It has recently been a big problem. I used to travel to the bars and try to pick up girls. And it was working. Soon I had at least 3 girls who were on stand by. About a week and a half ago, I decided that I did not want to be that way anymore. Granted it hadn’t been that long since I was doing that (I actually stayed mostly celibate in college), but I’ve had enough. I went down this weekend to the big city I used to live in (all my buddies live there) for a buddy’s engagement party. Well, I ran into one of the girls. It took all the strength I had to say no…luckily I had a buddy with me. That was Friday night. Saturday night, she was practically begging…same buddy was with me and was my support. On Sunday night, when I got back home, another girl called me up. Now, let’s get this straight: this stuff NEVER happened this frequently when I didn’t care about God. I was never a ladies man. And now that I’ve decided to reclaim myself for God, I have 3 opportunities that are this point blank? That’s when I knew it was Satan tempting me to go back to my sinful lifestyle.
When I went to confession last week, I told the priest my problem. His response was “stop looking at these girls as objects. Look at them as if they are people. Look for Christ in all people, and you’ll stop giving into lust. All people are naturally attracted to others because we are sexual beings. But we also have the choice.” I took that advice to heart. I stopped contacting those girls. I’ve also cut back on drinking. And I’ve tried to stay busier, which has help tremendously. I’ve noticed that when I’m physically exhausted, it’s much easier to resist. Another key area is reflection and prayer. I’ve started carrying a Rosary around as a reminder to keep God involved in every aspect of my life.
On another note, another possible cause is low self esteem. In my personal experience, I noticed my self confidence and esteem are at an all time low. I haven’t had the confidence to ask girls out on dates because I’ve been too selfish and self centered. I’ve started doing activities to increase my self confidence (running, lifting weights, rebuilding a car, etc). And the urges have decreased tremendously. Maybe this is a possible route to help you?
It’s a struggle for most of us. In the middle of it, I realized that I was attracting the wrong kind of girls that I was interested in. I was not attracting the nice Catholic girls that I want to meet and perhaps date. I was meeting trashy bar girls who have no morals. Anyways, I just decided that I was done with all sexual sins, and I’ve told God that. I’m living a much more active life (still have a long ways to go), and I’m a much happier person right now. Just make up your mind and stop all tempting thoughts when they start. We will all continue to make mistake, but don’t let them rule you. A few infrequent mistakes is not the same as a sinful lifestyle.
One last point, I think you have to make the decision that you are going to stop. It sounds like you want to stop but not really. This was a big problem with me. I knew I was doing wrong and should stop but really didn’t want to. I ended up having to force myself to stop, and it’s been working. You can do this, bud. Just stay busy and in touch with God constantly…the urges will eventually go away. Take it day by day, week by week, month by month, and year by year.
Sorry to ramble, but I’ve been through a very similar experience and wanted to share some of my experiences.
