I could have posted this at the spirituality forum but I also wanted the views of non-Catholic Christians as well, plus Jews and even others. Have you ever gone through such anguish that you found yourself doubting the existence of God, Christ or the truth of your faith and wondered if you’ve invested so much energy, emotional and intellectual capital in a big hoax? Sometimes this happens to me, especially this year, but last year as well, but never during my first few years after conversion.
I’m curious as to how y’all deal with it per your own faith tradition? Is it a sin per your faith/tradition or merely a trial?
This is a very important question, Mb, as it seems to happen to nearly every sincere seeker, or so is the reportage. Myself, I’ve had sets of days, usually three, where I we sure that I would be extinguished or that I had gone quite bonkers about who and what I am and my relationship with God. Not
to God, with God. I never doubted that God IS, but I sure had doubts about what was going on and about belief as such.
I gained a crucial insight at one point which freed me from certain constraints I had on my considerations due to my upbringing. After that I was in a state of excellent surety about one feature of humanity, but very concerned that I alone appeared to have that insight. It was very disturbing, as it felt like my religion, as I knew it, was insufficient to the explanation of my discovery, as was nearly everything I read or anyone I talked to. I felt utterly alone,
Since then, many decades later, I have come to discover many Catholic contemplatives and mystics who speak to the issues I was in the midst of. I won’t list them here, but the poster called Sufjon, though not a Catholic, has a handle on more than even I knew about! But I am grateful to a dear dear Friend, a fervent venerator of St. Francis of Assisi, who got me through much of my early days in a spectacularly unexpected fashion.
The only contemplative I didn’t see Sufjon mention, one of great importance in my estimation, though she is controversial in some circles. is a former Carmelite nun who decided that what was learned in silence had to be practiced in the marketplace, as she calls it. Her name is Bernadette Roberts. I have rarely seen such a close teasing out of one’s spiritual journey in all my decades of inquiry. And I have never seen one that so closely addresses Catholic teaching, or lack of it, in the matter of the contemplative life. Whether one agrees with her or not, if one even has the legitimate tools to be a critic of her accomplishment, she puts forth areas of needful consideration that are rarely if ever treated, and never from the pulpit, in my experience, at least in the more esoteric aspects of her delineations.
But whomever you choose to read or not, know that you are in the arms of Love, and not separate from the God who made you.
But thanks for the words of wisdom, as always.
