Stuck In Life

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Alex_H

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Hello, all.

I’m frustrated. There are times when I feel like a total loser. I’m 22.

I don’t have a job or really any discernible skill that can translate into a job.

I live with my Dad.

I don’t have a girlfriend. Haven’t had a relationship with someone in six years, actually.

I went into College when I was 18, only to drop out because I was immature and didn’t really understand why a college education was important.

When I was 21 I started realizing how important education was so I re-enrolled at my local community college.

I wasn’t doing too bad at it. I had mostly B’s.

Then my mom committed suicide. The grief was overwhelming. I just wanted to sleep all day and all night.

I finished the fall semester but then dropped out during the spring semester because that’s when the grief really hit me. For about two months, I was just on auto-pilot mode and then it hit me.

Let’s just say the college didn’t appreciate me dropping out mid semester. After pulling some strings, I got off with on academic probation. It could have been suspension. Still, however, I’m not really welcome back at that local college.

I feel lost. So much of our cultural identity is based on what we do for a living, or if we are at least striving for a goal like that.

Me, I just stay at home.

And now my dad is bringing home disreputable women (drug users, etc) to do all sorts of things with them.

But I can’t go anywhere. I don’t have the money to move out.

I thought about trying an online out of state college but I have heard so many horror stories about student loans and repaying them. The debt adds up quick.

It’s not like I’m stupid. I know tons about world history and geography and politics. I’m really good at writing essays. I love to learn. But I’m really really bad at mathematics. Algebra, geometry, etc. And almost every college requires those sort of courses.

So far, I’m failing the adulthood test.

Pretty much the only thing in my life that I have been able to rely on is my faith in Christ and his church. I fail him daily but he is always there to welcome me back through the sacraments.

Hopefully I can get this thing figured out.
 
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. That is much to bear at your age. Try to understand your father is grieving too, and that may be manifesting itself in these behaviors you mention.

If you have not already gotten grief counseling, please do it immediately. You don’t have to go through this alone, and it’s not healthy to try. You need some help, and there is no shame in that.

Career counseling is also something to look at. A four year college is not the only avenue. Technical schools have so many good programs, go see a school counselor, take some aptitude and interest tests, and then go from there. Also look at the military as an option. It’s not for everyone, so you’ll have to discern if that’s an option for you.

You don’t have to have college to get a job. In fact, getting a job in a store or restaurant, or construction crew, or any entry level job may give you some direction and expose you to career options. It will give you a place to go, an income of your own, and a purpose at this difficult time.

Please, please, please seek out some counseling-- your priest can make a recommendation if you are not sure where to get help.
 
1ke said:
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. That is much to bear at your age. Try to understand your father is grieving too, and that may be manifesting itself in these behaviors you mention.

If you have not already gotten grief counseling, please do it immediately. You don’t have to go through this alone, and it’s not healthy to try. You need some help, and there is no shame in that.

Career counseling is also something to look at. A four year college is not the only avenue. Technical schools have so many good programs, go see a school counselor, take some aptitude and interest tests, and then go from there. Also look at the military as an option. It’s not for everyone, so you’ll have to discern if that’s an option for you.

You don’t have to have college to get a job. In fact, getting a job in a store or restaurant, or construction crew, or any entry level job may give you some direction and expose you to career options. It will give you a place to go, an income of your own, and a purpose at this difficult time.

Please, please, please seek out some counseling-- your priest can make a recommendation if you are not sure where to get help.
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Thank you for the reply. I think my dad mentioned something about signing me up for a grief counselor. I will look into it.
 
Im so sorry to hear your story. Praying for your situation. At the bls.gov there is an occupational handbook that you can look at. I read there that firefighters and police officers do not require a 4 year college degree. Check it out.
 
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I will pray for both of you.

Some employers such as colleges and hospitals, offer tuition reimbursement. They will pay for your classes if you work there.

You have been given some great suggestions. I would take the posters’advice about grief counseling and career counseling.

Later on, when you are feeling better and are more settled you can meet ladies at church or work. Right now is time to take care of yourself.

God bless you.
 
I’m really sorry for your loss and I am also saddened by the lack of understanding your college has shown you.

I second the advice about grief counselling here and maybe later on some careers advice. You are probably comparing yourself to your peers and it’s important to remember that few people will have suffered such a tragic loss at such a young age.

I will pray for your situation.
 
Sorry for your losses. The u.s. military is also an option. learn a trade possibly as well as getting assistance with education. May you be filled with loving kindness. May you be well. May you be peaceful and at ease. May you be happy.
 
I am sorry about the loss of your mother.

You do not have to rush to start your life, and I think right now you need to heal.

The minute someone turns 18 is not a guarantee that they are ready for college or have thier entire life planned out…nor is 22.

I would take the advice of the other posters and also know that a history interest translates to many careers…if you are deficient in math, you can take a .55 and.75 math review course at the community college to bring you up in this area.

In the meantime, perhaps volunteer and serve others, as this is a way to recognise the good in oneself and will expose yourself to opportunities.u can also work part time until things settle for you.
 
1ke said:
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. That is much to bear at your age. Try to understand your father is grieving too, and that may be manifesting itself in these behaviors you mention.

If you have not already gotten grief counseling, please do it immediately. You don’t have to go through this alone, and it’s not healthy to try. You need some help, and there is no shame in that.

Career counseling is also something to look at. A four year college is not the only avenue. Technical schools have so many good programs, go see a school counselor, take some aptitude and interest tests, and then go from there. Also look at the military as an option. It’s not for everyone, so you’ll have to discern if that’s an option for you.

You don’t have to have college to get a job. In fact, getting a job in a store or restaurant, or construction crew, or any entry level job may give you some direction and expose you to career options. It will give you a place to go, an income of your own, and a purpose at this difficult time.

Please, please, please seek out some counseling-- your priest can make a recommendation if you are not sure where to get help.
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To the OP, the above is good advice.
 
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your Mother. Please look into if your Parish offers a Bereavement Group; if so maybe both you & your Father could benefit from the group. I’ll be praying for the intentions of you & your family. God bless.
 
Thank you, all, for the prayers and advice. Talking with you guys is like talking to family. I know were all strangers here but our shared faith really helps.

I spoke with my grandfather, which is my mom’s dad, and he suggested that I focus on going to counseling and grief bereavement groups before I start down college or career again.
 
:hug1: I’m sorry for your loss. Did you explain why you dropped out? It is hard to believe that the folks that the college would be unsympathetic to such a personal tragedy. As for mathematics, colleges generally have tutors in math and sciences because they know people struggle with them. You can also try office hours. It might be intimidating at first, but, after a few times, going to office hours becomes easy.

Anyway, I wish I could give you a hug. I’m around the same age and I feel for you. I don’t have the same problems, but, I still often think I’m a pretty lousy adult.
 
redbetta said:
:hug1: I’m sorry for your loss. Did you explain why you dropped out? It is hard to believe that the folks that the college would be unsympathetic to such a personal tragedy. As for mathematics, colleges generally have tutors in math and sciences because they know people struggle with them. You can also try office hours. It might be intimidating at first, but, after a few times, going to office hours becomes easy.

Anyway, I wish I could give you a hug. I’m around the same age and I feel for you. I don’t have the same problems, but, I still often think I’m a pretty lousy adult.
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Yeah the administration knows why I dropped out. They have a pretty formalized process of appeals to get back into the college and I think I am out of appeals.

Thank you for the sympathy. Are you in school?
 
Alex_H said:
Yeah the administration knows why I dropped out. They have a pretty formalized process of appeals to get back into the college and I think I am out of appeals.

Thank you for the sympathy. Are you in school?
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I’m going to start sophomore year September 20. I’m dreading it.
 
Alex_H said:
Yeah I hear ya. What are you majoring in?
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Biology and on the pre-med track. I cconsidering adding a second major in neuroscience because, when I do the math and, assuming nothing goes wrong, I would have two semesters of college left and the two majors have a lot of overlap. And, I’m on scholarship, so, I might as well milk it as much as I can when it is that cheap.
 
redbetta said:
Biology and on the pre-med track. I cconsidering adding a second major in neuroscience because, when I do the math and, assuming nothing goes wrong, I would have two semesters of college left and the two majors have a lot of overlap. And, I’m on scholarship, so, I might as well milk it as much as I can when it is that cheap.
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Nice. I have a friend who majored in biology. She got a job as a biology teacher at a high school.
 
Alex_H said:
Nice. I have a friend who majored in biology. She got a job as a biology teacher at a high school.
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It’s very difficult, my school especially. You sound nice, I’m sure you’ll do well in life. 🙂
 
Alex_H said:
Yeah the administration knows why I dropped out. They have a pretty formalized process of appeals to get back into the college and I think I am out of appeals.

Thank you for the sympathy. Are you in school?
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Well, then, that isn’t the school for you. How awful of them.

So, regarding online schools and tuition. You have to be your own advocate there. There are many state universities that now offer online programs and degrees, and the tuition and fees are the same or less than going off to their physical campus.

Today micro-credentials are also very popular and gaining every day. Especially in tech fields like computer programming, networking, data security, and web development you can find micro-credentials that give you certificates or certification after a series of several courses. Some are offered via universities and others are offered via a number of websites.

There are also many MOOCs now, which are usually free but some have certain courses that charge a fee for example the micro-credential courses I mentioned above. Coursera for example is an excellent MOOC.

Get through this time with the help of a counselor and then turn yourself towards all these options, traditional 4 year, brick-and-mortar universities are NOT the only option.
 
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