Struggling with OCD, SSA, and bordering Despair

[All4loveofThee]

SO many thoughts - it’s hard to even begin. As the title suggests, I am a college-aged male struggling with SSA as well as OCD. As you can imagine I have a very difficult time determining when I have sinned or if I have at all - especially in the category of looking at others.

Please do not list the countless resources for SSA individuals - trust me, I’ve looked at them all, many many times… and no, I never have and never will act on my attractions.

I guess my main problem is that I feel like a walking sin because I know my attractions are so disordered.

Prayers would be most appreciated as well as any advice … maybe on how you determine when looking at someone is simply being attracted and when it becomes more serious in nature.

Thank you in advance!

 

[Bookcat]

… OCD. As you can imagine I have a very difficult time determining when I have sinned or if I have at all

I saved this for those I encounter who struggle with OCD (I knew a person once who had this difficulty --it is certainly a painful one at times)

Jimmy Akin - Catholic Answers:

jimmyakin.com/2005/04/a_crown_of_thor.html

and I saved this in general for those in such need ( I saw it advertised sometime back) --where one could find someone who is a faithful Catholic to assist one catholictherapists.com/

 

[Bartolome_Casas]

I have no knowledge of or experience with SSA. So bear that in mind. I feel you pain. So I am just going to take a try at giving an answer that might be of some help.

#1: First, if it is possible for a certain person with SSA to develop Opposite Sex Attraction, then pursuing that development would seem logical. The idea would be that eventually the person’s time looking at other based on OSA would replace time spend looking at others based on SSA.

#2: Second, if #1 above is not possible for a given person, then the person should pursue the development of tuning out all thoughts of sexual attraction, if this is possible. I believe some people do develop a habit of immediately replacing sexual attraction thoughts with religious thoughts, and so over time, basically stop having sexual attraction thoughts.

To me, unless either #1 or #2 is carried out, a person with strong SSA will either just suffer on and on and on until they get so old that they lose all interest in sexuality, or, they will cross the line and consummate SSA.

But, as I said, this is all just guess work.

I do hope you can find some way to end all this suffering! I feel for you!

In general, the best way that I know of to accomplish something difficult, is to learn directly from someone who has already done exactly the same thing and who can teach you or explain to you how they did it, or who can at least give you some clues about how they did it.

So, maybe you can find such persons.

Best wishes!

 

[Gertabelle]

Dear one, I’m probably old enough to be your mother, so I’m not sure how much advice I can give that will seem relevant. Let me, however, offer you some hope.

I, too, once suffered from SSA – but unlike you, I threw away my beliefs and acted on my feelings with a fury. It is such a dark period of my life (about 10 years) that I don’t like to speak of it, and not many of my friends even know that part of my past.

Somehow, in the secret recesses of my heart, God worked slowly and with my natural human desires (for motherhood, for example) to heal my heart and bring me back to His Church and into His loving arms. Today, I have not the slightest hint of SSA – and I can’t explain it except that it slowly disappeared, honestly without my even noticing the change until it was complete.

I wish I had the magic solution, but I don’t. But to borrow from the GLBTT propaganda “It gets better.”

You have an incredibly heavy cross to carry. I highly recommend you find a spiritual director with which to work: a holy priest, a holy nun or monk… Perhaps other CAF members can offer advice on getting a spiritual director – not my area of expertise

You can count on my prayers and sacrifices. Having struggled with SSA and its aftermath myself, those who have SSA are always at the forefront of my prayers.

God bless you. And make sure you breathe… You’re gonna be all right :hug1:

Gertie

 

[All4loveofThee]

All of these responses have been so helpful and thought-out… I can’t even begin to say how much I appreciate feeling your support.

The article on OCD was something I had read a long time back but it was a nice refresher … it actually makes me embrace that suffering when I use his example and actually meditate on the fact that I have been chosen to wear a crown of thorns - how incredible!

Also, the second response was pretty spot-on … the only thing I would say is that since I also have OCD the minute I start trying to trun my thoughts towards an OSA orientation I stop myself because I immediately fear commiting thoughts of lust, etc. - I guess the smartest thing to do would be to find a spiritual director as Gertie suggested.

…and Gertie, I don’t care if you’re old enough to be my mother! haha… your advice was so helpful and encouraging I can’t even describe. I honestly have felt a VERY slow shift towards losing my SSA but knowing that it is still prevalent has beat me down to a very lonely place as of late. All I can and will do now is place my trust in Jesus.

• Jesus i trust in You+

 

[Clay_ford]

I want to sincerely commend you for your refusal to cave into your struggles. Do not forget the victory that awaits the faithful.

I have not had specific, prominent SSA, but I have spent much of the last year dealing with intrusive thoughts and religious OCD (called scrupulosity, if that aids in your journey of dealing with the problem). I also have a history of painful secular compulsions. I say these things to let you know that you are not alone.

I think it would be beneficial to meditate on the fact that there is a substantial, enduring difference between temptation and sin. Merely seeing something that attracts you is not a sin, as you have little control of who walks into your line of sight as long as you are conscious of keeping yourself from dangerous situations. It is when we purposefully entertain the thought that we commit sin.

For some resource, according to the Wikipedia page on scrupulosity, Saint Ignatius of Loyola has written something on the problem.

One thing I would suggest doing as soon as possible is to get a Catholic spiritual director. Sometimes people like us need someone with more wisdom to guide us in true, sound ethics.

I am praying for you. May you find joy in the Lord even amidst your troubles. I would love to continue this discussion.

 

[Gertabelle]

I honestly have felt a VERY slow shift towards losing my SSA but knowing that it is still prevalent has beat me down to a very lonely place as of late.

I feel the same way about my struggles with a couple sins that just seem to plague me! In spite of my best intentions, I just can’t seem to shake my attachment to particular sins Like St. Paul, I do that which I wish not to do.

Try focusing on developing virtue, instead of stomping out sin. It’s the positive side of the same coin, because where there’s virtue, sin has no place. But rather than focusing on the obvious virtue (for me, as a single parent, that would be chastity ), God has been working me over with humility and patience! It’s horrible and wonderful all at once – as I grow in these virtues (or fight with God over them), Our Lord is free of my meddling thoughts and scrutinies over my obvious lack in that other virtue.

As a mom, I know the value of asking my son to take out the trash so I can clean the kitchen counters in peace God sometimes does the same with us.

SO… don’t get discouraged because you still have SSA. While it may be beneficial even to work with an orthodox Catholic therapist on this, it is good to remember there are other virtues to work on as well. You are a whole human being. Don’t forget to see all the good that is there as well.

:yawn: Goodness, it’s gotten late, and I’m rambling.

God bless you, dear one!

Gertie