Struggling with

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Hello I am new here. I am in my early 20s and been Catholic for a few years. I need some advice. I have been struggling with masturbation since I was 11. I didn’t know it was wrong until a couple of years ago and I have been trying to stop ever since. I try hard not to fall and when I do fall I go to confession and try again. But when I fall I feel so guilty. I feel like I am the worlds dirtiest and yuckiest person. And once I fall I feel so guilty that I cant hardy leave the house until I go to confession. I cant get to confession until Saturday. And I feel like I shouldn’t do anything until I go. I need to look for a job but I am scared to do that until I have been to confession. I was suppose to hang out with a friend later this week. But I feel like I should cancel cos I fell.

One of my good Catholic friends told me that when I fall I need to pray an act of contrition(which I have done) and live on with my life like I normally would and go to confession on Saturday. Is he right? do I not need to lock myself in the house until I go to confession?
 
First of all welcome!.. and secondly, I know how you feel and I think a lot of people can relate when they fall into sin, such as masterbation… its a very hard thing to deal with, but from that sounds of it I think your being positive about it and Its good to here that you continue to go to confession, thats the important thing, cause remember God is here to forgive us for our sins. As for not going out and locking yourself at home, you shouldnt feel that way… it is only normal to feel guilty, but atleast you know what you have done is wrong, it’s not like you do it, and dont think anything of it… you are truely sorry for your sins and thats what God cares about, masterbation is a easy thing to slip into and it happens, dont give up though on God and keep going to confession, and keep praying, God will be there for you and he’s looking over you. Keep praying, but also dont forget that you gotta live your life too! hope this helps you 🙂
 
catholic09 said:
Hello I am new here. I am in my early 20s and been Catholic for a few years. I need some advice. I have been struggling with masturbation since I was 11. I didn’t know it was wrong until a couple of years ago and I have been trying to stop ever since. I try hard not to fall and when I do fall I go to confession and try again. But when I fall I feel so guilty. I feel like I am the worlds dirtiest and yuckiest person. And once I fall I feel so guilty that I cant hardy leave the house until I go to confession. I cant get to confession until Saturday. And I feel like I shouldn’t do anything until I go. I need to look for a job but I am scared to do that until I have been to confession. I was suppose to hang out with a friend later this week. But I feel like I should cancel cos I fell.

One of my good Catholic friends told me that when I fall I need to pray an act of contrition(which I have done) and live on with my life like I normally would and go to confession on Saturday. Is he right? do I not need to lock myself in the house until I go to confession?
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I understand how you feel. I’m in pretty much the exact same boat as you, except that I’m a cradle Catholic. You can and should continue to live your life. God has already forgiven you. Forgiveness comes through repentance. (For the people who are about to yell at me - No, I’m not saying he doesn’t need to go to confession or denying what the Church teaches abut Confession). If you really feel that this was a mortal sin, you shouldn’t receive Communion until you are able to go through a Sacramental Confession, but it sounds like there are enough mitigating circumstances in your case, that this isn’t necessarily mortal sin. In any case you should go to Confession as soon as you can, which you’ve said you already plan to do. Good Job:thumbsup: You should continue to live your life though. God doesn’t need us hiding under a rock everytime we do something bad, especially in your case where you have sincerely repented of this sin.

Remember Psalm 103: As the heavens tower over the earth, so God’s love towers over the faithful. As far as the east is from the west, so far have our sins been removed from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on the faithful.

God Bless
I’ll be praying for you, please pray for me.
 
When, I saw the title of this thread, I knew what it was going to be about, haha.

You shouldn’t beat yourself too hard over it and let the guilt hinder going out of the house or a doing job search. It’s probably a venial sin for you if it’s become a force of acquired habit.

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.
 
Welcome to CAF, we are glad you are here.

First, you’re trying to break a habit that has been going on for years. The best thing to do is stay busy and not just sit around the house. Idle time like they say, “can be the work of the devil.”

You have to avoid the things that set you off, but that may not be entirely possible. All you can do is the best you can.

When you fail the advice of your Catholic friend is good. Act of Contrition and be sorrowful, and go to Confession. Then go about your life.

Many folks struggle with this problem. It is especially difficult to overcome when you are not married and have no outlet. I suggest doing a search (hundreds of posts on it) on this subject and read how others are dealing with it. It is not just a guy thing either.
 
This thread sounds very very familiar. Are you sure you haven’t posted this exact thing before as another poster? Take a look at this thread. forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=286904&highlight=masterbation

Here is the quote from the original poster.
catholicsouth08 said:
i need help. i am in my 20’s and i am struggleing with masturbation. i have done it since i was 14 but became catholic a few years ago and been trying to stop. i feel so guilty. i have asked God to forgive me and i will go to confession on saturday. but i feel like i shouldnt leave the house. i have a big ged math test tomorrow and i feel bad going because i masturbated. and i need to look for a job but feel to guilty. i fell like i need to lock myself in the house until saturday any advice?
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I have a very similar problem. I feel your pain. I do not also know all the facts about this and the church. I follow the churches teachings. I have made great strides in this area. I am a teenager and very well like. My friends ask my why do you do it to yourself and I tell them because I love god and am trying to get to heaven. The one thing that I am confused with is that if you are trying your hardest not to do it and God knows your resisting temptation every single day. But after a very long period of time I have a slip up but the catholic church says that you must give full consent for a sin to be mortal. The churches rule on masterbation also has some lessing of this sin to venial. I try so hard to not do it and after I pray for his forgiveness. Is it a mortal sin if you try your very hardest to quit and then screw up and you dont give full consent to doing it? It would be very nice to hear some opinions. Its not like I am saying I want to do it because it feels good and I dont care what the rules are. I am giving it 200% effort to quit for good.
 
It’s good to hear that you are working so hard at this.
If you don’t give full consent a sin is not mortal.
Even if you have been trying very hard to avoid a sin, it is still possible to give full consent, though. Just because you usually give no consent, doesn’t mean that you can’t sometimes give full consent.

I’m not saying that this is what you are doing. Especially if you have been doing this for a long time and have built up a habit/addiction, you may definitely have enough mitigating factors that would make it a venial sin. This can only be known on an individual basis though. If you have more specific questions about your case in particular I would suggest speaking to a confessor/spiritual director about it.

God Bless
 
This is something I’ve been struggling with, as well. According to the handful of priests I’ve confessed to, it’s one of the most common sins that people struggle with. Considering our society today, it’s no big surprise.

Here are a couple of things I’ve done that have helped me a great deal.
Get yourself a little calendar, something you can keep close to you, or even on your person - I made a tiny one and glued it accordian-style into a locket that I keep on me as often as I can. Mark off each day that goes by that you’ve survived temptation. If you happen to fall, mark that day differently on the calendar, then continue on. Seeing the weeks tick by that you’ve made it is very uplifting, and just having that little calendar in sight is often enough to give you strength when you’re struggling.
If you don’t already, I’d suggest wearing a Miraculous Medal at all times. When things get tough, you hang on tight to your Mother and beg her for help.
If pornography is something that goes along with your struggle, I’d suggest securing a miraculous medal to your computer or keyboard - I taped one onto my laptop right next to where my hand rests. It’s a lot more difficult to do that sort of stuff when you’ve got a clear reminder that your mom’s watching.

Something else my confessors always tell me is that you shouldn’t fight it. Don’t struggle with the sin. When you struggle, you’re likely bound to fail. Instead, turn, and run, straight to Christ, and beg him to take that temptation from you. When you can’t walk away from what’s setting you off - like, say, if you’re lying in bed and can’t really afford to get up and do something else to get your mind off of it - then start praying. Pray to St. Michael to chase the demons away, pray to Mary to keep you strong, and pray to Christ and the Father for mercy.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to call a priest any day and ask for an appointment to have your confession heard. Don’t put it off to Saturday unless you absolutely have to. Who knows what will happen between now and then. Better to know you’re filled with Grace then to hope that you’ve made a perfect Contrition.
 
FanChan said:
This is something I’ve been struggling with, as well. According to the handful of priests I’ve confessed to, it’s one of the most common sins that people struggle with. Considering our society today, it’s no big surprise.

Here are a couple of things I’ve done that have helped me a great deal.
Get yourself a little calendar, something you can keep close to you, or even on your person - I made a tiny one and glued it accordian-style into a locket that I keep on me as often as I can. Mark off each day that goes by that you’ve survived temptation. If you happen to fall, mark that day differently on the calendar, then continue on. Seeing the weeks tick by that you’ve made it is very uplifting, and just having that little calendar in sight is often enough to give you strength when you’re struggling.
If you don’t already, I’d suggest wearing a Miraculous Medal at all times. When things get tough, you hang on tight to your Mother and beg her for help.
If pornography is something that goes along with your struggle, I’d suggest securing a miraculous medal to your computer or keyboard - I taped one onto my laptop right next to where my hand rests. It’s a lot more difficult to do that sort of stuff when you’ve got a clear reminder that your mom’s watching.

Something else my confessors always tell me is that you shouldn’t fight it. Don’t struggle with the sin. When you struggle, you’re likely bound to fail. Instead, turn, and run, straight to Christ, and beg him to take that temptation from you. When you can’t walk away from what’s setting you off - like, say, if you’re lying in bed and can’t really afford to get up and do something else to get your mind off of it - then start praying. Pray to St. Michael to chase the demons away, pray to Mary to keep you strong, and pray to Christ and the Father for mercy.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to call a priest any day and ask for an appointment to have your confession heard. Don’t put it off to Saturday unless you absolutely have to. Who knows what will happen between now and then. Better to know you’re filled with Grace then to hope that you’ve made a perfect Contrition.
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Great post…Only would add, don’t hate yourself and do forgive yourself…works best after Confession :o . It’s a struggle, but above advice and from other posters is good…Take care!
 
I have my own sins (different ones) I struggle with, and I have to keep reminding myself about the Church’s teaching about confession:

If you die while truly and honestly intending to go to confession, God takes that as enough. Your intention counts to absolve you, but only at the time of death.

At least, that is how I always understood it. If anyone has heard something different, speak up now.

But that has always comforted me. I can’t usually go to confession any day but Saturday, and getting through a whole week waiting for confession can be very hard: I feel very far from God. But He knows that I really am sorry, and that I want to get to the sacrament as quickly as I can. So I don’t have to live in terror of going to Hell.
 
This is usually a pretty tough one…but it can be done.

One way is building up your self control, so prime examples are giving up small things for extended periods of time or one day a week. Self control is number one, so give up candy or just anything simple and build up to the problem at hand. Also don’t forget to unite your joys, works, and sufferings with Christ. You can always offer them to Mary.

Next, a sound prayer life is also a large help, a daily rosary is a very big help, no one helps like a mother. Any prayers offered to Mary will also help. St. Michael’s prayer.

Don’t worry about it, by that I mean, don’t think about it at all. Start talking out loud either to yourself, Christ, or your Guardian Angel.

Have faith in Christ that he will help you beat this evil force.

Something else that might help is to look into the Theology of The Body, and peeking at the absolute beauty, almost incomprehensible beauty of the sexual act and sexual love. The insight offered by that theology may cause you to see things in a much different light.

Another thing that might help is to think every time we sin, Christ’s agony and bloodshed has increased for our own forgiveness to our own selfishness.

These are just a few thoughts on how to beat this evil force, I used all of them myself in some fashion. Remember everybody falls at some time, even the Pope goes to confession.
 
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