Stuck Again (I really am Romantically Clueless!)

[ThyKingdomCome]

When we talked last night, he admitted that now he’d actually let the genie out of the bottle, so to speak, he’d begun to question so much about his own life. For example, he realised he’d never travelled and apart from work and shooting, had no idea at all what kind of holidays he liked, or what his opinions and interests were: he said he looked accross at his dad and realised he was just becoming a carbon copy!

We’re still in agreement that having kept ourselves under wraps for so long and just not been out and about enough, that we’re going to plan some proper trips out over the summer (he’s never been to the theatre and I love it, but never have anyone to go with) doing all the stuff we never get to do because we’ve nobody to do it with. We’re all putting our friendship and one another first and if it goes nowhere romantically, we’re still friends.

Sounds like a good plan, and if it doesn’t go anywhere romantically, perhaps it has also sparked some personal growth and needed attention to yourselves.

 

[chevalier]

You guys have no idea how much you are helping me! I suppose I’ve known for a while that I’m hiding behind my family’s problems to an extent; but I also know that I’m a bit of a compulsive people-pleaser.

That’s not a bad trait for social or relationship coexistence. While it can result in being unable to deny prolonged or concentrated attention to a friend or relative while the spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend is waiting, it should also prevent the typical “me first” and “looking out for number one” type of conflicts.

My friend dropped by last night again and we had another long talk. His mother died when he was 16 and since then, he dropped out of education and threw himself into working for his father and in his own words, has just kept his head down ever since.

That could explain a lot. Poor guy may even the case of arrested development in some emotional areas.

It’s strange how much we have in common, because a combination of work, family pressure and knock-backs have meant I’ve done the same for about 9 or 10 years too. We both talked about how we’d more or less started to believe that we were ‘supposed’ to be by ourselves, because that seemed to be the default expectation of everyone around us

Well, you do have something in common then.

He’s found other women attractive and wanted to ask them out before, but never plucked up the courage. Apparently, what finally triggered him to say something to me, was when we went as a group of 3 friends to a dinner a few weeks ago. the 3rd member of the party was a divorced man that we are both really close friends with, who is also an alcoholic eek:I’m painting a great picture of England here, aren’t I?!!! It’s really not that bad!)

Well, let’s hope this isn’t a courage case, as in late-blooming, discovery of life etc.

Younger Man says it was Divorced Man’s behaviour that tipped him over the edge, because he felt so bad for me and decided I deserved so much better (him )

A… familiar thought pattern, yes.

When we talked last night, he admitted that now he’d actually let the genie out of the bottle, so to speak, he’d begun to question so much about his own life. For example, he realised he’d never travelled and apart from work and shooting, had no idea at all what kind of holidays he liked, or what his opinions and interests were: he said he looked accross at his dad and realised he was just becoming a carbon copy!

I’m a little phobic of people who are in a discovery stage of their lives. There is a reason I’m somewhat reluctant to make any moves on university students, for example. You just don’t know what will come out of it when they’re done.

We’re still in agreement that having kept ourselves under wraps for so long and just not been out and about enough, that we’re going to plan some proper trips out over the summer (he’s never been to the theatre and I love it, but never have anyone to go with) doing all the stuff we never get to do because we’ve nobody to do it with. We’re all putting our friendship and one another first and if it goes nowhere romantically, we’re still friends.

Just make sure he really is okay with that and not accepting it as the only way to maintain any contact with you and your presence. In his situation, I’d have a big chance of being desperate, brought down and holding fast to any opportunity to have any influence on the woman. Which is pathological but you already know this.

I know a lot of people think that’s impossible - but they don’t know either of us and how much practice we’ve both had at controlling our emotions over the years.

Who thinks he stands, let him look around lest he trip and fall.