Struggling with purity at mass

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babartos

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I joined the Church this past year and one thing I’ve noticed about coming to Mass is that it has become a lot more stressful for me now that I receive the Eucharist. The reason for this is that however well-intentioned I may be when Mass begins, at some point down the line disgusting mental pictures will pop into my head. Even if I try to focus my attention on pure or innocent things, these images will continue, or twist the pure and innocent things I’m focusing on into something monstrous. Most of these images are sexual, but the thing is, I don’t find them remotely titillating–just revolting. It’s as if they’re not there so much to tempt me as to make me feel unclean and hesitant about getting in the Communion line.

Could this be a form of spiritual attack? It often feels like my mind is being assaulted and I noticed it was particularly troublesome during my confirmation Mass. I can remember staring at the marble columns during the Mass, afraid because every time I took my eyes off of them, something innocent in my surroundings would provoke a disturbing image. I was almost miserable by the time I finally received Communion, though I felt better afterward. Since then, I’ve had similar problems at nearly every other Mass. I’ll start to worry about this or that sin that I’ve committed during the week and continue to worry about it right up to the reception of the sacrament. If I don’t think of something to worry about, the images start and no matter how hard I try to keep my mind focused on the Mass itself, I can’t shake them.

Since I know that the Eucharist washes away venial sins, I’ve never actually avoided the sacrament. It seems at the time the logical thing to do since I have no other immediate means of accessing the grace needed to fight my thoughts. But when I’m confronted with these mental images, I begin to wonder whether I’m doing the right thing or not. It makes me sad that coming to my Lord with a pure mind is such a struggle. Does anyone have any advice?
 
You are doing the right thing… You are combatting the thoughts and taking communion so that, if indeed you are being spiritually attacked, you are filling up and building up your strength to fight the attack.
Get to confession and discuss this with your confessor. Be guided by his advice.
Also there may be devotions that are helpful.

Without knowing your background I cannot say whether this might qualify as an attack or if it might relate to some old sin that may be manifesting itself in this way.
I too fight some of these types of things - even during mass. The problem is that no matter how hard we try to be the new creatures that Christ intends for us, our minds, memories, experiences, sins, etc are all still in our memory banks and can spring up in old ways or even new ones.

Keep up the good fight.

Peace
James
 
Yes, this is a spititual attack. The same thing has happened to me. “Away from me Satan”, is what I intone and then focus ever intently on what the priest is saying.
 
Yes, this is a very common form of spiritual attack. The devil through some demon is trying to get you to excommunicate yourself by convincing you that these thoughts are yours. They are not your thoughts and it is not your fault that you are having them.

I’ll take this opportunity to make another recommendation for St. Dymphna. Also use the St. Michael prayer when the attacks come on.
 
Satan is relentless and often goes after those he feels might be lost to him forever to Christ with extra effort. This attack is also a testament to your closeness to Christ. To give in and judge yourself unworthy in the face of such attacks is to hand Satan the victory. This very thing you describe has happened to me and still does from time to time. You must also be just as relentless in cleaving to Christ. Receiving the Eucharist is the greatest source of Grace you could obtain in defending against Satan. Fight the good fight, press on for the prize!:knight2:
 
I also find this is the case for me sometimes - during the mass my mind doesn’t obey me and starts to wonder and thinks about things which I don’t want it to, and are sinful, everything from sexual images to imagining myself insulting someone to walking out and not taking part at all. Like you, I find these thoughts revolting and unacceptable. It may very well be a spiritual attack but I never really believed in the devil or such a thing.

However, this condition of unwanted and personally unacceptable thoughts is known by doctors as “OCD” without giving medical advice, its worth mentioning it to your doctor next time you visit. Having personally unacceptable thoughts at a time when you’re feeling anxious could be a form of OCD - the trademark is when you do things to make those thoughts go away, or to make yourself feel safe - checking the door is locked 5 times, etc.
 
Congrats to the OP on entering the Catholic Church and congrats because you must be doing something right to have the devil launch a spiritual attack on you. I have the same issues at times when I’m going up to receive so all I can tell you is what I do. I stare at the floor and recite the Jesus Prayer during the whole trip: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

I’ll end with a signature I saw on He Man’s profile that I like:
**The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world that he did not exist.**
 
Don’t beat yourself up about it. I know exactly how you feel. It’s hard to ignore some thoughts. It’s like me telling you, “don’t think of an apple for 10 seconds.”

…

What did you think of? More than likely, an apple.

These thoughts happen to the best of us. Just know that it’s not what goes into your soul that hurts it, but what comes out of it. The point is that you are not entertaining these horrible thoughts, so God sees that and understands.
 
JackVk said:
Don’t beat yourself up about it. I know exactly how you feel. It’s hard to ignore some thoughts. It’s like me telling you, “don’t think of an apple for 10 seconds.”

…

What did you think of? More than likely, an apple.

These thoughts happen to the best of us. Just know that it’s not what goes into your soul that hurts it, but what comes out of it. The point is that you are not entertaining these horrible thoughts, so God sees that and understands.
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Couldn’t have said it better myself. 🙂
 
Thanks to everyone for the encouraging comments. I have considered the possibility of OCD before as well. I did struggle with the condition as a child and I still wash my hands a lot. However, it hasn’t been a real problem for me in a long time. It just seemed a little odd that it would all of a sudden be a problem when I decide to join the Church. And although I do face purity temptations and deal with erring thoughts outside of Mass, it’s really when I’m sitting in the pew that it becomes a shamefully persistent issue.

There seems to be a difference as well: what I deal with throughout the week is genuine temptation–things my own temperament might actually find enticing. The mental pictures I get at Mass, on the other hand, just revolt me. If anyone has read CS Lewis’ Perelandra, they may be familiar with the scene in which the demon controlling Weston’s body keeps Ransom up all night with childish and mean-spirited games. That’s sort of how these images feel to me–like an attempt to horrify and shame and sabotage me when I’m trying to be reverent.

I suppose the two sources are not incompatible; it’s possible for it to be both a spiritual attack and OCD. If the history is already there, it’s probably easier for the evil one to manipulate my natural weaknesses. It may be difficult because I’m having to temporarily move back in with my disapproving Protestant parents, but I think I’m going to try to make it to Mass and confession more often. The whole business is making me mad. If it is a spiritual attack, I don’t want Satan to have the last say in how I experience Mass. He has no right.
 
Good to hear that you have found our responses helpful, it is a very difficult position to be in - it has affected me rarely, but I have a past history of OCD when I was a child also. I don’t have to touch everything in even numbers anymore, but I panic if I can’t find things which should be in place, and I do have habits such as checking doors numerous times, locking then unlocking them, etc. It’s something certainly to be aware of being an underlying reason in these circumstances other than spiritual, although both are important.
 
Thanks to everyone for the encouraging comments. I have considered the possibility of OCD before as well. I did struggle with the condition as a child and I still wash my hands a lot. However, it hasn’t been a real problem for me in a long time. It just seemed a little odd that it would all of a sudden be a problem when I decide to join the Church. And although I do face purity temptations and deal with erring thoughts outside of Mass, it’s really when I’m sitting in the pew that it becomes a shamefully persistent issue.

There seems to be a difference as well: what I deal with throughout the week is genuine temptation–things my own temperament might actually find enticing. The mental pictures I get at Mass, on the other hand, just revolt me. If anyone has read CS Lewis’ Perelandra, they may be familiar with the scene in which the demon controlling Weston’s body keeps Ransom up all night with childish and mean-spirited games. That’s sort of how these images feel to me–like an attempt to horrify and shame and sabotage me when I’m trying to be reverent.

I suppose the two sources are not incompatible; it’s possible for it to be both a spiritual attack and OCD. If the history is already there, it’s probably easier for the evil one to manipulate my natural weaknesses. It may be difficult because I’m having to temporarily move back in with my disapproving Protestant parents, but I think I’m going to try to make it to Mass and confession more often. The whole business is making me mad. If it is a spiritual attack, I don’t want Satan to have the last say in how I experience Mass. He has no right.
 
babartos said:
I joined the Church this past year and one thing I’ve noticed about coming to Mass is that it has become a lot more stressful for me now that I receive the Eucharist. The reason for this is that however well-intentioned I may be when Mass begins, at some point down the line disgusting mental pictures will pop into my head. Even if I try to focus my attention on pure or innocent things, these images will continue, or twist the pure and innocent things I’m focusing on into something monstrous. Most of these images are sexual, but the thing is, I don’t find them remotely titillating–just revolting. It’s as if they’re not there so much to tempt me as to make me feel unclean and hesitant about getting in the Communion line.

Could this be a form of spiritual attack? It often feels like my mind is being assaulted and I noticed it was particularly troublesome during my confirmation Mass. I can remember staring at the marble columns during the Mass, afraid because every time I took my eyes off of them, something innocent in my surroundings would provoke a disturbing image. I was almost miserable by the time I finally received Communion, though I felt better afterward. Since then, I’ve had similar problems at nearly every other Mass. I’ll start to worry about this or that sin that I’ve committed during the week and continue to worry about it right up to the reception of the sacrament. If I don’t think of something to worry about, the images start and no matter how hard I try to keep my mind focused on the Mass itself, I can’t shake them.

Since I know that the Eucharist washes away venial sins, I’ve never actually avoided the sacrament. It seems at the time the logical thing to do since I have no other immediate means of accessing the grace needed to fight my thoughts. But when I’m confronted with these mental images, I begin to wonder whether I’m doing the right thing or not. It makes me sad that coming to my Lord with a pure mind is such a struggle. Does anyone have any advice?
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I had some similar happen to me, though in my case it involved horrible blasphemous thoughts, rather than impure images. I considered this to be a form of spiritual attack (and still do). This lasted several months, and was non stop - not only during Mass, though often it became worse during Mass. One day, at Adoration, God healed me of this and it never happened again to the same extent. It’s a type of a cross to carry… you might ask a priest to say some prayers over you? Keep on receiving the Eucharist as long as you don’t consent to these thoughts/images (and it seems that you are not consenting). The best thing is to just not dwell on them at all… when you are fighting them, don’t fight them directly - that only increases the temptation and the anxiety. Instead, try to distract yourself, and keep calm, and try to practice the opposite virtue… it helped me to just repeat something like “I love You Jesus” (because the temptations I was getting were to think something hateful towards Him).

I know this is really difficult to go through, but it WILL end, just submit yourself to God’s will and keep fighting. It might be a good idea to confess these temptations, even if you’re not sinning or sinning venially, because that lessens their power over you.

If it helps, I read that St Faustina was tempted with horrible thoughts all throughout Mass. So the Saints went through this too, it is not your fault or anything wrong with you.

God bless 🙂
 
babartos said:
Thanks to everyone for the encouraging comments. I have considered the possibility of OCD before as well. I did struggle with the condition as a child and I still wash my hands a lot. However, it hasn’t been a real problem for me in a long time. It just seemed a little odd that it would all of a sudden be a problem when I decide to join the Church. And although I do face purity temptations and deal with erring thoughts outside of Mass, it’s really when I’m sitting in the pew that it becomes a shamefully persistent issue.
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the enemy often uses our weaknesses… even if you had OCD, this could still be a spiritual attack
There seems to be a difference as well: what I deal with throughout the week is genuine temptation–things my own temperament might actually find enticing. The mental pictures I get at Mass, on the other hand, just revolt me.
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yes I completely know what you mean. It’s like… you’re not illiciting them. They just happen, and don’t seem to be based on anything you actually think or believe. I’ve had this happen to me too, it’s a temptation.
If anyone has read CS Lewis’ Perelandra, they may be familiar with the scene in which the demon controlling Weston’s body keeps Ransom up all night with childish and mean-spirited games. That’s sort of how these images feel to me–like an attempt to horrify and shame and sabotage me when I’m trying to be reverent.
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yes I’ve read Perelandra, it does seem similar 🙂 there might be a reason why the enemy is doing this… since you are against these thoughts, he probably isn’t trying to make you sin through impurity or irreverence. It’s likely that he’s just trying to make you lose your patience, trust in God, peace, etc… in any case I think that’s what happened with me and it took me a long time to recover. I think it’s very important that you keep on trusting in God and don’t lose your peace. If it helps, repeat short prayers during Mass to distract yourself, - something the devil would hate, tell God that you love Him and ask Him to have mercy on you, etc.
I suppose the two sources are not incompatible; it’s possible for it to be both a spiritual attack and OCD. If the history is already there, it’s probably easier for the evil one to manipulate my natural weaknesses. It may be difficult because I’m having to temporarily move back in with my disapproving Protestant parents, but I think I’m going to try to make it to Mass and confession more often. The whole business is making me mad. If it is a spiritual attack, I don’t want Satan to have the last say in how I experience Mass. He has no right.
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yea the devil is really annoying, to say the least, - but he’s already lost the war 👍 he’s just trying to confuse you or distract you from Mass or take you further from God. So try to do the opposite and the more you get tempted, the more you should love God. That will make it easier. As long as you keep on fighting, God will rescue you from this eventually. Remember that He is allowing this to happen… so it must be good for you - to build your resistance to temptation, your resolve to follow Christ… 🙂 try to use this to grow and the devil will REALLY hate that.

Here’s something from St Francis de Sales:
ccel.org/ccel/desales/devout_life.vi.iii.html

God bless
 
Say the Hail Mary or the Rosary. Satan cannot stand Mary and fears her. And the prayer to St. Michael the Archangel. I’ve experienced similar attacks while going up for Communion. Hang in there. It will stop. Of course, then the enemy will come up with something new:mad: He will do anything to keep us from becoming close to Christ. But Jesus has defeated Satan, always remember that. He will not let you go.
 
As was said, it is a common form of spiritual attack.

A priest recently told me that many priests have terrible thoughts, during mass, just prior to the consecration.

A close friend of mine left his church because he felt like such a hypocrite. He couldn’t stop thinking about the women in the pews.

We might like to think that Satan is not present in a church. The truth is far from that. Ask for help. It is available.
 
CatholicFireman said:
youtube.com/watch?v=bk11hy6hgsM&feature=sub
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👍 That’s good. I forwarded it to my priest friends.

Temptation also challenged me during mass in the beginning of my conversion. Satan is trying to make you feel unworthy in that you are not worth it. That is a lie. Continue to fight the fight in prayer and the Holy Sacraments. Tell your spiritual director/ or confessor what is happening to you. He can help. If he reacts odd to it, find another confessor because this is a sign of a lack of faith. A good confessor will certain acknowledge that these things do happen. Priests are also confronted with temptations, so they know.
 
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