Struggling with impure thoughts

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walkwithhim54

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something is seriously wrong with me. I pray so hard to keep these thoughts at a distance. i respect women entirely. My problem is I can’t stare at a female or have a normal conversation without a thought crossing my mind. even watching a family program with non suggestive images is a struggle. how do i get through this? i keep confessing the same sin over and over.
 
(from previous posts of mine)

Regarding unwanted thoughts

While Jesus makes it clear that one can sin in ones thoughts…just cause some lustful thought or other like thought happens does not mean that one has sinned…

What should we do with* unwanted* sexual thoughts or other “bad thoughts”…thoughts against God etc? Those pesky temptations that can come …even though we are not seeking them or doing anything to bring them etc…

Are they mortal sins?

For a mortal sin one needs a grave matter …full knowledge AND deliberate consent!!!

A. If you do not want the thought…it the thought displeases you: it can be a sign actually that you did not give any consent or do not give full consent.

B. Even if you felt a temptation for the thought – and were drawn to it involuntarily —but rejected it and maybe even turned right to God : again a sign not full consent (if there was any).

C. But what if one has a tempting thought --say of a sexual nature and even hesitated for a moment…but then rejected it for one did not want to sin?: it can be partial consent perhaps (and thus a venial sin)-- or it may be no sin at all but rather a strong temptation that drew you but then you saw what was happening and turned away.

D. A temptation can even be very strong or the thoughts very often – but this does NOT mean one has consented!

Remember --for it to be mortal there must be that deliberate consent!

What to do? on the spiritual side–relax first of all and remember the above.

Next – know that the more one fears the thoughts the more likely they are to come… or said another way --the more a person stress about seeking to avoid the thoughts the more likely he will have a problem with them.

for example: for the next 10 seconds try NOT to think of an apple.

tick tock …

tick tock…

Ok what did you think of?

Most likely an apple.

So it is best to ignore them and just not consent and then turn your attention to some other good thing…for instance whatever you are doing.
Simply do not consent and move on…

Another point – thoughts can just happen --they are the stuff with which we think…it is up to us to consent and take them further or not. And just because they are REAL VIVID and almost “think themselves” does not mean per se that one has given ANY consent.

They can be annoying…but need cause no actual harm …

(Now difficulties with thoughts can happen to anyone…and has for centuries…nothing new!..but I will note too that “some” have a condition known as OCD (I knew someone with this once…it was a painful experience)…and thus should seek further professional help to work at overcoming it and to live a more peaceful life…)

(also some suffer from scrupulosity and ought to have a* regular confessor*)

Another help…is the distinction of “first thoughts and emotions” (as Baur calls em) what they call the prima of the prima…“the first of the first” (as one of my Professors called em…he was a Dominican)…these are the first involuntary things that just come up…such are not sins. They can tempt one of course to sin…or one can then proceed to some sin…but they are the stuff of the mind and emotions which “happen to one” …and really the are opportunities for growing in virtue etc as well…

How to deal with these? First of relax…don’t scruple…don’t fear them…to try to swat them all as the come…just simply turn to other things…or the thing you are doing…or to God…(of course do not consent)…but if you are too defensive against them…they may get worse actually…and confuse you more…instead turn to God or again other good things…accept that hey…somethings wild thoughts will come to you…

(and these can happen to all of us by the way…)

There is a story from the desert of the early Centuries of the Church where a younger hermit when to an older one with the problems of thoughts happening to him all the time…the older hermit told him to go outside open his cloak and catch the wind.

The younger hermit said such is not possible…

the older hermit replied --neither is it possible to stop all the thoughts that can come to you…your choice… is to consent or not…
 
PS: only confess them when they are sins.

If one is not sure of consent etc…note that if one confesses them.
 
Regarding sexual sin, I have to turn the other way completely. If I walk by an attractive woman wearing revealing clothes I have to turn my head away from her and pray that my thoughts be gone. The fact that these thoughts exist bother me. It’s exhausting battling with these thoughts.
 
CHAPTER 13 – On Resisting Temptations [The Imitation of Christ]

So long as we live in this world, we cannot remain without trial and temptation: as Job says, “Man’s life on earth is a warfare.” We must therefore be on guard against temptations, and watchful in prayer, that the Devil find no means of deceiving us; for he never rests, but prowls around seeking whom he may devour. No one is so perfect and holy that he is never tempted, and we can never be secure from temptation.

Although temptations are so troublesome and grievous, yet they are often profitable to us, for by them we are humbled, cleansed, and instructed. All the Saints endured manly trials and temptations, and profited by them; but those who could not resist temptations became reprobate, and fell away. There is no Order so holy, nor place so secluded, where there are no troubles and temptations.

No man can be entirely free from temptation so long as he lives; for the source of temptation lies within our own nature, since we are born with an inclination towards evil. When one temptation or trial draws to a close, another takes its place; and we shall always have something to fight, for man has lost the blessing of original happiness. Many try to escape temptations, only to encounter them more fiercely, for no one can win victory by flight alone; it is only by patience and true humility that we can grow stronger than all our foes.

The man who only avoids the outward occasions of evil, but fails to uproot it in himself, will gain little advantage. Indeed, temptations will return upon him the sooner, and he will find himself in a worse state than before. Little by little and by patient endurance you will overcome them by God’s help, better than by your own violence and importunity. Seek regular advice in temptation, and never deal harshly with those who are tempted, but give them such encouragement as you would value yourself.

The beginning of all evil temptation is an unstable mind and lack of trust in God. Just as a ship without a helm is driven to and fro by the waves, so a careless man, who abandons his proper course, is tempted in countless ways. Fire tempers steel, and temptation the just man. We often do not know what we can bear, but temptation reveals our true nature. We need especially to be on our guard at the very onset of temptation, for then the Enemy may be more easily overcome, if he is not allowed to enter the gates of the mind: he must be repulsed at the threshold, as soon as he knocks. Thus the poet Ovid writes, “Resist at the beginning; the remedy may come too late.” For first there comes into the mind an evil thought: next, a vivid picture: then delight, and urge to evil, and finally consent. In this way the Enemy gradually gains complete mastery, when he is not resisted at first. And the longer a slothful man delays resistance, the weaker he becomes, and the stronger his enemy grows against him.

Some people undergo their heaviest temptations at the beginning of their conversion; some towards the end of their course; others are greatly troubled all their lives; while there are some whose temptations are but light. This is in accordance with the wisdom and justice of God’s ordinance, who weighs the condition and merits of every man, and disposes all things for the salvation of those whom He chooses.

We must not despair, therefore, when we are tempted, but earnestly pray God to grant us his help in every need. For, as Saint Paul says, “With the temptation, God will provide a way to overcome it, that we may be able to bear bear it.” So, let us humble ourselves under the hand of God, in every trial and trouble, for He will save and raise up the humble in Spirit. In all these trials, our progress is tested; in them great merit may be secured, and our virtue become evident. It is no great matter if we are devout and fervent when we have no troubles; but if we show patience in adversity, we can make great progress in virtue. Some are spared severe temptations, but are overcome in the lesser ones of every day, in order that they may be humble, and learn not to trust in themselves, but to recognize their frailty.
 
Regarding sexual sin, I have to turn the other way completely. If I walk by an attractive woman wearing revealing clothes I have to turn my head away from her and pray that my thoughts be gone. The fact that these thoughts exist bother me. It’s exhausting battling with these thoughts.
Read my above post…

And then read your line here about “exhausting battle”…
 
something is seriously wrong with me. I pray so hard to keep these thoughts at a distance. i respect women entirely. My problem is I can’t stare at a female or have a normal conversation without a thought crossing my mind. even watching a family program with non suggestive images is a struggle. how do i get through this? i keep confessing the same sin over and over.
I believe that we cannot “force” ourselves to get rid of a thought. When we try not to think about something, we are thinking about it. The best way I have found at ridding thoughts is distraction. Read a good book, go hiking, go out for coffee, whatever… just change the subject, if you will. You also might try turning each impure thought into a pure one, even if it seems fake. For a non-sexual example, if I have the thought, “That mother is really losing her patience with her child.” I can change it to, “That woman is being really heroic to still go to the grocery store even when she is stressed out and tired.” This will help lessen the anxiety and fear from the impure thought that will actually ingrain it further into our memories. It then becomes an act of the will. Even if you don’t feel like having the good thought or that you believe it, it’s still true, and it’s a heroic action. The good thoughts will start to come more frequently and the bad thoughts will diminish over time.

This doesn’t mean that it will go away entirely, but maybe, overtime, this avoiding or distracting from these thoughts will retrain your brain to develop healthy patterns of thinking, and so the associations will be on good things.
 
I pray this when I have a unwanted untimely feeling of a sexual nature.

Do thou, Lord Jesus, who art the Supreme Lord of all my powers, take it from me. Amen.

It generally works.
 
I have the same problem. I have many addictions involving lust. Try seeing the women like children of God. Say a prayer when thoughts come rushing. Say a nightly novena prayer to the Holy Spirit to help you. He absolutely will! I’ll be praying for you.
 
“Consent is the application of the appetitive movement to something that is already in the power of him who causes the application. Now the order of action is this: First there is the (1) apprehension of the end; (2) then the desire of the end; (3) then the counsel about the means; (4) then the desire of the means.” (Summa Theologica, I-II, q. 15, a. 3)

Sin requires consent, or the desire of the means (pleasure of the thought in its ultimate process). This 1, 2, 3, can happen in a instant and it could be hard to keep them distinct. So the beauty of a woman is apprehended (that would be 1). If you recall your girlfriend and what she did and place the woman you apprehended in the same act (that would be 3). And then the pleasure of the act would be the possible sin (4).

I find in a lot of cases 1 and 2 takes place, easy to believe that there could be sin here, but there is no sin because I have not appoached a way (the means) of getting the end in view.
 
“Consent is the application of the appetitive movement to something that is already in the power of him who causes the application. Now the order of action is this: First there is the (1) apprehension of the end; (2) then the desire of the end; (3) then the counsel about the means; (4) then the desire of the means.” (Summa Theologica, I-II, q. 15, a. 3)

Sin requires consent, or the desire of the means (pleasure of the thought in its ultimate process). This 1, 2, 3, can happen in a instant and it could be hard to keep them distinct. So the beauty of a woman is apprehended (that would be 1). If you recall your girlfriend and what she did and place the woman you apprehended in the same act (that would be 3). And then the pleasure of the act would be the possible sin (4).

I find in a lot of cases 1 and 2 takes place, easy to believe that there could be sin here, but there is no sin because I have not appoached a way (the means) of getting the end in view.
Not really the approach I would take …and not sure it applies…(one would have to go into a good deal of reading etc perhaps to understand the context etc of what is meant there…can be rather confusing here…).

One can sin via thoughts or desires without any seeking to see if there is any “counsel of means” or “desire of means”.

It is important though yes to distinguish between temptation … and consent (and between partial and complete consent as well).
 
I have the same problem. I have many addictions involving lust. Try seeing the women like children of God. Say a prayer when thoughts come rushing. Say a nightly novena prayer to the Holy Spirit to help you. He absolutely will! I’ll be praying for you.
I’m glad I’m not the only one. The problem is I have a girlfriend and she doesn’t like herself because of my addiction. I love her and we pray together but I still struggle.
 
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