First, let me say, it is not my intention to be at odds with God, but through my very limited intellect, one which I may limit myself, there are certain things about the world as God created it which I have a hard time seeing past…But if you wish to know my greater argument after helping me to resolve this one, I will share to the best of my ability, as its complex and am myself, still unaware as to all the factors involved.
I find your honesty and forthrightness to be beautiful and refreshing. Particularly the part about identifying with a limited intellect, as most people of adamant and unexamined faith imply that their intellect is up to the task of totally understanding that faith by itself, or as explained by a “higher” authority is adequate to meet the needs of salvation.
I beg to differ. As far as I am concerned, it is far more a matter of interior integrity, regardless of one’s faith or religion and its postulates. I have never met a self respecting, God-loving spiritual guide who didn’t demand that one be true to themselves and discover how that integrity reflects, ultimately, what might loosely and inaccurately be called “God’s plan.”
First, it ought not be difficult simply to be grateful for one’s good fortune, or parts of it, out of simple appreciation however one attributes its arrival in one’s life. The trouble may enter when one is feeling that there is a peer requirement to see the picture in a particular way. Faithers seem in general to expect that their, group or individual, understanding is THE way, the only way and God’s way, for no other reason than that is their safety net of emotionally enhanced rationalization for something that is in Truth incomprehensible by the human mind, if not the heart.
What I am saying is that due to the unfortunate way that Christianity has come to be represented even by our own Church, we have some unrealistic expectations and dire misunderstandings as to the Nature of God and what our relationship with Deity in fact is. I’m not going to go into analytic things here, as that is not necessarily your immediate needs, though that too may come in time.
the key is that you, unlike so many, are aware of your own unawareness of all the factors involved. That is magnificent and useful for salvation even according to definitions more useful than those given by the Church. But let us remain simple about this.
The relationship of one’s soul to God, real or imagined, is not primarily an intellectual one, though that may play an important par, either as a blockage, as in most faith, or as a facilitator, as in most honest inquiry. As for saying grace in particular, I too have problems with the way most say it, and for me the problem comes from attribution. But that is a more abstract matter than what may be at hand for you. Suffice it to say that if it wasn’t for others, there would not be food on your table. That works even if your gratitude is like the family in the two part cartoon: the first part has a family around a sumptuous dinner, praying “Than you, Jesus.” The second part shows a stooping Mexican in a vegetable field who is saying “De nada.” That is pretty simple and straight forward and worth of attention.
But there is more to it than that. Someone said that if you want to make an apple pie, first you have to invent the Universe. And isn’t that true? And that is why I say grace, because however it got here, given that Creation is a vastly misunderstood happening, I am grateful that I am here as a participating witness to the process of birth, life and death. I may not like parts of it, like pain and what we mistake as suffering, due to lack of perspective, but nonetheless I am happy to be here, and happy to be me.
And gratitude begets wealth. Why? Because it is a state of agreement as distinct from argument. When you agree and accept, usually clarity follows. If you argue, you are too busy maintaining your own paradigm to see what is actually happening. That is why everyone from competent psychologists to spiritual advisers to Gurus and Saints advise to accept what is. Then, accepting, you will see. So I say grace. And I don’t distinguish between what I like and don’t like personally as to whether it is good or not relative to me.
Maturity describes an arc away from identification with your persona ego. This is common wisdom gleaned by anyone who can back away from their personality far enough to see even a slightly larger picture. And so I say grace. Precisely because I don’t know. We are, each and every one of us, to some extent unconfessed and legitimate agnostics. Our idea of God is exactly that: an idea. Perhaps not even our own, but pre-cognitively installed by osmosis. Or developed by whatever means of later education. But I guarantee you this: it is an incomplete shadow of a picture. So I say grace. I acknowledge my ignorance and that the picture works with or without me, and yet I benefit, and it is
up to me whether I accept what I get as a blessing or a curse. And thus I make my own world, and with grace my paradigm corresponds to whatever degree and kind with Reality as It IS, not what someone says it is, or believes it is, or conjectures by science or scripture what it might be. That is all speculation to some degree.
So our arguments “with God” aren’t that at all: they are observations within ourselves of what we might feel is good or consistent and our ideas
about God, not Deity itself. That we have little clue about, save as Love, and actual good. Everything else is commentary, usually vastly limited and ignorant, no matter how scholarly. So I say grace.
