L
LilyRose_8891
Guest
Ten months after our wedding, my husband and I welcomed our first child who is now four months old. Our desire is to wait two years before having another child for the following reasons. We would like to focus on the child we already have for right now and get to the point were he is at least sleeping through the night in his own room. Neither of us are getting a full night’s sleep now, as is to be expected. During my first pregnancy, I wanted to do nothing but sleep during the first trimester, and I do not think I can physically get up during the night with my baby as well as spend all day taking care of a four month old, all while being fatigued all the time. My body generally needs to rest from being pregnant. I had gestational diabetes while pregnant, despite being 25 years old, a healthy weight, and in overall good health. I am almost guaranteed to have gestational diabetes in subsequent pregnancies, and I need to rest from that. I am breastfeeding my baby, and I’m not sure what happens to a nursing mother’s breast milk if she becomes pregnant… My point is, I think we have serious reasons to use NFP to postpone pregnancy.
I would have liked to use the lactational anmenhorea method (LAM) but I was forced to supplement my breastfeeding with formula when my baby was first born because of complications. I am exclusively breastfeeding now, but the initial formula supplement thwarted my attempts at LAM. We are using the Creighton method. I have a very long mucus cycle, so my practitioner told me to do the “essential sameness” question. I tired really hard, but I still have mucus left and right, and I honestly cannot tell whether it is essentially the same or not. Throw in seminal fluid and arousal fluid, and I just consider myself fertile and count three pretty much all the time. I keep bringing up my concerns to my practitioner, but she doesn’t do very much to help. She basically just tells me it will get better as time goes on. Well, she’s been saying that for the past year and a half (I began charting six months before the wedding), and nothing as changed. We tried supplementing with some Marquette techniques by getting a Clearblue monitor, but that only caused more confusion. We want to try LadyComp, but I’m not having my period yet, and I think you have to wait until you are in regular cycles to start it. Taking my temperature wouldn’t work very well now anyway, since the amount of sleep I get each night and the time I wake up in the morning varies so widely.
So, for a month and a half now, my husband and I have been unable to be together since we are abstaining due to uncertainty and are not sure when I will show a sign of infertility again. It is taking its toll emotionally on both of us.
I have accepted the Church’s teaching on contraception with immense fervor ever since I was old enough to understand it. I have read the Catechism, taken religion classes, and had everything explained to me as to why contraception is wrong. I understand the difference between contraception and NFP. I do not have a problem with NFP or periodic abstinence. What I do have a problem with is a system of NFP that is uncertain to the point that it considers one fertile at all times, so the method is basically “abstain when you want to avoid a pregnancy and have intercourse when you want to achieve a pregnancy.” That’s pretty much the way all the systems are working for me at this point.
I do not want to use contraception, and neither my husband nor I plan to use contraception. I know it’s a mortal sin and that it is ALWAYS a mortal sin, and I do not want to commit a mortal sin. However, I admit I am beginning to lose the fervor of my acceptance of the Church’s teaching. The Church teaches that responsible family planning is a virtue. Responsible family planning is what my husband and I are trying to do right now. But the Church also encourages married couples to exercise their marital intimacies on a somewhat regular basis. It just seems like a contradiction to me, especially when, as I said, my current method of responsible family planning is basically total abstinence for the time being. It feels just a bit…for lack of better word…cruel. We are open to life because we have had a child and want to have more children. We are doing the responsible thing by avoiding pregnancy for serious reasons. And we love each other and want to be together in the way married people do.
Please pray for us, and any advice would be much appreciated.
I would have liked to use the lactational anmenhorea method (LAM) but I was forced to supplement my breastfeeding with formula when my baby was first born because of complications. I am exclusively breastfeeding now, but the initial formula supplement thwarted my attempts at LAM. We are using the Creighton method. I have a very long mucus cycle, so my practitioner told me to do the “essential sameness” question. I tired really hard, but I still have mucus left and right, and I honestly cannot tell whether it is essentially the same or not. Throw in seminal fluid and arousal fluid, and I just consider myself fertile and count three pretty much all the time. I keep bringing up my concerns to my practitioner, but she doesn’t do very much to help. She basically just tells me it will get better as time goes on. Well, she’s been saying that for the past year and a half (I began charting six months before the wedding), and nothing as changed. We tried supplementing with some Marquette techniques by getting a Clearblue monitor, but that only caused more confusion. We want to try LadyComp, but I’m not having my period yet, and I think you have to wait until you are in regular cycles to start it. Taking my temperature wouldn’t work very well now anyway, since the amount of sleep I get each night and the time I wake up in the morning varies so widely.
So, for a month and a half now, my husband and I have been unable to be together since we are abstaining due to uncertainty and are not sure when I will show a sign of infertility again. It is taking its toll emotionally on both of us.
I have accepted the Church’s teaching on contraception with immense fervor ever since I was old enough to understand it. I have read the Catechism, taken religion classes, and had everything explained to me as to why contraception is wrong. I understand the difference between contraception and NFP. I do not have a problem with NFP or periodic abstinence. What I do have a problem with is a system of NFP that is uncertain to the point that it considers one fertile at all times, so the method is basically “abstain when you want to avoid a pregnancy and have intercourse when you want to achieve a pregnancy.” That’s pretty much the way all the systems are working for me at this point.
I do not want to use contraception, and neither my husband nor I plan to use contraception. I know it’s a mortal sin and that it is ALWAYS a mortal sin, and I do not want to commit a mortal sin. However, I admit I am beginning to lose the fervor of my acceptance of the Church’s teaching. The Church teaches that responsible family planning is a virtue. Responsible family planning is what my husband and I are trying to do right now. But the Church also encourages married couples to exercise their marital intimacies on a somewhat regular basis. It just seems like a contradiction to me, especially when, as I said, my current method of responsible family planning is basically total abstinence for the time being. It feels just a bit…for lack of better word…cruel. We are open to life because we have had a child and want to have more children. We are doing the responsible thing by avoiding pregnancy for serious reasons. And we love each other and want to be together in the way married people do.
Please pray for us, and any advice would be much appreciated.
