected him getting the job done. One of the only places were he could be still in himself and not afriad outside of our house was in mass, so we use to take quite off then to mid week morning mass. AFTER HE WAS BAPTISE HE BECAME A NORMAL CATHOLIC BOY HE GETTS BOARD WITH MASS…I used to when i was your age put a picture of the image of the scared hearth of jesus in my mind and ignore everything else that was going on. this image allowed me to put one foot in front of the other each day as i walked true my life. Be kind to yourself Student. And remember its par for course to be blocked from receiving a Sacrament. …judeIt’s almost time for me to start R.C.I.A. However, I recently found out that the parish where I was going to attend and was signed up and everything is having their classes at a time that does not work with my class schedule (I’m in college). Since then I’ve been visiting other parishes, but so far none work with my schedule (I have several evening classes that I absolutely cannot change). One parish I contacted is not even having an R.C.I.A. class this year because I was the only person who had expressed interest.
This is particularly discouraging because I am suddenly having all sorts of doubts and wondering if I should go through with it at all. I still believe in God but I feel that God despises me and doesn’t want me to convert because He doesn’t want me to be saved. I have a neurotic personality, I think, and I struggle frequently with the fear that I am going to be damned and that God hates me. I don’t know where that is coming from or what to do about it - has anyone else experienced such fears?
I basically know no Catholics (almost no Christians at all), and my family isn’t particularly happy about my converting. I also have two chronic conditions that both recently worsened and although they’re not life-threatening or anything, I am in pain all the time. I’m only twenty and I don’t know why this is happening to me. I pray all the time, pray the rosary every day, but I feel as if I have no support anymore, either from other people or from Jesus, in converting to Catholicism. I am so unhappy.
I’m sorry for this rather dismal, neurotic post, but I just need some kind of support, as I feel very alone in this.