Suffering and hope

[barbfromtucson]

Here’s the Reader’s Digest version…I am 40. I’ve had moderate depression since high school, which has always been a daily battle. For the past 5+ years, I’ve also been dealing with a ‘illness’ that the doctors want to diagnose as IBS. I am single and pretty much am on my own in dealing with this. I have a few friends that have helped me a bit over the years, but still… I’ve managed to keep my full-time job and thankful for FMLA.

The depression does not bother meas much as the IBS does. Over the past 5+ years, I’ve approached this from two angles…the spiritual and medical.

I’ve gone to healing Masses/services, Charismatic retreats, Adoration, am on many prayer lists, and so on. I have not been healed at any of these events.

I’ve also have gone to many doctors/specialists, and everyone of them, after a myriad of all kinds of tests and diagnosing procedures, all end up diagnosing me with IBS after ruling out Celiac, Crohns, Colitis, Diverticulitus, parasites, and so on. None of the doctors, to this date, have come up with a cure or a way to treat it where I can somewhat of a ‘life’.

My depression is getting worse. I’m not suicidal, but if my life ended tomorrow, it would be fine with me. And yes, I’ve also been to many counselors/therapists, with no major help.

I have read many books on suffering. I have talked to many priests about suffering. To tell me to “offer it up” and “finding joy in my suffering” and so on is all fine and dandy on a logical level. I logically know that God won’t allow anything to happen that I can’t handle it.
But telling me this is not re-assuring me anymore.

I am struggling with working full time. I need the job–it pays the rent, provides health insurance and so on. I’ve been with the company for over 16 years now. I’m too “sick” to look for a new job; I can’t afford not to work. I do not have a husband to support me, and the few family members I have are not in positions to help me. All my ‘energy’ is focused on work. I do not have a “social life” outside of work. The only ‘extra-curricular’ things I do are doctor appointments and Mass.

I do not know how much longer I can live this way. I feel myself getting ‘mad’ at God right now and turning bitter.

I am not asking for medical advice here, but I want to know how does one keep the faith, especially long-term, when dealing with long-term illness. How do I keep the hope? I live my life one day at a time. But I can’t see myself living like this for another 20-30-40 years.

Thanks!

 

[300WhiteKnights]

I know that I am in no position to say “i understand where you are coming from” but all that I could tell you is to pray the rosary daily, It has really helped me keep bad thoughts at bay. Also when you are depressed, try smiling anyway, You may find that happiness may follow unexpectedly.

 

[Pitcharan]

…I am not asking for medical advice here, but I want to know how does one keep the faith, especially long-term, when dealing with long-term illness. How do I keep the hope? I live my life one day at a time. But I can’t see myself living like this for another 20-30-40 years.

Thanks!

My intention is not judging and I am merely sharing my own insights on the kinds and causes of suffering:

The greatest aid that accomplishes divinisation, is suffering. While all sufferings serve a redemptive purpose in general, they can be categorised according to specific purpose served. Thus, our Lord’s sufferings can be described as propitiation or expiation as they constitute the penal compensation for the sins of all humans. The immediate consequence of sin is retributive suffering that serves as deterrent. The severe prolonged tribulation that frees us from the habit of sin is purgative suffering. Adversity caused by the Enemy to deter us from doing good, is turned by God into benevolent sanctifying suffering that grows and perfects virtue. That which is endured in the ultimate test – Baptism by Fire, is glorifying suffering.

Your signature suggests a possible cause for your problem.

 

[centurionguard]

When I am in the mist of trial and suffering in life I am reminded of God’s rubuke least I grow tepid in my strive to humbly embrace the virtue of temperance which would be impossible without God’s graces.

In speaking about God’s righeous rebuke I’ve always taken to heart in a reading from the APOCALYPSE - Chapter 3. Verses 10-18 haydock1859.tripod.com/id289.html

10 Because thou hast kept the word of my patience, I will also keep thee from the hour of the temptation, which shall come upon the whole world to try them that dwell upon the earth.

11 Behold, I come quickly: hold fast that which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.

12 He that shall overcome, I will make him a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go out no more: and I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God, and my new name.

13 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith to the churches.

15 I know thy works: that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would prefer thou were cold or hot:

16 But because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will begin to vomit thee out of my mouth.

17 Because thou sayest: I am rich, and made wealthy, and I have need of nothing: and knowest not, that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked.

18 I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be made rich, and mayest be clothed in white garments, and the shame of thy nakedness may not appear: and anoint thy eyes with eye-salve, that thou mayest see.

19 *Those whom I love, I rebuke and chastise. Be zealous, therefore, and do penance.

20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man shall hear my voice, and open to me the gate, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

21 To him that shall overcome, I will give to sit with me on my throne: as I also have overcome, and have sat with my Father on his throne.

I also like the commentary in Haydock in reference to verse 18.

Tepidity in a Christian life, and in the service of God, is oftentimes more dangerous than absolute wickedness. The open sinner is easily made sensible of his danger; he experiences the stings and reproaches of conscience, whilst the tepid Christian lives without remorse, fear, or apprehension, and listens not to those who wish to shew him the danger of his situation. I dare venture to affirm, says St. Augustine, that to fall into some public and manifest sin would be of advantage to the proud, that so those who by their self-complacency had so often fallen before, may now become displeased with themselves and humble. (Calmet) — To the lukewarm it is said, I will begin to vomit thee out of my mouth; i.e. if thou continue in that state, I will permit thee to run on and be lost in thy sins. Thou blindly sayest within thyself, I am rich, &c. (“A false conscience generally attends a lukewarm soul and those who serve God by halves; they flatter themselves that all goes well enough with them, when they see they are not so vicious, as many others: but here the spirit of God, who penetrates the secret folds and windings of slothful souls, admonisheth them of their dangerous mistakes, that they are wretched, poor, blind, and naked, when God, by his grace, does not inhabit their souls, though they may have millions of gold and silver in this world. I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, the love of God purified by trials and troubles in this life, to recover thy lost innocence, to be clothed with the habit of grace, to anoint thy eyes with eye-salve, by a serious reflection on what regards thy eternal salvation.”) — I chastise those whom I love. He concludes all the former admonitions by telling them: first, that to be under trials and troubles, is a mark of God’s favour and his paternal care; secondly, to hearken to the voice of God, when he knocks at the door of their heart; and thirdly, he promises them the reward of eternal happiness—he that overcomes, shall sit with me on my throne: though this does not imply an equality of happiness, not even to all the saints, much less with God himself, but only that the elect shall be in the throne as it were of heaven, and partakers of heavenly happiness according to their past good works.

 

[Francie3]

Barb may God comfort and bless you, and may God give you improvement and hope.
You are doing a great job. I’m sorry your illness and discouragement drag you down.
Prayers for you. :console: