A book that I really, really wish someone would have told me about long before I found it is a book called “Light and Peace” by Carlo Giuseppe Quadrupani (available in
paperback or
free ePub). The books adresses many issues that deal with scruples, trials, and losing one’s peace. It has a great mixture of teachings from St. Francis de Sales, the Imitation of Christ, and many Catholic saints.
When I read your problem about struggling at daily mass, it made me think of this quote from the book, by St. Francis de Sales:
You tell me that you cannot pray well. But what better prayer could there be than to represent to God again and again, as you are doing, your nothingness and misery? The most touching appeal beggars can make is merely to expose to us their deformities and necessities. But there are times when you cannot even do this much, you say, and that you remain there like a statue. Well, even this is better than nothing. Kings and princes have statues in their palaces for no other purpose than that they may take pleasure in looking at them : be satisfied then to fulfill the same office in the presence of God, and when it so pleases Him He will animate the statue.
I go to daily mass, and recently (after becoming unemployed) I found myself barely able to sit in the pew. So on days where I was literally forcing myself to be at mass, I would say a simple prayer, something like: “All I can do today, Lord, is simply sit here with You and be a statue for You. I can’t pray well, I kind of want to cry, and I’m terribly stressed and lonely. So here I am, Lord. I am not much, but I give you all that I have and all that I am.” If all I can do is put myself in his presence, then that’s all I can do. But I persevere through it, and even though my life seems to hit me with trials around every corner, I choose to persevere through the sadness to be with God.
Here’s another great quote that I love, from one of my very favorite saints, Little Thérèse, from
Story of a Soul:
I look upon myself as a weak little bird, with only a light down as covering. I am not an eagle, but I have only an eagle’s EYES AND HEART. In spite of my extreme littleness I still dare to gaze upon the Diving Sun, the Sun of Love, and my heart feels within it all the aspirations of an Eagle.
The little bird wills to fly toward the bright Sun that attracts its eye, imitating its brothers, the eagles, whom it sees climbing up toward the Divine Furnace of the Holy Trinity. But alas! the only thing it can do is raise its little wings; to fly is not within its little power!
What then will become of it? Will it die of sorrow at seeing itself so weak? Oh no! the little bird will not even be troubled. With bold surrender, it wishes to remain gazing upon its Divine Sun. Nothing will frighten it, neither wind nor rain, and if dark clouds come and hide the Star of Love, the little bird will not change its place because it knows that beyond the clouds its bright Sun still shines on and that its brightness is not eclipsed for a single instant…
God knows that we are as weak as a little bird, but we must gaze towards him with humble confidence, even if we do not have the ability to do anything other than gaze and offer him our love. He knows what we can and cannot do and is satisfied with a loving glance if that is the best that we can offer in the spirit of love for Him.
