Struggling with Mass attendance

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Luna_Lovecraft

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My husband and I have been married for five years. After being unemployed for 3.5 years, my husband found work in October as a long-haul truck driver. He’s been home once since then, over Thanksgiving, and is scheduled to be home again Christmas Eve day for three days.

Since he’s started traveling, I’ve stopped attending Mass. Attending Sunday Mass with him had always been the most joyous part of my week, and going without him is too sad for me bear. I’ve gotten up the past three Sunday mornings in a row with every intention of going to Mass, but each time I start crying as I’m getting ready, give up, and stay home. It’s like I’m mourning the loss of spending this special time with my husband.

When he was home in November we went to Thanksgiving Day Mass as well as Sunday Mass. I felt so content to be in the pew with my husband beside me.

I know not attending Sunday Mass is mortally sinful, and I intend to go to Confession about this. I know Mass isn’t supposed to be about me or my husband or our time together. I already feel terrible about not going. I’m here wondering if anyone else has struggled with Mass attendance under similar circumstances, or if anyone can point me to inspirational readings/blogs/authors, etc. to help me through this difficult time.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers.

Luna
 
While I’ve never had this particular problem, it sounds as if you may be struggling with depression, which can cause crying spells such as you describe, and can also make it very difficult to leave the house. Severe depression could mitigate the sin on not going to Mass (though it is best not to count on this and to confess it), but definitely do go to Mass, not only because it is an obligation and a sin not to go, but because you need the healing to be found there. I suffer from depression and I know it’s hard, but if you go, God will give you the graces you need, even if you cry through the whole Mass (which I have done).

You can also unite your loneliness to the loneliness of Jesus in his agony in the Garden. Just as you are waiting for your husband to come back, Jesus is waiting for you, so that He can comfort you and bless you and keep you company. Think of this as a time to come closer to Him.

I like your user name, by the way.
 
I don’t have any words of wisdom for you except to say you’re not alone.

After my father died, my mother struggled with going to Mass alone. It had always been something they did together and her “aloneless” was highlighted when she sat in a pew by herself.

I’m not sure how to do it, but I thought at the time it would be wonderful if parishes would have something in place for individuals or families to invite widows or widowers to come to Mass with them.

Perhaps something like that would work for you. Do you have a friend in the parish so you could arrange to meet at Mass and sit together or even meet before Mass and go together?
 
My husband never went with me, I think if you notice there are a lot of people there by themselves. he will be home for Christmas which is nice. I think it must be a real
adjustment for you after 3.5 years of him being home and now he’s gone a lot. Just remember when your in Church your not really alone. 🙂
 
I’m always alone at mass. None of my family goes with me and when I’m at home for Christmas I’m the only one who goes. Yesterday, I felt really lonely and homesick for my parish.

Now, I’m being pressured into attending a Christmas service at my aunt’s Methodist church. When I explain the importance of mass, I’m called stuck up.

This Sunday, go to mass and pray for your husband, yourself and anyone who feels alone at Church. I’ll be saying the same prayer for you. Remember that the love of our lives is there in the Tabernacle waiting for us.
 
I’m so sorry to hear of your situation. Perhaps you could go a different time than usual? Saturday evening Mass? Go with a friend, go to a different parish, might help also. In his job, you husband probably can’t get to Mass either, so think of you going as an offering for the fact that he can’t.
 
kmuestwin said:
This doesn’t solve the problem because it doesn’t satisfy the obligation.
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Sometimes you need compassion and heart, thanks for giving Catholics a cold name with your rigid demands.

Merry Christmas.
 
CatholicPraises said:
Sometimes you need compassion and heart, thanks for giving Catholics a cold name with your rigid demands.

Merry Christmas.
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The “rigid demands” are Christ’s. Keeping the Sabbath is a commandment. We can’t get to heaven unless we keep the commandments. Offering the Sacrifice of the Mass is the Christian Sabbath. Watching it on TV is not a substitute for being there, unless we have a serious reason for not attending, such as illness.

Peace be with you.
 
Jim_Dandy said:
The “rigid demands” are Christ’s. Keeping the Sabbath is a commandment. We can’t get to heaven unless we keep the commandments. Offering the Sacrifice of the Mass is the Christian Sabbath.

Peace be with you.
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Mis information. When someone goes through a tough period in life the good Lord will accept attendance of mass via television or another means as a temporary Sabbath commitment.
 
charliedrake said:
Mis information. When someone goes through a tough period in life the good Lord will accept attendance of mass via television or another means as a temporary Sabbath commitment.
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Please give the citation from Canon Law or the Catechism to support your position.

We are excused from Mass for a serious reason, such as illness or some other condition or situation which makes it impossible for us to attend. Then it it good to watch a televised Mass, but not required. “Going through a tough period in life” does not qualify as sufficient reason.

Edit to add: This is not a criticism of the OP, but deals only with the suggestion that watching a Mass on TV is a substitute for attending in person.
 
I wasn’t being mean or rude. I was simply stating a fact. I know where the OP is coming from.

I just don’t want to tout ignorance by saying that listening to mass on TV is just as good because frankly it isn’t.

I will be saying prayers for the OP and I hope that you both have an increase in charity.
 
charliedrake said:
Mis information. When someone goes through a tough period in life the good Lord will accept attendance of mass via television or another means as a temporary Sabbath commitment.
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This can’t end well… 🤷

Luna (or is it Lovecraft?), do you keep in contact with your husband often? It would be good to spend some time on the phone with him together, if you can’t be together physically. Share your feelings about it with him.

If you have a friend who is Catholic, perhaps you could arrange with them to attend mass together? It won’t be the same as going with your husband, I know, but it’s better than going by yourself. If anything, know that in mass or anywhere, you are never truly alone. God is always there and ready to receive you when you take that step. 🙂
 
Jim_Dandy said:
The “rigid demands” are Christ’s. Keeping the Sabbath is a commandment. We can’t get to heaven unless we keep the commandments. Offering the Sacrifice of the Mass is the Christian Sabbath. Watching it on TV is not a substitute for being there, unless we have a **serious reason **for not attending, such as illness.

Peace be with you.
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That is the correct information. What we don’t know is if the OP has a serious reason. If she is suffering from depression, she is ill. The only way she’ll know for sure is to speak to her priest, which I believed she mentioned.
 
Jim_Dandy said:
Please give the citation from Canon Law or the Catechism to support your position.

We are excused from Mass for a serious reason, such as illness or some other condition or situation which makes it impossible for us to attend. Then it it good to watch a televised Mass, but not required. “Going through a tough period in life” does not qualify as sufficient reason.
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100% wrong information. Demanding with an iron fist that no matter the circumstance a person attend mass is foolishness. When someone is struggling we can offer options such as EWTN mass or confession etc for non attendance. I will pray for you.
 
Filii_Dei said:
This can’t end well… 🤷

Luna (or is it Lovecraft?), do you keep in contact with your husband often? It would be good to spend some time on the phone with him together, if you can’t be together physically. Share your feelings about it with him.

If you have a friend who is Catholic, perhaps you could arrange with them to attend mass together? It won’t be the same as going with your husband, I know, but it’s better than going by yourself. If anything, know that in mass or anywhere, you are never truly alone. God is always there and ready to receive you when you take that step. 🙂
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This a heart warming good points,

The general mis information on these posts are amazing. We can and should help people who call out for it. Simply to espouses canon law or obligations like a court case is so discouraging. Making a mockery out of watching mass on TV like EWTN is exactly what this is for…let’s bring people back to the church not flame throw them away.
 
CatholicPraises said:
This a heart warming good points,

The general mis information on these posts are amazing. We can and should help people who call out for it. Simply to espouses canon law or obligations like a court case is so discouraging. Making a mockery out of watching mass on TV like EWTN is exactly what this is for…let’s bring people back to the church not flame throw them away.
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Nobody is mocking televised mass. It is good but it doesn’t solve Luna’s problem.
 
kmuestwin said:
This doesn’t solve the problem because it doesn’t satisfy the obligation.
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You have no idea of that. She should talk to her priest. What she is describing is clinical depression. Depression is an illness just like any other, and can be quite debilitating and needs to be treated. Her priest may decide to give her a dispensation until she sees a doctor.

OP, you might benefit from committing to attending Mass with a friend rather than trying to go alone and beating yourself up for not being able to.
 
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