Struggling with homosexual feelings....how to deal with it?

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IdiNaPut

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Firstly I’ll say I’m female, just to get that out of the way. 🙂

To keep a long story short, I knew I was bisexual from the age of 13 or so. Now for the most part it was a minor part of my life, in part because those homosexual feelings were very much minor.

However in recent times these feelings have become stronger, and with it I’m feeling more guilty, because I know that to act on these feelings would be wrong. However given that I’m wanting to find myself a good husband, I know I am likely going to have to confront or address these feelings at some point because they’re not going to just go away if I wish hard enough.

I’m really not even sure what I’m supposed to do any more. It’s serving to make me quite miserable in some ways.
 
just a question…

are you with good friends? At that age, all we want is approval from friends. Are your friends a good influence?

Try to seek good friendship and busy yourself with activities in the Youth group at Church… You may just be confused. Good thing you know that these feelings should not be acted on…

Will keep you in my prayers…God bless you !
 
Mayita30 said:
just a question…

are you with good friends? At that age, all we want is approval from friends. Are your friends a good influence?

Try to seek good friendship and busy yourself with activities in the Youth group at Church… You may just be confused. Good thing you know that these feelings should not be acted on…

Will keep you in my prayers…God bless you !
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Thank you! 🙂

Most of my friends are fairly permissive and so would likely encourage me to be with whoever ‘makes me happy’. I’m not involved with a church yet either, which likely doesn’t help.
 
:gopray2:

Thankyou for posting your thoughts, and well done accepting that you have a problem.

My daughter was in a similar situation to you in her mid-teens. She had several nice boyfriends, but was more attracted to women. She eventually decided to go with women only. 😦 (I only heard the whole story in retrospect). She has been mostly happy with her choice, but she would still like to have children and as the years go by this is becoming more and more of an issue. She has had several “serious” monagamous relationships with a woman which are, more or less, like a male unmarried partner.

So, I urge you to act on your feelings that this is not what you want for you life, especially if you would like to have children at some stage - just for your own sake, apart from any moral/religious issues.

I can’t suggest what you can do about it - but be very careful in selecting who you turn to, because, as you say, there will be many who will encourage you to just follow your desires.

Praying for you.
 
It’s not the person, but the behavior that is problematic. As you say, young people tend to be permissive, thinking that as long as one is happy, there should be no boundaries.
There is a video promoted here on CAF called the Desire of the Everlasting Hills.
I highly recommend it. Realize that your personal worth is not contingent on your sexuality. It’s not that way for any of us.

vimeo.com/101135437
 
First of, how old are you? People are responding as if you’re still 13, but you don’t really say how much time has elapsed since then.

Second, ignore whoever said you might just be “confused.” Unless the rest of us might also be confused about being straight, that’s not the problem. 😛

Third, if you are bi – as in legitimately attracted to men also, not just trying to be for the sake of your beliefs – but really want a husband and kids someday, I would just focus on dating guys and not worry about it so much. I was attracted to lots of different guys before I met my husband, and no one else since (at least not enough to worry about). It may be if you stick to dating men that once you meet the right one you won’t feel pulled toward anyone else – male or female – after.

Fourth, if you aren’t bi, and your only real attraction is to women – please don’t try to shoehorn yourself into a traditional family situation. It’ll probably just make you both unhappy in the long run.
 
On one hand, it can be difficult to experience attractions to members of the same sex, because I think we all realize, even in this secular culture, that there’s something not quite natural or right when one experiences this. So, I am not trying to minimize the fact that you are worried about this, but…

On the other hand, as one who experiences same-sex attractions, I have come to the conclusion that it is really not that big of a deal. After all, as Claire mentioned, who I am sexually attracted to is not and will not ever affect my dignity as a human person made in the image and likeness of God. In addition, in my male-ness, I am still “compatible” with women, and theoretically could just as likely be called to physical fatherhood as any other man. So my comment to you would be this: Sure, it is okay to think these things out, and I think it’s understandable to be concerned and perhaps even upset every once in awhile that you have these attractions to the same sex, but don’t worry about it too much. Focus on growing in your femininity, and know that however you may “label” yourself in terms of sexuality, you are still called to motherhood in some way, whether that be physical motherhood or some other nurturing role.

Finally, remember to always search for truth in life - the closest any human being can come to being completely satisfied on this earth by seeking truth and conforming one’s life to it! 🙂
 
When I read the title to your post I started to skip it because I didn’t know what to say… but I wanted to see if by some chance I could pray for you and your situation. When I read the other replies I was so happy that someone had kind words for you and sincere advice. I still don’t know what to say to help you, but I’m going to offer some prayers for you that God send you graces of strength, faith, peace, hope and love in this time of struggle. He really does love you so much…

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit,
As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be world without end. Amen.
 
If you are truly bi-sexual - and are equally attracted to both sexes - you will fall in love with both sexes. One will be your great love, and you will dedicate yourself to that person for life. Being dedicated to one person for life does not mean that you will be immune to other attractions over the years. It does mean, however, that you have undertaken to reject all others, whether they be male or female.

So, if you are a woman who has truly fallen in love with a man, and chosen to marry with the prospect of raising a family together, it doesn’t matter if you are thereafter attracted to another woman, as you have promised to forsake ALL others, and not act on any attractions that may be felt. You will do as all the rest of us have done over the many years of our marriages - just kept away from anyone who stirred an interest. It is what you promise to do.
 
pianistclare said:
It’s not the person, but the behavior that is problematic. As you say, young people tend to be permissive, thinking that as long as one is happy, there should be no boundaries.
There is a video promoted here on CAF called the Desire of the Everlasting Hills.
I highly recommend it. Realize that your personal worth is not contingent on your sexuality. It’s not that way for any of us.

vimeo.com/101135437
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This is good as is the group called Courage for those who desire help.
I will say a prayer for you tonight. My love in Him,
mlz
P.S. Go to a priest , go to confession and Mass! This clears the webs that block our siritual progress.
 
Interesting dilemma. Being a man, having homosexual “feelings” has occurred to me in the past. But I noticed them as such, and over time, they ran off my back like water on a duck. Bear in mind, I STILL get them, it’s just a nuisance now.

I even, at one point, was CONVINCED I had a feminine “core,” or that I was actually of female origin, and not male by design.

I am not ridiculing either of these, just that things like this happen…

Not sure what else to say, so bear it well 😉

Edit:

Well, I will commend you for being a part of this online community, considering I think most of us are Catholic…? Good, thought so.

Well, aside from offering a prayer for you, I will say one last thing… There is a devil, and his awfully annoying servants running around in the spiritual realm, so bear in mind, this COULD be an attack to divide you from an interest to marry a good man.
 
Falco said:
If you are truly bi-sexual - and are equally attracted to both sexes - you will fall in love with both sexes. One will be your great love, and you will dedicate yourself to that person for life. Being dedicated to one person for life does not mean that you will be immune to other attractions over the years. It does mean, however, that you have undertaken to reject all others, whether they be male or female.

So, if you are a woman who has truly fallen in love with a man, and chosen to marry with the prospect of raising a family together, it doesn’t matter if you are thereafter attracted to another woman, as you have promised to forsake ALL others, and not act on any attractions that may be felt. You will do as all the rest of us have done over the many years of our marriages - just kept away from anyone who stirred an interest. It is what you promise to do.
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So well said Falco. This is very sound advice.
 
Physical attractions to others will continue after marriage, regardless of whether that union is between a man and a woman or same sex couples.

The key is marriage/civil unions etc are designed for humans to forsake all others, you have made a lifelong commitment to that person and that person alone. When temptation arrives, some people make a deliberate decision to cheat on their spouse.

Atheists have to deal with the heartbreak and havoc infidelity wreaks on their family, whatever form that family comes in.

For religious people (I know you are still seeking) there is an added spiritual relationship also which has been broken. The breaking of that vow is a sin. Marriage vows are ‘sacred’ and we truly believe that God has bound us together and we invite him to participate in our family life.

Catholics belong to a physical, visible family related by blood, we also belong to a visible spiritual family which is the Catholic Church related by Baptism and a third invisible family in Heaven. We are connected to all three. When a Catholic commits the sin of adultery we believe we damage our relationships with all the families as they are all interconnected.
 
One thing I’ve learned is that same-sex attraction is pretty common. Pretty much everyone is sexualized these days. Maybe some of our sexuality is genetic, but I think it’s really complicated. You hear the “born this way” thing brought up a lot, but I’ve known more than a few people who’ve gone from being in gay relationships to straight and back again. I even know a woman who had a longtime boyfriend and then had a civil union with a woman before divorcing her and going back to men. I would avoid making any identity commitments at this stage. Sometimes an identity commitment can lock you in psychologically. We have a psychological need for identity consistency and coherence, so if you were to ID as “gay” for example, your SSA would get bundled up with being part of this community, it narrative and rituals, and would make it harder to exit if your SSA is transient and/or not overwhelming. I’ve had SSA from time to time. I’m a man married to a woman. It doesn’t end up bothering me that much because I’m still attracted to my wife (and women in general). I could probably call myself bisexual but what would be the point? I’m never going to ever have sex with anyone other than my wife. I guess it would be different if I wasn’t attracted to the opposite sex, that would be harder because then you couldn’t have an honest relationship with them. I guess the question for you to think about is just how overhelming and exclusive this SSA is.

Oh and the last thing. You don’t have to feel guilty about having these feelings, You haven’t done anything wrong and it’s not your fault. You might be feeling scared because of the uncertainty about where this might be going. Even if you do have exclusive SSA you still have just as much worth in God’s eyes as anyone else, he just might have a different plan for you. God bless you and may God help you get clarity and peace, Amen.
 
I’m totally ignorant of the processes and feelings one in such a situation might feel. Therefore, if I say something utterly stupid and insulting, know that my intentions are good.

It would seem that if one were same sex attracted, it’s better to be bisexual rather than lesbian or gay as they have options, particularly if they have the understanding that same sex relations are sinful and they seek to avoid that sin. If a woman is attracted to women and men, couldn’t she just limit her dates and relationships to men? That would have to be much better than a woman that was only attracted to women as she doesn’t have the option that a bisexual woman does.

Personally, I’m a man that is attracted to a thousand different kinds of women but for this example, will just differentiate with hair color. I’m attracted to red heads, blondes and brunettes. My wife is a brunette but that does not mean that I’m not still attracted to blondes and red heads. At times, I’ve felt that attraction go too far but fortunately, in 27 years, I’ve managed to avoid cheating. The lust issue is something that I’ve struggled and is the subject of many of my confessions.

There have been times when I’ve regretted the choice I made in my wife (I was wrong, but that’s how I felt). There were times when I wished I had chosen someone else. Looking back now, on the last 27 years, I know the choice I made was the only choice and it is what god planned for me. There were many moments when I didn’t know that before and there will be times in the future, when I forget it again.

Our marriages has been pretty good but there have been some rough spots. Added to that, I’ve had a wandering eye and that has added to my confusion. Through all these things, I realized that I gathered my friends and family and made an oath in front of them and my God and that was a serious thing that I’ve always taken seriously.
 
Thank you to everyone who’s so far responded. 👍🙂

@DaddysGirl: I would be lying if I said that in the past I hadn’t acted on my impulses. Thats how I know what I’m feeling is wrong- because it didn’t make me happy. Rather it served for a good long while to push any remote thoughts of God away from my mind,

I must also add that despite my religious status on here, I am from a Christian family and was at one time a fairly enthusiastic Baptist (now long lapsed).
 
IdiNaPut said:
Thank you to everyone who’s so far responded. 👍🙂

@DaddysGirl: I would be lying if I said that in the past I hadn’t acted on my impulses. Thats how I know what I’m feeling is wrong- because it didn’t make me happy. Rather it served for a good long while to push any remote thoughts of God away from my mind,

I must also add that despite my religious status on here, I am from a Christian family and was at one time a fairly enthusiastic Baptist (now long lapsed).
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As a former Baptist, active and lapsed at times, I welcome you to this forum. I hope you find what you need here.
 
St_Pancake said:
As a former Baptist, active and lapsed at times, I welcome you to this forum. I hope you find what you need here.
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Hvala! I’ve not been here on this forum for long but I’m really loving it here.

Now if only I could find the courage to go to Mass…
 
IdiNaPut said:
Hvala! I’ve not been here on this forum for long but I’m really loving it here.

Now if only I could find the courage to go to Mass…
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DON’T GO TO MASS!

I went to my first mass on November 30, 2012 and my life hasn’t been the same since!
 
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