Submitting to your Husband as the Church Submits to Christ?

[Jayda]

hola,

my question is about Ephesians 5:24, what does this mean as it is applied in daily life? is there any Church doctrine that specifically says what things a wife is expected to do for her husband? the reason I ask is that I am a newlywed, we just celebrated our first anniversary… and not everything is clear all the time, there are many unexpected things that married couples experience and i want to know some general rules and guidelines from Church teachings that could make surprises easier to navigate for both of us

like a specific example is that my husband is in the armed forces, but i have always been against the idea of war. i want to support him but i do not know how, it is difficult for me to understand if i should say what i really think… about being scared and wanting him to be careful, or if i should be more encouraging about this because he wants me to believe in him (which i do) and wants that kind of support… what does submitting to your husband mean here?

muchas gracias
Dominus Vobiscum

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

like a specific example is that my husband is in the armed forces, but i have always been against the idea of war. i want to support him but i do not know how, it is difficult for me to understand if i should say what i really think… about being scared and wanting him to be careful, or if i should be more encouraging about this because he wants me to believe in him (which i do) and wants that kind of support… what does submitting to your husband mean here?

muchas gracias
Dominus Vobiscum

I have to ask…if you are against the idea of war, how did you end up with a military man as a husband? I am married to a military man and I can’t imagine sitting by while he put his life on the line for something I was against/didn’t believe in. That must be so hard for you.

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I’m not sure how to answer your specific question, but I would assue that really trying to understand his point of view and keeping an open mind would be a good start.

Malia

 

[Genesis315]

I always thought that it is because he has the final say on domestic issues and unless what he wants is against the law of God or natural law, he should be followed. This is because societies work better with one head. Just as one God governs the universe, one pope governs the Church, one rational soul governs the body, so ideally should one man govern the household. Of course, this government must be understood in Catholic terms–that is governing the governed to virtue in a spirit of service (like Jesus who came to serve or the pope who is called the servant of the servants of God).

This helps maintian the unity of the family. In recent decades, movements have led women to desire to be another head resulting in families being two-headed monsters who’s lack of unity is reflected in the skyrocketing divorce rates.

This is not to say that men and women are not worth the same to God or the family–they are. But their roles are different. I heard a good analogy froma deacon–while the husband is the head, the wife is the heart. Both are necessary and both need the other, but they have different vital roles.

As for your specific question, since it is often debatable whether wars are just or not, I would give your husband the kind of support that will bring him most consolation in his time of distress and pray your heart out for him each night.

 

[Jayda]

I have to ask…if you are against the idea of war, how did you end up with a military man as a husband? I am married to a military man and I can’t imagine sitting by while he put his life on the line for something I was against/didn’t believe in. That must be so hard for you.

---

I’m not sure how to answer your specific question, but I would assue that really trying to understand his point of view and keeping an open mind would be a good start.

Malia

hola,

i married my husband because i have been in love with my husband since i was 8…

i support him in doing the things he wants to do… it is difficult to explain, i am proud of him for doing what he believes in, but it is just difficult for me to support him in this since it is not something i know how to do… it is very difficult for me to think about all the questions like what happens if he is hurt or killed and i lose him, or what happens if he kills somebody else and is changed by the experience…

i want him to do the things he finds fulfillment in, but even though i support him as a soldier i do not support the sacrifices he might be asked to make… does that make sense? like i encourage him to stay in the military and do what he does, for his sake, but i love my husband more than the country… and he loves the country more than himself, and i cannot bring myself to encourage him to think that i would be happy with him dying for his country

i support my husband, but not war… i want him to be happy and fulfilled with his military career… even if i do not agree with the idea that motivates it…

does this make sense? i know it sounds at odds… it is

so… anyway… it is just very difficult supporting that aspect of his job, like reassuring him that i would not be devastated or that i think the war is a good idea… is this something that i should intellectually or emotionally submit to what my husband wants? how do i do that?

gracias
Dominus Vobiscum

 

[Jayda]

I always thought that it is because he has the final say on domestic issues and unless what he wants is against the law of God or natural law, he should be followed. This is because societies work better with one head. Just as one God governs the universe, one pope governs the Church, one rational soul governs the body, so ideally should one man govern the household. Of course, this government must be understood in Catholic terms–that is governing the governed to virtue in a spirit of service (like Jesus who came to serve or the pope who is called the servant of the servants of God).

This helps maintian the unity of the family. In recent decades, movements have led women to desire to be another head resulting in families being two-headed monsters who’s lack of unity is reflected in the skyrocketing divorce rates.

This is not to say that men and women are not worth the same to God or the family–they are. But their roles are different. I heard a good analogy froma deacon–while the husband is the head, the wife is the heart. Both are necessary and both need the other, but they have different vital roles.

As for your specific question, since it is often debatable whether wars are just or not, I would give your husband the kind of support that will bring him most consolation in his time of distress and pray your heart out for him each night.

hola,

muchas gracias… i agree, there should not be two heads… i consider my husband the head of our family and his word is the last about domestic things… his boundaries. i do both of the things you suggest but it does not feel like enough… on the one hand i do not want to sound like i am stepping out of place… but on the other hand i feel like i have a responsibility to take care of him which includes trying to keep him away from things that are bad for him (in many ways). so i do not know what balance there must be struck between the two…

Dominus Vobiscum

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

hola,

i married my husband because i have been in love with my husband since i was 8…

Wow, that’s sweet

so… anyway… it is just very difficult supporting that aspect of his job, like reassuring him that i would not be devastated or that i think the war is a good idea… is this something that i should intellectually or emotionally submit to what my husband wants? how do i do that?

gracias
Dominus Vobiscum

**
If he has known you since you were 8, I’m pretty sure he knows your views on war…right? You cannot lie to him. You should not lie to him. But what you can do is exactly what you have been doing. Support him* in spite of*** y your feelings against war.

You also mention reassuring him that you would not be devastated if something should happen to him. Of course you would be!!! And he knows it. Again, you cannot lie.

Submitting to his authority has nothing to do with how you handle you personal feelings. This is a situation more about communication and sensitivity to each other’s needs. Some men need to know that you would be devastated…they need to hear it. Other’s want reassurance that, even though you would be devastated, you would get on with life. Other’s prefer not to hear about it at all but still know how you feel.

You need to talk with your husband. You need to make sure that he is getting what he needs from you and be able to tell him what you need from him. It has nothing to do with submission/authority, in my opinion anyways.

And just a note since I am married to a military man and know many other military wives… what seems to be most important to the men while they are in dangerous situations is to know that their wives and families are OK. With that limited phone/internet time, refrain from complaining about the bills or the weather or how naughty the children are or how you wish they would be home.

None of that is helpful. It can be very distracting, further putting them in danger. There is plenty of time for the everyday details of life once they return home safe and sound.

malia

 

[Jayda]

**
If he has known you since you were 8, I’m pretty sure he knows your views on war…right? You cannot lie to him. You should not lie to him. But what you can do is exactly what you have been doing. Support him* in spite of*** y your feelings against war.

You also mention reassuring him that you would not be devastated if something should happen to him. Of course you would be!!! And he knows it. Again, you cannot lie.

Submitting to his authority has nothing to do with how you handle you personal feelings. This is a situation more about communication and sensitivity to each other’s needs. Some men need to know that you would be devastated…they need to hear it. Other’s want reassurance that, even though you would be devastated, you would get on with life. Other’s prefer not to hear about it at all but still know how you feel.

You need to talk with your husband. You need to make sure that he is getting what he needs from you and be able to tell him what you need from him. It has nothing to do with submission/authority, in my opinion anyways.

And just a note since I am married to a military man and know many other military wives… what seems to be most important to the men while they are in dangerous situations is to know that their wives and families are OK. With that limited phone/internet time, refrain from complaining about the bills or the weather or how naughty the children are or how you wish they would be home.

None of that is helpful. It can be very distracting, further putting them in danger. There is plenty of time for the everyday details of life once they return home safe and sound.

malia

hola,

yes… he knows i am saying something other than what i think, which is why this is so difficult… like what is so bad for me is that i see all of these girls that i know from the internet talking about how proud they are of their husbands and what they are doing in iraq and they seem so committed to the war and their husbands mission…

but i am thinking “God protect him i do not know where he is and i am terrified he is going to be hurt somewhere, i just hope he comes home very soon…” i want my husband, not a flag folded into a triangle…

it just seems like i am failing as a wife as far as this is concerned… he says otherwise but i still feel that way… i think with his particular job he does not like talking about it and he is not allowed to so it is good for him that i do not want to know about what he does… even though i still support him…

anyway, what i mean to say is that we are very blessed in many ways, i do not have bills to complain about and our children are very good girls, but i do want him home and soon when he goes away… i do not say anything because that is not what he needs to hear but i do not know what else to say… when i try to give encouragement it sounds half hearted…

but i do not get to speak to him often when he does whatever he does… there is usually no communication except just before and just after…

what i would like to say is that i do not believe in war, or this war, but i do believe in him and that i want him to succeed and be happy but i want him to come home… but i think this is where my submission question comes in… do i have any right to tell my husband this when he needs something and has chosen a direction for us?

i do not even know the answer to that question, so i have not even been able to consider whether i should say what i really feel…

it is a very confusing time…

Dominus Vobiscum

 

[Altesse]

hola,

my question is about Ephesians 5:24, what does this mean as it is applied in daily life? is there any Church doctrine that specifically says what things a wife is expected to do for her husband? the reason I ask is that I am a newlywed, we just celebrated our first anniversary… and not everything is clear all the time, there are many unexpected things that married couples experience and i want to know some general rules and guidelines from Church teachings that could make surprises easier to navigate for both of us

like a specific example is that my husband is in the armed forces, but i have always been against the idea of war. i want to support him but i do not know how, it is difficult for me to understand if i should say what i really think… about being scared and wanting him to be careful, or if i should be more encouraging about this because he wants me to believe in him (which i do) and wants that kind of support… what does submitting to your husband mean here?

muchas gracias
Dominus Vobiscum

Malia,

I went to Bible college, one of my classes was Bible translations from the original language.

Submit isnt the best translation of the original Greek word. The word is better translated as ‘enlist’. Like when you sign up for the military. You enlist, you take an oath to follow the rules and obey the commands of your superior officers.

Same thing here, it is done of your own free will.

This does not in anyway de-value the woman in a relationship. In fact it shows just how cherished she is.

Point your husband to verses 25-28. When a man practices these verses in everyday life, 22-24 is easy.

Instructions for Christian Households
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing ** her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, people have never hated their own bodies, but they feed and care for them, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." [c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Here is a section for praying protection over your husband (spiritual and physical).

The Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

You can love and support his service, without agreeing with the war.

Be faithful, be supportive, be strong and pray.

The rest will take care of itself.**

 

[Ramalama]

. . . i have always been against the idea of war. i

This is a minor point, but just about everybody is against the idea of war. I am also against the idea of war but I am very much for a strong military and thank you and your husband for the sacrifices you’re making for our country.