Struggling with Reconciliation

[cominghomeCC]

I am having a really hard time sorting out reconciliation. Brief history, I was a cradle catholic raised by loving parents, one non practicing and one a cultural CEO. I did go to catholic school, but our religious education was quite lacking. I left the church as a young teen, not having a sense of what it was, what it meant, or who I was and what I wanted or needed.

Fast forward, I’ve been seeking something most of my adult life, to find I wanted/needed exactly what I’d been running from. I’ve been working at changing that, it’s been a tremendously exciting, nerve racking, anxiety riddled, joyous year. I’ve been working on many things, had our marriage convalidated, have 2 children out of 4 received into the church completely and a 3rd will be going through the process next year. She is already part of the community. The eldest, well, all I can do is pray. I’ve been reading up on the teachings of the church, trying to be faithful in all aspects. I am at church every Sunday, 3 of us are there every Wednesday, and I’m trying to find a time for adoration during the week as well. I went for the first time in the chapel yesterday, I wasn’t sure what I’d do, but I set aside 30 minutes, as I wasn’t sure I could stay a full hour, and the 30 minutes flew by! I wasn’t ready to leave but I had a meeting to attend, now i know an hour will be easy.

So, now I’ve been to reconciliation, more than once. The first time was very hard, I confessed what I new to be seriously wrong, and many other lesser wrongs, but as a basket case heavily burdened by these things, I know I missed many things, which I covered and admitted to not confessing at my next confession.

At the time, I wasn’t aware of the 2 species of sin.

The more I learn the more shocked I am on where I have gone wrong.

The issue… I know now that some things that I’ve done would be considered mortal… but at the time I didn’t, yes I was aware of the fact that it might not be a good idea, that I did it without coercion, but unaware of how serious it really was. I’m still pretty ignorant about my faith, but other than knowing I was a catholic and the basic layout of Mass, I knew nothing when I started on this path, and even less than nothing prior.

So they were not necessarily confessed…that and the fact that I walk out of reconciliation with my list, and it’s all a blur, I don’t recall everything that I have confessed, I can’t be sure that I went through it all. I’m not sure why I am feeling somewhat disoriented afterward, but I am filled with a sense of peace. I can recall what Fr. has told me, hearing absolution, saying the Act of Contrition, but prior to that it’s not clear.

So, what do I do? The more I learn, the more paranoid I feel that I may withholding mortal sin, that I am not yet aware of as being so. I have added the recalled things to my confession the next time I go, but I feel that I shouldn’t be receiving the Eucharist,as to not cause further damage… yet, at the same time, I don’t know if that is right thinking or not.

I’m not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, I’m just trying to clarify, and learn that I’m proceeding appropriately, or if I’m not, how to do so. I’m on a steep learning curve. I am finding it very difficult to do. To confront all my personal demons, anxieties, and move forward. But I’ve been told, anything worth doing requires hard work, and I’m willing to do so. Not always successful on the first attempt, but I’m not willing to give up.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

ISo, what do I do? The more I learn, the more paranoid I feel that I may withholding mortal sin, that I am not yet aware of as being so. I have added the recalled things to my confession the next time I go, but I feel that I shouldn’t be receiving the Eucharist,as to not cause further damage… yet, at the same time, I don’t know if that is right thinking or not.

First off, welcome home!!!
Second, RELAX!!

Remember, to be a mortal sin all 3 of these things must be present,
at the time you commit the sin-

1. it must be grave matter
2. you must ***know ***it it grave matter
   3 you must willingly commit the sin anyway

By the way it sounds- anything that was done by you until your return to the church, while it could be indeed “grave”, if the other 2 criteria are not met, it is not a mortal sin.

Also, when you confess, all of your sins, (even the forgotten one’s) are absolved.
I always try to end my confession with a “for these and anything I may have forgotten, I am sorry”.

I would encourage you to find a regular confessor or spiritual director that can help you out with these things. Peace be with you on your journey!!

 

[YoungTradCath]

Some guidelines for confession:

You must confess all mortal sins in kind and number. If a specific number is not known, approximate to the best of your ability, but do not get overly scrupulous about it.

You may confess venial sins. It is not required but it is recommended.

If you go to confession and confess all of the mortal sins in kind and number that you can remember and you are given absolution, all of your sins are forgiven even if you remember a mortal sin later which you forgot to confess.

It is good to make a habit of confessing regularly and still going even if you do not have any mortal sins to confess but only venial sins.

Do not get overwhelmed with everything. Let things happen naturally, although still go to Mass on Sundays and Holy Days and still go to confession regularly. What I mean by naturally is that your spiritual life will naturally unfold as time goes on. Pray.

 

[Balian]

No need to feel overwhelmed. First, if you unintentionally failed to confess any sin because you legitimately forgot about it or weren’t aware then they were forgiven anyway when you received absolution. Only purposefully and intentionally failing to confess a known mortal sin you were aware of would prevent that from happening. Occasionally during an examination of conscience people recall a past sin that they failed to confess during a previous confession. The requirement then is to simply confess it at next confession.

Second, the CCC 1857 makes clear that there are three conditions for a sin to be mortal. A grave matter, committed with full knowledge, and committed with deliberate consent. Sexual sins seem to lend themselves very well to understanding that concept. Say a person contemplates committing adultery. It is clear from the scriptures and Church teachings that adultery is a grave matter. Say the person has full knowledge of this, no excuse for believing it isn’t a serious sin. Then the person goes ahead and commits the act anyway. The point is, it is rather difficult, perhaps even impossible to commit a mortal sin without being aware of it.

Peace be with you and welcome home.

 

[acadian]

ComingHome,

You really do sound like you’re on the right path. As long as you didn’t deliberately leave things out of your confession because you were too embarrassed, then you are OK to receive Holy Communion, if you haven’t committed any other mortal sins since you’ve been to confession.

I would say you are right to add them to your list to mention the next time you go to confession, but no need to greatly stress about it.

I had the same thing happen. I dropped the things I knew for sure the first time, but then occasionally things from long ago would return to my memory…I think the Holy Spirit sometimes lets that happen a little at a time when we are ready for it. I would confess it and go on. It’s a great journey we are on!

I will say a prayer for your oldest.