Struggling with faith, genetic disease, PGD/IVF, NFP

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Monica1973

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When my husband and I married 8 years ago we had planned on having children right away and then using NFP. When our first child, Sydney, was born she was unable to move, breathe, or swallow. Tests eventually concluded that she had a severe form of Myotonic Dystrophy which was inherited from me. No one in my family had ever heard of this disease before she was born and I had no idea that I have a very mild form of the disease. All of our children have a 50% chance of inheriting the disease.

After 5 long months in the NICU Sydney died in my arms after contracting pneumonia. During her hospital stay she underwent surgeries for a trache and g-tube and was dependent on a ventilator.

During these months I was understandably a wreck. A few months after Sydney died we started looking into PGD for having children that would not be affected by this horrible disease. Even though I knew this was against the teachings of the church, my desire for children was stronger and I felt like PGD was a “gift” that would allow us to have our own biological children. Gradually, my husband and I stopped attending church.

We became pregnant with twins using PGD/IVF. We were thrilled beyond belief until the doctor who did the genetic testing wanted to know when we would be having an amnio to “confirm” that our twins had not inherited the myotonic dystrophy gene. We did now want to do this but were pressured into it once we were reminded that we had signed an agreement to have prenatal testing done. Long story short, I was pregnant with a boy and a girl and despite the “gift” of PGD, our son did inherit the disease. Thankfully, it didn’t look like he had the severe form of the disease like Sydney had, but we wouldn’t know until he was born.

We were “offered” selective termination, which we quickly declined and were basically written off from the PGD clinic–I guess they considered our case a “failure.” My husband and I were scared but decided to accept this pregnancy as a sign and gift from God. Despite our best efforts (PGD) to make sure he wasn’t born, our son is here and we can’t imagine our lives without him and his twin sister.

Our twins are five years old now and both are very healthy, typical children. We don’t know what the future holds for our son, but for now everything is fine and we are grateful. The twins were baptized and we have started attending church again.

I have been on the pill since the twins were born. I know this against the teachings of the church but cannot risk having another child and having the child suffer like Sydney did. I never expected to be is this position. I am at a loss as to how I can deal with situation spritually.
 
I am so sorry about your daughter Sydney :hug1: and about your son having inherited that disease, :hug1: but Monica, being Catholic comes with certain rules we must follow. There is NFP and it’s a very reliable way to avoid getting pregnant.

Heck, I just lost my 2nd child and my dr has no idea why, and I am terrified of getting pregnant again only to have the same thing happen (since it will end up in a loss anyway), but we use NFP and with NFP we’re avoiding until my dr’s can figure out what’s wrong with me.

And I am so proud of you to have stood up to the PGD clinic where they wanted you to abort your son. Those people have no heart!! :mad:

I’m so sorry though. Your position is a very hard one. :hug1: I will keep you in my prayers.

ETA: Have you spoken to a priest about this? Most priests can give you excellent and heartful advice. Since you say you’re having a hard time with this spiritually, try speaking to the one person who is closer to God and who is representing Christ for us, your priest…
 
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Sydney. :hug1: I have lost two children through miscarriages and also suffer from infertility, so I can understand a little the pain you have gone through. :hug1:

Have you considered learning NFP? It is a method approved by the Church to either space or prevent pregnancies and if used appropriately has a very low failure rate.

I also just wanted to add–good for you for standing up to the doctors and not aborting your son. I will be going to see an RE in a couple of weeks and since I can’t do IVF, I know that there will be pressure to get me to agree to selective reduction if I use injectible meds. I’m so happy to hear that your son is doing well and proving that the dr was wrong. 👍

ETA: I just reread your post and saw that you had originally intended to use NFP after having your children–why not just go back to that plan?
 
Oh my! I am so sorry for your struggles, but could for you for refusing termining a child.

I would check out the book Taking Control of Your Fertility. It is really really good, and if you ignore the part about using condoms during your fertile period, you’ve got NFP. It will help you understand a lot about your body beyond just your fertile times.

I can’t even imagine being in your shoes, but I think your struggle with the idea of being on birth control shows that you are willing to try it the Church’s way.

I would read the book. It is one of the most useful pieces of writing a woman will ever encounter.
 
I would check out the book Taking Control of Your Fertility. It is really really good, and if you ignore the part about using condoms during your fertile period, you’ve got NFP. It will help you understand a lot about your body beyond just your fertile times.

I would read the book. It is one of the most useful pieces of writing a woman will ever encounter.
👍 👍 👍

This was a great book for me as well!
 
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