Stuff that goes on a funerals

[pipper]

Do not knock undertakers. One of the Corporal Acts of Mercy is burying the dead. If you don’t not want these pamplets make your wishes known. Copy and print your own. It isn’t that hard.

Undertakers are like doctors. They have to distance themselves somewhat or they would be overwhelmed by the grief and pain that they deal with on a daily basis.

Perhaps I would feel differently about things funeral related if there were any Catholic Morturaries or Catholic cemetaries in my neck of the woods. But around here just about everyone is Fundamentalist Protestant, and I seriously doubt they have corporal acts of mercy, or indeed have ever heard of such, the only thing that matters to them is making a buck.

Have you ever read The American Way of Death, by Jessica Redgrave, very revealing book.

 

[KestrelRose]

I think funerals have gotten some what backward…They are supposed to be for the dead and not for the living…I heard a wonderful sermon about this, and it made a great deal of sense to me

We need to be reminded to pray for our dead, this is our job as the Church Militant…we need to remember that God is the final judge, and we need to pray

Certainly we must pray for the dead and that teaching is sadly lacking.
It should be taught. But do really think that a funeral is the time and place for catechesis? Good priests and preachers don’t like to use captive audiences for their sermons and homilies.

 

[redrosetea]

Certainly we must pray for the dead and that teaching is sadly lacking.
It should be taught. But do really think that a funeral is the time and place for catechesis? Good priests and preachers don’t like to use captive audiences for their sermons and homilies.

Yes because people have turned funerals into some sort of canonization process, and it is not a this is your life program either…we are sending their soul to judgment

AS the priest I was referring to said in his homily…this is what the wake is for…not the funeral…bury the person with dignity and love, remembering God is our judge

Celebrate their life at the wake or the funeral dinner

 

[KestrelRose]

Perhaps I would feel differently about things funeral related if there were any Catholic Morturaries or Catholic cemetaries in my neck of the woods. But around here just about everyone is Fundamentalist Protestant, and I seriously doubt they have corporal acts of mercy, or indeed have ever heard of such, the only thing that matters to them is making a buck.

Have you ever read The American Way of Death, by Jessica Redgrave, very revealing book.

I have known many fundamentalist Protestants who faithfully live out the Corporal Acts of Mercy. I would say that if a mortuary is just interested in money, they are no more Protestant than Catholic.

I am sure that there are many unscrupulous undertakers. Just like any other profession, there are many dedicated and kind undertakers as well.

No I have not read the book. I have a friend who is an undertaker so I guess I am somewhat bias to the problems that she faces.

 

[KestrelRose]

Yes because people have turned funerals into some sort of canonization process, and it is not a this is your life program either…we are sending their soul to judgment

AS the priest I was referring to said in his homily…this is what the wake is for…not the funeral…bury the person with dignity and love, remembering God is our judge

Celebrate their life at the wake or the funeral dinner

I think that my advice for you then would be to avoid funerals as much as possible. They upset you and in that frame of mind it would be difficult for you to enter into the grieving with the families.

P.S. I to am a musician and hopefully I can minister to those who grieve.

 

[baltobetsy]

I’ve been a funeral cantor for many years. I’ve heard all kinds of things at funerals, most of them canonizing the deceased. I’m always happy when I sing one in my own parish, because our dear pastor includes in his introductory remarks that we will now “Offer the Sacrifice of the Mass for the salvation of our brother/sister.” I love that man!

Betsy

 

[KestrelRose]

I’ve been a funeral cantor for many years. I’ve heard all kinds of things at funerals, most of them canonizing the deceased. I’m always happy when I sing one in my own parish, because our dear pastor includes in his introductory remarks that we will now “Offer the Sacrifice of the Mass for the salvation of our brother/sister.” I love that man!

Betsy

That is a wonderful way to speak at a funeral. This doesn’t imply that the deceased in not on his or her way to heaven and it doesn’t misrepresent the purpose of the Mass either.

Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t think that canonizing the decease is appropriate. But death isn’t appropriate either. There needs to be more catechesis in this regards, but not at funerals. It sounds as if your priest is extremely kind and sensitive to the needs of the bereaved.

 

[redrosetea]

I think that my advice for you then would be to avoid funerals as much as possible. They upset you and in that frame of mind it would be difficult for you to enter into the grieving with the families.

P.S. I to am a musician and hopefully I can minister to those who grieve.

You are adding things to my post that I have never said…I told you what I knew and believe, , I have never said I was upset, nor did I ask for advice

I have been to a good many funerals in my day, at my age it is an unpleasant part of life…I have heard a good many sermons and turning a funeral into a canonization from the pulpit is a rather new practice

 

[KestrelRose]

To me this conversation is important. How do we meet the needs of people when they are suffering and still strive for what is most beautiful in the ancient rituals of our faith.

Sometimes I will sound as if I don’t think they are important and that isn’t the case. I think that the are of the greatest importance and need to be honored and respected. They are part of the reasons I became a Catholic in the first place.

How can we convey the message in such a way that it will be heard as help and love instead of criticism and nit-picking?

This is a challenge that needs to addressed for each one of us who wish to minister to those who have lost a loved one.

 

[KestrelRose]

You are adding things to my post that I have never said…I told you what I knew and believe, , I have never said I was upset, nor did I ask for advice

I have been to a good many funerals in my day, at my age it is an unpleasant part of life…I have heard a good many sermons and turning a funeral into a canonization from the pulpit is a rather new practice

I apologize. It is hard to express what we mean at times and I did misunderstand your intent.

 

[dixibehr]

One memorial leaflet said that the deceased had been a gorilla fighter (sic) during WW2.

 

[redrosetea]

I apologize. It is hard to express what we mean at times and I did misunderstand your intent.

Thank you apology gladly accepted…I know it is hard sometimes to figure out just how things are intended on the net…it has its limitations

 

[Sarabande]

Having also been a cantor for many funerals over the years, it is a true balancing act for everyone involved with helping the grieving party and yet not sacrificing what is supposed to be done in our faith. I don’t really hear too many “canonization” eulogies, but in certain parishes, the pastor will allow things to be done because he doesn’t want to get the grieving family too upset. This is especially when the deceased was an important part of the parish. They tend to give exceptions - like allowing a favorite secular song of the deceased, which is totally wrong. But that is rare and I won’t do that music if asked. Usually, when you kindly explain to the family members why a secular song is not permitted during a mass, they will sometimes be disappointed, but then also have an understanding to accept it. I think, sometimes, the loved ones just aren’t thinking clearly (how can you when someone you loved has recently passed away?) and need a little reminder about what the funeral mass is about. I remember the daughter of the deceased was really getting ticked off that the priest was not permitting “Danny Boy” at the funeral. (That is actually a really popular request around here.) She couldn’t understand why it wasn’t permitted because he actually never explained the why to her. It was just, no, you can’t do it and that’s that. Once she calmed down and I explained the why, she was totally understanding, was no longer angry and I helped her choose a lovely Irish hymn for the mass.

Eulogies are actually no longer supposed to be permitted during the mass in our diocese, but again with certain people they are given exceptions. Although, for some they have worked it so that it comes before the mass starts or after the mass ends. What I don’t like about the eulogies at the church is that almost every one I’ve heard has been so inappropriate and actually kind of embarrassing. From talking about Uncle Ted getting wasted every Friday night to Grandpa Larry doing some illegal things in his early days and Great-Great Aunt Margaret running a bar with a shady escort service in the 1930s, etc.

To me, although it is a very sensitive time for the loved ones, it still needs to be made clear that these kinds of eulogies are not appropriate and should be saved during the luncheon if they want to remember their deceased friends/relatives in that way. I also don’t believe in providing exceptions which actually compromise the faith, no matter how important or prominent that person was to the parish or the community. It is sending a totally wrong message. All of this can be done in a caring and loving way and the why should always be explained. Of course, you’ll always have a few really angry people, but I think for the most part the majority of loved ones will be understanding and accepting.

 

[JPUSC]

Often at a funeral, there are leaflets handed out, usually photocopied by the funeral director based on the wishes of the bereaved.
They usually feature a photograph of the deceased and (this is the intriguing bit) often have a feel-good statement on the front:

“A celebration of the entry into eternal life of [the deceased’s name]”

or “[the deceased’s name]. At home in God’s loving care.”

or some such platitude.

My thinking is this:

1. How do we know that they have entered into eternal life? I always take this to mean IN HEAVEN in eternal life; I suppose technically they have entered eternal life, whether in Heaven, Hell or Purgatory–it’s just the quality of that life that is unknown.
2. I understand that one has to die in a state of grace to go straight to heaven. That is, to have no mortal sin on one’s soul. The deceased would have had to go to confession quite close to the moment of death in order to meet this condition. Most Catholics are quite lazy about meeting their confessional requirements at the best of times. Therefore, it seems a bit presumptuous to go declaring that someone is in Heaven, when in all likelihood, they’re doing time in purgatory.
3. And even if they did go straight to heaven, what is the point of praying for them? They don’t need prayers any more. It’s those in Purgatory who needs the prayers. As we have absoutely no idea when a person has done their time, we’ll never know just how many prayers are sufficient. (But that’s another issue.)

Basically, praying for the dead is an admission that they are in Purgatory. Therefore, the little leaflet is no more than a feel-good token.

I’ve never seen those before. I usually see assorted holy cards provided by the funeral home with images of Jesus, Mary and the saints with a prayer on the back along with “in loving memory.”

 

[JPUSC]

I remember the daughter of the deceased was really getting ticked off that the priest was not permitting “Danny Boy” at the funeral. (That is actually a really popular request around here.) She couldn’t understand why it wasn’t permitted because he actually never explained the why to her. It was just, no, you can’t do it and that’s that. Once she calmed down and I explained the why, she was totally understanding, was no longer angry and I helped her choose a lovely Irish hymn for the mass.

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