Struggling...

[littlerose1]

Hey everyone,

I guess I just need to rant a little… but any advice would be very welcomed and appreciated.

I’m 17, and came to a more serious faith after an intense period of struggle, doubt, and depression last year. Since then, God has done amazing things in my life – helped me overcome sins I had fallen into, led me to greater faith and trust in Him, and even, or so I thought for a while, pulled my heart towards the consecrated religious life.

I know I have so many things to be thankful for, and so it pains me that my focus is not on them, but that instead my depression seems to be returning more frequently. I feel so different than my peers – I am quiet and introverted, sometimes socially awkward. I have friends, but few (read: none) I feel I can really talk to. I am insanely jealous of the sense of family I see among members of my parish’s youth group, which I am not apart of because of a scheduling conflict. If I thought it were worth it, I might try to convince my parents to let me rearrange my schedule. But with only a semester of high school left, all I see is myself joining youth group as an outsider, too quiet and too introverted to become fully accepted. I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere.

I’m struggling to see the point of life, struggling to understand why God cares and why He has made me. I am frustrated, because I go to confession only to return to sin and to fail to fully appreciate God. I feel as though I am constantly letting Him down; I want so much to follow God and serve Him, but I feel like more often than not I’m just making my parents’ lives more challenging, being selfish, and not really bettering. And I do far better with faith when I have some kind of spiritual direction. I beat myself up for needing it and I wonder if that means I am not focused on God, but on myself or on others. I don’t have any spiritual direction now and I’m putting off getting it for that (and a few other) reasons.

I guess I’m just feeling really discouraged because I know I could be growing in faith so much more, but for whatever reasons, I’m not. And at the same time, I just feel like I don’t fit in anywhere and like I can’t find real purpose in my life. I don’t know where God wants me to go from here, but waiting feels pointless and I feel like I need to act somehow.

Any and all encouragement or advice would be awesome. Thank you and God bless.

littlerose

 

[trmyjs]

I’m in a similar situation right now. Especially the parts of having not having a close friend to go to and my faith not growing. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed for just one good friend that’s at least a Christian, and I’ve yet to receive one. I can’t help but feel like this is God’s way of forcing me (so to speak) to grow extremely close to Jesus. I don’t have any great advice since I’m still struggling through things myself, but keep trying. Give God all you have and He will take care of you.

 

[Kennywood]

Dear Friend,

17 Can be a challenging time! You have a gift for clear and succinct writing, and it is easy to empathize with your situation…and I have to admit, it sounds familiar, even though 17 was a long time ago So my best advice is to address it head on, here and now.

You allude to having spoken to a mentor before, and that you know it probably would be helpful in this situation.

I heard a motivational speaker say this once: if you have to ask, you already know the answer. As in, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” You already know. You are looking for someone to confirm your thoughts.

So here I am, confirming your thought that talking to someone face to face would be a good idea. Just saying a thing out loud can change you, can help. Continue to discern who that person might be, but maybe in the mean time, write it out? And maybe write down the good things/blessings that you find in a day. Look for them, at least.

You are likely to get a flurry more responses, all more technical than mine. But I will pray for you and I wish you well, and I hope your list of blessings’ length makes you smile.

Hang in there

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hey everyone,

I guess I just need to rant a little… but any advice would be very welcomed and appreciated.

I’m 17, and came to a more serious faith after an intense period of struggle, doubt, and depression last year. Since then, God has done amazing things in my life – helped me overcome sins I had fallen into, led me to greater faith and trust in Him, and even, or so I thought for a while, pulled my heart towards the consecrated religious life.

I know I have so many things to be thankful for, and so it pains me that my focus is not on them, but that instead my depression seems to be returning more frequently. I feel so different than my peers – I am quiet and introverted, sometimes socially awkward. I have friends, but few (read: none) I feel I can really talk to. I am insanely jealous of the sense of family I see among members of my parish’s youth group, which I am not apart of because of a scheduling conflict. If I thought it were worth it, I might try to convince my parents to let me rearrange my schedule. But with only a semester of high school left, all I see is myself joining youth group as an outsider, too quiet and too introverted to become fully accepted. I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere.

I’m struggling to see the point of life, struggling to understand why God cares and why He has made me. I am frustrated, because I go to confession only to return to sin and to fail to fully appreciate God. I feel as though I am constantly letting Him down; I want so much to follow God and serve Him, but I feel like more often than not I’m just making my parents’ lives more challenging, being selfish, and not really bettering. And I do far better with faith when I have some kind of spiritual direction. I beat myself up for needing it and I wonder if that means I am not focused on God, but on myself or on others. I don’t have any spiritual direction now and I’m putting off getting it for that (and a few other) reasons.

I guess I’m just feeling really discouraged because I know I could be growing in faith so much more, but for whatever reasons, I’m not. And at the same time, I just feel like I don’t fit in anywhere and like I can’t find real purpose in my life. I don’t know where God wants me to go from here, but waiting feels pointless and I feel like I need to act somehow.

Any and all encouragement or advice would be awesome. Thank you and God bless.

littlerose

If you have never been under treatment for depression, please ask your parents to take you to your pediatrician as soon as possible! Depression can come and go on its own schedule, so you can think you beat it yourself, but every time you go through the cycle, you end up more likely to repeat it - it’s as if your brain gets trained to respond in the same way. If you can get on medications quickly enough, you may never have another episode. It’s what my psychiatrist explained to me, and why I can never go off medications because my brain was already very well “trained” before I was even an adult.

Life is not going to make sense when you are depressed. Your thought process is not available to you. If you need treatment, please make sure to take care of yourself in that way.

I will be praying for you.

 

[anodos]

If you have never been under treatment for depression, please ask your parents to take you to your pediatrician as soon as possible! Depression can come and go on its own schedule, so you can think you beat it yourself, but every time you go through the cycle, you end up more likely to repeat it - it’s as if your brain gets trained to respond in the same way. If you can get on medications quickly enough, you may never have another episode. It’s what my psychiatrist explained to me, and why I can never go off medications because my brain was already very well “trained” before I was even an adult.

Life is not going to make sense when you are depressed. Your thought process is not available to you. If you need treatment, please make sure to take care of yourself in that way.

I will be praying for you.

I think that this is very good advice.
You need to hear voices and opinions besides your own. Its easy to believe that you are helpless and worthless when you are the only one diagnosing your condition. Be patient with yourself; don’t be frustrated if growth doesn’t seem to be happening right now. Sometimes growth seems to happen very quickly, other times it may seem that there’s no growth at all, but that doesn’t mean you’re failing. I heard someone say that a tree is judged by its fruits, and trees don’t make fruit all year long; its normal to have barren, winter seasons.

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

What you think might be depression, may in fact be The Dark Night of the Soul.

I had that issue at your age even until now without understanding. Try reading about it. It’s a very dark feeling. It’s a test, really, albeit, not a fun test. It’s when you get close to God, He tests your faithfulness.

Pray about it and talk to a GOOD, solid spiritual adviser about it. He would be able to help you discern what the matter may be for certain.

Reading material that may be useful : The Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross

For those of you that may doubt me, yeah, I’ve been in dark night for nearly a decade now. I’m 25. It’s not fun, but I’m hoping God lets me out soon.

God bless you.

 

[anodos]

What you think might be depression, may in fact be The Dark Night of the Soul.

I had that issue at your age even until now without understanding. Try reading about it. It’s a very dark feeling. It’s a test, really, albeit, not a fun test. It’s when you get close to God, He tests your faithfulness.

Pray about it and talk to a GOOD, solid spiritual adviser about it. He would be able to help you discern what the matter may be for certain.

Reading material that may be useful : The Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross

For those of you that may doubt me, yeah, I’ve been in dark night for nearly a decade now. I’m 25. It’s not fun, but I’m hoping God lets me out soon.

God bless you.

Not doubting. In your experience, how have you been able to tell when you are going through the Dark Night, and when it is something more like depression? (Maybe this subject is for another thread - I’m sorry, I don’t mean to hijack!).