Struggling with missing Mass for health reasons

  • Thread starter Thread starter Ms_Manners
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Ms_Manners

Guest
I have a problem with my back, a herniated and damaged disc that causes me a lot of pain.

It’s been worse lately, in the last month I’ve had more painful than pain-free days.
Sometimes I can’t even sit up on my own. I sleep on the couch (luckily we have a really comfortable one) because I can’t get up from the bed after my husband goes to work in the morning.
Sometimes it’s just severe tension in my back, I have trouble standing up straight, walking long distances, sitting in the same position for a while.

Because of all of this, I have been missing Mass quite a lot. I feel horrible, but I’m also struggling with the line.
Obviously, if I can’t sit up, I can’t really go to chuch. (Although I do still feel guilty about it.)

But days like today feel worse, although I feel better.
Today is a tension day. Not excruciantingly painful, but it takes me a minute or two to straighten up after sitting and I can’t walk far.
Yesterday I didn’t go grocery shopping which I normally enjoy (I’m a housewife at heart, I love cleaning supplies more than any kind of shoes or clothes).
My husband has to work today (it would normally be a public holiday here), so I cleaned the kitty litter and I needed a break before I could do other things.
I was planning to go to church in the morning, then I was supposed to drop something off and then coffee at my parents’ where my husband would pick my up after work.
I rescheduled everything and didn’t go to Mass in the morning. There is another in the evening, but my husband thinks I should stay home and rest.

If I go, it won’t help with the overall situation (it’s two hours without a break, sitting in the uncomfortable pew and kneeling), but if I don’t, I will feel like it’s more laziness than actual inability to go. I feel like I need to be completely broken up to miss Mass.

Where do you draw the line of justified reasons for missing Mass?
 
Please don’t be scrupulous.

Where I draw the line or where anyone else draws the line is not relevant. YOU must decide for yourself whether or not you are up to going to Mass. It is a prudential judgment. You have a chronic condition and no one else knows limits on any given day.
 
I’ve been in that position myself. I had back surgery in October 2010 and now thank God my back is in the best of shape I could have ever hoped for. I actually have the ability to be more active and also have more physical stamina now than before the back back problem; who would have thought?!

My advice: throw out those painkillers and never take them again! They are not helping at all! Get out and walk. Force yourself to do it whether you feel like you can or not. I know how depressed you can feel with such bad chronic pain and if you feel that way you’re not going to want to go out. Do it anyways! Go to Mass and tough it out. If you could walk there and back in the past, now’s the time to really do it! Stop and take breaks if you have to as I did.

I worked through the worst of my back problems even though I could have been off on medical leave. Thank God I did! The walk from the office to my position was about 5 blocks or more. I would have had to wait sometimes half hour or an hour just to catch a ride there. I was not in to waiting so I just toughed it out and walked. Then I had to stand up there for hours, and even though I didn’t feel as if I could but I did anyways. After a few weeks of doing this I found the pain wasn’t as bad anymore. This actually helped me. When I went for my surgery about a month after this the doctors were all surprised that my back had healed somewhat when compared to the older scans they had. Simply walking and standing for hours at a time did this.

I was lucky that this happened to me when I was young (if you can call it lucky). I always said had I been older I would have died from it. It was so bad I felt like I couldn’t walk. My uncle went through the same thing at 49. He had his surgery and was doing well but ended up dying about a month and a half or perhaps two after the surgery. Don’t let that happen to you… be as active as you can! I know he would still be alive if it weren’t for that back problem. Push yourself and be active even when you feel like you can’t and you’ll get through it!
 
I’ve been in that position myself. I had back surgery in October 2010 and now thank God my back is in the best of shape I could have ever hoped for. I actually have the ability to be more active and also have more physical stamina now than before the back back problem; who would have thought?!

My advice: throw out those painkillers and never take them again! They are not helping at all! Get out and walk. Force yourself to do it whether you feel like you can or not. I know how depressed you can feel with such bad chronic pain and if you feel that way you’re not going to want to go out. Do it anyways! Go to Mass and tough it out. If you could walk there and back in the past, now’s the time to really do it! Stop and take breaks if you have to as I did.

I worked through the worst of my back problems even though I could have been off on medical leave. Thank God I did! The walk from the office to my position was about 5 blocks or more. I would have had to wait sometimes half hour or an hour just to catch a ride there. I was not in to waiting so I just toughed it out and walked. Then I had to stand up there for hours, and even though I didn’t feel as if I could but I did anyways. After a few weeks of doing this I found the pain wasn’t as bad anymore. This actually helped me. When I went for my surgery about a month after this the doctors were all surprised that my back had healed somewhat when compared to the older scans they had. Simply walking and standing for hours at a time did this.

I was lucky that this happened to me when I was young (if you can call it lucky). I always said I could have died from it. It was so bad I felt like I couldn’t walk and the state of mind it left me in was awful. My uncle went through the same thing at 49. He had his surgery and was doing well but ended up dying about a month and a half or perhaps two after the surgery. Don’t let that happen to you… be as active as you can! I know he would still be alive if it weren’t for that back problem. Push yourself and be active even when you feel like you can’t and you’ll get through it!
 
The one thing I notice about chronic pain is the anxiety it produces which increases the self-defeating thoughts which become part of the pain cycle.

I have gone to church and done the sit-stand routine. It’s always a drudgery to get myself to church but once I am there, received communion, and mass is over I am so happy that I made it.

Thanks for sharing. It was encouraging to hear that someone else struggles with this.
 
Having had some back trouble in my past I feel very bad for you, the constant pain over every move makes you afraid to move. If you are having trouble with your choice to miss Mass why not avail yourself of the opportunity, first chance you have, to discuss this in confession with your priest. I will pray for your back troubles to be healed.
 
Only you know the true nature of your pain and debilitation. While this chronic problem persists, why not call your priest, get on the list for a home visit from him, and for someone to bring you the Word and Holy Communion on Sundays? That will eliminate the psychological beating you are giving yourself, causing you emotional grief. Jesus loves you, so love yourself enough to stop beating yourself up here. And I’ll pray for healing.
 
you need the eucharist for strength. ask your pastor about a home visit, or if you can make it to church, coming in late and leaving early. God bless!
 
I have a few health problems that make attending Mass difficult, I talked to my Pastor and gave me permission to go during the week to fulfill my obligation.
My prayers are with you
 
Unfortunately I am leaning toward not going, since I just walked to the kitchen - hunchback style. I can’t stand up straight at all. 😦
 
If you can’t make it to Sunday Mass, the obligation is lifted. You don’t have to make up for it another day or anything like that.

I have been through periods when it was difficult to get to Mass, and I found it helped a lot for me to have a plan for something to do instead, if I was able to. Even something simple like an extra Rosary, watching Mass on TV, etc, made me feel like I hadn’t missed the Sunday-ness of Sunday, iyswim.

Talk to your doctor to see what is realistic. When I had back problems in my youth, they tended to get worse, bit when I found out it was just muscular, and I wouldn’t hurt myself by pushing through it, my back got better. However, I do not have a herniated disc! I think if you had clarity on what could actually harm you, and what you can work through the pain on, that you would have a better basis from which to decide about going to Mass.

However, take it easy, because pain is in itself debilitating.
 
Ms_Manners said:
Unfortunately I am leaning toward not going, since I just walked to the kitchen - hunchback style. I can’t stand up straight at all. 😦
Click to expand...
Oh, you poor thing. I’ve been there. I’ve gone to Mass while in similar condition, arranged to have a different sort of chair, had the chair in the back where I could get up and walk around as needed, and it still didn’t work. I simply had to admit I was in no condition to ride to church and then be in any condition to pay attention while I was there.

If anyone else were in your condition, you would tell her that she needed to stay home. Of course you miss going to Mass, but it cannot be helped. Do not beat yourself up. What if you saw someone berating someone in your condition? You’d be appalled. Why are you not appalled that you berate yourself so? Examine yourself, that is your duty, but do not berate yourself for coming to the same conclusion you would for anyone else in your condition.

It is not as if you would even consider going to anything else that would make half the demands on you, would you? It is not as if you are willing to make sacrifices to do the other things you love, but not willing to make a similar sacrifice to go to Mass. You’re crippled by pain from doing many things you want to do, and Mass is one of them. If you could find some imaginative solution, such as going to a Mass at a nursing home that takes less time and so on, great, but that is not a requirement. The most likely solution is to reflect on the readings as you can, have your husband bring you Holy Communion if he can, otherwise to join your suffering to the suffering of Our Lord, and of course pray that you will be healed and returned to the health that allows you to go about the activities of daily life in a more normal way, including Mass.
 
Thank you for the replies and prayers. 🙂

I am not in the US, so some things are a little different.

I don’t qualify for surgery yet and recovery takes about a year. (A neighbour with the same problem just had it. There’s less pain, but her movements are still limited.)
I am not on painkillers, except when it’s so bad that I can’t even lie down without severe pain. I avoid them for several reasons.
The doctor will just tell me to take it easy and rest when it hurts. I am not supposed to do sports or similar activities that include sudden movements. (And he’ll give me painkillers/shots, of course.)

I don’t get depressed, I’m not that kind of person, but I do get tired from all the pain and inability to do normal things sometimes.
I have to stay active simply because we have two very energetic dogs (and cats, but they are not as challenging physically), but there are some days when I just can’t make it. Luckily my husband understands everything and never thinks I’m lazy (I know some people with less suportive partners).

Also the church is different. When I mentioned my health to the priest in confession, he simply nodded and moved on. He didn’t give me a lecture like he does if you miss Mass for other reasons, but I don’t think they do home visits (unless you are dying) or special permission to miss church.
(We get a new priest every year, we are a semi-parish and they don’t seem to put in a real effort, but that’s a different story. There is no actual church in our parish, the Mass is actually in a school auditorium, which is somewhat limiting. The church I often go to is a few miles away, which is a problem with all of this, especially with my husband at work.)

I go to Mass with back pain when I can and I am glad as soon as I get there.
I went on Sunday, quietly shifted in my pew constantly (until people started looking at me), but today I just couldn’t. 😦
I made other arrangements for the other things I was supposed to do today, thankfully it was easily done.
 
May God bless you in your difficulties.

MASSES, and ADORATION for “shut-ins”, those unable to go to Mass due to infirmity.

There are online Masses offered for those unable to go to Mass due to illness,
One such Mass is

thesundaymass.org/
You can become a ‘parishioner’ of this parish

There are also daily Masses offered online for 'shut-ins"
For instance:

catholictv.com/shows/daily-mass

There is another site that allows you to visit the Blessed Sacrament, via webcam, 24 hours per day, at a contemplative Redemptoristine nuns’ website.
At night the webcam on the Tabernacle is active,
during the day the chapel website is used.
While the sound is not generally on,
it is turned on for community vocal prayer times and for Mass.

rednuns.com/webcam/
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top