Struggling with first reconciliation

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Saul_DelTarso

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How do you confess to a lifetime of mortal and venial sins?

I was baptized as a young man, but have only recently been working through my conversion to Catholicism, after having lived a life full of what then occurred as just being a guy, but now occurs to me as incredibly vile and horrific. (I won’t go into detail). I’m sure there have been other sinners as bad as I have been, but I have yet to find anything that helps me understand how to do my first reconciliation, and I have let it stop my conversion process.

I mean, if you really can’t remember all the times and incidences due to the sheer number let alone the horrific seriousness of them all, and you could spend hours recounting the sins you’ve committed, (but would rather not) how the heck do you begin to approach that in your first reconciliation? I am honestly completely stopped in my conversion at this point, though my faith is strong, as is my knowledge of theology, dogma, doctrine, and at this point, most parts of what it is to be Catholic. Of course, that’s why I’ve chosen to become Catholic.

But this one thing is just eating at me and has me stopped. I haven’t found much help on the subject anywhere, books, catechism, people, maybe I’m just not looking in the right places, or have a too specific memory?

Does anyone have any ideas or places to point a heathen/reprobate old biker to work through this? It seems a lot simpler to be protestant, since all you have to do is kind of feel sorry for all your sins in general and do the basic altar call, and you’re good to go.(only NOT) Somehow, given my life of 40 odd years of sin in spite of having been baptized, that’s just not going to cut it, for the Church, for the Lord, or honestly, for me. I want to stop putting it off, but I want do it right this year. Finally. But how? I have A LOT to confess. It is a burden.

Thank you, whoever thinks this isn’t just funny, but important enough to answer seriously.
 
Hi, I also had to make a difficult confession when I came into the Church cause I am a convert and so had to confess things that happened over several years. If you can’t remember something, no matter how much you try, it gets forgiven in the Sacrament also. 🙂 just as long as you are repentant and sorry for all your sins. (have contrition and sorrow and don’t want to sin again). The only way to invalidate a Sacrament is not being repentant (not intending to stop the sin and regretting it), lying to the priest, intentionally omitting something (even if out of shame)… an incomplete confession could also be made if the person doesn’t really take the time and effort to learn what a sin is, so they leave things out because they don’t think they are sins, when they really are. A good examination of conscience should help here. Here is an example 🙂 saintaquinas.com/mortal_sin.html there are some sins that people might not know about, like choosing to miss Mass (opposed to not being physically able to get there), receiving Communion in a state of mortal sin, cooperating in abortion (even through voting, perhaps, or directly), using contraception… there are reasons the Church teaches about all this. Some sins are “reserved” so only a bishop (or the Holy See) can remove them, such as abortion or cooperating in abortion, (there are others, you can ask the priest if that is concern) but many bishops have given the priests the authority to do this, so the person would just need to go to Confession to a priest in their diocese and explain the situation in Confession.

If you can’t remember how many times, just say an approximation like “some”, “many”, etc.

If you know your confession would take a while, don’t worry, just make an appointment with the priest. He wouldn’t judge you at all, he would give you God’s forgiveness and would probably only be happy that you came back.

Don’t put this off! Jesus wants to forgive you more than you want to be forgiven. I felt so much better after my first Confession. It’s like a burden was literally lifted off me. And then I could finally receive Communion. 🙂

God bless!
 
Here is a sermon of St John Vianney on Confession 🙂

**CHAPTER 17: Catechism on Confession **

MY CHILDREN, as soon as ever you have a little spot upon your soul, you
must do like a person who has a fine globe of glass, which he keeps very
carefully. If this globe has a little dust on it, he wipes it with a sponge the
moment he perceives it, and there is the globe clear and brilliant. In the same
way, as soon as you perceive a little stain on your soul, take some holy water
with respect, do one of those good works to which the remission of venial sins
is attached – an alms, a genuflection to the Blessed Sacrament, hearing a Mass.
My children, it is like a person who has a slight illness; he need not go and
see a doctor, he may cure himself without. If he has a headache, he need only
go to bed; if he is hungry, he has only to eat. But if it is a serious illness, if
it is a dangerous wound, he must have the doctor; after the doctor come the
remedies. In the same way, when we have fallen into any grievous [mortal] sin, we must
have recourse to the doctor, that is the priest; and to the remedy, that is
confession.

My children, we cannot comprehend the goodness of God towards us in
instituting this great Sacrament of Penance. If we had had a favor to ask of
Our Lord, we should never have thought of asking Him that. But He foresaw our
frailty and our inconstancy in well-doing, and His love induced Him to do what
we should not have dared to ask. If one said to those poor lost souls that have
been so long in Hell, “We are going to place a priest at the gate of Hell: all
those who wish to confess have only to go out,” do you think, my children, that
a single one would remain? The most guilty would not be afraid of telling their
sins, nor even of telling them before all the world. Oh, how soon Hell would be
a desert, and how Heaven would be peopled! Well, we have the time and the
means,
which those poor lost souls have not. And I am quite sure that those wretched
ones say in Hell, “O accursed priest! if I had never known you, I would not be
so guilty!”

It is a beautiful thought, my children, that we have a Sacrament which
heals the wounds of our soul! But we must receive it with good dispositions.
Otherwise we make new wounds upon the old ones. What would you say of a man
covered with wounds who is advised to go to the hospital to show himself to the
surgeon? The surgeon cures him by giving him remedies. But, behold! this man
takes his knife, gives himself great blows with it and makes himself worse than
he was before. Well, that is what you often do after leaving the confessional.

My children, some people make bad confessions without taking any notice of
it. These persons say, “I do not know what is the matter with me” . . . They
are tormented, and they do not know why. They have not that agility which makes
one go straight to the good God; they have something heavy and weary about them
which fatigues them. My children, that is because of sins that remain, often
even venial sins, for which one has some affection. There are some people who,
indeed, tell everything, but they have no repentance; and they go at once to
Holy Communion. Thus the Blood of Our Lord is profaned! They go to the Holy
Table with a sort of weariness. They say, “Yet, I accused myself of all my sins.
. . I do not know what is the matter with me.” There is an unworthy Communion,
and they were hardly aware of it!

My children, some people again profane the Sacraments in another manner.
They have concealed mortal sins for ten years, for twenty years. They are always
uneasy; their sin is always present to their mind; they are always thinking of
confessing it, and always putting it off; it is a Hell. When these people feel
this, they will ask to make a general confession, and they will tell their sins
as if they had just committed them: they will not confess that they have hidden
them during ten years – twenty years. That is a bad confession! They ought to
say, besides, that they had given up the practice of their religion, that they
no longer felt the pleasure they had formerly in serving the good God.

My children, we run the risk again of profaning the Sacrament if we seize
the moment when there is a noise round the confessional to tell the sins quickly
which give us most pain. We quiet ourselves by saying, “I accused myself
properly; so much the worse if the confessor did not hear.” So much the worse
for you who acted cunningly! At other times we speak quickly, profiting by the
moment when the priest is not very attentive to get over the great sins. Take a
house which has been for a long time very dirty and neglected – it is in vain
to sweep out, there will always be a nasty smell. It is the same with our soul
after confession; it requires tears to purify it. My children, we must ask
earnestly for repentance. After confession, we must plant a thorn in our heart,
and never lose sight of our sins. We must do as the angel did to St. Francis of
Assisi; he fixed in him five darts, which never came out again.

(I recommend reading all of his sermons: scribd.com/doc/23441721/Little-Catechism-of-St-John-Vianney )

As long as you seek humility, pray for sorrow for sin and repentance (pray to Mary for this also), and try your best to make a good confession, - you will be forgiven of everything and anything.

God bless! 🙂
 
You will get through the process. Remember reconciliation is a sacrament of healing. I too was baptized catholic but raised Protestant. I did go through RCIA & we got some instruction on the sacrament. I was scared too.
I used a section in one of our RCIA books with the ten commandments and the beatitudes to prepare for my first confession. Also I had some major sin. For my first confession, I made an appointment with our pastor. I only managed to cover the one sin that was most awful that first time. I went about 4 times before I felt like I had covered what I needed to. Like you say, it is a long time period.
The Holy Spirit will help you know what sins are really weighing on you and need to be confessed, the priest will help you too. It is good to tell the priest you are new to confession, if you are in a church and confessing to someone who does not know. One of my best confessions was in a confessional box, each confession was good. God understands and the priest will also help you.
I would advise calling the parish office and setting up an appointment. I am sure you could just visit with the priest about your concerns.
This is a beautiful sacrament, don’t let it hinder your conversion. When I understood its healing nature & how it fit in God’s plan, I was actually thought wow we as Catholics are so blessed to have this,
👍
 
Don’t worry, you are not expected to recount in great detail every single instance of sin. It is important to name the sins, even the ‘really bad ones’, but I think it’s fine to categorize them. Also, if you forget something, it’s ok, just confess it the next time you go to confession. You mention at the end of your post it’s a burden b/c you have a lot to confess. The relief and joy you will experience from making your confession will wipe away those burdens. All the angst that you’re feeling right now- that will go away if you make a heartfelt confession. The fact that you have all this angst shows that you are genuine in your repentance, and that’s what truly matters. Remember, it’s your first, not your only confession. The important thing is to take a step in the right direction by continuing on your conversion process. God Bless.
 
First, welcome home.

Second, re-read what Sarah said: “God understands.”
He’s welcoming you, not checking your test paper.

Don’t go right before Mass (time pressure). Tell the priest you’re new at this and you need his help.
Study your prayer, and mean it – especially the part that says “I am sorry for these sins and all the sins of my past life.” (That covers a lot. Say what you remember, don’t purposefully withhold any sin.)
Listen carefully to the words the priest uses.
Say your Act of Contrition; do your pennance.
Oh, and it’s okay to cry a little. Yeah. It feels that good.
We’ll see you on Sunday?
 
I just read this in my daily devotional and I thought of you… “My little children, I am writing this to you so that you may not sin; but if any one does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; …” 1 John 2:1 Remember that Jesus will be right there w/ you at confession. He is your advocate. He wants you to release the burden of your sins (no matter what they are and how bad) so that you can be free to live in His love and truth. The key here is repentance. He is not going to get all legalistic on you about exactly how many times you did a certain thing wrong- he’s put it on your heart to join the Catholic Church and he’s not going to damn you for not saying it all perfectly or for not remembering every single thing since before your conversion. He just wants you to be sorry for what you’ve done and to renew your commitment to do better.
 
Thank you all very much. I appreciate the spirit of welcoming and the warmth of your responses. The resources you have provided are a great help. For some reason, I hadn’t been able to get myself connected to the sources you provided, and now I have little to stop me from going through it all. I had avoided “that meeting” with our priest because of my trepidation over it.

My wife and I participated in RCIA last year as candidates, and we both rather semi-consciously avoided dealing with this, as well as the paperwork to annul both of our previous marriages. When Easter came along, we just weren’t ready, and it was as painful as it was joyous to watch all the folks we went through RCIA with reach that goal. We get to mass almost every week, and it is just sad to have to sit out communion each week. I find myself looking forward to the time when they dismiss the candidates and catechumens, just so we don’t have to sit it out! Our daughter always goes up with her little arms crossed to be blessed by the father, so we know she is anxious for this year.

We do as much as we can figure out how to, to create a Christian home and have been developing the habits of saying grace, night prayers, the Rosary, and even Divine Mercy chaplets from time to time, in part for our daughter’s sake, but of course, because it is our obligation and a source of joy for us.

Our daughter is in Religious Education again this year, and we’re both back in RCIA, both to continue our learning process and to assist others in theirs, and build new relationships with the new candidates and catechumens. In the last two weeks this has been weighing on me in class, but it wasn’t something that fit into these early sessions, so I didn’t bring it up. Now with this help from you, I’ll be reading and studying all you’ve provided and preparing for a meeting with our pastor.

Now to get she and I actively engaged in completing all those forms! We’ll make it this year. Our 8 year old daughter was baptized last year, and will be confirmed and taking her first communion this year, and we really can’t let her do that on her own, now can we? LOL

Thank you all again. Very much.
God Bless you.
 
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