I’m at a point in my life where it is essential for me to figure out who I want to be and what kind of morality i’d like to follow; there is the church teaching and that of living a life with another woman. I have never really given into the temptation. I’ve always struggled with SSA and to be completely honest my hands are quite shaky just writing this, because it isn’t a thing I find very easy to talk about, why would it be? I’ve gone through some particularly hopeless points in my life where I have just simply given up on all of my spirituality AND I cut myself off from all kinds of social interaction and that lowness of despair and depression didn’t get me any closer to my goal of being a good person and finding out where God wants me in this life. There are days it is a struggle to even get up and do my daily duty, those days are the ones where I suppose i think too much and feel like I am a hopeless case and just one big problem in general not worth God’s time, and then I wonder why I can’t I just be more status quo. I vie for the status quo. I don’t really have a place to talk about these things, because not many people in the Catholic community feel comfortable talking about something they aren’t familiar with and people outside of the community don’t understand why I would suppress SSA temptations. So, I guess what I am looking for is someone to give me advice on how to proceed. Does anyone know what I am going through? Would anyone be ok talking to me? I don’t know, becoming a friend, kind of a support, just so that this journey wouldn’t be as overwhelming as it is currently? I’m starting to build myself back up by praying again but i’ve still been plagued with horrible days. I know it is going to happen but it’d be nice to know i’m not alone in this, save God of course.
God Bless You.
Dearest sister . . . I know exactly what you’re going through. However, my journey is a wee bit different. I’m a candidate for full communion. I’m converting from Mormonism, but my baptism from my teens in the Pentecostal church still stands valid. I’m male and I’m married to a woman, which was a blessing given to me when I joined the Mormon Church.
My wife knew about my SSA struggles from the beginning which made our marriage easier but still a battle at times. Now that I’m leaving the Mormon Church for Catholicism she feels like I’m turning my back on all of the covenants we made in the Temple, which I kinda am but I’m not. But that’s a whole 'nother story.
And fear of talking about it is a spirit of fear sent from the evil one himself. It states in the Holy Scriptures that: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18, NABRE.
God is Perfect Love. If we truly trust in Him, Abba, our Father, to help us through our struggles, then we truly become more like Christ. If we also come to rely on Jesus through Mary, we have the Love which has been perfected. Mother Mary truly is [the first of all saints and shows us the model which we must follow in regards to loving Jesus in a more perfected way.
I lived a promiscuous gay lifestyle. Struggled with masturbation and porn, still do but make a sincere and concerted effort to turn away from my sin and repent so that when I go to first confession my contrition will be made whole through absolution. But you know, daily, I understand more what Saint Paul meant when he said,
“Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:8-10, NABRE
Best thing to do is run to God in prayer, He is the most Perfect Parent we could have. He ascends all human limitation and is neither male nor female. (CCC 239) But we are instructed to call Him Father. Then, run to the Blessed Mother. For it is through Her impeccability that She was kept pure and holy so She could be the Mother, the New Eve, of God.
Pray the Rosary. If you don’t already have one, purchase a crucifix necklace and have the Priest bless it. Wear it as a constant reminder that Christ, Fully God and Fully Man, has suffered ALL things for us that we may overcome all things, that the evil one may be subdued under our feet, that the angels may bow down to the glory we may achieve, and so that one day we may dwell with God, Jesus, Mary, and all the saints, angels and fellow beings in Heaven one day. But more importantly, that Perfect Love casts away ALL fear, will one Day dry away ALL tears and that we, like Saint Paul, may boast in our weakness so that Christ may dwell within us.
