Dear Maureen,
I haven’t had a chance to write in the past two days. I wanted to go back and read all of the thread–all 44 pages, so I would know where you have been these past three 1/2 months and also to know what has been shared with you. I made it through the first 10 pages on Monday. There have been some wonderful bits of wisdom from people. Especially the Scripture. I am amazed at the Scriptural knowledge of Catholics these days. Used to be that Catholics didn’t know the Bible at all.
I did want you to know that I was praying for you in the night last night and there is something I wanted to share. I think you had mentioned wishing you had a sign from God that all is well with McKayla. You may have had posts about this that I haven’t read yet, but what I remembered was that I believe I have had several.
I told you that Patrick died on a Saturday, but he was not found until just before midnight on Monday, I had turned my phone off so the Los Angeles police could not reach us. Instead they sent a sheriff’s chaplain the next morning. We are in the city so they should have sent a police chaplain. Anyway, they told him, “This is a really unusual street name” and he said, “I know–I live on that street.” It is only two blocks long. He is our neighbor and his wife had been in a neighborhood Bible study with me. So we did not hear of Patrick’s death from a hardboiled LA cop, but from a Christian neighbor. We were able to kneel and pray and cry with him. What precious provision that was.
Second, after we found out all the details, I remembered that I hadn’t been able to sleep that night and had gotten up and gone downstairs and was praying for Patrick at the hour of his death. I was praying for God to just get hold of him, to do whatever He had to do, what ever way He had to. I didn’t think He would take him home, but I believe God knew that was the only way, and that He took him early to save him. (It’s a long story.)
Third I have had many dreams about him that are very unusual. He has been all different ages and has appeared with people who were not in the same time frame. And I have always known that he is dead–even though he is alive in my dream. He was with my father and with my granddaughter–they were all together and knew each other, though Dad knew neither that Pat died–because Dad went first–or that Lauren had been born.
I have had many dreams that are similar to this. The thing that I consider significant is that they seem to be a glimpse of eternity–where time as we know it–with past, present, future–is not relevant. All time seems to be NOW. The Bible says that God knows the end from the beginning. He knew before Pat was born that he would die at 24. And He who created McKayla knew of her heart defect. He created her inmost being, He knit her together in your womb…her frame was not hidden from Him when she was made. His eyes saw her unformed substance. He numbered all her days before she was born (Ps 139), and I am sure you would have still chosen to have her for those 13 years, as I would have chosen to have Patrick.
So I believe that my dreams were showing me a glimpse of eternity. I have a way to understand it that is not very theological, but it helps me. I think of life like a movie that we are still watching scene by scene, but God knows the end from the beginning. He wrote the script and He has it all under His sovereign control. He was not asleep when our children died. “The God of Isreal neither slumbers nor sleeps” He was watching over their lives, their going out and their coming in…(Ps 121).
The last sign I want to tell you about occured the August after Pat’s death. We were at my sister’s house at the beach. We rode over to the beach on our bikes everyday. And every day for two weeks there was a boy there that could have been Patrick’s identical twin. It just took my breath away to see him. He was built the same, he walked the same, he even tossed his wet hair from his eyes just the way Pat did when he swam. I never spoke to him; I just watched him. It was like getting to see Patrick again. And we have never seen that boy again–not even later that summer. We both believe he was an angel that God sent to comfort us. I may be nuts, but it was so amazing–even my sister was kind of freaked out by the resemblance. Maybe it was Patrick’s guardian angel, come in his human form. Anyway, I had prayed for a sign, and I believe God gave me those.
They may not even let me post this it is so long. But this is what I was thinking about last night when I prayed for you. God prompted me to share.
I’ll write again later as I have read more of the thread. God bless you,
Alison
