Struggling with Strong Dislike for Someone

[Wm777]

She treats me (everyone really) very rudely. The dislike is definitely mutual. We are both strong personalities, and to be honest, I think I dislike in her what I dislike in myself.

Opppsss…

Not sure what you actually have going on, but I run into similar situations due to a condition with Asperger’s… Here’s some coping mechanism I sometimes use to stay out of trouble…

1. Stay away from her. Sometimes it is THAT simple.
2. When you do have to deal with her, I would just try to diffuse any situations which might give rise to conflict - either when you are speaking (by cleaning the inside of the cup), or when you are responding to something she said (recalling that nothing that enters a person from the outside can profane them)…

3 - Dont get reactionary. Just respond reasonably and responsibly.

4 - If she takes a dig at you, like in a personal attack, turn the other cheek. It’ll heap burning coals upon her. You could even apologize sincerely. Nothing diffuses or unjustifies a personal attack better than a sincere apology. What generally happens is - when she comes around - she’ll probably end up either apologizing to you, or she will just leave you alone.

5 - The danger here, if there is any, is in setting a precedent. So keep trying to diffuse the situation, but, if she is launching repeated personal attacks, especially if it is witnessed by others - ask someone with decisive authority over everyone what to do about it.

We have to love our neighbor, but - some Theologians have said - “But that doesn’t mean we have to like them…”

If you have a bad vibe going, then you can pray for her if you want, but “be careful in how you see things - for the measure by which you measure may be measured out to you.” Take the 5th… petition of the “Our Father” - “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. You want to end up in hell? Dont forgive her. But do you really want to go to hell on account of her? Of course not…

I find plenty of conflict scenarios in the New Testament… There’s got to be something you can draw from… So, if you have to pray defensively, you can use scripture to protect yourself - just make sure you maintain a sense of mercy and conflict resolution about it, and work out your salvation with fear and trembling…

Love God and call upon his mercy inwardly, and you’ll in turn likely reflect it outwardly.

Blessed are the peacemakers.

 

[Wm777]

Actually, here is one more thing I did in the office where I work… and it’s kind of funny…

Something you could maybe pray for, too…

My desk is near a window to the outer hall, and a number of the ladies from other areas of the building are constantly walk back and forth for some reason or another… They sort of have a clique thing going… They take lots of breaks - usually to go smoke…

Well, there was one very pretty lady amongst them… who I had a sort of crush on… although I never really had a reason to say more than hello to her…

We weren’t enemies at all… But we had a sort of flirtatious game going on with all the waving and smiling and so on… This behavior went on for months - maybe even years… and it was reaching a level where it was becoming a distraction… I never had any real reason to speak to her, nor her me, so I began to wonder what it was really all about?

One thought was - they weren’t (or, in particular, she) might not have been flirting so much as having a go at me, or so it seemed to be headed in that direction… Maybe they/she was getting just as tired of it?

So one day as I was walking into work, it dawned on me to ask God very quietly - “Lord, I really like that girl, but I dont know what to do… So if there is some legitimate interest we share, please give us the occasion to have a good talk… But, if she is just having a go at me, or the whole thing would just turn out badly, can you please… like… make it impossibly evident it’s a ruse…”

She disappeared. I haven’t seen her for months.

Sometimes its a little sad, and I kind of miss her. She really was a pretty lady, and the flirting could be a lot of fun. But, really, if there was no worthwhile connection, then let God’s will be done.

So - what I guess I mean to suggest to you here is… simply ask God to guide you both according to whatever his peaceful designs might be… If the lady of which you speak is really kind of mean, then maybe God can predispose her or you or the both of you to better places…

 

[ASC]

My advice would be not to think about her, but about yourself. Focus on your own inner peace and not with dealing with her.