struggling

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4tomorrow

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I need someone to talk to.
I feel so lonely. I’m really, really stressed out with my job and my life. It is so difficult raising a child alone without any financial help from anyone. My job is super stressful, and there is never enough money to get thru. All I do Is go to work and come home to my daughter. I love her more than anything in the entire universe, but I feel like I’m at my wits end. I’m really lonely for companionship, and still deeply hurt by everything my ex did to me and our daughter. All of life’s problems are building up on my shoulders. I don’t know how much more I can bear. I worry so much. For the saftey of my daughter (from her father). I worry about my job, the bills my own health.
I have been having a lot of chest pains. I’t is probably all the stress, but I don’t have money to get it checked out. I have no insurance and haven’t been to a docter in 2 yrs. I make too much money to qualify for any help, but not enough to support my kid.
I’m sorry to be rambling on here, but I really don’t know how to cope anymore.
 
Hey, don’t give up! Jesus loves you so much more than you can know and He gives peace! If you want to talk to me at all, feel free to PM me. I may not have experienced what you have, but I’m willing to listen to whoever needs it.
 
I’m sorry things are so hard for you right now. Could there be any volunteer programs around you where you could go for help or someone to talk too? I know around where I live there are several agencies and charities to help people, regardless of income. I have gotten help with rent on the condition of the help was that I was financially able to keep up with it after their help. Also, I go to therapy at a free place. Definitely seek out a priest at least to talk too. People do care. I hope things will get better for you soon. Its gotta be especially hard when you have your little girl to think of as well.

I will have you in my prayers.
 
it is not that I’m ready to give up. I’m just so hurt, lonely and scared.
I would never give up. I constantly worry about what would happen to my daughter if something happened to me
 
Hi there 4tomorrow. Remember me? Believe me, I know how you feel. It is very, deeply lonely to be a single parent. Especially since when you are putting your kids first, you don’t really get the chance to get out and connect with other adultson a social level. It is really helpful to have people that you can talk to, so that you can remember that you are someone who has worth and value.
If you do IM and would like someone to chat with, PM me and I will give you my Yahoo IM ID.

Just hang in there and keep doing the great job for your daughter that you are doing. I know it can seem like there isn’t an end in sight, but I am sure that God has great plans for you. Just believe in that and be thankful for all of the blessings in your life, and you’ll see…
 
God bless you for taking such good care of your daughter. What you’re going through sounds really hard. Ask Mary to lift you up in her prayers that you would find peace and strength in your motherhood. She understands your love for your daughter, and she understands the heartaches that you’re feeling too.

I also want to encourage you to seek medical care. I too have had a lot to deal with in life lately. I am only 32 and was having chest pains/heart palpitations. I sought medical help, shared what was going on in my life, and for me, the doctor’s diagnosis was, “You’re walking around with a MACK TRUCK on your shoulders.”😛 She said that we can only deal with so much stress before our bodies begin showing signs of being compromised by that stress. So now I am on a medication to treat anxiety and I am feeling SO much better.

The thing is, your daughter does need you. Your physical and emotional well-being is an important part of being there for your daughter. Exercise is an awesome, God-given stress-reliever! Maybe you and your daughter could take up swimming or biking together. Mayber spend some time in adoration together- it calms my soul every time and I should do a lot more of it!:bowdown: Adoration takes me out of this world and lets me focus on what really matters the most.

Also know that loneliness and fear and some of the devil’s favorite weapons. This could very well be a spiritual battle. Claim your strength and protection that you have in Our Lord. Ask the Holy Spirit to keep you close company throughout your day. Play your favorite christian music in your home. Surround yourself in His Comfort. Jesus wants to comfort you.

I will pray for you and your daughter. And if you need to talk, keep coming back to these boards. There are many wonderful people here.:grouphug: :blessyou:
 
Gosh, I have been there too! Chest pains, massive debt, pitiful-paying job, three kids… too little child support, far from family.

Nine years later I am paying down that debt. The kids are older. Job is better.

What happened? First I really prayed hard to St. Joseph. He’s the go-to guy in my book for financial help. One day I was literally ready to declare bankruptcy, and I sat at the kitchen table and just started praying to St. Joseph. And I looked up and there right under my nose was a newspaper ad that inspired me to do some financial restructuring of everything and bailed me out for a little while. Then a friend put his sister in the convent to praying for me and in 5 days I got a better job offer. Which has made a HUGE difference.

The key here is prayer.

Don’t stop. Pray as if you think God and His saints actually care.

As for the loneliness… right now concentrate on your daughter. She needs you so much. Find ways to stay busy with her and make memories.

I found that with doing yard work, housework, child care, working the job, and all the other stuff I was so tired and busy I didn’t have time to think about the other stuff. But I know how it feels. Every once in a while the kids are gone for the weekend and I don’t have work and that’s when it gets difficult.

As for the father… yes, I know that feeling. It could be causing some of your chest pains. It takes time for the wounds to heal. I’m not there yet. (I’m sure everyone here can tell!)

But you’re better off than a year ago, I’m sure.

People say it, and it’s true! This too shall pass!
 
4tomorrow said:
I make too much money to qualify for any help, but not enough to support my kid.
I’m sorry to be rambling on here, but I really don’t know how to cope anymore.
Click to expand...
I can relate. I just saw a credit councilor on Monday to try and get all my debt consolidated so I can make some headway with payments and was told I’m not in enough debt for them the help me out. I don’t have bad credit yet but was trying to avoid getting into trouble with it later if another emergincy pops up and I can’t pay my bills. Looks like you have to be in bankruptcy before you can get any help. 🤷
 
That makes me so mad that you have to pay for a medical check up in the USA, and just how many people do not have health insurance.

Times are hard. You are doing the best you can and you are doing so much for your daughter. I often find that hard times and struggles bring good things later. What do you think?
 
4tomorrow - It really sounds like life is taking its toll on you right now. So, today, is a new day and as good as any to start to break free from this. I’ve spent a lot of days myself as a single Mother and I know how heavy the least little things can seem. In retrospect, I always decide that most of it was just my perception. So, let’s pick a topic to start to work on and release some of this burden from you. The topic that I’m best at is finances. The point in time when I gained control of my finances was pivotal to many other things. I’ll start by asking - do you have a written budget? Not a budget that you vaguely carry around in your head (my old method), but one which is written on paper and one which you are committed to following? If not, are you willing to try to do one?
 
Sorry you are going through such are hard time. It’s tough being a single parent even when there’s enough money, so if money is short it can be overwhelming. Go to your local Dept of Social Services and apply for food stamps and heating assistance ( if you’re up north). Your local parish may have a food bank. Any help you can get will stretch your paycheck. Check into low cost health ins based on income like Family Health Plus. Even if you can only afford a couple of months premiums you’d have a chance to see a doctor for any urgent problems and get treated. Some drug companies will provide drugs for those who cannot pay.

I will keep you in my prayers.
 
hi 4tomorrow,

I use to work at a Catholic hospital as a biller. I’d like to offer some advice. If there are any Catholic hospitals near you that have a clinic, you can go to the business office and request an uncompensated care form. Based upon your W2 from last yr, and how much you are bringing in now, you would be responsible for 1/2, 1/4, or none of the bills. It is good for an entire year for you and your daughter. Other hospitals offer this too because they all have funds set aside yearly for those who can’t afford the cost of treatment.

Also, even if you do wind up owing something, as long as you pay a a small amount monthly, they can’t even send you to collections for not paying. It is cheaper to set up a payment plan because there is no interest (unlike paying by a credit card which is a huge mistake made by most ppl). The hospitals do want to work with ppl as soon as they get their bills. The problems arise when the patients get their 3rd notice and don’t respond to set up payments. Then they get sent to collections. As long as you respond to them, they are more than willing to help.

Please look into it. It does have its benefits.
 
You need to go to our Mother Mary. She loves you more than you love your daughter. Just think of how you set your little girl on your lap and rock her. Think of how you just enjoy having her so close. Think of how your babies hair smells and how cuddly warm she is. Now know that Mary loves having you just that close. She loves you dearly and she would do anything she could to help you. Ask Mary to take your situation to her Son. Ask her to hold you and help you. She will go to Jesus and he will hear her. She is Our Lady of Perpetual Help and of Holy Hope. It sounds like you need both. I will be praying for you!
 
FIRST OF ALL I WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERONE HERE FOR THEIR CARE AND SUPPORT. TRULY APPRECIATE ALL OF YOUR SUGGESTIONS.

JUST TO CLARIFY MY SITUATION A LITTLE…
I DO NOT REALLY HAVE ANY DEBT. IT IS JUST THE DAILY COST OF LIVING I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH. DAYCARE, UTILITIES, RENT, FOOD PHONE, AND I DON’T EVEN WANT TO MENTION THE GAS! i DON’T HAVE CREDIT CARDS, THERE IS NOTHING I CAN CUT BACK ON AND I GO BY A STRICT BUDGET. I WAS TOLD, BY FAMILY SERVICES, THAT IN MY AREA I DO NOT QUALIFY FOR FOOD STAMPS OR ANY DAYCARE ASSISTANCE BECAUSE I MAKE MORE THAN $7.65 AN HOUR (FULL TIME JOB). I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN A SINGLE PENNY FOR CHILD SUPPORT FROM MY EXHUSBAND, SO WE REALLY STRUGGLE.
I LOVE MY DAUGHTER MORE THAN ANYTHING. I WOULD RATHER NOT GET A SINGLE PENNY FROM MY EXHUSBAND TTHAN HAVE HIM GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE GREIF THAT HE WOULD IF HE WAS AN ACTIVE PART OF HER LIFE. HE HAS NEVER VISITED WITH HER SINCE OUR DIVORCE. IF HE DID THE COURT ALREADY ORDERED SUPERVISED VISITATION. I HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO PUT HER THROUGH THAT. MY EX IS A CRIMINAL, A DRUG ADDICT AND VERY VIOLENT. SINCE OUR DIVORCE HE HAS HAD NUMEROUS PEOPLE (WHO I DON’T KNOW) FILE LAWSUITS AGAINTS HIM FOR ABUSE. HE CURRENTLY HAS 9 WARRANTS FOR HIS ARREST, BUT CONTINUES TO HIDE FROM THE POLICE. I AM TERRIFIED OF HIM. I CONSTANTLY LIVE IN FEAR OF HIM SHOWING UP. I THINK ALL OF THAT ADDS A LOT OF STRESS.
IF I AM NOT WORKING MY DAUGHTER IS WITH ME. I LOVE OUR TIME TOGETHER, BUT I HAVE NO ME TIME. SHE DOESN’T GO TO HER FATHERS HOUSE AT ANY TIME, AND I CAN’T AFFORD A BABYSITTER, EVEN IF I COULD AFFORD TO GO OUT.
I THANK GOD EVERY DAY THAT MY KID DOESN’T REMEMBER HER FATHER, THAT WAY SHE ISN’T HURT BY ALL OF THIS (AT LEAST NOT YET).
A FRIEND AT MY WORK WAS WANTING TO SET ME UP ON A DATE. THE OTHER GIRLS AT WORK WANT TO SEE ME GET OUT TOO. THE WEIRD THING IS I’M NOT INTERESTED. NOT EVEN FOR A DATE. I DON’T WANT TO LET ANYONE IN MY LIFE. SO I GUESS THE LONELINESS IS MY OWN FAULT. THANKS FOR LISTENING…
 
I think you are wise to not jump into dating anyone. It is good though to develop friendships and to have people that you can count on. Everyone needs that. You still have a lot to work on as far as finding some solid ground and some inner strength before you start dating. So, it does sound like your instincts are helping you out in that regard. Are you going to Mass? Can you get involved with your parish? Is your daughter involved in any activities where you can get together with other moms? These are all good places to look.
 
4tomorrow - I’ve been in your shoes as far as being lonely, having small children, and not a lot of $ to spend on sitters for me time out of the house. My husband passed away when my children were 5 and 2. So, there wasn’t a Father for them to visit. My Mother lived with us, but was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 4 months after the death of my husband. She was my only family in town. My 5 yr old quickly became the most responsible alternative that I had in the house. So, I know that loneliness very well. And, I have to warn you that that feeling can be a very powerful driver if it isn’t properly controlled. It lead me into a very bad marriage which I’m not trying to work my way out of. One thing that I would recommend to you is a Catholic church designed program called Beginning Experience. It’s a world-wide program. And, it’s one that great for healing those feelings that are driving the loneliness. It’s for divorced and widowed people. I actually went through it during my second marriage because I was thinking that my marriage problems stemmed from not being over my first husband. Instead, it helped me to see that my fear of that loneliness was probably what was keeping me in an abusive relationship. So, it gave me the strength to take the steps to end the marriage. I will be going through it again when my divorce is final. The one here offers free child care during the sessions. So, your daughter could go with you. I really encourage you to give it a try. It could give you the strength you need to get through this tough time. Blessings - Annie
 
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