Struggling with my faith after something my aunt said

  • Thread starter Thread starter Rebecca97
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
PennyinCanada said:
The kneelers were pulled out and parishioners were told they had to stand. (No kneeling in a Catholic church?)
Click to expand...
Your points beside this are valid.

Kneeling and pews in Churches are innovations which came into the Church mainly after the Reformation.

The ancient (and preferred in Eastern Christian Churches) layout has no pews and therefore no kneelers in the Church.

You can see this in some of the ancient Roman Churches. They have to put out chairs or makeshift pews because originally there were none.
 
Thanks so much, I’m feeling so much better since reading all these replies from other Catholics. I was keeping it to myself but I should have posted sooner.

Thanks for your explanation about priests and nuns being attacked. I never really thought about that but it makes sense. I’m definitely trying to pray for my aunt.

And what you said happened to one of the older churches here, in the 70s they stripped of it everything but luckily didn’t throw away the statues, etc… they just went into storage. Then about 10 years ago, the church needed renovation, and the pastor at the time was a more traditional priest, so he had all the statues restored and the church renovated to much how it was when it was built over 100 years ago. He also established adoration and benediction there. Its such a beautiful church and I love going to adoration there on Fridays, when I’m up to it. It reminds me of my mom, because I know she would love that kind of church. But you’re making me remember that my aunt was unhappy with the renovation… she preferred when it was plain, and she doesn’t really go there anymore. I never thought about that until now…

Anyhow, thank you for your encouragement, I really appreciate it. I don’t think I’m going to talk to my aunt about this subject, at least not for a while. It was painful and I’m now planning to speak to a priest about it. Not sure which priest yet as I don’t know any of them really well but there are 4 priests close by.
 
Some people say these things to distance themselves from something that is not currently in popular favour. You may find that in years to come she becomes more steadfast in her devotion.

I am not a catholic but I have experienced the same and said the same about my institution.

Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. In my belief an institution is there as a means to feed those and congregate those who believe this statement.

But I am an amateur and ever learning. Dont stop praying and reading Scripture.

Jesus said “Your Word is Truth.”
 
“Being Catholic” means vastly different things to different people.

Just concentrate on what it means to you, which appears to be following the Church more traditionally, as your mother did.
 
Dovekin said:
She knows you and she knew your mother. An excessive attachment to the church can be a barrier to your growth.
Click to expand...
A purported “spiritual director” saying the Catholic Church is not necessary and that all religions are pretty much the same and that people can find God without them is not someone addressing “an excessive attachment to the church”.

Also, it’s completely unfounded for you to take the position that this girl’s late mother and her traditional beliefs were wrong, or manifested an excessive attachment to the Church.

I have no idea why you are “astounded” that a lot of us are alarmed and find it unusual that a member of a Catholic religious order, working in a capacity as a spiritual director, would essentially pooh-pooh the Church. If you yourself think this way, maybe you need to take a step back and examine your own beliefs.
 
This comment can be used to justify so many heretical things even if that is not what is intended. Catholicism is not just an “option” it is the Arc to Eternal Life.
 
Rebecca97 said:
And what you said happened to one of the older churches here, in the 70s they stripped of it everything but luckily didn’t throw away the statues, etc… they just went into storage. Then about 10 years ago, the church needed renovation, and the pastor at the time was a more traditional priest, so he had all the statues restored and the church renovated to much how it was when it was built over 100 years ago. He also established adoration and benediction there. Its such a beautiful church and I love going to adoration there on Fridays, when I’m up to it. It reminds me of my mom, because I know she would love that kind of church. But you’re making me remember that my aunt was unhappy with the renovation… she preferred when it was plain, and she doesn’t really go there anymore. I never thought about that until now…
Click to expand...
This type of thing is happening all over. The younger people want the tradition back, and the statues. Most of them don’t want the plain space.

To be fair, the plain space and other trappings of the 60s, 70s, 80s were preferred by many people of that time because they believed the Church had gotten too obsessed with trappings and minutiae and rituals and rules and lost touch with the actual people. Unfortunately, they threw the baby out with the bathwater in many cases, and got rid of many things that actually helped lead people to God, including statues, devotions like the Rosary, etc. They weren’t bad people, it’s just that they got rid of too much and now we are putting some of the essentials back.
 
Thanks, you make some really good points. Everyone is giving me so much great advice and things to think about, its so helpful and I really appreciate it! I’ve been feeling so bad about everything.

Its interesting what you’re saying about my aunt maybe not being so comfortable with my faith and suffering. I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy just over a year ago, after I had a heart attack. It was pretty shocking since I was only 19 at the time. I’ve had a couple more cardiac events since then. My prognosis is still kind of uncertain. I’ve had to quit school, and I’ve been in and out of hospital. I always went to mass before but since my diagnosis I’ve had way more time to think about my life in general and felt more interested in being a good Catholic. I pray more and try to offer up my suffering. In fact I have a post here on CAF about mortification that unfortunately is locked now so I can’t thank everyone for responding (I went back into hospital before I respond to everyone).

But my point in mentioning that is, my aunt is not a fan of suffering. I’m not entirely sure why, but she’s said to me before I got sick that she finds the Church’s concentration on suffering repulsive and she prefers the Resurrection theology. I remember she particularly doesn’t like that part in the Gospel where Jesus says, “Could you not wait 1 hour with me?” because, to her it feels like Jesus is trying to give her a guilt trip. I have been thinking more about suffering lately and mentioning it to her more, and reading some of the Catholic classics on it. Maybe that’s bothering her… something to think about anyways, thanks!
 
I am astounded that you have not gone through the process yourself. It is a common experience that most people go through. You really never had someone say something to you that you thought was outrageous, only to eventually learn that it was right?

I will happily retract my remarks about “excessive devotion” if you and everyone else will stop trying to turn her aunt into someone to be feared. There is a strong personal relationship there that should be encouraged.
 
Rebecca97 said:
But my point in mentioning that is, my aunt is not a fan of suffering. I’m not entirely sure why, but she’s said to me before I got sick that she finds the Church’s concentration on suffering repulsive and she prefers the Resurrection theology.
Click to expand...
In the era when your aunt grew up, the theology of suffering was really, really pushed on people. Especially on women. And sometimes not in a healthy way.
It was an era of “victim souls” who were supposed to be suffering for mankind.

It is highly likely your aunt had negative experience with it, as did many other people. Hence the influence on the Resurrection theology beginning about in the late 1960s.

And manifested in my hometown parish by whatever was over the altar (I cannot remember if it was a large Crucifix or a statue of the Sacred Heart or even a statue of the name saint of the Church, I was too little, but I definitely remember some old sculpture being there) being removed and replaced with a giant gold-sparkle painted modern mural of the Risen Jesus which is still there to this day. As a kid I was all like, “Yay, a pretty Sparkle Painted Jesus!” and did not understand why some adults didn’t like it so much. They were used to Suffering Jesus.

(A few decades later the large Crucifix was put back up, suspended over the altar somewhat in front of Sparkle Painted Risen Jesus, where it stayed for about 20 years before being moved to the side wall, probably because the current pastor was concerned the plaster holding the suspension hooks might let go and the big heavy crucifix come crashing down on someone below.)

I understand why your aunt’s generation might have rejected the Suffering in favor of the Resurrection.
The problem is, when we actually experience suffering in life that we can’t help, such as an illness or a death of a loved one, we are hit with suffering head-on and we need that Suffering Theology to make use of it or sense of it.
 
Last edited:
Rebecca97, do you have a favourite saint? I find it sometimes very helpful to stay connected with real people who lived a life for their faith. Reading and praying with them. Maybe experiencing their shrines where people meet who experienced help and intervention in their lifes. Sometimes this is more fruitful than reading scripture and doctrines.
 
Spyridon said:
Your points beside this are valid.

Kneeling and pews in Churches are innovations which came into the Church mainly after the Reformation.

The ancient (and preferred in Eastern Christian Churches) layout has no pews and therefore no kneelers in the Church.

You can see this in some of the ancient Roman Churches. They have to put out chairs or makeshift pews because originally there were none.
Click to expand...
I think the word ‘innovation’ has a bad connotation in this situation. To provide seating is a kindness to the weak, the lame, the elderly, the nursing moms, the ill, etc. Granted, we don’t need the kneelers because we can kneel on hard stone to pray. I take offense to the kneelers being removed. It seems to me like an anti-piety motivation especially with everything else being removed. If we really believed that Jesus was present truly in the church, why would we not kneel, and encourage kneeling? If their rational was on restoring it to the ancient days the seating would have been removed as well. But, why do that? We learn to kneel to pray from our youngest days. The posture puts ourselves ‘in the zone’. The old folks, who have spent decades kneeling and supporting the church, can we not leave the padded kneelers alone? To remove them is the opposite of charity.

Churches also have the innovation of plumbing and running water. I’m good with that. Salt and sand on the ice outside is nice too. They didn’t have these things in the ancient church but I’m happy that we do.
 
Oh yeah, that totally makes sense. If things were too much about the objects and not God, I get why they wanted to change that. But I don’t really understand why they took everything away. I think that was wrong. I get distracted easily when I pray, and it seems to help if I can look at something that reminds me of God, or have some direction in the form of specific prayers, at least to get me started. If things are really plain or instructions are vague I have more trouble. Not saying minimalism is bad or anything, its just harder, at least for me. And its true, at least where I live, younger people do tend to like the traditional stuff more. One guy I know from school is in the FSSP seminary now. And I’ve also been invited to a TLM by some friends from school though I’ve been unable to travel due to illness (its a couple of hours away). And even my friends who just go to the regular English mass are typically more traditional than their parents. I have a friend whose older brother was just ordained a diocesan priest and she goes to daily mass with a bunch of friends. Her parents are nice people, but they were never much of mass goers so they are kind of shocked that they now have a son who is a priest and a daughter who goes to daily mass lol. I’m looking forward to going with my friends to mass again once I feel a bit better.
 
Last edited:
I would suggest that you ask your aunt to elaborate on what lead her to that conclusion. I don’t imagine that one becomes a nun without a good deal of education on matters Catholic, nor does one remain a nun without an in-depth view into the experience of the church. I think you should continue the conversation with her rather than run from it. You may end up with an understanding you hadn’t imagined at first.
 
I’m trying to figure that out right now actually… I was named after St. Teresa of Avila (Teresa is my second name) but I don’t feel super connected to her even though she is a great saint obviously. I’m am trying to read her though. I was born on October 2 (Guardian Angels) and I have started to develop some devotion to my Guardian Angel and also I really like St. Michael the Archangel. I’m still thinking about it… it seems kind of overwhelming because there are so many of them. I’ve started reading the daily saints though and I hope I find one I connect with eventually. I also asked God to help me find one too.
 
Sorry I missed responding to your post right away, but thanks for your encouragement! I’m feeling so much since everyone has responded to me. Its really helped to hear from other Catholics. And I definitely hope to go to mass and adoration soon. I’m home from the hospital but its been difficult to go so far. I think I might feel a bit better once I’m able to go again.

I hadn’t heard about the prayer rope… I googled it and it looks cool, I will definitely try it. Thanks for the suggestion!
 
Thanks for explaining that a bit better to me. I can understand thinking about things more maturely so that you aren’t so legalistic and judging others harshly based on their circumstances. But it seemed to me that she was saying discard everything, including believing in Jesus. I don’t know if she really meant to say that, but that was how I took it. And if that’s true, why believe in anything at all, if you’re just going to discard it.
 
Thanks, yeah I’m wondering why she is still a nun after 40 years if she doesn’t really believe in the Church. That doesn’t make any sense to me, though a lot of people in this thread have posted ideas that are helping me to maybe understand a bit. I will eventually talk to her I think, but it was really painful so I need some space, at least until I feel physically better. When I get upset, I get sicker.
 
It doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t believe in the church. She is seeing something and you need to find out about it. I understand what she said, but you need to explore it with her. By the way, I am sorry that you have been sick and in the hospital and I hope you get better!

All the best!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top