Stuck aka the ever-growing list of questions on BC)

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codefro

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Friends I feel stuck. I am a Catholic and my wife is not. She came into the Church with me from Protestantism, but then relapsed because she felt forced into the Church. She did it to originally try to keep our family together, but she had a breakdown and is slowly trying to understand the Church. She has made great strides, but there are still some roadblocks. Right now the issue is BC. My wife struggles with NFP. We practiced it for a long time, but with the birth of our second daughter she no longer believes it as a useful means of family planning. She either said abstain or AC- so I said abstain.

Here is my question though- firstly my wife is not a Catholic. She does not agree with the Church’s stance on AC. Myself and many others have tried to explain it, but she does not agree. My wife is allergic to female hygeine products that women use when on their period. She claims if she takes the pill that she will not have any more yeast inf. Her intentions for taking the pill would be twofold- that and AC for preg. Is this wrong for her to use this if she is not a Catholic and she does not believe it to be wrong? Are the relations wrong then if she does?

I am stuck because I trust the Church. I love my wife and am a man. Let me just say that this leads me into other issues and I just feel like I am drowing. I desire my wife to come into the Church, and I desire to have a good loving relationship with my wife, and also for my family to be close to our Lord.

Any advice on this issue would be immensely helpful.
 
This is a discussion for you and your pastor in confession regarding resuming relations if your wife chooses to use contraception.

I am puzzled by this idea that she is allergic to something used during menstruation-- what on earth could she be allergic to? If it is something in tampons, then she can use pads or a Diva cup or something. I find it odd that she would think the Pill a solution to an allergy or yeast infection. That is being disengenous at best because the Pill does nothing for allergies or yeast infections.

So, does she have a true medical reason for using the Pill? I doubt it. Sounds to me from what you have written she just wants to use contraception and is grasping at a way to make it seems acceptable for you.

Is it wrong for her to use contraception? Yes, it’s wrong for everyone. It is not just wrong for Catholics. It is an offense against the moral law, which is universal.

She can reject that, or not believe it, but it doesn’t change the reality. Her culpability is something none of us can judge.

Regarding relations, again, this is something that a Catholic must take up with their confessor. Your confessor can give you guidance on when it is morally permissible to engage in relations as the innocent spouse when the other spouse insists on contraception. The document Vademecum For Confessors give pastors such guidance, which they in turn can work with their parishioners in their concrete situation.
 
Regarding relations- I have spoken to my pastor and he said no relations if that be the case- although I do not know if he has read that or not.

Yet, on the CAF AAA forum, Father Vincent Serpa says that relations in an instance with one who is faithful to Catholic teaching and one who does not see it as wrong would not be sinful. So this is where my confusion lies…
 
If you wife came into the Church with you, then she is Catholic. Once you are Catholic, you are always a Catholic.
 
What is she allergic to? Pads don’t cause yeast infections and even if they did, I don’t know how the pill could possibly prevent them. I would be annoyed if I was the OP because it sounds like his wife is giving him the business.
 
Allegra said:
What is she allergic to? Pads don’t cause yeast infections and even if they did, I don’t know how the pill could possibly prevent them. I would be annoyed if I was the OP because it sounds like his wife is giving him the business.
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And being on abc wouldn’t prevent any of this anyway - she would still have periods and have to use something and, as has been said, abc does not prevent either allergies or yeast infections.

The solution is threefold:

a) treatment (usually by way of creams or pessaries) for the yeast infections
b) try every possible type and brand of female sanitary product (and check that she is using them correctly) until she finds one that suits
c) further learning about NFP - often another method, or better understanding of the method you are using, will make it more reliable.
 
We went through almost the exact same situation. I’m Catholic, my wife is not. You need to talk to your confessor as a prior poster said. IT is a tough position to be in… we had 3 kids and thankfully we are out of the child bearing stage.
 
The Pill can be taken continuously to prevent periods, yes. You just skip the placebo’s in the pouch. But that can only be done for a few months at a time before it is recommended that the user take a break and have a period. It is not truly known how safe it is, either, so I would be*** very*** cautious.

If your wife is trying to claim taking the pill will prevent her from getting yeast infections and would in some way help her with her sensitivity to feminine products, she is very mistaken. What will help her is finding products that she is not sensitive to and seeing a good OB/GYN who will be able to figure out why the infections keep occurring. Sometimes it is something as simple as soap or body wash, the detergent she washes her panties with, wearing pantyhose that inhibits air flow, etc. that throw off the delicate balance and results in yeast infections or bacterial vaginal infections which are often mistaken as yeast infections. The only way to solve the problem is to work with a doctor and use trial and error until all of the culprits are identified and eliminated.

As far as I understand, a Catholic can make an objection to ABC or sterilization known to their spouse and if the spouse chooses to go through with it anyways the innocent spouse can have relations with a clear conscience.
 
codefro said:
Regarding relations- I have spoken to my pastor and he said no relations if that be the case- although I do not know if he has read that or not.

Yet, on the CAF AAA forum, Father Vincent Serpa says that relations in an instance with one who is faithful to Catholic teaching and one who does not see it as wrong would not be sinful. So this is where my confusion lies…
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That is most unfortunate. I suggest you read it and discuss what it says with your pastor:

vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_12021997_vademecum_en.html
 
The sort of dilemma cited is covered By Pope Pius XI in Casti Connubii, 1930, in #59:
“Holy Church knows well that not infrequently one of the parties is sinned against rather than sinning, when for a grave cause he or she reluctantly allows the perversion of the right order. In such a case, there is no sin, provided that, mindful of the law of charity, he or she does not neglect to seek to dissuade and to deter the partner from sin.”
vatican.va/holy_father/pius_xi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xi_enc_31121930_casti-connubii_en.html

Note well the requirement to “seek to dissuade and to deter” from that sin.

The advice of a faithful, knowledgeable priest should be sought and all opportunities to offer and persuade the spouse of the goodness of the divine mandate on marriage and intercourse should be continuously employed with fervent prayer.
 
Abu said:
The sort of dilemma cited is covered By Pope Pius XI in Casti Connubii, 1930, in #59:
“Holy Church knows well that not infrequently one of the parties is sinned against rather than sinning, when for a grave cause he or she reluctantly allows the perversion of the right order. In such a case, there is no sin, provided that, mindful of the law of charity, he or she does not neglect to seek to dissuade and to deter the partner from sin.”
vatican.va/holy_father/pius_xi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xi_enc_31121930_casti-connubii_en.html

Note well the requirement to “seek to dissuade and to deter” from that sin.

The advice of a faithful, knowledgeable priest should be sought and all opportunities to offer and persuade the spouse of the goodness of the divine mandate on marriage and intercourse should be continuously employed with fervent prayer.
Click to expand...
I’ve heard the same thing but not so eloquently put. Basically, you advise her against it but if she does it anyway, it is not a sin for you if you have sex. I would keep searching for answers and find the right one. I’m still young enough to know how important sex is when you are younger. Going without it would put a horrible strain on the marriage.

For the record, I’m in RCIA and my wife goes to a non denom mega church. She’s fifty three and eggless so it isn’t a concern for us.

As to all of the alphabet soup you guys are speaking of, I don’t know what they are. I’m pretty sure a yeast infection is a fungus and not an allergy though.
 
Well I found out she has been secretly taking the pill for about a week now…

I talked to her more about it. I am not an expert on this stuff, but her doctor told her because she is breast feeding that this version of the pill helps to ensure that her period will not come back so long as she is breast feeding. If she were to stop breast feeding she would have to take a stronger pill apparently.

I am just bummed out by all of this… 😦
 
I’m glad I was able to find this thread again. This was posted in the “Ask an Apologist Forum” yesterday.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=848909

TravJD TravJD is offline
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Join Date: January 1, 2014
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Default Is it a sin if spouse refuses to stop using birth control?
Hello,

I am a protestant, but am looking seriously at both the Roman Catholic & Eastern Orthodox church. My wife wants no part of joining any church (but she doesn’t care if I do). The problem is that she insists on using birth control. I know the Roman Catholic church considers birth control to be a sin. I am just wondering how I am to handle this situation if I were to join the church.

Any help would be appreciated.

Travis
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Old Jan 2, '14, 11:15 am
Fr. Charles Grondin Fr. Charles Grondin is offline
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Default Re: Is it a sin if spouse refuses to stop using birth control?
As long as you do not agree with your wife’s use of birth control and express/explain your views then you are not committing any sin by engaging in the marital act while she is using contraception. In the situation your moral views are in line with Church teaching and your actions are in line as well, it is her actions that contradict the Church teaching.
Recent apologetics answers by Fr. Charles Grondin
 
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